Biblical Insights (Part 4) - Leviticus 21:9

[1n354a]

I am so glad that this book is considered okay for children to read!

[quote55]

Niggas fuck wit me

[vatiz93]

You worded that poorly, people who does not read will think the Bible dictates that lazy women should be burned to death at any given time.

[murrayc1968]

Wait a minute.... I thought Priests couldn't get married much less have kids

[chattiestspike2]

@murrayc1968 wait till you hear if their balls get crushed

[ShadowPa1adin]

@murrayc1968

Levite priests, not catholic priests.

[therealfriday13th]

@murrayc1968 That's only Catholics, and some other churches. Jews, not so much. My old rabbi had grandkids, for example.

[Prplfox]

haha the awkward eye shift at 0:12

[MoveOrder]

Currently, seven people who have not read the Old Testament, or do not like what it says there?

[edwardpf1233]

Hi All, just wanted to share my favorite bible verse. Enjoy!

John (Holmes) 3:16: For the strong one bent the bitch over a large rock and fucked her like a wild rabid dog in heat until he spunked his gooey baby batter all over the whore's wretched back. However, the strong one was still unsatisifed so he took another rock and bashed her head in until brain matter rolled out of her skull. Finally, the strong man was satisfied and the Lord was pleased. And all was good. Thanks be to God!

[tctheunbeliever]

No, it's obvious that they're saying that if one of a preacher's teenage wives asks him for lunch money, he should nuke her from orbit. You know that fire in the bible always means nukes!

[MissGueraLove]

I don't think Christians understand what "out of context" means.

[RationalRat]

Do the law of jealousy. "Worried that your wife is cheating on you? Take her to the temple, make her eat dust, and if she is pregnant, force her to abort." DING [Display Numbers 5:27.]

[mercatormac]

What about us non-priests, what should we do with out slutty daughters?

[akylae101]

Bad book! Bad, bad book! Get out Bible! Git!

[ChipArgyle]

I didn't know that was an option. Wait a sec - I'm not a priest. Well that's of no use to me at all.

[tankusfred]

Please, someone explain to me why it's still called the good book?

[craigore2011]

@tankusfred because there are some people who havent read it yet

[tankusfred]

@craigore2011 I'm... humbled. That's the BEST succinct explanation I've ever received in my whole life! XD hahahahaaaaaa it's funny because it's true... which makes it sad!

[berner]

Ohhh Leviticus, is there anything you can't damn?

Here's an easy way to understand the bible, for today's kids:

Think of the bible as Wikipedia and Leviticus as SomethingAweful and there you have it.

[Azmarith]

Dude, I think you misunderstood when I said your daughter looks hot.

[orbnorian]

God didn't mean what he wrote. "... she must be burned in the fire." actually means to tap her on the left shoulder with a toothbrush, and the stoning thing you people go on about is really simple. She is to be made to walk around with a pebble taped to her nose for one day. Jebus H. Christ, can't you people get anything right. I mean really... If I'm a monkey, why don't I fling my poo???? Do you see all the question marks??? That means that I mean what I'm saying... typing.

[kitrana]

i love the presentation of these

[hollyhoodjoe123]

Deut 22:11 Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts, as of woollen and linen together.

[SEThatered]

LOL and you dare say pagans were bad XD

[TheKenTerry]

Christians=retarded.

[greycloud24]

i am insulted!!! quit trying to imply that i am a priest or would have anything to do with an organization like that!

[MrRedthief]

I would like to know what the book of leviticus defines what a prostitute is. It seems like in Afghanistan just walking outside her house is being a whore.

[hollyhoodjoe123]

Deut 23:1 He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

[frootofaloom]

@hollyhoodjoe123 lol heaven must be a constant orgy then

[420messenger]

do you have a problem with the death sentence or the way it's carried at the time?

[pilgrimpater]

What should you do next? Absolutely spoilt for choice so just do every verse in the Bible one per day. OK that's not practical. How about blindfolding yourself, open the bible at a random page and randomly pick a verse with a pin (bit like find the donkey's tail). You'll never run out of material. The whole book is a joke.

[truckcompany]

The best bit for me was when you held that pose at the end. You didn't just freeze frame it :D

[theheinzification]

well yeah, but you totally took it out of context.

