How To Make E-Friends

[juanmora19910209]

Dear Jordan,

Have you read the book, "Me Talk Pretty One Day" by David Sedaris. If you have not you should, I know you would love it. There's a section of the book where he talks of drugs and art & it reminds me of your dog hair being art. 0.o

Sincerely,

Anonymous

[mrkongsimr]

Yes I have said before I want to know you, be my online friend , there are not many like you here in Iceland or in the real world.. My friend s who are a little bit like you all became normal. What is that ? boring I think. I don´t know much about subscribing or what ever that does, can I still know you?

[elvissix]

you are sooo Funny!!! thanks for making me smile.

[se3110]

Jordan....what is the name of the song in the backgroud? ....I likeee it! XD

[Candise1989]

this was sorta weird... I completely forgot what I was looking up. I watch the whole thing tho. =]

[reverendcletus]

The way I make friends is by starting out with -

:lick: "Will you be my future ex-husband?" This is usually followed up by - "Show me where you piss from, love."

[GermanCapitol]

gay

[slaxxxer]

usual ten a penny camp cliche's from this "film maker"

[poobot89]

im not here to make friends

[djflipboom]

you know your so gay

[bababybwoo]

nice highlights cute video

[3ILuvmusic]

Thats how I should start a conversation with someone on the internet.

Wanna have my gaybies?

[11albinogiraffes]

gaybies?!?! i want to eat your gaybies.

[p00pb33p]

You know what would look better on you chin other than your dogs hair? My nut sack!

Hows that for perverted and witty?

[p00pb33p]

I just feel like a douche now. Sorry.

:}

[pyleofgracie]

Actually, I'm more perverted with my real-life friends than my internet friends.

But I don't really have all that many internet friends...

Oh, gosh, this video made me laugh so hard! Especially the end. :)

[kittyeggrolls]

nipple hearts!

and in the spirit of this video:

stick it in.

(and now i'm a creeper...)

[yomariya]

ahahahah, yeah it's soo true and sad :(

[pokethedot123]

LMAO ITS SO TRUE.

im a perv to all my online friends xDD

[modernausten]

hell yes its art

[mommyallred]

word

[lorissam]

hahahha my favorite part

(cough) ohhh FUCK

[finzat4]

IM BACK HA HA HA HA HA HA HA LOL!!

iM FINZAT4 HA HA HA I SUBSCRIBED LOL HA HA HA

[josepapi420]

ur gay

[Harukichi89]

I found this to be rather amusing. And there is so much truth in this. Everyone respects the perv online! But it takes balls to be the same way in person and still have that same respect. Case in point, myself. Maybe its b/c I'm a girl and can get away with it. Or maybe it has nothing to do with gender and I'm just cool like that. ^_^

[terraslayer61]

Disturbing.

[57reg]

So true. Also, its funny how quickly you move from pervy to sentimental - from 'do me right here and right now' to 'be my valentine'. Its really very sweet. Love the glasses by the way. What kind are they?

[straub11]

i love gaybies! i have six.

[beclovespenguins]

was that a sidekick? :o

<3 xo.

[balteb]

ps. Still think your super hot and super creative and super super!

[balteb]

Sorry...didn't mean anything by it really...just being silly and horny and for some reason I actually subscribed to that's idiots channel. Sorry =-((

[MichaelProductionss]

your so sexy lol mail me some of your hair

[volnessj]

omg that's actually a tradition of mine. I like to send people a lock of my hair. No seriously, i do that.

[MichaelProductionss]

oh for  real lets get on mailing then :P

[juanmora19910209]

@volnessj Dear Jordan,

Have you read the book, "Me Talk Pretty One Day" by David Sedaris. If you have not you should, I know you would love it. There's a section of the book where he talks of drugs and art & it reminds me of your dog hair being art. 0.o

Sincerely,

Anonymous

[CarboardDucks]

you're sexy;)

[silvernitrate10]

Do your glasses have lenses in them?

[volnessj]

nope.

