Sidney Crosby Tells Telephone Pole He Has Recovered From Concussion

[selowe2011]

That makes me angry. Crosby promised my wicker chair the interview.

[JonLuTube]

@selowe2011 Your wicker chair's an alcoholic!

[selowe2011]

At least Angel McCoughtry left a souvenir. XD

[animalcop55]

lol "MAN LEANS OFF BRIDGE AFTER BEING POINTED AT BY ED REED" 0:40

[darthstew666]

Good for the Pens!!!

[gaminkalv]

I never realized how cute Ovechkin is.... and Im a straight guy. I never thought I would say that.

[laurenscott87]

@gaminkalv i believe your straight you know why only a weird straight guy would think alex ovechkin is cute.

[MrArrghimapirate]

get out of my BEAUTIFUL face

[btw3006]

"It can't be a touchdown, the video review conclusively shows the ball coming out of Alex Smith's hand, how did they miss that?"

"The way I understood it was, Alex Smith threw the ball and his teammate Vernon Davis intercepted."

absolutely hilarious.

[Jean0987654321]

WNBA ftl

[Genralix]

I'm a tv/radio major, and directing this show looks fucking insanely hard, they key the graphics and cut shots left and right like they eat shows like this for fucking breakfast, very impressive

[AscendingBaldur]

This just makes me want to watch Pardon the Interruption

[Rambosee]

Oh, these subtitles are hilarious.

[redsoxfanforever12]

LOL cubs ask for permission to stroke theo epstiens cock through his pants

[ajax515]

@redsoxfanforever12 Well apparently it worked.

[fonkymaster]

"Women don't get hurt as good as men"

MY CHEST CRAMPED when he said that!

[armst012]

Andy Reid challenged a 3rd quarter TD on the grounds it was thrown by Alex Smith..My interpretation was that it was thrown by Alex Smith and intercepted by Vernon Davis..

OMG..hilarious..

[shiningbeans]

Does anybody read the subtitles? Micheal Vick killed in Drone strike, Rex Grossman bit tongue off in attempt to brag? Genius.

[GuitarSwan]

@shiningbeans Those aren't subtitles. It's called a ticker.

[tomthefunky]

Michelle Obama is a man.

[flyersphan111]

Crosby is a fucking pussy. He seriously wants to eliminate hard hits in hockey? Bitch, get the fuck out of the game.

[Sprinklepanda]

@flyersphan111 No, he wants to eliminate head shots from the game.

Crosby's gotten five goals and nine assists while playing with a broken foot. The guy's hardly a pussy.

[flyersphan111]

@Sprinklepanda To avoid head shots, you have to play with your head up. We're not going to re-arrange an entire game just for Gary Bettman's bitch.

[Sprinklepanda]

@flyersphan111 Out of the thousands of hits that occur in the NHL every year, only about 50 of them are actually head shots. Taking them out wouldn't be a detriment to the game. Yes, you have to keep your head up, but players shouldn't be out head hunting to begin with. Concussions are the most serious injury in the NHL and it's not just Crosby speaking out against them. Cammalleri agrees with him, along with players like Savard who'll never play in the NHL again because of them.

[flyersphan111]

@Sprinklepanda Not a lot of players are aiming for heads. Most headshots are accidental. The idea of limiting them would be laughed at in the 90's.

[Sprinklepanda]

@flyersphan111 Yes, and accidental headshots would be dealt with for what they are - accidents. Not a lot of players are head hunting, but some of them are and they need to be dealt with. The idea may have been laughed at in the 90's, but our game is evolving and we're constantly making changes to keep up with it. The gear our goalies wear today would have been laughed at in prior decades, but it doesn't make the changes unnecessary.

[flyersphan111]

@Sprinklepanda I agree. Players like Jody Shelly need to be thrown out of the game, but not a lot of people like the game's evolution. Soon, all hits and fights will be illegal.

[Sprinklepanda]

@flyersphan111 I agree. Some changes are necessary, but some are going to mess up the game. I don't see hits and fights being illegal anytime soon, but it would suck if they were. They're natural aspects of the game. Fights are usually short and take place between players of the same weight class, so there's not too much harm there. I think hits are fine the way they are now, with only dirty ones illegal. The instigator rule was another stupid change, in my opinion.

[Adriangrosvenor]

Seems the clock is counting down the days.......(0).(0)

[PadraikKasier]

"At some point, you need to grow another head and drink a cinder block of orange juice."

I feel so inspired.

[skoolyardpuck]

@PadraikKasier wait, what the pants what

[alfredoking14]

@PadraikKasier what the pants what.

