Yeah am facing similar decision. You are clearly doing it for marriage/love which should make it a bit easier. I'm faced with doing it due to life giving me a short straw when it come to quality of natural family, lol.
But also I see it as starting anew, refreshing one's identity and subliminal connotations that may even be associated with just a name.
Yeah but know the feeling, is a bigger step than most people would realise.
I think you made the best choice. I really like my last name, and its a part of my identity, but when I get married, i really dont want to have a different last name than my kids. So the best option is to keep your last name as a middle name. Good choice.
Youtube is an outlet for people to express whatever they want, so if somebody wants to post a video debating whether they should take their husband's last name or not, they should post it and if you dont like it then dont watch it.
Wow the language of these ppl now-a-days is outrageous im flabbergasted i mean i speak a little salor talk every now and then but not this and over last names
DARK LORD OF THE SITH! change it to that and change ur voice to a robot! it would be soo cool. Hi my name is Lord Of The Shitz! Anyway id fuck all your sisters in a pile.
If you don't have a last name already picked out then keep the one you have. Thats cool that you fixed your figure. I need a job. The eyes of god, your Pineal gland. Meet a guy to stay with who isn't smarter than you, that is my best advice. Inless you can be lesbian and be cool with adopting, that is smart, or have animals and have an important job an batteries.
When you get married, you're coming into a covenant....I'm 23, im married, and i gladly took my husbands last name. Old passes away....you are now one flesh (in the eyes of God) and so keeping your own last name just shows a lack of submission. :)
i kind of wanted to keep my last name or put my husbands and i together, but he say he felt insulted about either or and he would like if i had only his....so since i felt it was more of a big deal for him than to me, i just went with his name,lol.
I think you should take your loves last name. It's a different chapter in your life. You will always know what your previous last name was. Besides, if you take your loves last name you'll be sharing something special with him. :)
you are a hero to us all...i sleep with a pistol in my mouth, but you have really serious problems to deal with. how you battle with these issues and still find time to have your eyebrows waxed, i'll never understand. god bless you...,unless you're god, in which case bless yourself..you rule!
well, my parents when naming me they used my mom's maiden name as my middle name...and the same went for my sister. So we will always have our mothers and fathers name... you can always adopt your future husband last name... The name will always remain their and never forgotten.
I got married when I was 30 (and have been married for 9 years!) and I kept my name. I think if I had children, I would probably take my husband's name. Have you read Anna Quindlin's essay, "The Name is Mine"? It's really good.
Taking on your husband's last name is a sign that you are joining a new life and your own new family. I highly recommend it. Oh and you are amazingly awesome.
ORRRRR if you really have a sentimental attachment to your dad's last name... hyphenate it. that's what my mom did, for a similar reason :-) ex: sally jones-smith (trying to be generic lol)
Hehe, he very well could, I'm sure. I am just old-fashioned. I was very honored to take my husband's name. Going to the soc. security office and doing so was the first thing I did after getting married.
I cant say for sure what i am going to do when the day comes of me getting married, but i think what i am going to do is tattoo my last name on me and take his. but again not really sure about that just because not a big needle person. but i know what you mean my last name means alot to me. but plan is to tattoo and take his name???
i took my husband's last name and i love it and now we have a baby and all three of us have the same name. but for you because u'r dad died i work hyphenate both last names like spears-federline.
I'm looking forward to proundly taking my husbands name one day, it shows that I am now a married woman, part of a partnership and nolonger single. I am passed from my dads care to anothers.
It's really how strongly you feel about your independence maybe? Taking his last name is more romantic, maybe traditional, but not necessary. If you feel like your family name needs to live on, so be it, you can always hyphen them as well Esther Yours-His. Does it sound right? lol :) I'm no help huh!
your losing youtube popularity but... i still watch your videos even though the sound is broke on my pc lol........ wtf am i doing watching her with no sound. anyways from the no sound perspective you look like what ever your saying must be serious especialy how you squint your eyes and lean forwards..
I lost my father at a young age. But, I still proudly took my husband's name when we married. We were a family now. We belonged together. And I knew we'd start our own family. He probably would have said it was my decision if I wanted to keep my maiden name--but I know it would have been insulting to him as well. It might be a little old fashion nowadays. If you have a decent last name--hyphening/middle name is a great compromise.
So what did you decide in the end? :o For some reason I'm now thinking of Uncle Buck... the name's Marcie Dahlgren-Frost, I get compliments on the hyphen! hehehe.
My husband would have been hurt if I had chosen to keep my last name. When we got married we were becoming one.....and having the same last name was part of us being one.
Why not honor your father by naming your future child after him?
my wife is the oldest of two daughters. we never discussed it, but she kept her father's last name and I have no problem with that. my wife's mom kept her family's last name, btw...so in a way, it's keeping up with the tradition...sorta. but I think when we have kids, their middle name(s) will consist of our parents' name...(somehow...)
I know what you mean by the 'connection with your dad', but maybe just take your partners name, because you will always have a connection with your dad, and that's how you keep him alive, not through a name..
keep your last name as your middle name. i wouldn´t change mine last name, my mom didn´t change hers, that´s the way we do it in my country. women never change their last names, we actually have two last names, first and second last name, first one comes from the father, second comes from the mother
Hyphenate his last name after yours, then when you have kids your name will somewhat be the same.....I tried to talk my fiancee into letting me hyphenate my name, but he is SO against it. It's really important to him for me to take his name.....soo.....
In our family,Mom makes maiden name her middle name and the first born gets her maiden name as middle name.Family history is also documented and studied. All are kept in memory.
That's exactly what my mom did and, recently, my sister did too. In both cases the first born was female, so I never thought of it as first born so much as first daughter.
i believe the women should take her mans last name because your starting a new life together and will probably have children together. What would the children's last names be if you didnt?
For me its a one unity thing and being together for ever.
This is a tough choice. No easy answer. I would put priority on the impact on future kids. For them a common family name will probably be important unless you brainwash them differently. Why don't you get your husband to be take your father's name? That would be respectful to you and give your kids a common name too.
