Added: 11 months ago
From: Scientologee
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  • Turtle, turtle, lawls!

  • 9 disklikes, tom cruise

  • Sounds good, Dana.  See you next Tuesday at 2:30. I like pudding. Mmmmm, pudding.

  • The irony of course is that a bunch of christians are probably laughing at this skit.

    Like haha their beliefs are so much more ridiculous than my belief in the talking snake, burning bush, godman that walks on water, etc. Meanwhile, I'm outside the bubble of all manmade religions so I can say all the beliefs are ridiculous.

  • @TheBlakearmstrong Am I right to assume that you're an atheist? If I may ask, what do you believe happens after life ends? (No, I'm not being a smart-ass or a defender of the faith; I'm just curious.)

  • @Xenomorph1112 I believe that when life ends my consciousness will end and that my body will begin the decomposition process i.e. I will become worm food. The thing is there is nothing to be afraid of with dying. As Mark Twain once said, "I was dead for millions of years before I was born and never suffered the slightest inconvenience from it." Basically, when you're dead you won't know you're dead so it's the end of suffering. I don't think there is evidence of afterlife or soul transcendence.

  • @Xenomorph1112 Oh and yes I'm an atheist. Which by the way is redundant. For instance people that lack belief in leprechauns are not aleprechaunists. They are rational. Same thing w/ lacking a belief in god. It does not make someone automatically an atheist. Just rational. I'm only an atheist b/c that's how theists choose to label me.

  • Dana, you legend.

  • people who live in houses built on crazy myths shouldn't throw stones at other people living in houses built on crazy myths

  • Where do I sign up?

  • BEST. RELIGON. EVER.

  • @summerskyfilms Where do I go to join that church!

  • Praise the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

  • @culwin And the tea pot!

  • r u the lemon?

  • I LOVE this and Dana Carvey!

  • That... still makes more sense than Sceintology.

  • what's with the weird noise at 0:36

  • Christianity - The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree...

    Yeah, makes perfect sense...

    Religion is the definition of mental retardation.

  • Scientology is not a RELIGION. Read about what they do to people. It is a cult. Despite what under-educated people constantly claim, there is a difference between a religion and a cult.

    You can't LEAVE the Church of Scientology. They will 'fair game' you - you'll receive threatening phonecalls, you'll be intimidated by strangers, you'll be followed for the rest of your life.

    Google Lisa McPherson - stop doing their jobs for them.

  • @meiosismaple - Ehm, look up the term "apostacy"... MANY religions in the world, also "accepted" ones, feature punishment. Some will condemn you to death for leaving, like certain directions within islam, and also several christian churches will seek vengeance in the form of social persecution and revenge. They are simply two words that mean pretty much the same thing. A religion is always a cult, while a cult does not necessarily mean it's a religion.

  • @facepalmization Yes, a cult does not necessarily mean it's a religion - Scientology is a cult and not a religion.

    They want people like yourself, and others to equate them with religion: because if people see them as a religion and not a cult (and most people, even if its not true, do consider religions and cults as different) - then they get tax exemption, they get to play the religious victimisation card, etc.

    What other religion COPYRIGHTS its central tenets?

  • @facepalmization Oh yeah right..,Lutherans, Episcopaleons, Mennonites, United Churches of Christ, Methodists...yeah they will HUNT YOU DOWN if you try to leave. They have their own mafias and burn people at the stake (in between massive World Hunger efforts). Lutherans approved gay pastors having partners, and if we come across a church that disagrees, we're going to go all Jihaad! There, my post was about as silly as yours.

  • @1105Chance Exactly right, none of these churches or the vast majority of Christian churches have their own secret jails like the Scientologists do...or make people pay thousands and thousands of dollars to receive tidbits of religious information...or feed on the suffering of the millions of families they force to work, for free, 18 and 20 hour days to build massive 'celebrity centres', so Tom Cruise can have a sauna and a spa when he feels like dropping by.

    Its a sick joke

  • @1105Chance - Islamists, Latter day Saints, Westboro baptists etc etc etc...

  • @facepalmization Lutherans, Episcopalians, United Churches of Christ, Quakers, Mennonites, Methodists, Presbyterians, etc. etc. etc. You're just a bigot and btw...most studies show that atheists hardly give any money to charities, many nothing at all (Barna Group). Churches give billions and are often the fastest response to disaster victims. Atheists just Youtube...like you.

  • @meiosismaple - Wiki: "The word cult in current popular usage usually refers to a new religious movement or other group whose beliefs or practices are considered abnormal or bizarre".

