The Merits of... Necrophilia | David Mitchell's SoapBox

[mastasolo]

We'll David Mitchell, as you said, your; Lungs, Heart, Kidney, and Liver would all be harvested. So you wouldn't need to worry about waking up to a cock in your ass!

[TheBoxingCannabyte]

So, if I kill myself I might actually have a good chance of getting laid for once!

[TheMoodyMoose22]

"while your fresh" LOL

[JJT1991]

i found an item claiming to be a post-death necrophilia donation card in a bar once

[MRdrummerkid12541]

yeah, his stand up friend has to be Jimmy Carr. Seems like the type to talk about necro, if I can recall, I think I can remeber him making a joke about it anyway. Hmmm

[purplebookbanjolion]

anyone else think that this 'stand-up comedian friend' might just be frankie boyle?

[anklesmash]

@purplebookbanjolion Jimmy Carr i reckon

[harpdevil]

No points for guessing which stand up comedian that was :P. Also I wonder if this video would have nearly 1,200 likes if it wasn't David Mitchell putting across the idea.

[MIQofDMC]

The mental image of a generous person who is willing to donate all their organs but too lazy to read the damn thing through...

Also, in some countries at least, your family can decide whether to donate your organs or not but now I'll stop thinking about the implications of this fact.

[ItsOttis]

You can't just call a body an object. It's sacred.

[RPSM101]

@ItsOttis He says to those who consider nothing sacred........ and are joking.

[sebrussell]

@ItsOttis Sure you can. The only time the body is anything more than an object is when the brain is sparking and the thoughts are flowing. No heartbeat, no brain activity, it's just a massively complex lump of carbon, oxygen and hydrogen, with some nitrogen and other trace elements thrown in for good measure.

[ItsOttis]

@sebrussell Yeah, just so you know I'm an aethiest too, but don't you think bodies should be treated with more respect than, say, dirt? Call me naive but I do.

[vazhkatsi]

@ItsOttis not when you're dead, your body is going to turn to dirt anyway, why belabor it with idiotic emotions.

[ItsOttis]

@vazhkatsi Ok so by that logic you'd happily shit on your dead moms face like you'd shit on the ground. I hope I've proved you wrong.

[correctionguy]

@ItsOttis Now, I'm not one to judge, but I shit in what's called a toilet. I recommend them, they're much better for disposal, as opposed to your mum's mouth, although do thank her for me, will you?

[ItsOttis]

@correctionguy Missed the point and fought back poorly, not exactly a correction but do try again if you want.

[correctionguy]

@ItsOttis This isn't a correction either, what's your point?

[WalterLiddy]

@ItsOttis You can and he did.

[Jessica616ify]

A sexy sheep XD

[RantingGamerGeek]

anyone else laugh because of some of the places he is sitting?

[SIngli6]

Gives the phrase 'I feel dead inside' a whole new meaning.

[Alphaxos]

Necrophilia: Crack open a cold one. ;)

[jim191185]

...old hat :D

[255ad]

0:50 I just don't get the baby P thing, why beat you baby to death if your angry it's YOUR baby, it's like keying your own car

[sfurner]

@255ad cause theyre scum, subhuman scum

[255ad]

@sfurner thats too easy

[Nathanchooper]

@255ad would some heavy music stop you beating your wife?

oh, it might actually,

got you!

[255ad]

@Nathanchooper sould have said baby

[Speakersoxx]

Good plan, however it will give the frase "I'm totally digging you" a rather unpleasent subtext.

[talhoyle]

I used to be a necrophiliac, until a rotten cunt split on me.

[BeautifulGoodbye13]

@talhoyle eww...Clever, but eww.

[kagairu]

This reminded me of Karl Pilkington talking about a similar situation (I think it was being fucked by a gay rapist or something...)

[cjdhesi]

Finemoreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!



[TempestKiro]

Watch out David... You do realise you just essentially sent an open invitation to all your fangirls...

[ImBringing30Back]

Ewww...