Esther, Ask yourself this. Which last name do you like better? His or yours? My wife liked my last name alot.So,that's that. If your original last name keeps pulling at you.You might want to think on it. I think alot has to do with-- what's more important?- honoring your traditional family name?, or a new start,new adventure name?.Maybe I did not really help,but I thought I would put in my 2 bits. Good Luck anyway!!
In all matters that have this much gravity for you, it's vital you follow your heart.
There's no reason it has to be a permanent choice, (at least not until the kids come). Try out his name for a while, see how it feels. I'd suggest making an agreement with your husband-to-be that only HE gets to call you by his last name. It's a great way for him to get your attention, and you'd still have your own name.
my husband did not mind and I kept my family name :-)
my dad died......my husband is not a machismo type man
so was not trippn at all :-) plus my name is cooler than his he said he would take mine. Honor your family -- where a ring to show your married hehe. very excited for u btw
here's an idea that JUST popped into my head and I'm in love with it already-- keep your last name and make all the kids' have your last name as their middle name and their dad's last name as their last name.
I find it male chauvinist (do you have another way to say that?). Women here in Spain don't take their husband's last name, it has never been like this, and we all have two surnames, our father's first and our mother's first, which can actually be swapped.
You should totally go with the tradition. Take his last name! I think it is a great proof of love and definitively a nice way to tell him that you have made the choice for his love and your life is now with him !
Both of us are obviously from good Quarterbacking stock lol. You should keep your last name cos I really like it. I was thinking that if I ever got married and had kids, the girls would have the last name of their momma and the boys would have my last name. But then you said you found it irritating with a different name to your mom so it was good to have that perspective!
You should both add each others' surname so that you both change to incorporate each other. For example, if you are a Jones and he is a Smith you would both become Smith-Jones (or reverse order of names if it sounds better so long as both are the same). It has always struck me as the fairest thing for BOTH people to do. You are both coming together to make a new family and the surname (family name) should reflect that.
You could do as your sister.. Change your last name into your middle name, and take his last name.. Or you could take his last name as middle name? Is that possible :D?
I don't think I would take another name if I got married. If I had a normal lastname, that many people have maybe I would change it, but mine is a family name, so I wouldn't want to change that.
How about this: Each of you keep your last name; then, each of your sons takes the father's last name and each of your daughters takes the mother's last name. That way, neither family line is extinguished.
I know a couple that made a portmanteau of their two last names: Gallagher and Grayson, and both took the name Gallogray. (Why they couldn't have gone with the more normal sounding Grayger -- perhaps tweak the spelling and make it Gregor -- I have no idea, but...) it seems not to bode very well for generosity, humility, or give-and-take in the marriage. Are they going to try to split their entire lives 50/50 down the middle?? Keep score and make sure nothing's ever unfair? Good luck!
If losing your name sacrifices your identity/connection to your family of origin, consider how you&hubby/the existing members of your to-be family/the new family you will someday create may interpret your refusal to take their name. It's all symbolic, of course, but your un/acceptance of their family name can represent your willingness to publicly/permanently join and belong to their family. Be sure you're making the a statement you want to make.
Of course, in reality your identity has everything to do with who you are and nothing at all to do with the alphabet soup that gives people an easy way to talk to/about you. "A rose by any other name..."
I would either have it hyphenated if it didn't sound ridiculous or I would keep my last name and see if my husband would be okay with other kids having my last name. Or you could keep yours and give your kids hyphenated last names, or keep yours and make your last name their middle name.
Whichever way, I don't really like the tradition of the woman giving up her last name.
i went through the same exact thing. i ended up taking my husbands last name. though i do miss my maiden name, i realize that...well i'm making my own family now, though i dont want kids, and i'll always have and be apart of my family. for me, it wasnt a certain thing.. and sometimes i still miss my old name. i still think of myself with that name. so ... sorry i dont have advice for you! you should take a poll on here! haha kidding.
KISS....keep it simple silly........Marry the man of your dreams and take his name. Your parents would not care for you will always be their daughter. You will always be the great person you are no matter what your last name is. Your soul is what matters and the name is a very distant third, fourth, whatever. Take your husbands name and be thankful that you can for you never know what tomorrow will bring....KISS...keep it simple silly...take care and have a great weekend..
I know the feeling very well. I got married a couple of months ago and had issues over changing my name. My husband wanted me to take his name (old-fashioned...I know). However I could not just let my last name go because that's how I have been identified throughout my life. So I am taking my husbands last name and making my last name part of my middle name. But make sure you talk to your fiance about what he thinks because it can cause issues you don't need...just before your wedding.
Absolutely not!! Your last name is ur identity it is your lineage. In Islam it is strictly prohibited to change your last name, some Muslim women do that and its out of ignorance and stupidity. Why on earth you will lose your identity and take another person's name and then what if a women for whatever reason marries a couple of time. No a women is supposed to be who she is and her lineage and identity is and should be important to her. As a Muslim man I will ask my wife to keep her family name.
On this issue I am not very conservative. Talk to your fiance and see what he thinks. If your last names compliment each other perhaps you can both use it (and the kids too). I have a friend in Virginia who went that route (he changed his name too).
This is a tough decision for anyone. I have thought about changing my last name to my mothers last name for some time mostly for business reasons. This is a tough decision as I do not want to offend my dad. My mother is ok with the change, she thinks nothing of it. But in faint starlights case, I would not care of my wife took my last name or not, it is purely a choice, some do, some won't. The connectivity is still there regardless. Good luck!
I think one way of getting around the issue of children's names may be to hyphenate their names (a college friend of mine, who was never married, had a hyphenated name, which I assume is the combination of the surnames of his parents). Of course, I also know someone who was given an entirely different last name from both of his parents, although I imagine from your perspective that really won't solve the problem, but I just thought it was interesting ;)
I figured this out for myself years ago. My preference would be to have a tradition where your first/middle/last name doesn't change, with marriage or anything else. In a nutshell, your middle name would come from the surname of one parent and your last name from the other. And to be completely symmetrical, that would be your father/mother if you're a girl and your mother/father if you're a boy.
