Added: 9 months ago
From: TheOnion
Views: 140,811
Sort by time | Sort by thread (beta)

Link to this comment:

Share to:

All Comments (977)

Sign In or Sign Up now to post a comment!
  • Sadly, "real news" on TV these days are almost like this.

  • This is the best. I love just watching and pretending it's real news

  • LMFAO!  I love The Onion :) Oh to be a 'fly on the wall' while they're in meetings coming up with the next 'news' story ideas...must be fun meetings! My favorite is still the VH1 Reality show bus crash and 'Slut Spill'...

  • Omg WHY WOULD THEY SPEND MONEY DOING RESEARCH THIS DUMB seriously what is the world coming to?

  • @Fendertastic i know right? this world is FUBAR...

  • @Fendertastic Are you retarded?

  • @karindi1 what's a troll?

  • @Fendertastic There's quite a lot of people who are actually retarded enough to believe this. Thought you were one of them :P

  • @karindi1 maybe you've been tricked!

  • @Fendertastic It's fake, its comedy.

  • @Fendertastic America needs to know. and only the onion will teach us.

  • where tom!? im tom rofl

  • lol

  • relevant

  • Wondering this about that one cashier....

  • is that louis CK at 01:29 :)

  • Fox News???????? NO! the Onion..............

  • Fox news must be so proud lol.

  • @securuslol This isn't Fox news?!

  • @AlexTackaberry how can anyone tell the difference, oh yeah now i remember the onion has some level of accuracy and facts in it, fox news lacks both.

  • @AlexTackaberry No one said it was..

  • sadly this is more serious than today's news

  • @bunghole211 could not agree with you more

  • im a brood truck driver and i.....get no love T-T

  • Man, this is so disheartening... I can't believe all those waitresses didn't have a genuine interest in me.

    Oh well, at least strippers still seem to have a thing for me, so I've still go that going on.

  • The world needs more Gavin Fisher

  • The Onion was hilarious at one time, but they haven't even given me a chuckle lately. Their video about "Some Shit Happens" had me in tears, but that was a loooong time ago. It's like Saturday Night Live... I guess I keep watching because I used to laugh; now it's just a habit.

  • And the MSM wonders why they're losing viewers. It's because the cable networks like ONN are providing much better, more-informed, more cutting edge, in-your-face, REAL journalism. CBSABCNBCFOXCNNMSNBC could all take lessons from ONN.

  • "I'm Tom." lol

  • I'm still in awe as to how some people don't get that these people are comedians..

  • Where would we be without the Special Investigative Undercover Response Team.

    I salute to you, America.

  • someone's jelly

  • hahaha, they use the scary investigation music like every other crappy weak investigation show

  • wow...amazingly weird things do happen in america...as always.

  • @manuknapatai you know this is a joke.....

  • @Nachhoocheese u know better that i was joking with my comment, do u?

  • @manuknapatai seemed more condescending than sarcastic.

  • Are you fucking kidding me? Onion you suck

  • @Soldatik

    After much taught i have come up with this masterminded counter-attack: U suck

  • @MrBullhawk Your masterminded counter attack sucks.

    Amerifag

  • @Soldatik

    Awww u big genius. I will explain it to you. I was showing you how meaningless ur comment was by saying somthing as stupid as you did. But I know its hard getting through to ur kind: The tards of the internet. And Sherlock, not american by the way

  • @MrBullhawk

    Oh I'm sorry...

    You wrote just like a stupid American 12 year old cunt...

    Pardon me, I guess there are a few stupid people outside the u.s.a...

  • @Soldatik Ooh poor little dickshit got his feelings hurt by a onion video?

  • investigations at its best

  • Nice...I always wondered if the bar tender liked me...some questions will never be answered...

  • omg one of the best reports evar

  • y's everyone hating Nagiliath? shouldnt u be saying that to TheBestGuitarSoloEVR?

  • ahahaha I love this because somany dumbasses think it's a good idea to hit on waitresses at work. :( dumb

  • "I am Tom" priceless :)

  • good job...! ...that is some serious investigative journalism...

  • Holy fuck they drugged her. What kind of reporting is that? Shit did she do something strange with the coffee? Holy fuck I cannot believe its gone to this. I am getting my AR-15 ready to rock and roll. Whats next?

  • @DobermansRock your first time at the onion?

  • @DobermansRock Troll, we all know you know this isn't real. Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!

  • @Mehtaphorical Looks real to me. I watched it 2 more times and showed it to my family. We are a little upset by this and for you to say the news is fake is just strange. As for the Troll thing thats funny I have gotten that all my life because I am short. Do you know me from school back in the day? Only my friends called me that.

