Too 'Gay' Focused

[HerosComment]

You have just as much rights as being gay as any straight person does, you just can't get married a religious ceremony that most people don't believe in god anyway or you would not act on your gayness. What gays seek is special rights, not equal rights. I am gay too. Well, I was straight at one time, but turned gay after I couldn't stand cheating bitchy woman any longer, but I found out guys are just as bad, especially gay ones.

[JayJayadvicex]

why is it that being gay is a bad thing?

[YouAreThePeaceSign]

offensive

[uwed100]

Most gay people will perfectly understand what you are talking about.

When straight people told me why I am talking about being gay (nowadays

often stating that it has become so "normal" and that it isn´t anything even

worth while mentioning any more) I always thought they don´t want to

hear about it because they do not like homosexuality.And are such hipocritical

cowards that they do not dare saying it,since it is no longer "political correct"

to dislike homosexuality.

[459Dragonlord]

I'm gay and kind of know what you talk about. People say to me sometimes, "even if you are, why do you make such a big deal about it?" Then I generaly respond with, "Why are you so focused on being "x"." They have no response.

[jshado1]

hi rob,

two things that i wanted to comment on:

• i think you're right about the "gay ghetto" being somewhat detrimental (like how jewish people traditionally live in a isolated community which has partly made them an easier target). But, it's kind of nice to have a safe-haven where you can go and be alone with people who share a difference with you that everyone else doesn't.

• in the US, 'ghetto' has the connotation of a slum or a dangerous area generally with a lot of poverty and/or crime.

[jshado1]

@jshado1 btw, i do know it should be "an isolated community" but i ran out of characters

[ororosane]

I 100% agree with you.

[hah13]

ever hear of anyone accused of being "too straight?"

[StMeade]

your right it is a difference of generations.

The younger gens need to be grateful for the strides that older generations have made.

Those older generations need to adjust to the new reality that is.

Being Gay is simply ONE aspect of any given person. (Fabulous as it is)

We all have careers, favorite foods, friends, problems, bills to pay, etc. ... just like anyone else.

[unabnats]

Spoken like a true apologist. But you are young, adorable, sexy, and have a cute accent. And that excuses alot in my book.

[Poindexs]

Don't you think its ridiculous that your putting to much of a connotation on the stereotype of being gay. Your making the aspect OF being gay a permanent state of mind for individuals & worse your categorizing it within the smaller homosexual communities. Its less of a state of mind and something we as homosexuals, transgenders, etc. concentrate on but more so of a part of US. Your video creates this idea towards the assumption that GAY is what defines us and we don't know anything different.

[oaksong]

Interesting. You really should visit Austin TX, where gay is integrated. We're everywhere.

[ddshane]

The question you were asked is based on an inaccuracy. Although many gays are being open about it, there is no way of knowing what they feel is their most important attribute unless you ask them. The problem actually is the fact that when many straight people look at gays, all they see is "gayness" and not the person. So, a better question would be, why is it that so many STRAIGHT people feel that someone's sexual orientation is there most important attribute?

[bazfanv2]

Just turn back to being normal man , its not too late.

[KingMyron23]

hey if u believe in God then im okay with that.

[Krisi27]

You have a very nice voice!!!

[bertitolino]

By the way, you have a very nice screen presence. I wish you were on TV :-)

[bertitolino]

I remember I talked and thought about gays like you do when I was your age. So I think your mindset is typical for the young gay shaping his identity, This and this is OK, but not that and that. Well, I don't see any harm anymore in gays living a 24 hour gay life. Being surrounded by gays is not better or worse than being surrounded by straights. Gays are humans. Besides, I don't know any gay guy who is 24 H occupied by gay busyness. It's a bit of a myth.

[oxygene6661988]

being a gay man myself i don't see the need to constantly be discussing my sexuality with the whole of society. it is a really private thing and being gay really should not define who you are as a human being. the gay community needs to seriously get on with it and stop using their homosexuality as an excuse for every single thing that happens to them.

[marcelventer]

I agree, when I first came out, the whole gay lifestyle was very important, but in the end you just want to return to being yourself. But I think gay people needs that brief gay club lifestyle to to make up for the represt years

P.s You're very cute!