[Oilisdeathtomany]

Necrophillia is dead boring.

[nontrainspotter]

That was distressing, hilarious, and logical!

[nolobede]

Necrophilia?... Meh, Seems it be wouldn't much different than fucking my ex-wife.

[FutureAbe]

this inspired me to fuck corpses :)

[upallhours9]

@FutureAbe You gotta have goals.

[spark122ful]

@FutureAbe Your comment made my day and for that i thank you

[spacecowboy5000]

Should one wear a condom when performing necrophilia? I mean you don't really know where that persons been. Necrophiliacs will probably be confused should a zombie apocalypse arise, too.

[bslaer]

Are there necrophiliacs that prefer dead to alive? I thought it was that they were willing to settle for dead if they couldn't get alive, like Jeffrey Dahmer for example who preferred alive, but when they wanted to leave, killed them and could have them around for a little longer

[TisLehwis]

@bslaer Um yes, there absolutely are. Just like there are people who prefer animals to humans, or children to adults. It's just a sexual preference

[ePBandJlover]

wow its like he knows i should be doing my homework

[WoWrofllolz]

Hehe, David Firth did something like this too :D

[handsomebrick]

@WoWrofllolz I remember a major theme of the webcomic Sexy Losers was the merits of necrophilia, from the necrophiliac's point of view. And Jon LaJoie once portrayed a rap artist who bragged about his romantic exploits as a necrophiliac.

[KittiMitties]

@handsomebrick 'Ey I'm MC Necrophiliac, where all my dead bodies at?

Crashing funerals just so that I can get a whiff of that decomposing body scent, my favorite aphrodisiac. Flat lining gives me a Pavlovian erection in my pants. Turn-offs include breathing, pulses, and signs of life; my turn-ons are rigor mortis, cold flesh, and suicide. If you're not stiff as a board, I won't be stiff and I'll be bored Wait, what do we have here? Looks like I'm about to score!

Haha, couldn't resist.

[rachskald]

Brilliant ^^

[Baddboy187]

Although not the best activity to be engaged in when the zombie uprising begins...

[martyn101101]

totally frankie boyle..

[Buttfranklin]

Louis Ck has the identical material on his Live at the Beacon Theater

[SteRDLK]

On the plus side, necrophilia is cheaper than marriage. And all that digging would give you a fine physique.

[hendrickx88]

@SteRDLK Indeed, not that you'd need it....

[greengrendel]

@SteRDLK which you wouldn't need, because corpses don't care about looks.

[timothy790110]

GHmm,Louie CK has a new routine almost exactly like this.

[RichyBMelodies]

Necrophilia is no 'deemed more horrific' than wanting to do it with humans and animals that 'aren't up for it'

Not under British law anyway.

Maximum sentence for Necrophilia: 2 Years

Maximum sentence for Rape: Life



[uiruu]

@RichyBMelodies Well, law is different than opinion.

[TheLemonGrenade]

@RichyBMelodies Yeahbut he's not talking about Law, he's talking about the taboo nature

It's seen in the eyes of "public decenty" and such nonsense as more intolerable,

it's legal status not really involved much

[RichyBMelodies]

@TheLemonGrenade Why don't you shut the fuck up before I kill you.

[TheLemonGrenade]

@RichyBMelodies Because if you kill me you might finally get laid

c:

[RichyBMelodies]

@TheLemonGrenade What, by you? Is that why you're watching videos about Necrophilia?

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH­HHHHHHHHHHHH.

[TheLemonGrenade]

@RichyBMelodies Well let's analyze this for a second

Firstly, you're hardly in any position of high ground, I mean you and me have watched the same video, so that's prettymuch moot

secondly, You made a death threat.

Over the internet.

I mean frankly that's just fucking hilarious so naturally I assumed you were cracking a joke of some kind, and went with it

And thirdly, ofcourse by me

For crying out loud what did you think I meant?

Kill me and a forest nymph will blow you?