[shoplifting1is1fun]

Words? Well the pictures better be fucking huge

[MrDiscostu32]

"Denver to start Tebow to show everyone he sucks" - spot on onion !!

[Roeshamboe05]

Haha that was awesome! Keep these coming I love it. Oh do the next show with Brooke Alveraz topless!

[ZTM420]

"Denver to start Tim Tebow just to show everyone he sucks"hahahaha

[silencer299]

What the hell just happened?

[RiotRanger]

no one watches sports get this crap off the onion

[TysweetMusic]

"At some point, you need to grow another head and drink a cinderblock of orange juice. What's the pants what?"

[davitodude]

Sounds like Crosby has some problems.

[FDASARO]

"Mike Vick Killed in Drone Strike"

[xbdayx]

"Ben Roethlisberger treats left foot with awesome pimp cane" LMAO

[jj1oo2ee3]

The sports ticker at the bottom is hilarious.

[LtVictor1]

sad how true it is

[OlderThanTime09]

Haha and this is why I Tivo all my games. I don't have to listen to this crap. =P

[kiddhitta]

girls suck at sports

[TacticalPenguin244]

@kiddhitta FUCK YOU! Why don't you just grow another head and drink a cinderblock of orange juice. That's the pants what.

[kiddhitta]

@TacticalPenguin244 get out of my face before i force feed you a large plate of pasta.

[bodeezy]

HILARIOUS

[OpTioNalDicTioNaRy]

Crybaby Crosby!!!

[SuperTugz]

@OpTioNalDicTioNaRy

The funny thing is, crybaby Crosby played with a broken foot in 2007. I laugh when people still question his toughness, especially given the severity of his concussion.

[dontreadmyusername0]

@SuperTugz Crosby is a bitch

[OpTioNalDicTioNaRy]

@SuperTugz Yeah okay.....

[SuperTugz]

@OpTioNalDicTioNaRy

He couldn't watch a movie without getting dizzy. Concussions are pretty serious. Eric Lindross had 8 concussions, and now he's mildly retarded. Justin Strelzyk, a lineman in the NFL, once had a concussion and he went crazy and drove his car off a cliff. They're not to be taken lightly. Crosby may not be a 'tough guy,' but anyone who continues to call him 'whiny' definitely selectively sifts out information, such as playing with a broken foot a few years back.

[OpTioNalDicTioNaRy]

@SuperTugz jesus its not like a commited a murder i am just supporting my home team. You dont gotta go write a novel about it. I respect his toughness its just having fun with pro sports. Crosby is a very good player but i am a caps fan and it is my civic duty to do that xD

[whiplash1994]

Crosby's been cleared for full contact in practice. YES!!!

[rscottwhite]

I love these! There's a lot of hidden little funny things besides the in-your-face screaming parody of "Pardon the Interruption" - my favorite being the totally irrelevant and random buzzer.

[khai365]

I LOVE THESE FACE OFFS! Best part of the onion :)

[effortless35]

Remeber to turn the volume up before watching.

[dannysoya]

LMFAO!!! alex smith threw the ball and vernon davis intercepted it AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! that is the funniest shit i have heard in a while. hahahahaha.

[2ez4EagleEye]

ROFL 2:22 : "Cubs ask for OK to stroke Theo Epstein's cock through his pants"

[PopOffPapi]

on the crawl..."Haloti Noata Nevervously Sutffs Spine Back Into Mark Sanchez's torso..." HA !

[lovelinz13]

Okay, who rewinded the tape to read Kenny Kennedy's name again because you thought it said Kris Kristy... hm....? I know I"m not the only one who thought that. :) lol

[yague123]

Pole is a funny word lol

[Thargh]

You've made a powerful enemy today, sign!

[VengfulX]

I live in the twin cities and didn't know the lynx won the championship. I didn't know we had a women's basketball team.

[eijaksakeksiinimee]

@VengfulX I didn't know women play basketball

[eedobee]

shit

[reg074]

IM A WHITE MAN YELLING AT A BLACK MAN!

[soccerlova9]

women don't even get hurt as well as men do anyway

[xWxHxIxTxExYx]

If its Whats the pants what, its what the pants Whats

[Rulerofwax24]

Photoshop's are getting worse, it seems.

[Sabohaque]

@Rulerofwax24 I think that's because they have a tighter schedule now.