  • @DobermansRock Wow, okay, I'm still pretty sure you're faking but I checked your page and I see you're thirty five so it's theoretically possible you don't know the nuances of the internet as a culture. Troll has nothing to do with height, it's a term for someone who goes on videos and says outrageous things on purpose that they don't mean in order to get a reaction. If you were aware that this is by The Onion, not a real news network but a famous comedy show, it'd apply to you.

  • @Mehtaphorical No way now I think you are pulling my leg. Hey this is Josh from Sunset high right? Your the only jackass to talk like that. Bro I have not done any videos where I talk shit to get a reaction. Your crazy man keep it up. Now you are at it again trying to pull my leg about stuff being this or that. I am not falling for your BS again Josh. Oh and next time we meet I am going to kick your ass for stink fingering me. That was bullshit. Fucking Youtube really is a small world.

  • @DobermansRock Okay, I'm starting to think you're real now. In the interests of protecting Josh's reputation , click on my profile, you'll see I'm a 22 year old Canadian man and not anybody you know.

  • @Mehtaphorical Shit man you sounded just like Josh and all. He was a real asshole. So whats in Canada? I hear its always cold and the people say Ay! a lot and you have hockey. But its all very close to the border because in the northern part is where we keep other prisoners and nobody wants to live there. Hey is it true American's cannot enter Canada if they have had a DUI? I heard that once somewhere and that if you get a DUI in Canada its a fellony and they really take all your money.

  • @DobermansRock Lol, I caught that part where you round-about called me an asshole, but that's okay, I was kinda being an asshole so no hard feelings. To be honest, I know nothing about what the penalty is for a DUI in America, but here it varies from Province to Province and usually you get a huge huge ticket the first time and lose you license or they impound your car after that first time. As for Canada, I'll continue in the next post, but I'll start by saying we're officially bilingual.

  • @DobermansRock The Two official languages are English and French. There's 10 provinces and three Northern Territories. 33 million people in the country. Quebec is the majority French speaking province but a native English speaking minority has lived their for centuries and I'm one of them, an Anglo-Quebecois and my first language is English. My hometown is Montreal it's a North American Jewel with old world charm, second biggest Canadian city at almost 4 million in the metropolitan population.

  • @DobermansRock Toronto is the biggest city, in Ontario, and it's a very new city. It sprung past Montreal and became biggest in the 70's because Quebec became very politically unstable and elected a separatist government and there was terrorism and martial law, but the province after referendums in '80 and '95 has chose to stay in Canada. French minorities live also in Eastern Ontario and New Brunswick. Back to Toronto, it's known for it's diversity as people from all over Canada move there and,

  • @DobermansRock especially you get immigrants (mostly skilled because of our immigration system) from all corners of the Earth, a bit like New York in that respect. Almost half of the city was born in another country, but they're mostly here to stay and become Canadian citizens. Canada is a diverse country and there remains broad support for letting in high levels of immigration as long as they stay skilled. Western Canada is where the economy is booming, with tons of oil in Alberta's tar sands.

  • @DobermansRock The West is sparsely populated but growing fast. SK and MB are farming and AB is cowboys. I just moved to British Columbia, to the city of Vancouver which is a magnificently beautiful and green city, if kind of expensive. Mountains, ocean, hippies, and a big asian cultural and demographic influence pretty much sum it up. The Atlantic coast of Canada is a mix of a culturally different kind of French Canadian called Acadians and English people who traditionally have unusual accents.

  • @Mehtaphorical Wow that is a lot of great information at once. Disregard the hippies but all of the rest sounds really cool. I heard the US gets 22% of its oil from Canada so it must be a great economy around that. Keep drilling if we are willing. Our other oil comes from Mexico and Venazwala. The final part comes from us. We have written off the middle east so its a very confusing world to live in. TV says one thing. Research says another. Someday I hope to rest under a tree in Canada.

  • @DobermansRock thats a big fuckin coment response you did

  • @YourFaceSucksAlot Yep so what?

  • @DobermansRock nothing just highly opinionated i suppose

  • @Mehtaphorical what the fuck are you two virgins arguging about

  • @TheBestGuitarSoloEVR Surprisingly for the comment section of a youtube video, we weren't arguing at all, I think it was that one of the commenters was curious about my country and didn't know much about it so I was giving him information about it. Also, that's not a very good trolling technique guy, trying to reignite what looked like an argument with the odd insult thrown in. You should insult something specific about the argument after reading it if you want to piss people off. Good day sir.

  • @Mehtaphorical LIKE IM GONNA READ THAT SHIT YA FAG!

  • @TheBestGuitarSoloEVR ehm not being able to read a comment longer that five words and using the word fag randomly doesn't make you look very smart. and the comment was insulting you in a very funny way but... omg NO! I've used to many words now you cant read it, buhu...retard

  • @Nagiliath I stopped reading your comment five words in because you're such a fag.