[RichyBMelodies]

@TheLemonGrenade

Or if I say that, I wanna kill somebody, that..

I'm actually gonna do it, or that I believe in it

Well, shit.. if you believe that

then I'll kill you

You know why?

Cause I'm a CRIMINAL.

[TheLemonGrenade]

@RichyBMelodies

So get moving then

You've got a lot of work to do.

I'm not gonna give you an adress now am I, so you've got some research to do.

Then you've got to get the materials necessary to commit a murder

And then you've got to prepare for any defensive capabilities that you don't know if I have

So you might wanna quit wasting time and get to work.

I'll wait right here Mr Criminal.

[caittscott]

I laughed so hard at the realization that his penis didn't make the list of "useful organs."

[MayOceansClaimMe]

I didn't know david mitchell had been talking to frankie boyle..

[Stormwern]

Rape is way worse than necrophilia.

[itsneveralways]

@Stormwern are you suggesting that cadavers give their consent?

[sebrussell]

@itsneveralways No, but as David so cogently pointed out, once the lights go out, they are merely objects.

[itsneveralways]

@sebrussell True, true. Can't argue with that! :)

[abstractdynamic]

Why did the necrophile go the the mortuary after work? He just wanted to pop in for a couple cold ones.

[Madnessinmusicx]

Shagging a wall or an eggcup is the exact same as shagging a dead body.

Weird, but not morally wrong.

It's dead. It's just a thing. Fuck it's dead brains out if you want to, becasue it really couldn't care less.

[qotsaandsoadfan1]

I'd tick that box.

[cherubagent544]

I prefer his fancier, more educated and cultured rants. This one just seemed like a "Once I am done with it, my body is a free for all." video that I just didn't laugh at as much as the rest of his videos. I guess if I had to be a prude, I am glad "Intercourse with a corpse" is where I ended up drawing the line.

[ronnysoeberg]

@cherubagent544 I got more of a "raping kids isn't as bad as humping a dead person" vibe out of this. I agree with Mitchell. The fact that pedos and sheepshaggers are more acceptable than necrophiles is plain crazy. Guess it's the disgust factor. For me, though, raping someone is more of a disgusting act than shagging a corpse. Not saying I'd do either, but one is evil and cruel, the other is repulsive.

[cherubagent544]

@ronnysoeberg I think it's got something to do with the fact the slowly decaying and soon to be maggot ridden corpse being attractive to someone shows real mental instability and the same sort of fucking crazy and warped minds that rapists and pedos have. Nobody wants anyone that mentally unbalanced around. A corpse can't give consent, it's dead and gone. Therefore sleeping with it is the same in my opinion as when sick bastards kill someone before they rape them. It's all abomination in my eyes

[themango55]

@cherubagent544 A fleshlight or dildo can't give consent either.

[cherubagent544]

@themango55 A fleshlight or dildo doesn't have friends, family, dreams, ambitions, isn't a rotting corpse that will gradually start to decay... humans are not masturbatory aids, we are people. Even when we cease, the fact that we were once a person means we are not inanimate, we are the end stage of life where no more interaction can occur. 'consent' in law that the consent a person gives meets certain minimum standards... so the word consent by it's very nature in law applies only to humans

[cherubagent544]

@ronnysoeberg at the same time, I do see what you mean about it not being "as bad" as pedos or rapists. But being better than someone that sick by a marginal amount is same difference, they should all be locked up, put in mental homes, or at the /very/ least for all three categories of sicko permanently denied access to their perverse indulgences... anyways, yeah, sorry for ranting

[ronnysoeberg]

@cherubagent544 "being better than someone that sick by a marginal amount is same difference" Hehe, yeah. I agree to that. Seeing it from the victims side, though, I would much rather get raped after death than prior to my death. But yeah.. Would prefer neither if I could have a say in it.. Especially since I plan on being the first guy ever to be pickled after death. Cremation and enbalming is lame. Pickling is where it's at, yo.