[vidhead85]

I think the big thing that people should mention is simply that gays are PEOPLE too. There are people who are central to one place as opposed to being out and about seeing different places. I don't think straight people will ever see us as real people with real lives. Regardless of where we live, I think a lot of them would rather us be invisible and never interact with us that's how I feel

[vidhead85]

I feel that all communities have had to support themselves to survive. I can have a group of straight friends that love me and support me but I don't want to talk to them about my love life because they're not gay, In fact I was watching QAF during the Stockwell campaign and Vanguard asked him why he would jeopardize their relationship with Stockwell and he replied: You wouldn't understand because you're straight...I think and know that America is still good if u stay on ur own side

[olyguy2000]

You're a smart young man, but your limited your life experience may blind you to the extended gay culture. People are more complex beyond what you see of them in their 20s. Your friend said that gays insist on being different and separate from society, but in truth it's society that chooses to treat gays as different, as he did with his question. Society cannot accept the services of gay doctors, lawyers, teachers, police, entertainers one moment, and then trash them the next. We are all one.

[Atlavocat]

I had this argument years ago when I lived in France. There is very little homophobia in France - almost all Gay philosophers are openly Gay (the current mayors of both Paris and Berlin are openly Gay). So a lot of French Gays don't think much about the "Gay community" or "Gay rights". To them, being Gay is like being left-handed, it's no big deal. But in more homophobic cultures we are defined by those who hate us - and that's why we need Gay ghettos, a Gay community and sources of support.

[jaap1989]

u watched too much queer as folk, jaja just joking, anyway I agree with you.. I am the type of homosexual person who makes his life as far away from the "gay atmosphere" or how y call it "gay getto" as possible.. I mean life is always more than 1 simple obsession isnt it?...

well take care, "saludos desde mexico" :D

JAAP

ps.... sorry ti end up this comment so gay, but u are pretty u know... well that was all I had to say.. bye!

[daleb511]

Surprisingly insightful! I have recently been thinking about this question (from yescandles). I believe much of what you have said has a lot of truth. Way to go!

[hereforhumankind]

You are a cute little bugger, but your life experience is very limited...of course it is you are so young...guys how focus on gayness haven't anything else going on in their lives...like the christian who focuses only on christianity (jeuse) lack real lives...so, what I'm saying is it is not difference for gays as say it is for bible thumpers...people without lives focus on some insignificant thing about themselves. But, you really are a little cutie!

[AllenRockwell]

I totally agree. I am a human first, a man second and gay person somewhere further down the list. I would kill myself if I had to limit my experiences to the "gay world" ... there is so much more to me and to the world than just who I choose to love.

[sloopy312]

At my first gay pride event I saw a drag queen. But I also saw a look of hurt, while at the same time trying to be proud and not ashamed of their orientation, in his eyes. I shouted out to him, "You're beautiful!". He came over and thanked me with tears in his eyes. I will never forget the look of peace and joy on his face. I think the more a gay person is ridiculed and put down, the more likely they are to emphaise their being gay-unless it puts them in danger- because they want acceptance.

[ryanmurphymoore]

Hey,

Just some constructive advice (take in or leave it).

I have noticed that in your blog, your use of terminology varies considerably; at one point or another, your blog sounds like an ill-informed social discussion and at other points your blog your ideas were valid and expressed cohesively. Ultimately, you need to maintain constant in what your saying because it gets a bit confusing.

Also it wouldnt hurt to do some research other than Wikipedia.

[kern0099]

I never listen to gay people who are young and have opinions. Innocence is great, enjoy it while it lasts, kid.

[ajmr1986]

Some gay men really are very gay.

Just as some straight men are blokey and love sport.

Drag is a very important part of our history. It is also a real performance style.

I think before you start representing an entire community you should meet the rest of it. For some being gay is a tiny part of their life. For others they are more involved.

[BoxMyHeart]

yes this is true!

drag queens make straight guys think they're all like that, (whom they would like to kick ass)

not guys like you, and others which like to do normal things and just BE people instead of constantly just being gay.

it also gets boring, and annoying.