Not really interested in debating this, just stating my preference for the record :) See you around.
there somewhere as well that's also a clear connection to you, they can think, yeh 'she's my mom and her name is on my birth cert.' I think kids having the names of both their parents can be a positive experience cos they are immediately exposed to choice, experience and diversity... not sure how exactly it just makes sense to me. Like I live beside cousins, uncles, etc all with the same last name and it feels a bit monotonous. A mother with a diff name would be a good mix.
I'd keep my own name personally because my own indentity is so important to me but then I'm not in a relationship approaching marriage so I don't know how the self would merge with your husband in the case of a union like marriage. I understand the idea of wanting to have the same last name of your children so you feel more connected but having a mother with her own name is also cool cos it shows she is her own person and it's a link to that side of the family. If your children have your name in
My mom has her maiden name as her middle name. On your name having meaning, in biblical times your name was important. It might be prophetic. My name, Jonathan, means "gift of God" in Hebrew. There's a man in the Bible named Jabez, which meant pain, bc his mom felt pain during childbirth. Terrible, your name is supposed to say something significant about you, and you're "pain."
You could make your maiden name your middle name, and make it your kids' middle name, so it could continue.
Do you have to make this decision this soon? Keeping your name as it is does leave open the option for changing it to his last name in the future. You shouldn't make a decision that you aren't fully behind yet. Of course, me being Chinese, my parent's family names are different and they didn't get changed through marriage. Different culture I know, but I just don't see how a kid having a different last name than their mother would suffer at all.
I would lean towards chaning you last name (but that's easy for me to say being a guy.)
I honestly have not heard too many people move their last name to their middle name, and I think this is a cool idea. (Especially if there is not a deep significance to your current middle name.)
Whichever way you choose, as long as you and your husband to be are happy with it, that's all that matters.
Best of luck with the wedding and marriage. Don't freak out TOO much over the next few weeks. :-)
I don't understand why this has become such an issue with many women these days. Changing my last name was a way to show my love and honor to my husband... I also think a tradition such as taking the groom's last name is a beautiful tradition. Stop thinking about yourself and think about your soon to be husband, how will your decision effect him? Think in "we" not "I"!
oooh, way to prove your point devtrash. Tradition does not equal sexism. Stop trying to incite people by acting like the way you think people you disagree with act.
Thanks Dr. Laura. In case you didn't hear, she did say that she's thinking of her kids so how is that selfish? You don't understand because you're not listening. and men these days don't care about it as much as in the past. The "lovely tradition" had a function in the past, it was more like putting his last name on his chattle. this does not apply to today's reality.
instead of changing ur last name just add his name to the end of ur last name. that works for both sides. i wouldnt care if the girl i marry changes her name cause i have a really weird name
I have 4 sisters, this means none of my childrens' cousins will have the same last name since i'll be the only one to pass on the "family name"
I'm definitely keeping my last name, I just assume she'll take it too... tradition i guess, i mean... If we're getting married that symbolizes we're a family or starting our new lives or something... i don't know
only one of my sisters have gotten married so far and it is very weird.. like i still want to call her by her old name, my name,youknow?
why dont you hyphen your name, and when you have kids have their names hyphened too, that way you all have last names in common. I regret not hyphening my sons name :-(
I think a woman should go ahead and change her last name.
I have a 14 year old half sister who has 2 last names because her mom kept her last name. And If she keeps her last names the her child will have 3 last names. I do think that woman's maiden name should be used for the child's middle name. My grandparents were from Germany and my fathers middle name is his mother's maiden name. But that is what I think. But I believe you should do what makes you both happy. -:^)
Yea, I think you should take his last name, because of the kids things. Your kids are going to want to feel a part of your FAMILY- and your family.. is you and your husband, right? Now if it is imporant to you, then just have 4 names. Your name..middle name.. last name now.. and then new last name.
"I don't want our kids to have a different last name than me and I had a different last name from my Mom and I always found that to be really irritating so I really don't want to put our kids through that."
You just answered your own question.
What's best for your children? I believe a Mom and Dad with the same last name is.
If you didn't want kids I would say keep your last name.
Keep your name just as it is, unless your spouse is making SOME CHANGE TO HIS ALSO ! If any change is being considered, he has some responsibility about this, too, you know... I'll bet HE hasn't even considered changing his name to yours.
The real question is- what would Angelina Jolie do? USE THE HYPHEN! And I completely understand how you would want to keep your family name, you have memories of your father and people should respect that.
I wanted to take his name, it seemed as if he was giving me something very important to him. I loved my last name, but was more than happy to take his.
I am getting married in August and I had decided to take his last name, even though im not to fond of it. And I am usually not one for following tradition, but this is a tradition I like I guess. lol.
Fast forward 50 years, when you're on your death bed. You'll understand then that who you are has nothing to do with your name. Why not just understand that now?
I was always perplexed by the idea of patriarchy, having sons to carry on the family name. Why not use the wife's name, since she is the one who has to bear the child? Or scrap the idea of legacy and each couple choose a new last name? Whatever you choose, I hope marriage brings you much happiness. Your fiance is a lucky man.
Well if you made your last name your middle name and then take his last name as your own, you would be able to save that connection with your father as well as have the same last name as your kid's. It's the best of both worlds!
Thanks! This video helped me with this decision!!
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jessicaloralleya 1 year ago
Yeah am facing similar decision. You are clearly doing it for marriage/love which should make it a bit easier. I'm faced with doing it due to life giving me a short straw when it come to quality of natural family, lol.
But also I see it as starting anew, refreshing one's identity and subliminal connotations that may even be associated with just a name.