[MrBigEnchilada]

and his teammate intercepted it lol

[brianmichaelHD]

What's the Pants What. That got me pretty good, especially since i didn't catch it the first time

[Fancysymbol]

lol women dont get hurt as good as men anyway

[IrishknifeRD]

Sultry Robinson Cano Debuts New Fragrance

[glaked32]

"Denver to start Tim Tebow just to show everyone he sucks"

"Redskins assure everyone that their still terrible"

"Report: AJ Burnett still bad"

But my fav was, "Man jumps off bridge after being pointed at by Ed Reed". Funny because, I would probably do the same thing, and subtle as his brother died the same way last year (jumping off a bridge, not after being pointed at tho)

[Rellllllllzzz]

lmbo Rex Ryan just telling everyone the Jets are 4-0 sounds like Rex

[ClydesRevenge]

Is there such thing as an Alex Smith jersey?

[WorstCommenter2008]

What is this i dont even.....

[TheKenTerry]

Coming from a niners fan, that Alex Smith bit was gold.

[HandsupLX]

wat

[baraka1992]

Aint that the dude who talked to the potato salad?

[halfblooddutchprince]

"Denver To Start Tebow Just To Show Everyone He Sucks"

The Onion predicted the future. Tebow announced the starter today

lmfao

[majorianmask]

this is one of their best GOOMFs

[roell29]

this really shows me how much I've come to hate pro sports. I don't even enjoy parodies of sport shows because they remind me too much of sport shows.

[MrMarkless]

@roell29 Why do you hate pro sports?

[roell29]

@MrMarkless The commercialization and the bloated salaries for two. Love of the game seems lost in all the money (for me at least).

[Tylzen]

It is not loud enough, I need bigger speakers.

[FeebleNosemanny]

Always watch these twice, once for the video and once for the ticker

[mjswans]

Alex Smith threw an interception to his own teamate...lol

[mjswans]

Let's keep to the facts. Alex Smith had to be forced out of the locker room before the game because he saw goalposts.

[idowantpie]

these guys should argue over a kindergarten game of kickball

[mecaganopoderentrar]

"Man jumps off bridge after being pointed at by Ed Reed... I can understand that.

[111111noA]

U2B JUDGE

VISIT 111111noA 4 HQ MJSOUND

This is a message not a comment

[insertclichename]

Get out of my beautiful face!

[Deadmansparty2002]

Totally great. :)

[omgtkseth]

lol, maybe the Onion should recapitulate games, so we dont have to watch the games anymore, just the Onion pointing out the main moments of the gamesss..

[BloodHunterHilda]

@omgtkseth This would make me a sports fan!

[omgtkseth]

@BloodHunterHilda Yeah, Ive never seen a game in my life but the Onion sports highlights would be a must see!

[cobeetrice]

terrible



[USSJaneway]

The picture of Alex Ovechkin. LMFAO.

[ScottJoC]

People who point out the number of dislikes need to be shot, all 36 of them. I refuse to see the Irony.

[Ayanami555]

36 people need to drink a cinderblock of orange juice, what's the pants what.

[DackIsBack]

I don't get why people waste hours of their lives watching idiots talk about sport...

If you want to watch it, fine... I still think that's kind of pathetic too...

Also, Half the fucks into watching sports are either to fat or unfit themselves to even play it...

Truly pathetic, Fuck sports, Unless you play it... then that's cool.

[dontreadmyusername0]

@DackIsBack your stupid, period.

[YERaFUGNmoron]

@dontreadmyusername0 You meant to say "you"re", but you're too stupid to understand that. Period.

[dontreadmyusername0]

@YERaFUGNmoron Im fighting with a retard on youtube, so im lowering myself down to your level so you can understand me better.

Wanna Cookie Bro?

[YERaFUGNmoron]

@dontreadmyusername0 Weak excuse for showing your stupidity. just admit you don't know when to use "your" versus "you're". Or don't--we can already see you'RE too much of a moron to see how obvious YOUR stupidity is. Maybe you should try again. You'RE obviously too stupid to realize how YOUR last attempt only verified you'RE a moron.

[InfiniteMomentStudio]

@YERaFUGNmoron

I generally don't approve of hate on youtube because I don't see it as constructive... but that was very nicely put.

[DackIsBack]

@dontreadmyusername0 Please, learn the difference between YOUR and YOU'RE before calling anyone else stupid ever again.

[DackIsBack]

My Ears Fucking Hurt.

[Xezatt]

Doc Brooks is a fucking chimpanzee

[iamcoolstephen1234]

"...Eagle's coach Andy Reid challenged a third-quarter touchdown on the grounds that it was thrown by Alex Smith."

lol

[KingZolem]

@iamcoolstephen1234 He has a case!