[MICKEYMIN2]

Absolutely brilliant ! I have some better understanding of the "Hi I am Gay, my name is John, i'm gay., oh by the way , did i mention i was gay" kinda of person. It does irritate me sometimes to no end but your vlog opened a new view, more tolerance I guess is the watchword all the way around. After coming out, going to the clubs etc I thought that would be great - but no normal boys that liked boys were there - so back to the str8 bar i guess- glad 2 kno more norm-gay peoples out there.TTYL

[JRMNYC]

...man who were doing the same thing. There were shouts from random strangers that my boyfriend and I should get a room while my sister and her boyfriend had no such experience. Do an experiment... Listen to how many times straight people mention things that identify them as straight and you'll see why I believe that we are too critical of ourselves. Those over the top out and proud visible people are the reason we have the rights we do today... however limited and unequal. I say God bless them.

[JRMNYC]

Hi Robmuch, Just some food for thought...I'm not talking about you but could it be that there is a double standard in effect here with regards to gay people. Some folks would consider everything short of being in the closet, being too gay oriented. I was in public talking about some nice restaurant I went to with my boyfriend and was accused of throwing that gay thing in people's faces just by mentioning that he existed, Later, he and I were holding hands while out with my sister and her...

[meitzjoei]

been thinking about this fer some time. yer right on

[yeson8RU]

woow!!!you ARE DUMB and so are gay ppl

[taruisme]

@yeson8RU woow!! you ARE DUMB and so are the people like you

[brumplum]

I think it's important to note that even before gay liberation, gays were doctors and bus drivers and teachers and other productive (or not-so-productive) members of society. What they did in private was just that. The flamboyant "showbiz" kind of gay is all anyone saw, and both the gay community and the rest of world thought that was all there is to being gay. And regrettably, the new open gay ghetto seems to like things that way. And yes, we need that to change!

[paulsboroman]

When I was young (I'm now retired), all I wanted was to be accepted,by the people I cared about, as well as community at large. Having seen what prejudice can do to people it has become my passion to see as many rights fought for and won as possible, before I die. I'm happy for the vast improvements the younger gay generation has to look forward to, but I see no excuse for the lack of full rights. I have lots of time for my social life,but the battle for rights must continue at the same time.

[jkmnable]

the biggest challenge gay people have is dealing with the gay hate that comes from our sex-based religon. they claim to worship jesus but he is just a fucking symbol that they hide behind. what they really worship is sex, money and power. religion stinks and it is responsible for a lot of the shit that goes on in the world both in this country and abroad.

[Magz303]

wow u need help

[taruisme]

@Magz303 you need more help than he ever will

[apatcher]

I think you are correct. However, I also think you would be able to fit into the "regular society" better than some gays because you are not overly flamboyant or overly effeminate.

[ethan8994]

Too gay-focused??? Not quite ! For the time being it needs to be kept in the fore-front until being gay is accepted as equally normal.....but thanks for ur input...keep up the good work !

[capacitor2427]

If you move in a narrow circle of accepting people it is easy to see life as you do.

***

BUT for many people you could be a top sportsman, most successful entrepreneur, biggest saint, brightest engineer.brain surgeon or rocket scientist etc ect ...... and all they will see you as is a Freaky Queer.

Life is not nice ... yet.

[DavidMarine]

You seem sweet, but this is a facile analysis, IMO. Many of the doctors, lawyers, etc. of whom you speak were the same people fighting for gay rights in the 70s, so it's a bit contradictory to hold them up as role models of integration while suggesting that their age demographic tends to be stuck in limiting modalities of gay identity. The core of the gay rights movement is the celebration of individuality, whether or not it leads someone to seek a life fully integrated with the larger culture.

[marktopp]

If a hetro is thought to b gay they immediately state there sexuality, this is ALL that gays are doing. By stating we are gay we are correcting a misconception. Its no different to somebody correcting you if you assume they are not the nationality they are. It is not a great political statement, just simply a fact.

The issue of gay culture is a different one.

The Gay ghetto exist & thrives & is important because its an environment free for much of the prejudice we face in regular society.

[timeduardo]

I think its good to be gay focused, and I don't intend to change my ways until the straight community drops its anti-gay bias and bigotry against us. In my state of Virginia, it is perfectly legal to fire a person for being gay, and likewise its ok to kick a person out of their home or apartment or deny them from renting just because you don't like gay people. Don't fool yourself, anti-gay bigotry is alive and well in the USA, in some places more than others.