  • @Nagiliath wtf are you some kind of fag

  • @Nagiliath lolz im thinking you guessed right about the 5 words

  • :56 somebody is hanging themselves lmfao.

  • WOw this is a load of shit.

  • So stalkers are now going hi-tech. Hmmm...so where can I get some of this stuff. I'm a news reporter, you see. Yeah, that's it..a news reporter.

  • Successful troll is successful.

  • I'm glad they're investigating this. I've lost at least five extra dollars in the last six months as a result of this lewd practice!

  • I'm Tom.

  • Delphiii has all the little YouTube trolls dancing on his strings for lines and lines. I love it.

  • I really hope Delphiii is joking...

  • Don't feed trolls!

  • Phillipfry.jpg 

  • For those who have asked for the police response to my inquiry I finally received a letter dated Aug 27th that said in short:

    "We have received your request for an investigation dated June 16th 2011... we are currently investigating all material related to your claim. New york city police department generally does not disclose the progress of ongoing investigations...if you are needed for additional information or witness testimony NYPD will contact you.." Blah blah. A form letter. F'ing shame.

  • @DELPHIIII TheOnion is a fake news team that's why. I'm 15 and I know that! Watch their vids it's all satire.

  • the onion should publish DELPHIIII`s calls for the show LOL

  • LMAO

  • is this a joke?

  • Wouldn't it be funny if Lindsey saw this video, and then when the guy says, "until we find out why she won't return phone calls..." she says to herself... WTF?

    Also, this would have been funnier (and much more interesting) if they did this report about strippers, and how nice they are to the customers, always telling the guys how much fun they could have at the VIP rooms, with their phony slutty smiles and their eyes clenched at the bulge in your pants... i.e. where you keep your wallet.

  • I sometimes wonder if the folks working at the fast food place are trying to kill me.

  • lol delphii has confused teh fk out of everybody

  • Gavin Fisher: Creepy Journalist, or Investigative Stalker?

  • I'm... Tom.

  • you guys do realize that the onion is a satirical news thing? none of it's articles are real.

  • It's obvious, she doesnt treat everyone the same. She just has a crush on everyone and wants her butt to be grabbed by all.

  • who the fuck cares just get your damn food and gtfo

  • Guys. You've all lost. DELPHIIII is just.... the ultimate troll. You cannot hope to stop him. We are all powerless in his wake.

  • @killjoy131 The Onion is the ultimate troll.

    they make it look real enough for other trolls to prosper in the comments.

    making the world a better place.

  • This is totally real!

  • I'm - Tom.

  • for smeone to actually think this was real...i need to know what they r smoking coz they must be really f*cked up

  • Lol holy fuck you guys. Seriously? You just finished watching a video from one of the most satirical YouTube channels out there, and you don't actually get that DELPHIIII is joking?

    Fuck you people are idiots.

  • @yackon4game Well said.

  • @yackon4game If you think drugging someone is a joke then you sir have issues.

    Thumbs up if you are tired of people not taking this issue seriously.

  • @DELPHIIII okay you just confirmed that you were serious and not trolling. this brings you to the other side of the coin, which is that you must have no idea what the fuck the onion is doing.

    unless..... you're still trolling.

  • @DELPHIIII Honestly you're just a little bitch about it.

  • @DELPHIIII "Thumbs up" for having an underdeveloped sense of humor. There is a time and place to be serious about certain issues, and a satirical video is most certainly not one of them. Might I suggest some Jerry Seinfeld or Cedric the Entertainer for the sensitive manchild?

  • Comment removed

  • Not sure if the people responding to Delphiii are continuing the joke as a meta joke, or they're just stupid.

  • This was in the newspaper!

  • If this was real, that man would already by in a psychological hospital LOL

  • is that Louis CK @1:30?

  • lol ^.^

  • 99% of all comenters here is trolling. Even I.

  • My new favorite Onion video

  • U all r hilarious.

  • You would think people who enjoy the satirical nature of The Onion would be able to tell when someone is pretending to take it seriously for comedic effect. Alas looking at the comments it seems to be something people are falling for again and again. I can only assume you are so proud of knowing this is satire that you jump at the chance to point this out before thinking.

  • @DELPHIIIII Troll?

  • onion's hotness is not delicious for the tongue, you know.

  • People actually believe this is real. Hahaha wow the days just seem to keep getting dimmer and dimmer.

  • they shoulda shown the footage of beating up the workers

  • waitress touches shoulder... I LOVE HER...forever alone!!!!!!!!

  • Comment removed

  • canadian waitresses are they hitting on u?

  • The SPecial investigative Undercover Response Team

    is on the case!