Yeah but know the feeling, is a bigger step than most people would realise.
karlkarlkarl1234 2 years ago
I think you made the best choice. I really like my last name, and its a part of my identity, but when I get married, i really dont want to have a different last name than my kids. So the best option is to keep your last name as a middle name. Good choice.
st0ckhomsyndrome 2 years ago
take the name that sounds better
itchi123 2 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
this shouldnt even be on youtube, just have the lasst name of the husband u dickkhead thats the reason why ppl get marrried
italianganga 2 years ago
Youtube is an outlet for people to express whatever they want, so if somebody wants to post a video debating whether they should take their husband's last name or not, they should post it and if you dont like it then dont watch it.
thepeddleoflovee 2 years ago 5
noo one caresss.........
italianganga 2 years ago
Then don't watch it
thepeddleoflovee 2 years ago 2
take his last name
iluvcoOki3s518 2 years ago
Wow the language of these ppl now-a-days is outrageous im flabbergasted i mean i speak a little salor talk every now and then but not this and over last names
mikyla213 2 years ago
DARK LORD OF THE SITH! change it to that and change ur voice to a robot! it would be soo cool. Hi my name is Lord Of The Shitz! Anyway id fuck all your sisters in a pile.
luger0019 2 years ago
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women are only good for 4 things and thats:
1.cooking
2.cleaning
3vaginas
4.and their SISTERS VAGINAASS :D!!!!
steveoooo00 2 years ago
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to bad they suck at cooking. The best chefs are men.
EvilCracka 2 years ago
If you don't have a last name already picked out then keep the one you have. Thats cool that you fixed your figure. I need a job. The eyes of god, your Pineal gland. Meet a guy to stay with who isn't smarter than you, that is my best advice. Inless you can be lesbian and be cool with adopting, that is smart, or have animals and have an important job an batteries.
feedthewomb 2 years ago
When you get married, you're coming into a covenant....I'm 23, im married, and i gladly took my husbands last name. Old passes away....you are now one flesh (in the eyes of God) and so keeping your own last name just shows a lack of submission. :)
artsylcb 2 years ago
u are too young to be married!!! sheesh! why not wait?? wtf? this is 2009!!! or 21st century.....not the 60s
lacey21333 2 years ago
Ok I love you!! If it doesnt work out im not a bad looking guy haha.
dvlgsxr20 2 years ago
LOL
sory144 2 years ago
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You are all full of shit! You should take your husbands name. Fuckin' liberal bullshit again. Fuck!!!
titsrbig2 2 years ago
i kind of wanted to keep my last name or put my husbands and i together, but he say he felt insulted about either or and he would like if i had only his....so since i felt it was more of a big deal for him than to me, i just went with his name,lol.
karinadepp 3 years ago
I think you should take your loves last name. It's a different chapter in your life. You will always know what your previous last name was. Besides, if you take your loves last name you'll be sharing something special with him. :)
ACRammy1 3 years ago
you are a hero to us all...i sleep with a pistol in my mouth, but you have really serious problems to deal with. how you battle with these issues and still find time to have your eyebrows waxed, i'll never understand. god bless you...,unless you're god, in which case bless yourself..you rule!
normanplombe 3 years ago
know it is a little late but why dont you just make it esther _____ nee _____
stillinsigon 3 years ago
Kepp both names :D
just put hyphens in them.
NinaTucker123 3 years ago
i think you should make your last name your middle name so you will still have it and take his last name.
katybrady08 3 years ago
well, my parents when naming me they used my mom's maiden name as my middle name...and the same went for my sister. So we will always have our mothers and fathers name... you can always adopt your future husband last name... The name will always remain their and never forgotten.
menesesn 3 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
blah blah blah
SiberianGinseng 3 years ago
hyphenate maybe?
ashleestarzec 3 years ago
I got married when I was 30 (and have been married for 9 years!) and I kept my name. I think if I had children, I would probably take my husband's name. Have you read Anna Quindlin's essay, "The Name is Mine"? It's really good.
mnelson2008 3 years ago 2
i would definitely take my wife's last name if i ever got married, but i cant even get a girlfriend cuz everyone thinks im EMO!!!!!!
vlexia666 3 years ago
lol
THE7thHAND 3 years ago
Taking on your husband's last name is a sign that you are joining a new life and your own new family. I highly recommend it. Oh and you are amazingly awesome.
melindamelcher 3 years ago
Maybe you both could hyphenate your names.
xhilononi234 3 years ago
So how did you decide.
bornbillsmith 3 years ago
I want to hang on to my own last name.... :P
OwlLove214 3 years ago
My wife took my last name and I am glad she did.
Her father died when she was only 8, so she knows how you feel.
MattinNC74 3 years ago
i would take his last name :-)
ORRRRR if you really have a sentimental attachment to your dad's last name... hyphenate it. that's what my mom did, for a similar reason :-) ex: sally jones-smith (trying to be generic lol)
AliRoxIt 3 years ago
That would be a deal breaker for me. Take his name.
JOHNELLIOTT0305 3 years ago
Take his name. What a way to honor your husband by doing this.
Elizabeth01010101 3 years ago
Why couldn't he honor her by taking her name, hmm??
xhilononi234 3 years ago
Hehe, he very well could, I'm sure. I am just old-fashioned. I was very honored to take my husband's name. Going to the soc. security office and doing so was the first thing I did after getting married.
Elizabeth01010101 3 years ago
hyphinating ur names would kinda show the joining of two lives into one last name, i like it x
Hellybabe 3 years ago
i would take his and keep mine
underthebed333 3 years ago
I cant say for sure what i am going to do when the day comes of me getting married, but i think what i am going to do is tattoo my last name on me and take his. but again not really sure about that just because not a big needle person. but i know what you mean my last name means alot to me. but plan is to tattoo and take his name???
rexzmumu 3 years ago
i took my husband's last name and i love it and now we have a baby and all three of us have the same name. but for you because u'r dad died i work hyphenate both last names like spears-federline.
pictureperfect2009 3 years ago
Did you have to use the Spears-Federline model, honestly, lol? Just saying.
xhilononi234 3 years ago
I'm looking forward to proundly taking my husbands name one day, it shows that I am now a married woman, part of a partnership and nolonger single. I am passed from my dads care to anothers.
jhpitt 3 years ago
It's really how strongly you feel about your independence maybe? Taking his last name is more romantic, maybe traditional, but not necessary. If you feel like your family name needs to live on, so be it, you can always hyphen them as well Esther Yours-His. Does it sound right? lol :) I'm no help huh!
ceramicheart150 3 years ago
Take his name. Its the right choice.
kuhndog40 3 years ago
Take his name.