[cherubagent544]

@ronnysoeberg That is the single greatest idea I have ever heard. If you come back as a zombie, you would be a zombie pickle man.

[ronnysoeberg]

@cherubagent544 Hehehe, Zombie Pickle Man. Write it, I have a friend that would be able to publish the novel :P

[cherubagent544]

@ronnysoeberg Oh I will get around to it someday!

[Blunderbird]

@ronnysoeberg I heard Admiral Nelson was pickled.

[ronnysoeberg]

@Blunderbird Hehe yeah. Heard that story as well, on QI. Also, the embalming of Lenin seems very much like a form of pickling.

[gogomanic]

Everyone whom dislikes this video, is a sheep humper.

[tattooninja]

you never go hungry or horny in a graveyard.



[SlappaDeBassMon]

Hahaha this is brilliant, so well written. I have a serious dark humour streak and never would have imagined David Mitchell had it too, but there you go. I think the people complaining about this don't understand that David Mitchell always makes huge leaps of logic and challenges or pointedly ignores our own natural assumptions in his rants: that's what makes it so funny. In a way his rants make natural and logical sense, until you realise he has avoided our naturally assumed societal morals.

[MrOdsplut]

@SlappaDeBassMon well he is right that there's nothing wrong with necrophilia

[SlappaDeBassMon]

@MrOdsplut If you look at it completely dispassionately. But if it was the body of a close friend or family member of yours who was used by someone, you may have a different opinion. Thought that depends how nihilistic your view of life and death is, I suppose.

[27182818284590452354]

@SlappaDeBassMon "Natural assumptions"? I wonder if I'm synthetic since this rant haven't stumbled on any contradictions in my mind.

[SlappaDeBassMon]

@27182818284590452354 Well I suppose I meant "natural" in a colloquial way, as in the ordinary assumptions of the society and culture we are a part of. I wasn't intending it to mean any in-born assumptions, I hope that clears that up.

[tattooninja]

i'm only 3 years old and i think yore funny as fuck!

[ssn1k63]

@tattooninja I'm sure you are.

[tattooninja]

@ssn1k63 when i fuck your mother i feel like a necro.

[ssn1k63]

@tattooninja Wait, it makes you feel like a necro, as in necro meaning dead body? Cool mate, sounds like you got a pretty solid argument there.

[aFemale1]

Message to you, poor little man, who made this video; when some sick pervered man tries to rape dead body of your ancestor, than make a video again. I am sure you both will sit in a mental institution; you because being schocked, the pervered because he broke the law.

[tokega]

@aFemale1 Hahaha... You sad piece of shit :-D

[aFemale1]

@tokega Your mother is sad, because she gave birth to shit.

[SkizmiK]

the stand up comic was blatantly Frankie Boyle :P

[misan89]

I sooo bet that stand up comedian was Jimmy Carr.

[TheTheoldgit]

@misan89 Or Frankie Boyle!

[misan89]

@TheTheoldgit I dunno, somehow cannot imagine David being friends with Frankie to that extend. Might be, though. :)

[Chaserpeach]

@misan89 That was the FIRST thought that popped into my head

[MEGABUMSTENCH]

@misan89 I reckon Frankie Boyle, haven't heard many of Jimmy Carr's baby P jokes to be fair

[asfarfafar]

@misan89 Lol yeah I'm pretty sure you are right XD

[MattDominicCullen]

@misan89 Nah, baby p, maddie mcann and paedophilia jokes are frankie boyles territory.

[misan89]

@MattDominicCullen There is actually a brilliant video on YT, (JC and FB Appstore), where they actually say that they write certain jokes for each other. Maybe we are both right, then? :)

[MrGraftonator]

@misan89 I reckon I was Frankie Boyle

[Nile101]

@misan89 Sounds more than Frankie Boyle.

[PrezDaNTOFFICIAL]

im gonnastart killing women very soon and may eat some ofthem

im loosing what mind i have and idk where i will be in a year from now or even a month i wana kill women

[hardfifan]

Aaaaah necrophilia, that uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.