[richardcadbury]

Shitty sport is shit

[KyleInTheShower]

I have to watch each video twice. First to watch the video. Second to read the bottom lines lmao

[hydrosav2007]

Hahaha! I'm a Niners fan you bullies!!! Great episode! Love the football updates on the bottom screen

[MrSpiderman14]

the things written on the bottom are hilarious

[bandhead2007]

"Talking is evidence of brain activity" lol

[ShadowDog415]

this segment is pure genius, my favorite line came in a show before this, "Kevin Kolb's on-field death raises questions about his toughness", it was genius. I need to see this segment more lol

[kaynah11]

What's the pants what?

[arvelos76]

"Redskins assure everyone that they are still terrible."

[boss1001]

This sports show parody just gets better and better. Fucking genius.

[tchapps1]

There's words in it which sucks but they're all short andeasy to understand.

[gbrooks2]

Those headlines at the bottom are hilarious. I love this channel.

[yodopeyo]

I laughed so god-damn hard at the stories on the bottom, pure gold!

[hockeybum90n5]

why are they constantly yelling? lmao

[james44121]

@hockeybum90n5 They are constantly yelling because thats what these types of tv shows are like xD. They always yell haha

[Palmerater]

"women dont even get hurt as good as men!"

"Thats Sexist!"

"Its just how their bodies are made!"

hahaha XD

[steaknife5]

Crosby didn't even get this much TV time when he was playing. I'm so fucking tired of listening to hockey panels talk about head shots. Thank you Onion, if I have to see his face I at least want to be laughing.

[MrSpiderman14]

this is currently the onion's best current series, hilarious

[XXlnsXX]

I can't tell you how much I enjoy these! There so good.

[markuscc]

I really don't get how people find The Onion even remotely funny. These stories would be funny if they were real, but they aren't. It would be like a fake version of Cops. The only reason that show is funny is because the people are REAL trash. Once you take away the real part you lose 100 percent of the funny.

Just look at Operation Repo and Reno 911, two of the least funny shows out there.

[lugia3]

I find it funny every time the Doc shakes his head after a comment made by Kenny.

[XxHarounXx]

LOL

[darkknight302]

i met sidney yesterday in edmonton he looked so lost trying to find his bags

[GoatseObama]

love this as a sports fan

[jokamund]

Cinder block of orange juice lmao

[DieTheDeath]

this 30 second ad is unacceptable. i'll just not watch the video.

[AgustastaGW]

@DieTheDeath Would you rather pay to use youtube?

[DieTheDeath]

@AgustastaGW i don't mind banner ads on the side and top etc. but some sites push the advertising to a user detrimental level. and of course youtube would never charge because it would lose the vast majority of its users.

[AutumnViewer]

first

[Idontplaysports]

I like these but i wont lambaste everyone who didoes like an idiot.

[An6ryDucK]

FINALLY A HOCKEY ONE

[pegasusreviews]

LOUD NOISES

[SHOCKWAVEkd]

GTYH

[FruitySCB]

YELLING. LOTS OF YELLING AND IRONIC THINGS

[hockeyftw11211]

Lol Crosby is a fucking crybaby pussyface

[jardidge]

The onion has gone done hill. It's about as unfunny as funny or die

[BestVidsRightHere]

@jardidge

this was hilarious. its not our fault you're a fag who doesnt understand sports.

[jardidge]

@BestVidsRightHere

Clearly you are an idiot... Simple as that

[UnboundLegend]

@BestVidsRightHere That would be me.

[askarana]

For some reason i didnt find this one funny

[anything4what]

"Theres always going to be appliances and knick-knacks that whisper in your ear that you're not over your concussion yet" - Brilliant ahaha.

[StopmeatGoveg]

what? alexander ovechkin isn't a mexican. :33

[d01t2m3]

What's the pants what.

[balthazar500]

LOL I always have to watch these videos twice just to read the sport's feed on the bottom xD

[Zenafora]

I'm sure this would be very funny if I understood sports at all.

[TheBlackStar999]

A concussion is when you bruise your noodle. End of.

[ps2nolimits]

I fuckin love GOOMF

[TheBlackStar999]

Looks like Ovie needs to cut down on the Kibbles N' Bits.

[GowanBray]

More Cressbeckler please...

[TheBlackStar999]

An episode of The Onion that doesn't star Brooke Alvares? Thank God! I can watch this one!

[ninjagamer1997]

"Denver to start Tim Tebow, just to show everyone he sucks" LMFAO

[jle717]

I don't know why i love this shit. haha.

[ihappy1]

"Man jumps off bridge after Ed Reed points at him"

"Haloti Ngata nervously stuffs spine back into Mark Sanchez's Torso"

Hell yeah Ravens