[solarnaut]

Nice vlog, but how about you rerun this whole script and substitute "hetero" for "gay." Ever notice how heteros are constantly hanging out in hetero bars and neighborhoods, dressing hetero, dating other heteros,...why are they so obsessed with being hetero?

JOKE:

"We'll know gays are truly equal when we're as boring as the breeders."

I resent the sprititual abuse of growing up gay in a gay bashing world, but, when it doesn't kill first, oppression does foster artistic expression.

[smithydll]

+1 for engineers

[classic287]

You mention the 60s and 70s. I know them. I didn't fight for my gay rights back then. I probably would have been beaten to death. I didn't even let myself think about being gay, or faggot, as was said back then.....I finally came out 2 weeks ago....oh well.....

[muno00567]

ur gay im bisexual

[classic287]

awesome, be happy in your life. It's not easy, but it's getting better (slowly).....

[unknowen6420]

wow when i came out i just kept saying ''FUCK IT! ILL DO WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR MYSELF! SCREW ANYONE WHO TRIES TO STOP ME! AND I REALLY DONT CARE WHAT THEY THINK!'' ......... now im just laying on self pride ... and my new bf =p isnt it great being yourself!

[classic287]

unknowen6420, yes, it's great being yourself. When I came out to my son, I was shaking and sweating. He said, what's wrong dad, tell me. Finally I did and he said "that's it?" I couldn't believe it. He is very supportive. Enjoy your time with your new bf and being yourself......

[classic287]

Excellant video. Very well said........

[hitmankillzone]

well..i give them a thumbs up for expressing themself i guess lol

[jhunter234]

you're gorgeous face is in deep need of that blond medium length hair you had back when.

[obamadidit2008]

i happen to love gayborhoods or ghettos or whatever you want to call 'em. i have to live,go to school with,and worship with straights. it's nice simply to be with YOUR OWN, and relax

[Atlavocat]

obamadidit2008 - I agree. I love gayborhoods (I live in one). It's nice to feel free to walk around the neighborhood holding hands - like straight people do. Let those rainbow flags fly high!

[maitriparamita]

Ghettoes (Jewish, black or gay) are the product of segregation - we don't need them. Open Gay neighborhoods, on the other hand, are resources that will continue for as long as they are valuable. When it becomes truly easy and comfortable to meet other gay people in mixed social settings and during daily life the need for such neighborhoods will decline.

[feebleboggart]

I pretty much agree with everything you said, Roberta. I just think it's still ok to celebrate being gay for, well just being gay. Kinda like any minority group likes to celebrate their culture. And it's ok to be the 'typical' gay too... just only if that's something you identify with and not something you FEEL you should identify with.

But yes, it's important to not let gay be the dominant thing about you.

[tguy92]

Wouldn't they be called gay-tos as opposed to gay-ghettos?

[tguy92]

(In the Gay-to!)

[timeduardo]

I don't like the gay ghetto term either. Here in the USA we usually call these gay dominant areas Gayborhoods. Philadelphia actually celebrates its Gayborhood with rainbow tagged street signs.

[willbande]

should gays spend more time campaigning for gay rights rather than just living their lives as gays?

[jonathanvill]

Well said mate. Very true.  x

[bluecollarboiler]

Hey handsome, I'd love to cover you in olive oil and then try to hold on to you =)

joey

[itbarthur4u]

The fact that we are now addressing this question shows that the non-heterosexual community is reaching a higher level of maturity. I generally try to let people know other aspects of my personality before coming out to them. It is interesting to watch their faces when I do come out because I do not show strong "stereotypical" traits. I am a kind person and who does volunteer work. I like to think I represent the LGBT community well.

[Danorsomething]

Cute and articulate. You're going to make (already have made) some guy really happy.

Nice vid.

[Mark89015]

To most gay people being gay is just as "hum drum" as having dandruff. It is the straight community that make such a big deal about it.

[NoInhibitions69]

NOthing is more important then coming out. then people see that gays are just ordinary decent people.

And the bullies and sick churches will be seen for the monsters they are.

[philipem01]

This is great and I just saw another video that talked about this, from this old gay activist -- check it out, around 7:30 watch?v=In_t-aj7xtc

[crakri]

I like your ideas very much. You are very clear in your mind. Thank you for helping others.