Elizabeth01010101 3 years ago
I think that you should make your last name into your middle name and take his last name. That way, you would still have your last name in your name
katluverz17 3 years ago
your losing youtube popularity but... i still watch your videos even though the sound is broke on my pc lol........ wtf am i doing watching her with no sound. anyways from the no sound perspective you look like what ever your saying must be serious especialy how you squint your eyes and lean forwards..
eeeeeebro 3 years ago
Also, many of my friends used their maiden names for their kid's name.
mariaboek 3 years ago
I lost my father at a young age. But, I still proudly took my husband's name when we married. We were a family now. We belonged together. And I knew we'd start our own family. He probably would have said it was my decision if I wanted to keep my maiden name--but I know it would have been insulting to him as well. It might be a little old fashion nowadays. If you have a decent last name--hyphening/middle name is a great compromise.
mariaboek 3 years ago
So what did you decide in the end? :o For some reason I'm now thinking of Uncle Buck... the name's Marcie Dahlgren-Frost, I get compliments on the hyphen! hehehe.
illusivemcsorley 3 years ago
My husband would have been hurt if I had chosen to keep my last name. When we got married we were becoming one.....and having the same last name was part of us being one.
Why not honor your father by naming your future child after him?
Fromthecabbagepatch 3 years ago
you are pretty
smileyousee 3 years ago
my wife is the oldest of two daughters. we never discussed it, but she kept her father's last name and I have no problem with that. my wife's mom kept her family's last name, btw...so in a way, it's keeping up with the tradition...sorta. but I think when we have kids, their middle name(s) will consist of our parents' name...(somehow...)
aznsketcher 3 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
I think you should take his name and stop being selfish.
bizzareodin 3 years ago
I think you should take my last name instead.
Kyle7181 3 years ago
hey..
I know what you mean by the 'connection with your dad', but maybe just take your partners name, because you will always have a connection with your dad, and that's how you keep him alive, not through a name..
love your videos..
cubecube06 3 years ago
I agree with cutecube06....does having the same family name really equate with having a closer connection with your father?
Bxlcanuk 3 years ago
keep your last name as your middle name. i wouldn´t change mine last name, my mom didn´t change hers, that´s the way we do it in my country. women never change their last names, we actually have two last names, first and second last name, first one comes from the father, second comes from the mother
buensulg 3 years ago
I agree with buensulg, why not keep your current family name as your middle name, and take your husbands family name as family name.
Bxlcanuk 3 years ago
you should take his name because it shows how much you love him
tonyc1025 3 years ago
Hmmmm...I'm a guy so I dunno. I guess I'd want a gal to take my last name and enter into the anonymous league of Smith's...lol!!!
Seriously though...our identity is more than just our names. I guess that doesn't help...but it's all I got.
Malryth 3 years ago
Hyphenate his last name after yours, then when you have kids your name will somewhat be the same.....I tried to talk my fiancee into letting me hyphenate my name, but he is SO against it. It's really important to him for me to take his name.....soo.....
kashforlife 3 years ago
You can always change it back.
bornbillsmith 3 years ago
In our family,Mom makes maiden name her middle name and the first born gets her maiden name as middle name.Family history is also documented and studied. All are kept in memory.
ZEDWIN 3 years ago
That's exactly what my mom did and, recently, my sister did too. In both cases the first born was female, so I never thought of it as first born so much as first daughter.
JoeFelice 3 years ago
hmm.. what about have both names? for me i would never change my last name as me and my twin are the last ones with the last name.
rock on!
edgychick 3 years ago
i believe the women should take her mans last name because your starting a new life together and will probably have children together. What would the children's last names be if you didnt?
For me its a one unity thing and being together for ever.
For me its would make or break the relationship!
drummerlars 3 years ago
This is a tough choice. No easy answer. I would put priority on the impact on future kids. For them a common family name will probably be important unless you brainwash them differently. Why don't you get your husband to be take your father's name? That would be respectful to you and give your kids a common name too.
anon2U224 3 years ago
Esther, Ask yourself this. Which last name do you like better? His or yours? My wife liked my last name alot.So,that's that. If your original last name keeps pulling at you.You might want to think on it. I think alot has to do with-- what's more important?- honoring your traditional family name?, or a new start,new adventure name?.Maybe I did not really help,but I thought I would put in my 2 bits. Good Luck anyway!!
ikeamania 3 years ago
When my daughter got married, she just tagged her husband's last name to the end of our family name. I thought that was cool that she kept her name.
MakeItFunkyProds 3 years ago
Hmmm.... this is a tough one.
In all matters that have this much gravity for you, it's vital you follow your heart.
There's no reason it has to be a permanent choice, (at least not until the kids come). Try out his name for a while, see how it feels. I'd suggest making an agreement with your husband-to-be that only HE gets to call you by his last name. It's a great way for him to get your attention, and you'd still have your own name.
weightymatey 3 years ago
take his last name but keep your sirname as a name at work
wazo89 3 years ago
Keep your name.
Don't hypenate it either.
LeonWestbrook 3 years ago
In the grand scheme of things. It doesn't matter.
Long term sacrifice will.
gizmo2084 3 years ago
keep your last name
dannye60 3 years ago
Maybe you should make your last name your middle name if you want to keep the connection with your dad.