[aFemale1]

IT IS AGAINST THE LAW.

[MrDarudin]

@aFemale1 well , the place I'm from it is not :D

[aFemale1]

@MrDarudin  Tell us where you live.. I am sure police will dedicate some time to you

[MrDarudin]

@aFemale1 Wisconsin :D .....now have fun finding a law banning necrophilia

[aFemale1]

@MrDarudin I am a lawyer, if you have any kind of sick activities, just say so. Police and justice will be happy to help.

[MrDarudin]

@aFemale1 Well solicitor or barrister than ? And by which precedent or statute will you press charges against me :D I smoke weed whenever I feel like it :D

[aFemale1]

@MrDarudin Law is against drug substances.

[tattooninja]

@aFemale1 go back to Haiti you spic whore

[MrDarudin]

@aFemale1 Adn you now the best thing about it is , I'm probably out of the jurisdiction of whatever country you live in which makes it possible for me to live a lifestyle which contradicts all your moral believes and go unpunished by doing so ...... I hope you enjoy the imagination of me doing so.

[aFemale1]

@MrDarudin LOOK.. I am saying it is uterly unnormal and unmoral to even think about necro.....I will not even say the word. It is too bad, that some people obviously have so much time, and are being payed by someoone, that they have the time to think about sick twisted things.

[MrDarudin]

@aFemale1 Well , as David pointed out in the video .....it is not as harmful as pedophelia or bestiality ........essentially someone is just having a go at something that is nothing more than a piece of flesh.....

[aFemale1]

@MrDarudin What ?!? There is a definiton in psychiatry what is a person like if a dead human body " turns him on "...GO AND DO IT... but i assure you, YOU WILL ANSWER TO LAW AND GOD. GOODBYE YOU SICK IDIOTS. YOU PROBABLY ARE ALREADY SCRUTINISING HUMAN CORPS, THAT IS WHY YOU PRAISE IT SO MUCH. I HOPE FBI AND ALL HUMAN NORMAL LAW INSTITUTIONS WILL READ HERE.

[Rigbylane]

Maybe that's just vanity.... Hahahahaha.

[aFemale1]

@Rigbylane What vanity !? This a mental disorder.

[aFemale1]

@Rigbylane It is just mental disorder,treated in mental institutions.

[ZombieDragQueen]

I absolutely adore Mitchell and agree with him. There should be an establishment where one could agree to one's corpse being sexualy desecrated by necrophiliacs in exchange for a fee which will be transmited either to a cancer/aids/doctors without borders/red cross organisations or the estate of the deceased one, giving his or her's wishes. Feel free to shag my arse and play with my penis, but I want you to pay for that time you spend with me and those money to go to either charity or my estate.

[aFemale1]

@ZombieDragQueen YOU NEED TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST. I HOPE DOCTORS FIND YOU !!!

[sunnyncloudy]

I always assumed it's a respect thing. You're supposed to respect dead people and mounting them without previous permission isn't seen as hugely respectful. Lmao, the point was very well made, though. :')

[buttersyrupnpancakes]

@sunnyncloudy more respect for the family. if your loved one died you wouldn't want them to be humped by a necrophile. i think this is where the donor card comes in. :P if the person agreed to it the family can't really say anything. like organ donors. although they meddle anyway as seen on TV. :P

[BrittVonKruel]

I think it's a disease issue, dead bodies are ripe with disgusting bacteria and anyone who would want to engage in certain... activities with one is bound to be a veritable nest of vile illnesses.

Plus, it's one of those things that religion has made us sensitive to. Certain religions ban using embalming a corpse or even removing the organs.

[aFemale1]

Necrophilia means in translation ; necro = dead filia = ancient greek word for " love "... Necrofilia is a serious mental disorder !!

[jagara1]

Necrophilia, now that's dead boring!

[WalterLiddy]

Ed Gein claimed that he attempted necrophelia but found it too disgusting and had to give it up.

