Can narcissism / a narcissist be cured?

[PinkShirtz]

I have disconnected from my family totally and it saved me from growing into a narcissist. And just to think of going back to have any contact with them simply makes me feel so desolate and despairing, that frankly people need to listen to themselves and what's in their heart. Leaving afforded me the ability to develop personally and to become morally mature, which was totally impossible around the turmoil pain anxiety and abuse that occurs around my family.

[patriciacarrasco]

@PinkShirtz good for u for not caving into the guilt that u may have for "leaving" ur family behind in order for u to survive. or maybe im just projecting because im struggling to leave my family behind even though i wanna help them but i feel that im gonna get sucked in w/ them and get corrupted. i dont know what to do, i wanna help them...but how can i help them if i can become like them if im around them too much?

[pkpapers]

Good to see some info different from the usual "we can figure out how to treat narcissism therefore there is no hope" kind of stuff. It seems that the social science model of approaching the problem is inadequate and needs to be replaced by one that employs the wisdom that humanity has aquited over the millenia -- much of which can be applied to treating narcissism.

[kimandSteveCooper]

@pkpapers Thanks PKPapers. Wisdom and humanity is the key. The narcissistic exterior can be broken without injuring the vulnerable soul inside the surface of the nasty, narcissistic defence. We can as a society, become more aware of when a person has lost his/her way, and is acting with false pride and narcissism. Our awareness allows us to remain kind, while setting boundaries and insisting on better behaviour. Hopefully, Kim and I can inspire others with this kind of approach. Steve Cooper

[MyJuicyBeauty1]

I suffer from NPD and I hate it Ive lost everyone I love and I just want help but it's more about the victims that we have hurt...I'm a good person and I want to be normal I've ruined my relationship. I need help

[kimandSteveCooper]

@MyJuicyBeauty1 - Hey I really feel for you - please check out Steve's site at narcissismdotcomdotau one of the hardest things to do can be to admit that we are sorry and are embarrassed - but people usually do find it endearing. We have lots of help and support to offer in our books - I hope that they help you.

[jpzxcvbnm]

In most cases, you cant change people with NPD. But the best case scenario is when you take someone with NPD and SOMEHOW bring him/her to a professional therapist. Though people with NPD cannot fully change, the lucky ones can get much better over time.

[kimandSteveCooper]

@jpzxcvbnm - In my case the professional therapists were no help whatsoever and many of them now come to us for advice ...

Kim Cooper

NarcissismCured

[alexys72904]

@kimandSteveCooper Sorry, asking a narcissist to go on a very public show and tell the world he is a big child and is wrong, is just not plausible. It would be like asking you to go on here and admit to the world that you are selfish and only think about yourself. So, you tamed the untamable beast. Sorry, I just can't see how every other narc ruins the life of everyone around them including their own. But yours gave all that up for someone he could never truely care about!?

[kimandSteveCooper]

@alexys72904 - We make these movies at home and Steve works on our help desk now assisting people - our lives are very private and he cares about me and our kids now more than anything in the world. I understand you are hurting but taking out your pain on us wont change your situation. The steps you need are in our ebook Back from the Looking Glass. If you really can't afford $10 just write to our help desk and explain that politely and it will probably be Steve who gives it to you for free.

[greenranger8100]

My NPD husband moved out 3 weeks ago after a verbal abuse incident in which I had to call the police. He now refuses to talk to me except via text or email. He says that I am extremely dangerous. He is in EXTREME DENIAL about his problem. He has been verbally and emotionally abusive since I met him 6.5 years ago. Is it worth trying to save the marriage? Any advice would be appreciated.

[kimandSteveCooper]

@greenranger8100 - Congratulations on standing up to him and setting that boundary with him! I highly recommend you search for our ebook "Back from the Looking Glass" online and download it today as it has the exact steps you need to take in the situation you are now in if you want to save your marriage but also if you decide to leave and want closure.

Hang in there!

Kim Cooper

stopthefights

[lemsip]

I love watching Super Nanny but not everybody can be cured though. Born psychopaths cannot and also some people with other personality disorders particularly BPD and histrionic personality disorder. With children though who are born psychopaths the worst of the behaviour can be contained because they know that their parents feed and clothe them.

However in our families of origin it's difficult not to play out the same roles we did as children as parents still see us as children.