LPHJ 3 years ago
my husband did not mind and I kept my family name :-)
my dad died......my husband is not a machismo type man
so was not trippn at all :-) plus my name is cooler than his he said he would take mine. Honor your family -- where a ring to show your married hehe. very excited for u btw
rachellefromcali 3 years ago
Decide whether you want:
to follow a tradition (social past, fixed)
or a culture (social, present fixed)
or an ideology (social present, subject to change)
or a whim. (personal present, subject to change)
or a truth. (personal, fixed)
jeepers99 3 years ago
here's an idea that JUST popped into my head and I'm in love with it already-- keep your last name and make all the kids' have your last name as their middle name and their dad's last name as their last name.
stalkher 3 years ago
take his last name.
jiryis 3 years ago
I find it male chauvinist (do you have another way to say that?). Women here in Spain don't take their husband's last name, it has never been like this, and we all have two surnames, our father's first and our mother's first, which can actually be swapped.
HerrBlonde 3 years ago
Just a personal observation on my part... the couple that kept their own names didn't stay together.
specker8 3 years ago
having a new name is like becoming a new you
brianconcannon 3 years ago
You should totally go with the tradition. Take his last name! I think it is a great proof of love and definitively a nice way to tell him that you have made the choice for his love and your life is now with him !
Armalyana 3 years ago
Both of us are obviously from good Quarterbacking stock lol. You should keep your last name cos I really like it. I was thinking that if I ever got married and had kids, the girls would have the last name of their momma and the boys would have my last name. But then you said you found it irritating with a different name to your mom so it was good to have that perspective!
illusivemcsorley 3 years ago
Ya I would go with Autistic Wyvern... Sounds like a good idea to me!
tyler5757 3 years ago
Depends on the name...
JXintheZ 3 years ago
You should both add each others' surname so that you both change to incorporate each other. For example, if you are a Jones and he is a Smith you would both become Smith-Jones (or reverse order of names if it sounds better so long as both are the same). It has always struck me as the fairest thing for BOTH people to do. You are both coming together to make a new family and the surname (family name) should reflect that.
Just my two cents.
AutisticWyvern 3 years ago 3
Take a hyphen. Simple solution to the problem.
Just makes Tax Day a bit harder.
GaijinTenshi 3 years ago
You could do as your sister.. Change your last name into your middle name, and take his last name.. Or you could take his last name as middle name? Is that possible :D?
I don't think I would take another name if I got married. If I had a normal lastname, that many people have maybe I would change it, but mine is a family name, so I wouldn't want to change that.
NeArisNe 3 years ago
my friend did that, her last name became her middle name, and then she took his last name as her new last name.
kfentar 3 years ago
Cool ! That's a nice solution I think!
NeArisNe 3 years ago
You should both take YOUR name. That way you keep your (so meaningful) name and you have the same name and your kids will have your name too.
That's a solution if your husband is not to traditional and willing to change his name...
Clemion 3 years ago 2
I'm a guy... wouldn't mind if she wanted to keep her name. I'm not crazy traditional or anything anyway.
And sure, I'd take her last name - mine's rather boring.
D3THL02D 3 years ago 2
two lastnames both used alway - i think it is the best way to resolve the problem :)
here in Polannd we can strictly say that this way is often used by Polish women. : )
greeting from Poland! :)
abirato 3 years ago
How about this: Each of you keep your last name; then, each of your sons takes the father's last name and each of your daughters takes the mother's last name. That way, neither family line is extinguished.
trickiergeo 3 years ago
I suppose in today's culture, with it's "reformed" belief system, it's ok and an option to refuse your husband's last name.
It's not like you're starting a new family, with a new identity, becoming One Flesh out of two individuals.
LOL
tyeporter 3 years ago
sex is so good
Maxell303 3 years ago
Why don't you ask him to take your name?
Would kind of solve your problem. Unless there is some kind of silly male pride involved.
temporaryLealatTv 3 years ago
I know a couple that made a portmanteau of their two last names: Gallagher and Grayson, and both took the name Gallogray. (Why they couldn't have gone with the more normal sounding Grayger -- perhaps tweak the spelling and make it Gregor -- I have no idea, but...) it seems not to bode very well for generosity, humility, or give-and-take in the marriage. Are they going to try to split their entire lives 50/50 down the middle?? Keep score and make sure nothing's ever unfair? Good luck!
twink1ebug 3 years ago
i'm kinda used to my last name.. i think i'd keep it. but i don't really know.
HappyMarilena 3 years ago
If losing your name sacrifices your identity/connection to your family of origin, consider how you&hubby/the existing members of your to-be family/the new family you will someday create may interpret your refusal to take their name. It's all symbolic, of course, but your un/acceptance of their family name can represent your willingness to publicly/permanently join and belong to their family. Be sure you're making the a statement you want to make.
twink1ebug 3 years ago
Of course, in reality your identity has everything to do with who you are and nothing at all to do with the alphabet soup that gives people an easy way to talk to/about you. "A rose by any other name..."
twink1ebug 3 years ago
You can burn your bra, but show your strength by taking his name. Or not :)
Rocketman16 3 years ago
I would either have it hyphenated if it didn't sound ridiculous or I would keep my last name and see if my husband would be okay with other kids having my last name. Or you could keep yours and give your kids hyphenated last names, or keep yours and make your last name their middle name.
Whichever way, I don't really like the tradition of the woman giving up her last name.
slydergirl 3 years ago
i went through the same exact thing. i ended up taking my husbands last name. though i do miss my maiden name, i realize that...well i'm making my own family now, though i dont want kids, and i'll always have and be apart of my family. for me, it wasnt a certain thing.. and sometimes i still miss my old name. i still think of myself with that name. so ... sorry i dont have advice for you! you should take a poll on here! haha kidding.
brittanyawesome 3 years ago
go for the hyphenation if it sounds good
tiffxtifferz 3 years ago
KISS....keep it simple silly........Marry the man of your dreams and take his name. Your parents would not care for you will always be their daughter. You will always be the great person you are no matter what your last name is. Your soul is what matters and the name is a very distant third, fourth, whatever. Take your husbands name and be thankful that you can for you never know what tomorrow will bring....KISS...keep it simple silly...take care and have a great weekend..
nakedbullwinkle 3 years ago
I know the feeling very well. I got married a couple of months ago and had issues over changing my name. My husband wanted me to take his name (old-fashioned...I know). However I could not just let my last name go because that's how I have been identified throughout my life. So I am taking my husbands last name and making my last name part of my middle name. But make sure you talk to your fiance about what he thinks because it can cause issues you don't need...just before your wedding.