[silvernitrate10]

Neat! You look stylish with those nice glasses, yet I can still poke your eyes out if I wanted! ;)

jk

[speakerboxchick]

Hey! I did that to my glasses like 2 days ago! I mean who needs lenses anyway...Pshhh.

;)

[cruztheeel]

i tottally sent you a regular boring people comment too but thats cause when you start to get to be a certain age(20) your libido drops(not really)....that and if i talk dirty to you i could go to jail nbc stake out style.........

[volnessj]

you won't go to jail, because I'm legal! :)

[cruztheeel]

you are! so 18 really thats to old for my taste never mind ha ha ha ha jk jk............maybe........no yeah jk.....for all legal purposese this comment and the writer of this comment do not in any way endorse child naughty games of any sort.

[juanmora19910209]

@cruztheeel LMFAO I'm so late but I absolutely love your comment hahahahah it made my 11 PM hour! Thanks =D I'll call you in the morning.

[livelaughkristen]

sooo you're telling me that if i only say perverted things to you, we could be best friends?

hahah...okay :)

[AndyYoureAStar87]

You can talk to me like that anytime!

[samanthaag]

"and basically we're going to have gaybies"

HAHA!!! i love you

[CowsxgoxMooo]

Thank-you 4 the nipple heart!!!

xx

[jessicaxrawr]

CLOSET VIDEOS!

yes!

oh how I missed them.

[kuykee]

i totally LOL'd

on the INSIDE. =P

[palacioed17]

jajjajaj I'll start harrassing u... so we'll be best friends ever.. fuck u gently with a chain saw!!! jajaja grs bisous!

[GauntletProductions]

Gaybies. Rofl. I'm using that!

[lorena93CHESTER]

hahaha...omgina..the music in the background...is hilarious hehe :]

[WeirdMinnesotaGuy]

NOOOOOO!!!! The internet IS the real world! La! La!  La! La! La! I can't hear you!

[Cadwaladr]

So I guess I've been going about it the wrong way: I've been trying not to sexually harass people. I'll have to work on that.

[volnessj]

you don't have to sexually harass me. I already love you.

[Cadwaladr]

I know, I just meant in general <3

[BentGordonsen]

Diggin' the bass, but it's hard to hear you in the middle. You got out-funked.

[xoluvablelissxo]

jordan can we be best friends, cause ur possibly my most favoritist person on youtube.

ps. i like poptarts.

pps. brown sugar ones. ;)

[famousony0utube]

you are quite greedy with 3 valentines. you better tape the sluttiness

[muffinbandit13]

Unstistististis

[meagansxfamous]

the internet and theater go hand in hand when it comes to being a pervert and everything being cool.

[volnessj]

that's very true, although i'm not in theater I tend to make friends with those who are because they appreciate my perveyness

[JamesAWBryant]

wow..so watching this in class and i start busting out laughing when u say gabies,gaybies, eh idk, and my friends come over to see you lickin your heart lol.....im am now a social outcast ^^

[volnessj]

haha looooooooser!

<3

[theoneandonlytrav]

Wow Jordan! That is some random stuff. I talk like that to all my co-workers are work. They all know I'm gay and I'm joking so it makes things okay I guess? I say really weird stuff like that all the time. It's pretty amazing.

[volnessj]

i can't talk like this at work because i work around children

[quirkysamlauren]

mmm baby i want to see you in some overalls eating a pineapple while reading THE MONGOL ART OF WAR.

hottttt.

i love you.

[volnessj]

omg i think i definately have to do that. Yeah I definately do.

[speakerboxchick]

Ur a good creeper :D

[onethousandsteps]

like, omg I totally LOVE your new highlights!

I'm fascinated as to how "I like your videos" progressed to "eat pop tart crumbs out of my buttcrack."

oh, and I start most conversations with people with "LET'S GET IT ON."

p.s. let's frolic naked through a field of wildflowers and bathe in olive oil. yes/yes?

[volnessj]

hahah ew bathing in olive oil would be so gross, but so sexy.