[HelenaChristensen]

u just stated that it can be cured and that u had to change etc....but u didnt say HOW to cure such a person?? & if u shouldn't do it alone,who should u do it with?

my bf lives in another country & i dont know any1 else there & i dont know any1 where i live who would be willing to go with me....what should i do?

ive literally tried every approach! im glad u said running away is a cop out,coz i cant leave my bf knowing he suffers in his own way & maybe worse than how he treats me!

[kimandSteveCooper]

@HelenaChristensen - please search for our main website by searching Google for narcissism cured and then join our mailing list. You will get tons of free advice and discounts on our ebooks that I hope will help.

Kim

[Kreimehn]

Thanks for the reply. It is great to hear that your products help people. I believe that the best philosophy is one that establishes people as the greatest value. It is my observation that people with such a philosophy are the most successful, in terms of a combination of social, spiritual (I hate using this metaphysical word), and financial values.

[Kreimehn]

Is everyone so dependent on TV that they need a show to tell them that narcissists are childish? A couple dressed in ivory white. Their aim is to provoke narcissists, and instigate a quarrel in order to promote some show. This behavior is equally childish. If you are mindful of a healthy, socially adaptive psychology, then do not watch TV.

[kimandSteveCooper]

@Kreimehn - Thanks for commenting - we actually don't have a show just YouTube movies and what we are promoting is books and audio products. Personally I agree with you about TV and don't watch it. Maybe you should check us out more before you decide if we are childish or not our work helps a lot of people (-:

[Kreimehn]

@kimandSteveCooper Ok, it is only fair that I see all the videos before making an opinion. I still see provocation, but I may be wrong. So I’m still combing through your videos.

[philonqi]

@ What do you think about impact of a psychopath on a normal person? Do you agree that a normal person can also start to show psychopathic traits when in a longer relationship with a psycho?

[kimandSteveCooper]

@philonqi - We don't have any experience dealing with psychopaths. Mixing up psychopaths with NPD is something that Sam Vaknin's work (which we disagree with) has done. In reality the 2 are quite different. A person with NPD longs for adoration and love where the psychopath wants to be feared.

Kim Cooper

[sairaj1]

@philonqi I was a psych student. Yes it can happen but not so much. Usually the other person's self-esteem is broken down in scrapes and pieces.

[sairaj1]

One of the MOST painful experience in this world is when you fall in love with a narcissist. At least you will have to agree with me on that. IF he/she gets better then this means that you are luckiest person in the world.

[stevecooper72]

@sairaj1 I agree, KIm and I are very lucky. But we do our best to alter the debate. We are all narcissists in some way, at some time in our lives. A narcissist is someone who behaves in a certain way. If that behavior is changed (by choice or by force), is he/she still a narcissist? I would say 'no'. Kim and I help people break it down into steps that limit abusive behavior, help people connect better, etc. There is some luck involved, but most narcissistic behavior stops once an adult matures.

[augu8st]

My narcissists prefers masturbation and does not acknowledge any problems. He told me himself that he is a notorious liar. Does your book help with this?

I hope so.

[kimandSteveCooper]

@augu8st - Our ebooks will to see why you are a soft target for these types and what you can do to defend yourself without letting them dominate your life. This may help them or may not but either way you will be back in charge of you.

Without learning to stand up for yourself the abuse may continue even after you leave and you may very well end up with another partner with narcissistic tendencies. Sadly it is often marriage 3 before partners are ready to see they are part of the problem.

[ThAWaNKr]

Steve I really like your videos and your pretty strong but seems to me like your dodging the real problem of narcissistic people and that is that they're prefered sexual object is themselves rather than someone else.. which is the root of the disorder.. what do you have to say about that?

[tritonrocks]

You cannot help a narcissist because they don't want treatment. You hit it right on the head, they are children and never grow up. I call these people 8-year-olds that have to have their way all the time. Zero empathy, zero communication, zero ability to work with others. What Kim and Steve Cooper say works in only a dream world. It's better to find someone who isn't a narcissist and dump the person that is. It is NOT treatable, it will NEVER get better.

[kimandSteveCooper]

Hi tritonrocks and Kimpsuu

Steve and I just recorded a show with Lisa Charlebios - a psychotherapist and expert on narcissism. She has a book titled

"You might be a narcissist if"

We discussed at length the damage Sam Vaknin has done by confusing psychopathy with narcissism. He is not an expert but a very sick man who spread the idea that narcissism is incurable. The fact is, narcissism is common as grass and saying that it cannot be overcome is as false as saying people cannot mature.

