@noraa93 well, not all of them. I started the butterfly when I was still married, so you don't see it in later videos since I've left the marriage actually. I'm still not sure whether to bring it back or not.
@TheCrescendo80 yes it is a butterfly. The butterfly is a symbol of freedom and new life and that is what I hope to help people find through my channel.
My father had three emotions: blank (mostly), laughing and violent rage. I never saw him cry, even at his sister's funeral! He had no empathy for anyone's discomforts, emotional or physical. He got frustrated if I showed emotion, and I think tried to convert me by telling me I was too sensitive and needed a thicker skin. I confronted him about his abuse (he broke my teeth punching me), but he just shook his head and said, "You're just hanging on to your anger." He never apologized.
My mother would also blow cigarette smoke in my face - I have asthma - and laugh like it was hilarious to see me wheez. I use to LOVE to sing as a little girl. Can't now. My lungs won't let me. I try to hold my breath for 5 to 8 seconds and I get lightheaded.
Finally... Another point that I can relate to; my mother would do and say things to me to make me angry, intentionally, and then spank me at least 40+ times. I wasn't allowed to show negative emotions around her. If I cried for any reason - even if I fell or got hurt - she would tell me to stop crying or I would get spanked. If I got angry, she would yell at me, tell me to "get over it", or "I'll give you something to cry about". The worst was "I'll beat the life out of you!".
My mother always called me dumb when I was growing up. I was never good enough and she taught my brothers and sisters to abuse me in the same fashion. I have had a very painful life. Now I am married to a loving, good man and she tells me that I need to get a divorce just because we do not make millions of dollars per year. It has been awful growing up this way I have hardly any self esteem and I am depressed a lot of the time.
OK - my father enabled a lot of my mother's behavior. He was passive and he'd never speak up to her about her antics. In the last 5 years, he'd even join in on her smear campaigns against me. About a year ago, we were out and he started complimenting me. I turned to him and asked, "Why don't you ever say those things to me any other time?" He gave me a look and just said, "You know how your mother is." And that summed up everything - 100% of the time, he would choose her insanity over my health
I'd also like to add..my mother liked to invalidate and infantilize me a LOT. She always demanded to fill out my taxes and, per usual, would throw stomping, screaming temper tantrums if someone didn't give her her way then and there. I remember filling out money orders for my taxes, and she kept telling me I was doing it wrong (I wasn't). I think it's important to bring enabling fathers into this too - sorry, these responses are so short, I'll leave another comment.
Hi DelusionDispeller..I'm in my early 20s and I was the scapegoat and only daughter of my mother. I had an older brother. When each of us started getting to be of age (14-15), the cruelty would come out. My brother is 6 years my senior, so I often just thought I had a 'bad' brother. Not until I grew up and my mother started telling me I was a 'whore' and 'slutty' - because I started dating at 19 - did I realize it was her.
@merrymagdalin I am sorry to hear about your situation at work. There is a very good book called "working with monsters" written by an Australian psychologist called Dr John Clark. Order that book. It talks about psychopaths in the workplace and how to deal with them and manage them. He also briefly talks about narcissists. It will be useful for you because the strategy to manage a psychopath is very similar to managing a narcissist. They are similar, a bit like coke and pepsi. Good luck.
Thank you so much for your awesome videos on narcissism! I am currently dealing with a narcissist at work and it is an extremely volatile situation. This person is extremely negative, super emotional, and turning others against me, therefore ruining my reputation at work. Never having dealt with a narcissist at work, I'm not quite sure how to handle it. While I would love to ignore her, I can't as I have to work with her. Do you have any advice on how to deal with a narcissistic co-worker?
A lot of the characteristics of the narcissistic mother discussed in this video apply to my older sister. Would you do a video on narcissistic siblings? My sister was over-the-top cruel. As I child I felt defenseless and would complain to my mother who would pooh-pooh everything I said. This seemed to empower my sister and made her behavior toward me worse.
my father is like that its makes me suffer a lot I always try to make him happy but he always puts me down.... for example tonight i am sad because i realise more and more how he is. he said something that doesnt make sense (nothing extreme) and I was like may be I should just pretent to agree. After thinking over it for few seconds I was like he ll know that I am just pretending to agree and he might feel disrespected so out of respect I politely and normaly produced a brief explanation....
my father is like that its makes me suffer a lot I always try to make him happy but he always puts me down.... for example tonight i am sad because i realise more and more how he is. he said something that doesnt make sense (nothing extreme) and I was like may be I should just pretent to agree. After thinking over it for few seconds I was like he ll know that I am just pretending to agree and he might feel disrespected so out of respect I politely and normaly produced a brief explanation...