[urbanwarrior]

People should be free to be themselves without worrying about whether or not they seem "normal." Not everyone can pass as "normal" - it's just the way they are. To a religous conservative, same sex-attraction is not normal, but a perversion.

[finljr]

I support you and always have, but as for me I tend to focus on something else that gives me peace and joy and friendships and acceptance without that being the defining factor of myself. I guess you could say that is why I'm so ADDICTED to youtube and other stuff that I have no business being addicted to, but I CHOOSE not to go out and cultivate relationships that I know will cause me to fall even further from CHRIST and the purpose that he has for my life. I'm not preaching just what I feel.

[2hot4south]

"Club going society"

Thank you for putting that out there. There are a lot like us that do not identify with that image.

I wish that somehow we were just equal and not too gay focused but like you said we have had to fight this for the past 30 years so being gay is the one thing that stands out the most.

If we had equality no one would have made this question.

=D

[LGBTedu08]

good video

[friesian86]

Hey Rob,

This is the best video ever!!! Thanks!

Stay Gorgeous, Jesse *_*

[pvampire]

I think you hit it totally right Rob. There used to be a guy I knew on YouTube named mrbook7 who came out on YT and focused on gay issues for a year or so, then it was like he grew out of that and realized he was much more than that and he moved on to different things. I think it's good and healthy that once a gay person realizes who they are, that they not only embrace it but dont make it the center of thier world...I like that term "gay ghetto" also, very clever....:)

[ChrisScottATL]

TO add a bit though if I may... living in a predominantly straight part of Atlanta I find drawn to Midtown (the Gayborhood) because I oft find the need 9not just desire) to be in an accepting environment whether I'm with a guy or whatever.

[ChrisScottATL]

I completely agree with you on so much here.

In filming the scene here in Atlanta I've seen it so many times. It seems to be all about celebrating who you are when everyone else wants to tell you how terrible that thing is. The louder someone shouts at you the louder you shout back I guess. And without question as people mature into who they are (which is NOT an age thing) they begin to realize that being who they are is so much more than just being gay.

[Tiednbound]

Is there any symbology to wearing a "wife-beater T-shit" when discussing "Too Gay focused"? (It looks good on you, mind you, LOL)

[robmuch]

Lol, no, it was just the most comfortable thing to wear while cleaning up my apartment

[loki4469]

What is your opinion on monogamy in a relationship?

[countsoss]

Hey Rob,

You talk a lot about a gay ghetto?? I know the definition of which you refer to, But here in the U.S. we dont a gay ghetto, maybe in the largest cities but no normally. We have an area where there are gay clubs, but not a ghetto. Do you in Australia have a gay ghetto?

[robmuch]

Sort of, I use the term ghetto fairly loosely. Oxford St, and the areas of Darlinghurst and Surry Hills surrounding Oxford St in Sydney would be considered our gay "ghetto". A high concentration of gay shops, clubs, gays who live there, etc. Basically somewhere where it is particularly easy to make "gay" the most important thing about you

[xspacie]

its wierd how when some one introduces you to someone who is gay and they introduce you, then cant wait to get you aside to inform you "guess what and they are gay"

[carsonmaier14]

True. Completely true. They don't even notice the other ascpects of the person.

[ash23au]

Awesome video Rob. Also I love the byeeeeeeee at the end. Always cracks me up :) <3

[vanness5]

I challenge anyone who has not actually read how prop 8 was worded on the ballot to go online and see it.

It was like a fishhook that once bitten could not be removed. The author of that shit was a fuckin evil genius.

prop 8 redefined gay marrage with a vote of yes, and with a vote of no gay marriage's definition would be left alone, and kindergardeners would be taught about homosexuality.

To encounter that shit in CA, the last thing on my mind was blending in society as I normally do!

[akmusica]

I totally agree Rob, the gay community shouldn't turn into self-segregation from the rest of society.

Huge props!

[DiederickABecker]

Gay culture shouldn't get in the way of individualism.

[1789K]

By the way I love Vick Vancouver beginnining. :)

[bollin4]

well said, as usual, rob. i think we are living at an important crossroads. we no longer suffer from the crushing discrimination known by generations past, nor can we afford to be complacent about the gains we've made--there's much to be done. i do have to agree with you about the ghetto--and i think there's a distinction between that and gay-friendly neighborhoods or workplaces. its a state of mind, too. and a ghetto is a great place to get ground down or rounded up.