    To educated people, all religion falls in the category of being abnormal and bizarre, like with all forms of all derivations of the abrahamic lies.

  • Comment removed

  • @facepalmization Over 50 Nobel Laureates in Science that were Theists, Jews or Christians. Francis Bacon established the Scientific method. There are several billion Christians on Earth, and I would wager a large portion of them are more educated than yourself. What do you considered educated? I have 2 bachelor of science with my Masters in math. I think atheists who make it their life mission to post about it on Youtube are a bit bizarre but hey..you don't get a diploma from Youtube usage.

  • @1105Chance Good for you! So rare to see some sensible comments on YouTube! It makes me glad to see that not only lazy thinkers and ideologues post here.

  • @meiosismaple - Christianity: The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

    - Abnormal and bizarre. Ergo, a cult. And a religion.

  • With any religion - "Hey man, whatever floats your boat."

  • yay! good on ya for taking this piss out of this crap

  • @TheOriginal3P Religion: the only things loony-toons, both famous and otherwise, take seriously.

  • Actually that's still makes more sense than "Xenu" and the "body thetans" and the "audit" and the C Group, which kinda like the Gestapo without the German accent and with less of a sense of humor.

  • I think I am the lemon.

  • @ttlyawesome444 Then you must be slapped. I'm sorry, that's just what the sacred scriptures ascribe.

  • @ttlyawesome444 =1 if you read that like John Travolta

  • oh dana i LOVE u!!! Yur SOO HOT! And dont forget the most talented man on earth!

  • I have a pain in my chesssss....I can't breaffffff....... XD XD XD XD XD XD

  • You think Carvey's "Are you the lemon?" ritual is weird? In Scientology, there is a process where you are asked to walk over to a bottle in a room, touch it, state it's color and guess it's temperature. Then repeat for several hours. There another "Training Routine" where you shout at an ashtray on a chair to "STAND UP!" lift it a couple feet, shout "THANK YOU! SIT DOWN IN THAT CHAIR!" set it down again and shout "THANK YOU!" I'm not kidding, this is real.

  • @dancar711 real talk.... crazy shit

  • why is the sound so low 

  • Right on Dude! Finally one voice that differs from the brainwashed Hollywood masses.

  • *facepalm* Mormons don't have magic underwear...

  • @Buddy1306 *points at video* See that? that's what we call a JOKE. 

  • @ThePunisherGames Yeah, it is. But it perpetuates a misunderstood stupid stereotype.

  • And they said I was crazy for believing in a Flying Speghettii Monster!

  • @zagrunty That's a parody religon, so it really doesn't count.

  • @zagrunty I laugh at you ridiculous mental midgets that have to use Richard Dawkins phrases because you are just sheep. And you act as if it is the first time someone has said it. It's stupid, it's cliche, it's been done to death and it's not even clever. It's actually quite lame, as is your post. 

  • I seriously laughed sooooo hard when he was stating 'his religion' I started crying. :{D

  • i think i am the lemon

  • Are you the lemon?

  • garth?

  • the only thing getting inside your body are the scientology "auditers"

    talk about fucking POSSESION..telling people aliens are inside their bodies...CATHOLIC POSSESION PEOPLE!

  • Are you the lemon?

  • Three people are the lemon.

  • I think I'm the lemon...

  • @ithacasteveo "I'll blow your house down! With a lemon!"

  • @ScattySafari

    You seem pretty intellegent for someone who hasn't figured out the spacebar ha. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume yours is broken :)

  • @GrassidTrip420 LOL-I have a bandaged hand at the moment and my space bar is hard to reach with a semi-immobilized hand. Also,on YT I often write looooooong comments and a space counts in your 500 chr limit.Often this means the spaces are the first 2 go when I edit my comment to make it fit.;-). Either that or the psychs brainwashed me to have a phobia of gaps in paragraphs.:-) I wonder if OT7s can type perfectly? Probably. Goldenrod paper for the SP declares is expensive.:-)

  • i have no trouble with Scientology having their own weird mythology.It's their organized crime,denial of medical help,disconnection of families and bankrupting of people that shits me.If it were free,stayed out of the medical interference,kept its nose out of gov't and quit breaking up families,they could believe in a flying bowl of pudding for all I care.All I want is for them to stop hurting people.Period.

  • Who's this guy? I LOVE IT, he's one hell of a comedian

  • @LordShiding - he was an SNL cast member for years. His specialty is impersonations, but he's also just all around goofy. He dropped off the map about ten years ago after botched heart surgery

  • I heard that Dana is a republican.