[onethousandsteps]

oh, you know you wanna try it.

meet me at 1am behind the club for a good time! I'll bring the olive oil, you bring the wildflowers.

[jonasxfan4ever]

lol

[NoloContendre21]

dang lost my post.

You make me happy, you silly man. 

Dog hair and dirty talk made me think "hairy ball sack" Bring your hairy ball sack out of that closet!

[volnessj]

bitch i keep my ballsack well maintained. hahaha

[NoloContendre21]

and you said it was your "dog's hair". Now we learn the truth!

[NoloContendre21]

Now I'm all confused. In CPR class today they said the heart was more in the center of the chest, but you're saying here that it's over the nipple. I hope I don't kill anyone over this.

Best Valentine's nipple wax? Jojoba oil with a single drop of toasted sesame.

Love to you Laddy

[volnessj]

haha i need some nipple wax.

[NoloContendre21]

Valentine's nipples are soft, pink and oh so waxed. You need that in your life. I can tell these things, I'm psychic.

Kiss Kiss

[lauralouisebarker]

I bloody love closet vlogs.

And I think I've said that before..

Whatevzzz, man.

[volnessj]

i love them too

[lucilombardo]

i am so offended! you've NEVER asked me to eat poptart crumbs from your butt crack! gawsh... guess we're not gonna be besties after all *sigh*

well looks like your docket's full anyway- happy heart day!

[volnessj]

well you never said you were going to eat the pop tart in my bed to cause there to be crumbs in my butt crack

[balteb]

I want another no shirt "davey wavey" in your chonies video!! Now that's sexual harassment!

[volnessj]

should i just do nothing but davey wavey impressions from now on? I don't think that would be very entertaining. I tend to go topless and pantless on blog tv though.

[samphrippofficiaI]

Gaybies, I love that.

Nice video man, you always manage to make me smile..

Sam x

[kittyeggrolls]

I asked for someone to be my Valentine and got rejected. Isn't that terrible?

But anyway, "I wanna l*ck you in the v*gina until you become my friend." Isn't that now the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to you?

:-P

[Legolas451]

epic fail... my volume was muted ... I just realized I am one of THOSE guys, ha ha

[volnessj]

hahaha <3

[NoloContendre21]

heh heh, you said butt crack and you're still a virgin.

I'd like to be a pervert with you, but then my parole officer would get jealous.

[volnessj]

haha what?! Your parole officer would get jealous?

[Legolas451]

am I crazy or is there no sound?

[Goobian]

I have been called a sweetheart before it makes me feel all fuzzy inside. Then I analyze the situation and try to figure out if I was leading them on or not. Then it's awkward.

[volnessj]

i always lead them on.

[bryanpanda]

haha, funny.

but none of my internet friends are like that.

wanna be friends?

[texture88]

Poptarts are soo disgusting.

But i think my father, the inventer of Toaster Strudels, would quite enjoy eating them of you. Ithankyou.

[volnessj]

hahaha your father invented the Toaster Strudel eh? LIAR!

[alotofcheese76]

jordan

i am going to fuck you so hard my ass will fall off.

nice enough?

lol

=p

[volnessj]

oh.

[BenRobot]

i'm watching a low speed chase.

i like them slow.

[volnessj]

i don't know what that means, but it's sexy

[dantonn91]

in my dream last night

we were in kindergarten and i convinced everyone to call you whoreman, like jordan but whoreman.

it rhymed magically in my dream.

and everyone made fun of you, and you didnt have friends.

and im really really reallly sorry<3

[volnessj]

Well here's how I know that's a dream, because if it was real life I would have owned that name. I would have made it cool.

[CyclosFasciatum]

agreeee XD

[xNecroAnon]

Hearts should only ever be placed on nipples.

Also, we should be friends, pretty sure we'd get along.

[jazzw0rth]

So I tried watching this movie in its entirety, but for some reason Beyonce's single ladies kept coming to mind and I decided to start dancing instead.