[timeduardo]

Great video Rob, but I have to disagree with you on a few points. First, I disagree about making a point of shopping in gay businesses & visiting the so-called gay ghettos. Our community must do this to survive. The struggle for our rights also can't be understated, & contrary to what you said, there is still so much to do. Gays here in Virginia (USA) have virtually no rights in comparison to other states, and I think the GLBT community here must pay more attention to gaining equal rights.

[robmuch]

I agree that many areas of the world still have a way to go in terms of gay rights, but in areas such as australia, where many of the pieces of discriminatory legislation are being overturned, there is still an "us" versus "them" mentality, the gays versus the straights - we stay away from them and help our own kind to survive. Surely there is a significantly reduced need for this and we can survive without boycotting the rest of society?

[TheMindsmack]

@timeduardo while i agree with you taht rights are EXTREMELY important.. ascertaining them has nothing to do with making 'gay' the most important aspect of oneself. a separation from heterosexuals??? that's exactly the OPPOSITE of what fighting for gay rights is. equality and separation cannot coexist

[OLDS98]

Very good Rob but... The younger gays do not know the struggle for gay rights and do not realize they can be discriminated against and be fired from a job. Also too many get caught up with the idea of of being gay. You can see that by some of the videos posted on You Tube. You have to have an identity outside of being gay.

[sinrboy]

Great video Rob! I find more and more your and I's views parallel on so many issues. Just wanted to say great video bud.

[Smartass8504]

Gay people will stop focusing on their "gayness", when opponents of homosexuality stop making it the most important aspect of them...as if there's nothing else to them.

[timeduardo]

I have to agree. It is the heterosexual community that forces the GLBT community to defend itself and its gayness not the other way around. Rob is a very insightful young man, but I think he misses this point.

[demonickalfun]

Well articulated, I think it pertinent to mention the several phases of coming out as well, there's self identity, self acceptance, coming out, pride, assimilation. Now, not everyone goes through all these phases, and some may last longer than others, but the important thing to know is that every GLTBQ person will find passion and a lot of time within these labels, those who find contentment in PRIDE are usually the most vocal, flamboyant and prominent and I feel get the most notice.

[brentbraniff]

I think the only gay area I frequent is right here in front of my computer.

I live in a town were most gays are completely closeted. I've heard that the only gay community here is actually made of up married men who have sex with guys on the side...They have a network of other closeted gay guys that they can rely on for sex.... So, if I wanted to get into the gay community here I would have to be married or have a girlfriend....which I will not do. Its sad but thats North Dakota.

[Stephen5000]

I'm gay, but I never go to the gay area of town. I hang out with my friends, some of whom are gay, some aren't. Being gay doesn't affect my day-to-day life.

[livinginlux]

I disagree with you on this. I don't think gay people "make" being gay the most important thing about ourselves. Rather, it is perceived as our most important, fundamentally defining quality by the general public. We are forced to continually confront the unyielding walls of this rigid and narrow category, and it has a huge impact on our self-concept and self-presentation.

[jasondesouza]

I totally agree with livinginlux here.

There is more to me then being gay, but I think you'll find that sexuality does pervade several aspects of personality, and as such, it is a big part of a person.

Still, I think it is more the general public who perceive it as the most fundamental defining quality of a gay person.

I think too often, there is a confusion between campness and homosexuality too, which blurs the lines, and creates a stereotype that many gay people simply do not live up to.

[jasondesouza]

I also wanted to add something here. Often gay people are accused of shoving their lifestyle down peoples throats, for doing something as innocent as walking down the street holding their partners hand, yet if a heterosexual person did this, it would not be seen as them defining themselves by their sexuality, yet for a gay person it is seen as that, it is a bit of a hypocritical stance that some take, and I think it shows that the problem often lies with those holding the prejudices..

[timeduardo]

Hey Jasondesouza

That is it exactly, and I think that speaks to many many gay & lesbian people's desire to hang out & shop in glbt owned businesses. It isn't that we are boycotting st8 businesses, you just got tired of straight people harassing you all the time.