@aihpos89 ... and he replied very innocently and with a smile yes that is what he meant. This type of conversation happens regularly with him, so I am starting to think that he is only on his own side and that he does not respect me. I also feel that he does not want to make me happy and he feel uncomfortable ( may be jealous ?) if I am happy. These are my thoughts, please reply and tell me what you think of it. Thank you for making this video its very informative.
this list could even save mankind from world war 3.
as a lot of narcissist are occupying high postions in the government or religious cults. narcissists are just some other evil people. we could also do list of all pedophiles, sadist, sexual maniacs, psychopaths,...etc. they are all around us roaming around waiting for there next prey. i sincerely believe that life will be a lot better without them.
excellent. you sure know a lot more than me about narcissism.
hope you could help me do a list of all existing narcissist. it would be a very dangerous task as you say narcissist do protect there image very carefully, but we have to stand-up and protect a lot of children and people from severe traumas in life. we have to make people more aware of these evil people that is no doubt a severe epedemic in our society. it's almost an impossible task but fight for it. good luck. your truely. adam
Very informative video's explained in simple terms. My mother displays a lot of the characteristics of a narc but I fear she might actually be worse. She isn't diagnosed though and of course most people don't see who she really is so she'll probably never be exposed/get help really. Most people don't get it when u talk about it
I've been finding your videos so validating to my own experiences! When I was 4 Mum used to recite the poem "Are You There Mr Bear" to me at bedtime and frighten the daylights out of me. "Don't you dare to take a bite out of me or I shall scream!" And she used to think she was *SO* cool! Once she crept up the stairs in an Indian mask, and jumped out growling, then found herself so funny that she'd scared a six year old kid!
thank you thank you for this. i have been in a long therapeutic journey dealing with abuse in my childhood, having been raised by a fundamentalist father and a severely narcissistic mother. I have found the writings of Alice Miller to be very helpful, and your videos as well. Please continue to make videos describing all the strange 'oddities' and rationalizations that allow a narcissist to function like a normal person. It's good to see the 'logic' guilt-traps I can finally let go of.
thanks 4 doing this. my elderly mother is a narcisstic. she did something 2 me, which has made up lies 4. she talks about my children badly and wants me all 2 herself and thinks the world is supposed to revolve around her.
Thank you for your comments, Chloe. Stand by for some more videos about the narcissistic mother/child aspect. I have it written up but not filmed as of yet.
It was only recently that I came the realization that she was making my being weaned from a bottle my fault. She could have said "You are a big girl now, you can drink from a cup." That is what I did with my daughter.
The thing I remember most about my mother is everything had to be someone's fault - usually mine.
One quick example having to do with being weaned when a baby. My mother told me that she was fed a bottle, but her mother was too busy to sit and hold her. She was always afraid she was going to starve because her sister would steal her bottle and drink. it. One of my first memories was sitting up in a crib. The story has been told me for years that I threw my bottle out of crib one day on the floor. It broke. Whenever I wanted a bottle my mother would say "You broke your bottle".
@noraa93 well, not all of them. I started the butterfly when I was still married, so you don't see it in later videos since I've left the marriage actually. I'm still not sure whether to bring it back or not.
DelusionDispeller 3 months ago
is that a butterfly on your cheek
TheCrescendo80 3 months ago
@TheCrescendo80 yes it is a butterfly. The butterfly is a symbol of freedom and new life and that is what I hope to help people find through my channel.
DelusionDispeller 3 months ago
My father had three emotions: blank (mostly), laughing and violent rage. I never saw him cry, even at his sister's funeral! He had no empathy for anyone's discomforts, emotional or physical. He got frustrated if I showed emotion, and I think tried to convert me by telling me I was too sensitive and needed a thicker skin. I confronted him about his abuse (he broke my teeth punching me), but he just shook his head and said, "You're just hanging on to your anger." He never apologized.
rhapsodyblue100 4 months ago
My mother would also blow cigarette smoke in my face - I have asthma - and laugh like it was hilarious to see me wheez. I use to LOVE to sing as a little girl. Can't now. My lungs won't let me. I try to hold my breath for 5 to 8 seconds and I get lightheaded.