Tam712 3 years ago
American feminist Lucy Stone kept her own name when she married in 1855. "My name is the symbol of my identity and must not be lost," she explained.
I will never change any part of my name for any reason.
juliecranford 3 years ago
I got that information from the book Words & Women by Casey Miller & Kate Swift.
juliecranford 3 years ago
Absolutely not!! Your last name is ur identity it is your lineage. In Islam it is strictly prohibited to change your last name, some Muslim women do that and its out of ignorance and stupidity. Why on earth you will lose your identity and take another person's name and then what if a women for whatever reason marries a couple of time. No a women is supposed to be who she is and her lineage and identity is and should be important to her. As a Muslim man I will ask my wife to keep her family name.
kazimbeg 3 years ago
On this issue I am not very conservative. Talk to your fiance and see what he thinks. If your last names compliment each other perhaps you can both use it (and the kids too). I have a friend in Virginia who went that route (he changed his name too).
SilverStarFilms 3 years ago
FYI if I wasn't clear I meant a hyphenated last name ie: His-Hers :)
SilverStarFilms 3 years ago
This is a tough decision for anyone. I have thought about changing my last name to my mothers last name for some time mostly for business reasons. This is a tough decision as I do not want to offend my dad. My mother is ok with the change, she thinks nothing of it. But in faint starlights case, I would not care of my wife took my last name or not, it is purely a choice, some do, some won't. The connectivity is still there regardless. Good luck!
chadsteele1 3 years ago
do whatever feels right for you, we can't decide for you. i would change your last name but refer to what i said 1st.
cslinder 3 years ago
thats one thing i love here in Mexico, you dont need to change your last name, here we use both your parents and your mothers last name
in the case of a women when she gets married she keeps her last name and adds his husbans las name
examples
Sandra Adame de Flores (Adame is her fathers last name, and Flores is her husband Last Name)
azultj09 3 years ago
Stop being such a feminazi and take his last name.
TheBlindWatchmaker 3 years ago
I think one way of getting around the issue of children's names may be to hyphenate their names (a college friend of mine, who was never married, had a hyphenated name, which I assume is the combination of the surnames of his parents). Of course, I also know someone who was given an entirely different last name from both of his parents, although I imagine from your perspective that really won't solve the problem, but I just thought it was interesting ;)
benfergy 3 years ago
Never change your last name! Your kids will survive.
HateYourMommy 3 years ago
hyphenate it
rwalker200 3 years ago
Follow your heart.
dexarouskies 3 years ago
Women keep everything else anyway... :P It's the time of women! EQUALITY FOR ALL!
saturateu 3 years ago
KEEP IT! I want my daughter to make her husband take her name :)
saturateu 3 years ago
Esther, I would take your last name...you haven't said your vows yet, so there might still be hope for me. haha!
hooterguru 3 years ago
I figured this out for myself years ago. My preference would be to have a tradition where your first/middle/last name doesn't change, with marriage or anything else. In a nutshell, your middle name would come from the surname of one parent and your last name from the other. And to be completely symmetrical, that would be your father/mother if you're a girl and your mother/father if you're a boy.
Not really interested in debating this, just stating my preference for the record :) See you around.
AmateurAstronaut 3 years ago 3
there somewhere as well that's also a clear connection to you, they can think, yeh 'she's my mom and her name is on my birth cert.' I think kids having the names of both their parents can be a positive experience cos they are immediately exposed to choice, experience and diversity... not sure how exactly it just makes sense to me. Like I live beside cousins, uncles, etc all with the same last name and it feels a bit monotonous. A mother with a diff name would be a good mix.
Starlightsixty 3 years ago
Here's my $00.02,
I think you gave us the answer yourself when you said that it's "all about the children", which should be your main concern.
You'll might feel more like a "family" if you ALL have the same last name.
LouRyder 3 years ago
I'd keep my own name personally because my own indentity is so important to me but then I'm not in a relationship approaching marriage so I don't know how the self would merge with your husband in the case of a union like marriage. I understand the idea of wanting to have the same last name of your children so you feel more connected but having a mother with her own name is also cool cos it shows she is her own person and it's a link to that side of the family. If your children have your name in
Starlightsixty 3 years ago
My mom has her maiden name as her middle name. On your name having meaning, in biblical times your name was important. It might be prophetic. My name, Jonathan, means "gift of God" in Hebrew. There's a man in the Bible named Jabez, which meant pain, bc his mom felt pain during childbirth. Terrible, your name is supposed to say something significant about you, and you're "pain."
You could make your maiden name your middle name, and make it your kids' middle name, so it could continue.
jonjames1986 3 years ago
The typical "old fashion" way of doing things is making your current last name your middle name and taking the man's last name as your new last name.
As much as I like Shakespeare, I say ignore him in this case.
CatchFlipsidE 3 years ago
I wanted my wife to take on my name. You're going to be going into a new phase in your life. It's worth the change in my opinion.
mastergunner99 3 years ago
Do you have to make this decision this soon? Keeping your name as it is does leave open the option for changing it to his last name in the future. You shouldn't make a decision that you aren't fully behind yet. Of course, me being Chinese, my parent's family names are different and they didn't get changed through marriage. Different culture I know, but I just don't see how a kid having a different last name than their mother would suffer at all.
IronChefCHN 3 years ago
I would lean towards chaning you last name (but that's easy for me to say being a guy.)
I honestly have not heard too many people move their last name to their middle name, and I think this is a cool idea. (Especially if there is not a deep significance to your current middle name.)
Whichever way you choose, as long as you and your husband to be are happy with it, that's all that matters.