But then I watched the rest of the vid and I learned that I'm not a good pervert. I try to say really awkward comments, but they end up sounding normal.

I LIKE YO NIPPLES

or something... to that extent...

[volnessj]

no jazz, I live for your comments. You're one of the people who I look for in the comments because I love you and I think you're hilarious.

[jazzw0rth]

You're a terrible liar.

I feel bad that I haven't been making movies...

technical difficulties and that shizz

Hope your day is faaaaaaaabulous!

[volnessj]

jazz you ass i am not telling you lies!

Even ask Dan. He knows I love you. When Micah lost his camera I wanted you to fill in for him for the musical vlog but the just switched days.

I really do look for your comments. Lol

[BilliLovesMargot]

i love your impression of my wife. she does wear scarves on her head... just not in videos. ;)

[volnessj]

i knew it! She just comes off as one of those homos who wear scarves on their heads.

[BilliLovesMargot]

every single friend i've made on youtube was because i was sexually suggestive towards them. i love that.

[BenRobot]

where the hell are my sexually suggestive actions?! you owe me.

[BilliLovesMargot]

how many times do i have to throw you down in a skype chat to "show" you? in front others no less!

ok off to watch your video.

[animaluvr7]

yay, the closet is back!!

sigh, if only making friends in the real world were as easy as the internet. you just say something relatively funny and you get like five bffs. in the real world, you get five scared looking people, haha, at least in my case. :)

never had a valentine, pfff, who needs 'em? although im only 14... who cares, I have all the time in the world!! bwahahaha

...do you find my comments boring?!

[volnessj]

umm I'm pretty much sure I love you. You were one of my first subscribers and you've stuck around. I love you foo!

[seththegay]

you're fucking out of your mind....and i love all of your vids for it

[WHATTHEBUCKSHOW]

it is completely different!

Im bad at making real life friends.

[volnessj]

right!? I'm so incredibly awkward and innapropriate.

p.s. we should makeout some time

[CreaturesThird]

"I hope you all have *cough cough* fuck.." Yup, yup, that's the whole point. ;) Happy valentines day jordan, may all your filthy hott sweaty biatchez make your dreams cum true. I get the feeling I just bumped myself a couple notches up on the waiting list to hell. YES!

[Agriking]

But my messages are all normal. I fail :(

Have fun making the gaybies though.

[hugmedonthurtme]

I can see a million people sending you hella nasty messages...trying to be "best friends"!! lol

[simplyplainethan]

dog hair = gross

just saying

oh friends on the internet xD

you forgot about the phone sex.

there was lots of phone sex involved.

[experttextpertzpeace]

yay closetness!!!

[JAKEinPANTS]

yea, lick dat niple heart bitch. bahaha!

[1inaudiblemelodies2]

rofl!

I have a feeling you're gonna get the creepiest messages after this video.

:P

[Maddoxhardcore]

Seriously, with the hair attached to your head you looked like a hawt vanilla ice circa 1991...

We're practically fucking. I love it.

[volnessj]

haha yes! I used to dress up as vanilla ice and just drive around alone and then park ouside people's houses blaring his music as I leaned again my car. Fun times.

[shazamitspaul93]

This is such a pleasant video. It was very informative. I didn't know that I had to be a pervert to get friends on the internet...

[volnessj]

hey I'm just trying to help you guys out.

[shazamitspaul93]

I wasn't being sarcastic homeslice. Maybe my commenting tone needs to be adjusted... It was a pleasant video, and I honestly didn't know that being a pervert gets you friends on the internet. I think I might use your advice one day.

[volnessj]

no no no, i knew you weren't being sarcastic. I was the one being sarcastic. Lol

[shazamitspaul93]

I am stupid. I can never tell when people are being sarcastic just by reading their words. Is that odd?

[pablezey]

ah ha ha lmao!!!gaybies lol hell yeah

[staceystars91]

oh yes you sexy man tiger you.

[volnessj]

rawr!