DayMare2000 4 months ago
Finally... Another point that I can relate to; my mother would do and say things to me to make me angry, intentionally, and then spank me at least 40+ times. I wasn't allowed to show negative emotions around her. If I cried for any reason - even if I fell or got hurt - she would tell me to stop crying or I would get spanked. If I got angry, she would yell at me, tell me to "get over it", or "I'll give you something to cry about". The worst was "I'll beat the life out of you!".
DayMare2000 4 months ago
My mother always called me dumb when I was growing up. I was never good enough and she taught my brothers and sisters to abuse me in the same fashion. I have had a very painful life. Now I am married to a loving, good man and she tells me that I need to get a divorce just because we do not make millions of dollars per year. It has been awful growing up this way I have hardly any self esteem and I am depressed a lot of the time.
spagettigirl88 5 months ago
@spagettigirl88 my mother did the same to me, called me and my brother dummy
MzSuperMinni 1 week ago in playlist More videos from DelusionDispeller
OK - my father enabled a lot of my mother's behavior. He was passive and he'd never speak up to her about her antics. In the last 5 years, he'd even join in on her smear campaigns against me. About a year ago, we were out and he started complimenting me. I turned to him and asked, "Why don't you ever say those things to me any other time?" He gave me a look and just said, "You know how your mother is." And that summed up everything - 100% of the time, he would choose her insanity over my health
jennykadkins 6 months ago
@jennykadkins yes, he pretty much told on himself during that conversation! Sad, but true.
DelusionDispeller 6 months ago
I'd also like to add..my mother liked to invalidate and infantilize me a LOT. She always demanded to fill out my taxes and, per usual, would throw stomping, screaming temper tantrums if someone didn't give her her way then and there. I remember filling out money orders for my taxes, and she kept telling me I was doing it wrong (I wasn't). I think it's important to bring enabling fathers into this too - sorry, these responses are so short, I'll leave another comment.
jennykadkins 6 months ago
Hi DelusionDispeller..I'm in my early 20s and I was the scapegoat and only daughter of my mother. I had an older brother. When each of us started getting to be of age (14-15), the cruelty would come out. My brother is 6 years my senior, so I often just thought I had a 'bad' brother. Not until I grew up and my mother started telling me I was a 'whore' and 'slutty' - because I started dating at 19 - did I realize it was her.
jennykadkins 6 months ago
Narcissists don't care. Simple as that.
Toxicslime1 7 months ago
Man, your videos are very informative and helpful. I wish you the best, and btw.. that granddaughter of yours? ADORABLE.
AuglereDeRosenkinde 7 months ago
Comment removed
Toxicslime1 8 months ago
@merrymagdalin I am sorry to hear about your situation at work. There is a very good book called "working with monsters" written by an Australian psychologist called Dr John Clark. Order that book. It talks about psychopaths in the workplace and how to deal with them and manage them. He also briefly talks about narcissists. It will be useful for you because the strategy to manage a psychopath is very similar to managing a narcissist. They are similar, a bit like coke and pepsi. Good luck.
cameronmoj 8 months ago
My mother is a very cruel narcisist
luv2whisper 9 months ago
Thank you so much for your awesome videos on narcissism! I am currently dealing with a narcissist at work and it is an extremely volatile situation. This person is extremely negative, super emotional, and turning others against me, therefore ruining my reputation at work. Never having dealt with a narcissist at work, I'm not quite sure how to handle it. While I would love to ignore her, I can't as I have to work with her. Do you have any advice on how to deal with a narcissistic co-worker?
merrymagdalin 1 year ago
A lot of the characteristics of the narcissistic mother discussed in this video apply to my older sister. Would you do a video on narcissistic siblings? My sister was over-the-top cruel. As I child I felt defenseless and would complain to my mother who would pooh-pooh everything I said. This seemed to empower my sister and made her behavior toward me worse.
bhr702 1 year ago
Exactly, you cannot please them........that's the problem.....they never get enough gratification.......or have enough self worth.