Best of luck with the wedding and marriage. Don't freak out TOO much over the next few weeks. :-)
marksweat 3 years ago
just name your son after your father..
wsm34 3 years ago
I would use your last name as your middle and take his for your last:)
Peace!!
riverjustin 3 years ago
Why dont you just put your last night as your middle name.. and add your husbands as your last...
hurleykid83 3 years ago
I don't understand why this has become such an issue with many women these days. Changing my last name was a way to show my love and honor to my husband... I also think a tradition such as taking the groom's last name is a beautiful tradition. Stop thinking about yourself and think about your soon to be husband, how will your decision effect him? Think in "we" not "I"!
BettyLorain 3 years ago
and don't forget to have the dishes washed and the clothes folded and the meal on the table before I get home.
devtrash 3 years ago
oooh, way to prove your point devtrash. Tradition does not equal sexism. Stop trying to incite people by acting like the way you think people you disagree with act.
mousers21 3 years ago
Shall I start naming traditions that are now considered barbaric?
devtrash 3 years ago
Thanks Dr. Laura. In case you didn't hear, she did say that she's thinking of her kids so how is that selfish? You don't understand because you're not listening. and men these days don't care about it as much as in the past. The "lovely tradition" had a function in the past, it was more like putting his last name on his chattle. this does not apply to today's reality.
jchahine 3 years ago
instead of changing ur last name just add his name to the end of ur last name. that works for both sides. i wouldnt care if the girl i marry changes her name cause i have a really weird name
pnd066 3 years ago
we'd have to know what our last name is! just go with the one with more of a ring!
caprisun49 3 years ago
and i really like your profile pic.. it just looks neat
koover07 3 years ago
I have 4 sisters, this means none of my childrens' cousins will have the same last name since i'll be the only one to pass on the "family name"
I'm definitely keeping my last name, I just assume she'll take it too... tradition i guess, i mean... If we're getting married that symbolizes we're a family or starting our new lives or something... i don't know
only one of my sisters have gotten married so far and it is very weird.. like i still want to call her by her old name, my name,youknow?
koover07 3 years ago
why dont you hyphen your name, and when you have kids have their names hyphened too, that way you all have last names in common. I regret not hyphening my sons name :-(
TANGYMOMMA 3 years ago
change your last name. it's tradition, it will make him happy(even if he says he doesn't care) and better for your kids.
grasshopper3830 3 years ago
I think a woman should go ahead and change her last name.
I have a 14 year old half sister who has 2 last names because her mom kept her last name. And If she keeps her last names the her child will have 3 last names. I do think that woman's maiden name should be used for the child's middle name. My grandparents were from Germany and my fathers middle name is his mother's maiden name. But that is what I think. But I believe you should do what makes you both happy. -:^)
proffmongo 3 years ago
Yea, I think you should take his last name, because of the kids things. Your kids are going to want to feel a part of your FAMILY- and your family.. is you and your husband, right? Now if it is imporant to you, then just have 4 names. Your name..middle name.. last name now.. and then new last name.
JenniferKelly 3 years ago
"I don't want our kids to have a different last name than me and I had a different last name from my Mom and I always found that to be really irritating so I really don't want to put our kids through that."
You just answered your own question.
What's best for your children? I believe a Mom and Dad with the same last name is.
If you didn't want kids I would say keep your last name.
angryamerican 3 years ago
change your last name and focus on more important things such as getting a prenup
boardsnow44 3 years ago
Keep your name just as it is, unless your spouse is making SOME CHANGE TO HIS ALSO ! If any change is being considered, he has some responsibility about this, too, you know... I'll bet HE hasn't even considered changing his name to yours.
chestnutkl 3 years ago
Sounds like you know what you want. Keep your last name.
DamienSteel 3 years ago 2
Take his last name and yours and create a new one.
lol, This is just off the top of my head so I can't confirm the validity of my advice.
Say Henderson and Smith... Henderith or Smisom
O'Brian and Cook... O'Cook or Cian
you could come up with some weird combinations.
LooseLatitude 3 years ago
My parents kept there last names then combined them for us. Ralph Fecke + Lin Soudt = Ian Fecke-Stoudt
ianthevedge 3 years ago
Make a new spelling of a name but, make sure that as spoken it sounds the same as one of yours.
The fact remains hidden until written or read.
youtubegik 3 years ago
combine it. example: esther smith-johnson
sskylaarr 3 years ago
The real question is- what would Angelina Jolie do? USE THE HYPHEN! And I completely understand how you would want to keep your family name, you have memories of your father and people should respect that.
munchkin0518 3 years ago
I wanted to take his name, it seemed as if he was giving me something very important to him. I loved my last name, but was more than happy to take his.
appleofgreen 3 years ago
I am getting married in August and I had decided to take his last name, even though im not to fond of it. And I am usually not one for following tradition, but this is a tradition I like I guess. lol.
AnxietyBlog 3 years ago
I kept my last name when I got married. Just a personal choice that felt right to me.
yarbs83 3 years ago
Fast forward 50 years, when you're on your death bed. You'll understand then that who you are has nothing to do with your name. Why not just understand that now?
Heraclitean 3 years ago
I was always perplexed by the idea of patriarchy, having sons to carry on the family name. Why not use the wife's name, since she is the one who has to bear the child? Or scrap the idea of legacy and each couple choose a new last name? Whatever you choose, I hope marriage brings you much happiness. Your fiance is a lucky man.
FantasticBabblings 3 years ago 4
Keep your name. Keep your family name going on.
Appleunbox 3 years ago
Well if you made your last name your middle name and then take his last name as your own, you would be able to save that connection with your father as well as have the same last name as your kid's. It's the best of both worlds!
Cate224 3 years ago
don't be stupid - take your husband's name.
BreesRealDad 3 years ago
¬¬ in a way your right. A girl should keep her name. But neither do we. Umm well would be great if you kept it. Would be very nice
FreddyDSilverBrite 3 years ago
I would not mind, if I ever got married, if my partner kept her last name.
PerthPete1 3 years ago
A woman should not have to give up her family history just because she gets married... don't do it!
Kamal767 3 years ago