[philonqi]

@kimandSteveCooper I think you just misunderstood Sam Vaknin. Psychology recognizes NPD from psychopathy, but also inborn narcissism/psychopathy from learned NPD/psychopathy. I think Sam Vaknin speaks about the first (inborn), which is incurable, while you obviously talk about the second, which can be cured over time, although through hardships....

Btw, why do you say Sam Vaknin is a sick man, can you explain it, not just claim it?

[kimandSteveCooper]

@philonqi - Sam was diagnosed a psychopath live on TV! I am not sure where you get your ideas about inborn or learned narcissism but I would suggest that you learning skills to set firm boundaries etc. will help you better with whoever you are dealing with than trying to figure out if they are incurable or not!

[philonqi]

@kimandSteveCooper I hope you didn't trust someone on TV telling Steve was incurable psycho? If it was on tv, that makes it more untrustful..:)

Just a real psychologist can diagnose the problem, and there are ways to know if someone is a real or just a 'learned' (t.i. made by surrounding) psychopath. There are many articles on net which talk about that distinction.

[kimandSteveCooper]

@philonqi Steve wasn't diagnosed a psycopath on TV Sam Vaknin was!

[philonqi]

@kimandSteveCooper

P.S. You can search under "born and and made (or developed) narcissism"; there are many articles on that...

[kimandSteveCooper]

@philonqi - Our philosophy is very different than what you advocate. We are NOT suggesting helping the narcissistic person only with love or understanding but also with very real boundaries that include 0 tolerance of abuse. In this situation the narcissisists fasle pride will often fall - and if not their partner is still in a much better situation. Our ideas don't work for everyone but most people do say they have found closure and a deeper understanding of themselves from trying them.

[kimandSteveCooper]

Maturity comes with age and experience and very many people DO overcome the narcissistic tendency to hide their shame and blame others rather than face thier own responsibilities.

Kim Cooper

[tritonrocks]

@kimandSteveCooper We'll have to agree to disagree. My wife and I saw what happened to a friend of ours. Most peer-reviewed articles on narcissism indicate it's a learned trait rather than an inherited one, making it extremely difficult to treat.

By the way, the "black" flashes throughout your video make it hard to watch. I understand why you're doing it - but it makes my eyes go buggy!

[kimandSteveCooper]

We can agree to disagree sure - I will add however that I agree that people with these tendencies cause chaos and damage all around them. That is why we write so many books and put the amount of time we do into helping people learn to defend and stand up for themselves against this!

Narcissism is both learned & genetic and a stage most people grow out of if they gain no benefit from it. It is very differnt from psychopathy (or anti social disorder) which Sam has unfortunately confused it with.

[Johannyjac]

I cried when I watched this because I am beyond exhaustion trying to get him to own his change. He has been in couseling for more than 3 yrs now and still dismisses his diagnosys and thinks therapysts are cuacks. He is so charming and cruel. I never know what is next, or do I? I have conquered the PTSD he caused, but my love and dedication has not been enough. Is he just plain evil? Could it be that I just can't admit that there are people that are simply evil? What's wrong? HELP !!!!

[Nymfipapukaija]

He has a disorder, he is not really evil, or at least wouldn't be if he didn't have it. You should tell about him to authorities before he might ruin your life.

[philonqi]

@Johannyjac There is a difference between inborn and learned NPD; it can be that your parner, unfortunatley, is the first case, which is incurable.

[sairaj1]

i have seen super nanny and i am glad you guys recovered. i am glad. but some ppl need to get away from these narcissists becuz you can try even with support but you could have been out there doing something productive to help yourself.

[kimandSteveCooper]

I believe that learning to stand up to abuse with courage and love is doing something incredibly productive to help yourself (-:

[sairaj1]

okay from my experience and knowledge you might be able to help em but cure em when they are olderr??? umm no. these children are young but when you are older it is much harder. veryy hard. it takes many years. let's see....takes like 10 yrs?

no not everyone runs away....you can hold your ground for a few yrs even with help but trust me some ppl do not change. takes many many and many yrs.

[kimandSteveCooper]

@sairaj1 emotional maturity comes easier with age. It has actually been shown that people learn people skills easiest when they are in their late 40's and onward and it is in fact harder when we are young.

[artemis12061966]

Great  info . It gives me hope .

[ditte3]

Great work.Thank you.