[jabazzy]

vday slut! I'm going to steal&lock you away somehow.

[volnessj]

i'm down.

[samcat2006]

where'd you get your glasses?

[maclover246]

thats why you never responded when you twittered me and i said something boring and you didnt tweet back...how about this....wow your one sweet ass bitch and i would lap dance your mother if it meant i got you....direct enough?? :D

[volnessj]

hahah

oh shit *jizzes in pants*

[OLDS98]

Well Jordan it was fully of energy to say the least. You will get all sorts of comments from now on from many. I hope you enjoy them. You are all about fun and that is a good thing. You look better without the glasses too. How many pairs of glasses do you have? Have fun with your new friends..

[volnessj]

just for that I'm going to wear 5 pairs of glasses ever single time I make a video.

EVERY.

SINGLE.

TIME.

<3

[stefaniehern]

you kill me!

[volnessj]

be careful what you wish for

[kkuee2]

i totally just had some poptarts before and now i want to eat them again from your buttcrack

[volnessj]

haha yes!

[likeablerain]

i'm so happy i found you on youtube. you always make me smile.

[volnessj]

why thank you

[djmarkcotter]

gaybies

rofl...........

[GuruMN]

Don't let your art get in your mouth!

I get away with that in real life 2:22, what are you talking about?

[tyleroakley]

Lick my moist pussy.

[volnessj]

I will not do that Tyler!

But I will lick your dry sand papery back pussy.

[nanarsx]

I wish people would talk like they do on the internet, it would make life so much harder, better, faster, stronger.

[volnessj]

right!?

[gerry721]

Lol Jordan, this is such a cute video but beware, you're probably going to get a lot more dirty comments from people. Also, have fun with Nethan. This year is my first valentine too. Love Always <3

[alicat]

I wanna be witty, perverted friends with you too. Too bad I'm not witty..or perverted. Well, scratch that last part. YouTube has tainted me.

Looove you. <3

[Genesis2091]

LOL!, Oh gosh.

Sooo.. Basically you want everyone who sends you messages or comments to be perverted to you??

Riiight. okay :)

lol ;)

[volnessj]

yes, but there is a line that can be crossed.

[searchingformycapo]

jordan, buddies FRIENDSHIP NOW! :P

[gre3go]

i always say valentine's.

and then i always think that the day belongs to valentine, and i wonder who he actually is.

[musicisth]

Yay!! closet blogs!! lol

haha " u may think this is gross but i think its art!" lmao awesome as usuall

sweet first commenter

[MateoG7788]

musicisth, if you're the first commenter, then I'm the first man to give birth to siamese sextuplets.

Jordan, you make me feel good in all the right places. Mmmhm. How's your cousin btw?

[musicisth]

well sorry my computer was being fucked up my appoligiez,

wow over react much

[volnessj]

were you in my blogtv room when that happened? I dont' know how he is, but I know he's not being chased by a murderer. Bastard had me terrified.

[MateoG7788]

Yeah I was. I think everyone was a little terrified since you picked up the phone, started panicking, ran off, and left the camera on... hahaha. Well I'm glad to hear he's not being getting murdered.

[meekakitty]

you would take Nathan from me.

THIS MEANS WAR

volnessj, this means war.

[volnessj]

oh bitch it's on. IT'S ON!!!!

You aint got nothin' on me. I can make Nathan pee and Jizz in his pants all withing 30 minutes.

Yeah.

Be jealous.

<3

[meekakitty]

:,(

[volnessj]

oh baby don't cry. Ummmm you can watch okay?

hahah jk

you know no one could ever take away your Naynay.

[meekakitty]

*sniffle* it's okay. he always loved you more. Even before you knew him.

[volnessj]

oh okay. Ummmm I'm totally not freaked out. Damnit! Why did I let Dan give him my number.

[happyflowers1991]

I want to make love to your eyes and your fake blond highlight ;-*

[volnessj]

i would like that very much. Very, very, much.

[happyflowers1991]

Yet it is only your eyes remember.