  • This has got to be the most irresponsible news investigation I've EVER seen.

    I really hope Lindsay is in the process of legal action because this was WAY over the top. I've already contacted the authorities because this was ILLEGAL

  • @DELPHIIII Are you really this gullible??

  • @jeremydean

    I'm more concerned about the people who actually thumbed it up....

  • @jeremydean Are you? Can you not tell that he himself was being satirical?

  • @DELPHIIII you do realise that the onion isn't real???

  • @DELPHIIII how hard did they laugh at you?

  • @DELPHIIII

    Yes, agree. This case MUST be solved.

  • @DELPHIIII hahaha i would love to have been the cop to get that call xD.

    the police probably watched this video after you called them and just laughed at you while slowly losing hope in humanity.

  • @DELPHIIII sorry just had to ask? XD Are you serious? XD

  • @DELPHIIII

    i cant tell if your just plain stupid or this is a fake comment too

  • @DELPHIIII are you trolling?

  • @DELPHIIII oh god im dying at your comment! hahaha!

  • @DELPHIIII its the onion... its a joke show.

  • @DELPHIIII Did....did you record the call?

  • @pat5168 As i consider myself a freelance private investigator, yes i do as a matter of protocol. I've also tried to contact this "Onion" news network but i have not gotten a reply. Apparently they have a reputation for degrading, inappropriate or misleading stories. I urge you to boycott this newspaper while legal investigation into this is ongoing.

  • @DELPHIIII All of the stories are satires. They purposefully make these stories to mock and belittle what people take as big deals and show how ridiculous they are. And it makes it even funnier when people take it seriously or actually get offended by them.

  • @DELPHIIII You clearly do not have what it takes to perform investigative journalism at the legendary level like the fine folks at the Onion.

  • @DELPHIIII I totally support you! lol

  • @SKHSirNicolas Thank you. I've raised the flag on this network before but no one takes me seriously, they think this a joke or something.

  • @DELPHIIII Troll?

    If not, I'd like to inform you of something. Living near NYC, for a long time my family has collected the Onion, a newspaper who's main purpose is to satire newstations. I'm 14 years old and I friggin get it. Some people could even say that it is a direct parody of fox news.

    Get a sense of humor. This shit is hilarious.

  • @riqmoon come on, of course he's trolling :/ Dunno why it's such a surprise to people that someone trolls on the biggest trolling videos on youtube.

  • @DELPHIIII are you on any medication?

  • @DELPHIIII ... are you serious?

  • @DELPHIIII are you fucking retarded?

  • @DELPHIIII I really hope you arent being serious :P

  • @DELPHIIII I sincerely hope you are fucking joking, none of this actually happened, everyone is an actor, its the onion news network, stop taking it so seriously...

  • @Oxideist Don't make light of poor Lindsay's harassment by this disgusting "news" organization.  This is indicative of the whole industry, like the News of the World wire tapping scandal.

  • Just making sure, you know it was fake right?

  • Comment removed

  • @DELPHIIII You realize this is a joke right?

  • @Tiibs33 You just got trolled son

  • @DELPHIIII

    That is the joke. This is obviously bullshit.

  • @DELPHIIII omfg its a joke grow the fuck up and get some humour.. fuck!...

  • @MrTerrywrist69 Haha wat a farken Idiot... like they actually put sleeping gas in the room.... at first you think it could be a joke but then u know!

  • @DELPHIIII are you being sarcastic? i really can't tell over the internet. you know this is a satire/ comedic "news" group, right?

  • @DELPHIIII Well maybe she should have thought of that before manipulating all the customers

  • @YourProfessor I understand your point. I would have been upset also. But in this case the punishment did NOT fit the crime.. The gas in her apartment was one step too far. Period.

  • @DELPHIIII nub

  • @DELPHIIII L O L you're hilarious :D

  • @DELPHIIII Oh common, like you have never wanted to gas and search through the personal belongings of a cute waitress. Lindsey was totally asking for it!

  • @michalchik I've never said I didn't think about it, everybody has. The difference here being this man went through with it, was sponsored by an headline craving juvenile news organization and then broadcast over the internet. Whether she was "asking for it" or not is irrelevent. There are numerous crimes here and justice needs to be done. If we can prosecute Newscorp we can prosecute this onion news.

  • @DELPHIIII Lol, ... I am sorry I should not have said that. The Onion is a fake joke news show. I was just playing along with the joke. I admit I have thought of getting down and dirty with a waitress or two but I honestly have never thought of gassing one and searching through her things. I guess everybody has an imagination they are embarrassed about but if you have persistent thoughts of gassing or otherwise disabling women I would seek come counseling. I am very glad you think it is wrong

  • @michalchik :D