LUVJONZ99 1 year ago
This has been flagged as spam show
my father is like that its makes me suffer a lot I always try to make him happy but he always puts me down.... for example tonight i am sad because i realise more and more how he is. he said something that doesnt make sense (nothing extreme) and I was like may be I should just pretent to agree. After thinking over it for few seconds I was like he ll know that I am just pretending to agree and he might feel disrespected so out of respect I politely and normaly produced a brief explanation....
aihpos89 1 year ago
my father is like that its makes me suffer a lot I always try to make him happy but he always puts me down.... for example tonight i am sad because i realise more and more how he is. he said something that doesnt make sense (nothing extreme) and I was like may be I should just pretent to agree. After thinking over it for few seconds I was like he ll know that I am just pretending to agree and he might feel disrespected so out of respect I politely and normaly produced a brief explanation...
aihpos89 1 year ago
@aihpos89 ... and he replied very innocently and with a smile yes that is what he meant. This type of conversation happens regularly with him, so I am starting to think that he is only on his own side and that he does not respect me. I also feel that he does not want to make me happy and he feel uncomfortable ( may be jealous ?) if I am happy. These are my thoughts, please reply and tell me what you think of it. Thank you for making this video its very informative.
aihpos89 1 year ago
there are few more cruel than narcissistic parents for sure!
DelusionDispeller 1 year ago
this list could even save mankind from world war 3.
as a lot of narcissist are occupying high postions in the government or religious cults. narcissists are just some other evil people. we could also do list of all pedophiles, sadist, sexual maniacs, psychopaths,...etc. they are all around us roaming around waiting for there next prey. i sincerely believe that life will be a lot better without them.
adamjavier2 1 year ago
excellent. you sure know a lot more than me about narcissism.
hope you could help me do a list of all existing narcissist. it would be a very dangerous task as you say narcissist do protect there image very carefully, but we have to stand-up and protect a lot of children and people from severe traumas in life. we have to make people more aware of these evil people that is no doubt a severe epedemic in our society. it's almost an impossible task but fight for it. good luck. your truely. adam
adamjavier2 1 year ago
Very informative video's explained in simple terms. My mother displays a lot of the characteristics of a narc but I fear she might actually be worse. She isn't diagnosed though and of course most people don't see who she really is so she'll probably never be exposed/get help really. Most people don't get it when u talk about it
KittylovesDean 1 year ago
I've been finding your videos so validating to my own experiences! When I was 4 Mum used to recite the poem "Are You There Mr Bear" to me at bedtime and frighten the daylights out of me. "Don't you dare to take a bite out of me or I shall scream!" And she used to think she was *SO* cool! Once she crept up the stairs in an Indian mask, and jumped out growling, then found herself so funny that she'd scared a six year old kid!
honeybarbara69 1 year ago
thank you thank you for this. i have been in a long therapeutic journey dealing with abuse in my childhood, having been raised by a fundamentalist father and a severely narcissistic mother. I have found the writings of Alice Miller to be very helpful, and your videos as well. Please continue to make videos describing all the strange 'oddities' and rationalizations that allow a narcissist to function like a normal person. It's good to see the 'logic' guilt-traps I can finally let go of.
gagolplap 1 year ago
thanks 4 doing this. my elderly mother is a narcisstic. she did something 2 me, which has made up lies 4. she talks about my children badly and wants me all 2 herself and thinks the world is supposed to revolve around her.
tashboog 1 year ago
stay away from overly narcissistic people....the few I have met are horrible people once you get to know them
Jkelquedi 2 years ago
Thank you for your comments, Chloe. Stand by for some more videos about the narcissistic mother/child aspect. I have it written up but not filmed as of yet.
DelusionDispeller 2 years ago
Pt 2
It was only recently that I came the realization that she was making my being weaned from a bottle my fault. She could have said "You are a big girl now, you can drink from a cup." That is what I did with my daughter.
The thing I remember most about my mother is everything had to be someone's fault - usually mine.
Chloe1044 2 years ago
One quick example having to do with being weaned when a baby. My mother told me that she was fed a bottle, but her mother was too busy to sit and hold her. She was always afraid she was going to starve because her sister would steal her bottle and drink. it. One of my first memories was sitting up in a crib. The story has been told me for years that I threw my bottle out of crib one day on the floor. It broke. Whenever I wanted a bottle my mother would say "You broke your bottle".
Chloe1044 2 years ago