  • I'm the Lemon lol

  • n1 comedian :D!

  • SciFiTOLIETgee-- ohhh I dont know, could it be...... SATAN!

  • SQUATTING MONKEYS TELL NO LIES.

  • I think I'm the lemon

  • ...and this sounds stranger than a talking snake and eating a magic apple...etc etc etc...I think not.

  • @ZaaMixtli1 - only slightly. Both are completely wacko however, yes.

  • @ZaaMixtli1 OK but it's definitely cheaper.

  • @ZaaMixtli1 There is no mention of an apple in the Garden of Eden. That's all Hollywood, because the fruit and tree of knowledge are never disclosed.

    More than likely, if there were a tree of knowledge, and a fruit of knowledge, it no longer exists and it would not even resemble any fruit that we know of.

    Ya see, most people would have no problem with Scientology's beliefs, but its practises, bullying, denial of treatment and enforced slavery etc...that's where we draw the line.

  • @ZaaMixtli1 - Those Bible stories are myths. They were never meant to be taken as literal truth. Were you brought up by fundamentalist parents? It sounds like you have religious issues. You could just laugh at the comedy. That's why it's here.

  • @BayviewFinch Well thats not wut I believe and I hate it when ppl talk smack about other ppls religions but this made me laugh my head off!!! Luv u Dana!!!

  • @zeepychick365 - Dana is certainly funny. :)

  • @ZaaMixtli1 it doesnt say in the bible that it was an apple. and the snake wasnt really talking with its mouth like a human would

  • @MikeJustDidit Riiiiiiiiiiight, cuz a snake talking with its mouth would be stupid.

  • @ZaaMixtli1 not a snake, they were having sex, learn about the bible before bashing it please.

  • @wolfen198 In Genesis, a talking serpent (which is close enough to a snake) convinces Eve to eat from the tree of knowledge. So yes, a talking snake (or talking serpent, if you want to be picky) is part of that religion.

    Which is, obviously, silly. Not as ridiculous as scientology, which is more like a cult, but still pretty silly.

  • @ZaaMixtli1 Not really. Believing that something supernatural has those powers is more believable than this. For example, I've read norse, greek, mayan and sumerian mythology, I've read other about other religions too. None of them sound stupid. Scientology does.

  • @ZaaMixtli1 the adam and eve story isn't meant to be taking literally...

  • @batmanRisen08 as is the entire bible :)

  • @ZaaMixtli1 Yeah, and only one is PRIMARILY A MONEY MAKING CONCERN. Every time people say this kind of crap, they (YOU) encourage Scientology to harm more peoples lives....by equating Scientology with religions that do not act as cults, you are making the Scientologists argument for them.

    They take peoples money, their homes, their jobs. If you leave the Church they will send a fucking private investigator to follow you for the rest of your life!

    Google Lisa McPherson.

  • $cientology is just a Cult to scam money. They work like a Pyramid scam and act like the Mafia. Tom Cruise and David Miscavige are going to find themselves in Prison soon.

  • @LordAvoc i fuckin hope so!

  • @anonwillprevail247 LOL Me too!

  • HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! omg im dying xD

  • Are you the holy lemon?

  • he forgot the part where they say ...now give us all your money!!!!

  • brb: shampoo-joint-invent religion.

  • funny, but not rally weirder than the Scilons.

  • Scientology is not a religion. It's organized crime.

  • @NotSoOldHippy

    Scientology is a subject, composed of words on paper, audio recordings and techniques.

  • @NotSoOldHippy how is that different from any religon? The fact that they themselves don't believe what they preach?

    Does the pope practice what he preaches? Is he super rich or does he wear a cotton rug having given all his money to the poor?

    Just asking.

  • @MWcrazyhorse Don't forget that the Pope was a Nazi in WWII.

  • @LordAvoc he was 10 years old. Are children Nazis now too? come on get real. most overused term ever.

  • @MWcrazyhorse They sure can be. I have seen children @ 10 beat up other children out of pure racial hatred. Of course religions in general are rather silly in my opinion.

  • @MWcrazyhorse Can be. Yes.

  • @LordAvoc he was in the hitler youth or something like that because everyone in germany was at that time. it was obligatory. also, that's secondary next to the fact that he spent years covering up for pedophiles and he's the head of the catholic church

  • @NotSoOldHippy yeh, thats pretty much the same thing

  • @NotSoOldHippy aren't all religions?

  • @NotSoOldHippy Yeah, same as the three semitic religions. All about money and power.

  • @NotSoOldHippy The same as Catholocism

  • Thanks Scientologee...fucking perfect!

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