[robmuch]

I agree with you to some extent, but I do still think that there is a substantial group among the gay community that make being gay the most defining factor of themselves. As I said, I've known people who only go out to gay clubs, shop at gay shops, work in gay workplaces, have all gay friends, etc. And I would say that these people contribute to the image of gay people defining themselves by their sexuality. (as well as, certainly, the prejudices that exist in general society)

[livinginlux]

If you prefer to assimilate, that is your prerogative and your right. There are fewer barriers to assimilation than there were even 15 years ago, when I came out. But there remains, and probably will always be, a subtext of homophobia in all of our relationships with straight people, and many of us simply want to deal with that as infrequently as possible. I don't think you should judge other gay folks for reaching that conclusion.

[Atlavocat]

@livinginlux - I agree completely. Straight people - no matter how tolerant - have a hard time accepting Gay people as equals. It's sad, but it's a lot like racism - it's hard to overcome.

[Crealosa]

@livinginlux

exactly.

[jasondesouza]

I'm not sure though, that in this day and age, that they are the majority, I know there are many who live their lives through their sexuality, and they seem to be the ones that the media often focus on, leaving those of us who treat being gay as just another part of our life, often ignored.

I've noticed on television, certain programmes, at least in the U.K are trying to move away from gay characters who define themselves by their sexuality, which is a good step to countering stereotypes.

[TheMindsmack]

@livinginlux I have experienced, to a certain extent, your explanation; however, being openly gay doesn't result int he world 'forcing' me into a self-concept. It is our reaction to the world, not the world's reaction to us, that decides our mindset. obviously, one's sexuality is a HUGE aspect of oneself... but for those who make their sexuality their most definitive aspect... well, I wouldn't submit myself to being around that person.

[table513]

@livinginlux I actually agree with both of you - I believe there are indeed these two conflicting forces - from society, from gay guys and gals themselves, who have to define their lives by their sexuality. For me myself, someone who, I suppose has been 'deciding' for many years what I am on Google Incognito, to be gay, means I have to automatically adopt a certain lifestyle and exhibit certain defining 'gay' personality traits to the wider world.

[table513]

@table513 and for me personally, I don't want 'I'm gay' to be the defining factor when people meet me and when people judge me. I want it to be something along the lines of, 'oh, and he's gay too' - something which isn't that important - I don't wanna go and out and march for 'my rights' (though maybe later when I'm a bit older I'll be inclined to do such a thing), I just want to lead a normal life, and just be attracted to the same sex (woops!).

[thejmsfreak]

a very veryveryveryveryveryveryveryve­ryveryveryveryveryveryveryvery­veryveryveryveryveryveryveryve­ryveryveryveryveryveryveryvery­veryveryveryveryveryveryveryve­ryveryveryveryveryveryveryvery­veryveryveryveryveryveryveryve­ryveryveryveryveryveryveryvery­veryveryveryveryveryveryveryve­ryveryveryveryvery good video

[Ardie2pt0]

very well said. i literally chuckled several times because as you were talking i would think the word i would have said next and you actually used the word. two that come to mind were integrate and ghetto. but again well argued. xoxo -ardie

[Flanole]

I would suggest that those that seem gay focused are the ones who have high visibility. As an older gay in the US I have been focused on career and life. Those that are most "gay focused" are the anti-gay elements who drive gays into ghettos for protection and community. The better question is why are anti-gay forces so obsessed with their discrimination? As the world changes for the younger generation this will be less of an issue. And things are getting better. :)

[coollikeyodais]

Well thought out Mr Rob as usual. Another factor is the peoples need, not just Gay people, to be with people the same as them. It makes life comfortable and more communal, which is why most major cities have regions like China Town, Little Italy, etc. Ghettos are not necessarily a bad thing.

[demonickalfun]

I agree with you on the group mentality, but you can't honestly thing that ghetto', particularly those in America, can be good. A ghetto would imply that those places were created out of discrimination, force and hatred instead of community, passion and involvement. There's a thin line but it's there to what is socially ok.

[joey1948]

thanks so much for the insight.

trying to bring the light to those places which have for years been very dark and forbidding can only happen over time

when plateaus are reached, broader terrirory can be explored

<3

[dlyc4714]

you are so right!

[bornfromashes2008]

he is, however being gay is a big part of us, just like being straight is a big part of straight people.

[bornfromashes2008]

dude u rock!