[sarkerm2]

@theheinzification "she must be burned in the fire." that seems pretty straight forward to me.

[JoshMufc101]

@sarkerm2

i think he was joking, 

[theheinzification]

@JoshMufc101 youre right of course.

[theheinzification]

@sarkerm2 it means:she must be burned the fire of enthusiasm blazing in the heart of every real christian. so its a message of love actually. you have to read in between the in-between-lines. then it becomes so obvious.

[tankusfred]

@theheinzification So what? He's doing out of entertainement... It's not like the Bible brings much weight in morals, scientific proof or accuracy to begin with!

[theheinzification]

@tankusfred "she must be burned in the fire." how much more moral accuracy could you possibly ask for. and scientific proof is a myth anyways.

[tankusfred]

@theheinzification OH for fuck's sake, I meant scientific fact, don't play on words to have the upper hand in a single argument and just understand that any religion is bullshit and fuck off with your pedant attitude! It's painfully obvious to anyone who isn't afraid of life has no meaning that religion is as such. So stop being afraid or shut your mouth and for the life of humanity, stop spreading it!

[theheinzification]

@tankusfred i dont spread my mouth too much anyway, so no problem. but i see you avoid to answer. typical. is it because i forgot the "?"? look it up: first sentence in my last post to you after the quote. lets see if youre brave enough ...

[tankusfred]

@theheinzification Okay... I said "weight in morals, scientific fact or accuracy". I meant scientific accuracy, not moral accuracy, If the Bible has any moral accuracy in our current society it's by total chance, and it applies its moral with authority rather than deductive reasoning from human relationships.

I do not understand why your question is important, nor why you say "she must be burned in the fire" is morally accurate when you claim it meant something else...

[theheinzification]

@tankusfred aaaactually ... i didnt mean anything serious, not even my first post, but obviously that wasnt obvious :). so i apologize for trolling, i just couldnt resist. in reality i agree with all youve written.

[tankusfred]

@theheinzification Hehe... wait, FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU­UUUUUUU!!!!

(thanks anyway, it made me practice my argumentation against morons)

[bamboo4tameshigiri]

@theheinzification LMAO. There is no possible way to take THAT out of context. It says what it says and I haven't met a single preacher YET that doesn't take the entire bible out of context to piece together a sermon. Any time a christian says "out of context" they are psychologically projecting.

[JuryDutySummons]

@theheinzification Ok, so what context would make this passage ok?

[theheinzification]

@JuryDutySummons take a bible. ask the holy spirit for assistance. open the bible at a random page (which isnt random since the holy spirit is guiding you). point to a random spot (which also isnt random of course) on that open page. wherever you finger points now, start reading a few lines. now it should be clear. if not, kindly ask the holy spirit to reveal the real true truth to you. if you still dont understand repeat all steps again and again until you finally understand.

[JuryDutySummons]

@theheinzification So, what your saying in a nutshell, is use the power of self-delusion until I just agree with you? That's way easier then trying to substantiate YOUR claim that it was taken out of context.

[theheinzification]

@JuryDutySummons i did substantiate my claim but you didnt dare to use the method i shared with you as a free gift. you must experience the holy spirit, it feels so good once he entered you heart. feelings are no delusions, feelings are real. see how easy it was to crush your point? or dont you have feelings? if you think the keyboard i feel under my fingertips right now is a delusion because i feel it, i would say the delusion is on your side.

[WizardyDinosaur]

@theheinzification Obvious troll is obvious

[theheinzification]

@WizardyDinosaur yep, some get it. i have a hard time to understand how ppl take my other comments here serious. my first one was meant in a satirical way, but that was seemingly not obvious. so i went over board with my re-responses and still get actual answers. stuff like "kindly ask the holy spirit to reveal the real true truth to you" isnt crazy enough? poe works in mysterious ways.

[JuryDutySummons]

@theheinzification Ohhh you, you got me. :) Nothing you said was any more crazy then things I've heard previously.

[theheinzification]

@JuryDutySummons finally. lol (and sorry)

[Solemgoodbye]

How about the one about the leprosy cure? you know sacrifice a pidgon, would say which verse but i cant remember.

[Haradin32]

numbers 31: 17-18

[PosiMotto]

Making the world a better place, one body burning at a time. *cough*

[finderfinder100]

There is some scary stuff in the good book