[R5H4D0W]

Conceptually speaking, anyone who practices routinely on a high end sex doll should have no problem with necro. Inceptually speaking, if I can figure out a way to mask the smell and texture, I'd be visiting the morgue every night

[aFemale1]

@R5H4D0W What ???? NECROFILIA IS A SERIOUS MENTAL DESEASE, A METAL DISORDER....I HOPE PSYCHRIATIC INSTITUTION READS WHAT YOU JUST WROTE HERE !!! NECROFILIA IS A DISCUSTING SERIOUS MENTAL DISORDER...

[AnotherRedditor]

@aFemale1 What's disgusting is your spelling

[lejambon08]

@AnotherRedditor So you mean necrophillia is more acceptable than someone making a spelling mistake? I will fucking put a claymore through your fucking spleen you gay cunt

[SistaBlunt]

surely to have intercourse with the deceased is essentially rape, seeing as a corpse couldnt possibly give consent?

[nakenmil]

@SistaBlunt Problem is that "the deceased" does not longer count as a human being - and thus no longer technically has an human rights.

[ignas1130]

@SistaBlunt Yeah well a corpse can't refuse either.

Just because she/he/it did not sign a contract agreeing to sequal intercourse does not mean it's rape.

[DsaiTheWhite]

@SistaBlunt The issue is when does a person or living being stop being that which it is (namely important enough to regard with some level of autonomy and/or feeling). The obvious answer is when it stops being alive. As such, you can no more rape a corpse then you can a shoe. The complicated issue is human attachment to their own form, but are we are form? No, be it from a religious notion make us a spirit in a shell or a science making up the mind in the brain, the body alone is not who we are.

[johnpetermalcolm]

There was a young man called Dave;

who found a dead whore in a cave,

it took lots of pluck,

to have a cold fuck,

but think of the money he saved :)

ps. Don't try this at home, because necrophilia is dead boring.

[TheOlliemath]

The government would probably want to tax it though.

[TheOlliemath]

@RobertHartlepool but if it were legal there'd be no need to create them. Just pop down to your local morgue and pick out whatever tickles your (rather strange) fancy. In fact, when you think about it, legalising necrophilia could actually save lives..

[ELuhn]

@TheOlliemath I'm forced by my principles to acknowledge the logic of your argument. But you have to admit, it's a hard sell.

[SteRDLK]

@ELuhn Is that a rigor mortis joke?

[aFemale1]

Necrophilia is a mental disturbance !! And people necrophilic are hospitalised, and are under severe psychotherapy. So please, watch what you tell to people, you are talking about a serious mental disturbance. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ApesAmongUs]

@aFemale1

Not as serious a disorder as using multiple punctuation marks to end a sentence.

[aFemale1]

@ApesAmongUs Not serious for you, for normal people very serious. You probably have mental disorder yourself.Quickly !! To nearest mental doctor ! Hurry up.

[cherokeediamond]

@aFemale1 believe it or not, everyone either has a slight personality disorder or a form of schizophrenia, which is why no one on this planet is "normal".

[aFemale1]

@ApesAmongUs You are wrong !! Idiotic.

[evertime123]

Is he talking about Frankie?

[JCole131]

its pretty much dead rape

[aFemale1]

@JCole131  Well said !

[ablestmage]

It seems perfectly sensible to me. The idea that "the dead person might not want that if they were alive" doesn't really hold up, because I can scarcely recall anyone I''ve ever known suggesting being buried or roasted would be a preferable while-I'm-alive activity either...

[ruidiyu]

@ablestmage good one...

[Atchuu2004]

HAHAHAHAHAHA... AHAHhahah

[messylaura]

its all good till some rotten c**t splits on you

[futbolangel02]

I thought my girlfriend was dead so I figured I'd have one last go with her. As I was right in the middle of fucking her corpse she opened her eyes and said "Boo!" Can you believe how sick and twisted she is?

[jemborg]

how brilliant :D

[benehan]

oh god david please stop