SMBC Theater: Divorce Negotiation

[pupplepeak]

JP's evil laugh wins the Internet!

[wickedjeffmach]

JP is so beautifully diabolical.

[Jonassoe]

Costudy over an adult son?

[TheDrCN]

My favorite part was "The kids!" "Are fucking idiots."

Kinda saw it coming when he smiled after signing over custody, but still funny.

[wolflinkmidnaperson]

I hear Buicks are O.K. cars

[GaEv4]

Whoever plays the son looks really good with that haircut in that suit

[healfwar]

He can look really evil when we wants to.

[DrDrolomehet]

Protip: put it in your mouth, don't swallow.

[agreenjinjo]

@DrDrolomehet doesn't work that way

[DrDrolomehet]

@agreenjinjo Sometimes is does.

[peanutfoot]

9. BUICK.

[Slanzinger]

@peanutfoot That's nothing. Try 9 3 9 3 9 3 9 3 9 7...

[go1988]

The sound at 1:17 sounds just like from Heroes of might and magic 3 and considering the nerdyness of SMBC Theatre, it just might be it

[dontmessmagic]

THE ANTIDOTE! To the penis you just touched.

[go1988]

I LOVE how he tilts his ehad and says BUICK!

[GeneralThieu]

ain't this how it goes.

[IsaacCruzBenjamin]

vampires

[GroupKB]

I disagree that the girl is greasy looking. I actually find her very beautiful, but she looks like she is cold though. it could just be the act she is putting on though.

[WalrusDoom]

@GroupKB Are you kidding me her face looks like she crushed a bag of Ruffles and then rubbed herself with the greasy crumbs.

[GroupKB]

@WalrusDoom You 're crazy, she's got classy looks.

[WalrusDoom]

Wow the girl in this is really greasy looking. Kill all white people

[DirectorMeadows]

@WalrusDoom Lol wtf

[superspork85]

Poison him and touch him on the penis.

[NallePu83]

Just Gatorade.....start playing basketball people!

[xBloodXGusherx]

Shows you how fucking controlling and selfish woman usually are.

[MAJIKVEGGIE]

TFT: IMNSTBW!  (8

[moodring54]

Aw, I feel bad for David. No kid should have to get involved in their parent's diabolical schemes.

[IKonYT]

@moodring54 He's gaining real world negotiating experience!

[OneMist8k]

Love it.

[Ellipsoid314]

Adorably evil.

[NickStedmon]

Wow, really? Just reusing the same joke, which wasn't even yours to begin with.

[MarkArandjus]

2:33 ummm.... evil?

[mullensk8ter15]

HAHA I LOVED THIS. One of the best SMBC skits ever.

[cruelhumor]

lazy susans ftw 

[DigitB]

Wow. XD That little "poison bottle"? It's a little energy drink, and I had one next to me while watching this.

[dumbguy89]

That's what you get. Fucking bitch

[ravebearerpretz]

I wish i had a spinning table like that.

[djtron1x]

Made even more funny in that I was just signing the finalization on my own divorce.

[MrChaosHazard]

Did anyone else notice that JP used his telekinesis to pass the divorce paper across the table?

[NullPoint84]

@MrChaosHazard it's called a Lazy Susan.

[MrChaosHazard]

@NullPoint84 I like my explanation better.

[Dasclsad]

Can anyone write what they are speaking about on 1:58 after "enjoy your screaming...

And line about house on 2:27-2:31

[xylyze]

@Dasclsad screaming brat; house is mortgaged

[Urnogod]

@Dasclsad it's "screaming brat" and the house is "mortgaged"

[djtron1x]

@Dasclsad Enjoy your screaming brat. and the house is morgaged.

[nobudy33]

women dont even need poison anymore thanks to the legal system.

[rudesherude]

i love the laugh jp!

[misterknite]

No offense but I feel like Jessie just doesn't have the chops to act with JP.

[miketealy]

This video is priceless just for JP's comment about his children

[hizedork]

Actually Buicks are pretty nice

[meldinoor]

@hizedork Yeah. My Buick's got over 200,000 miles on it, and still runs pretty well. Not the most expensive car, but it hardly deserves to be mocked.

[hizedork]

Actually, Buicks are pretty nice.

[nashty626]

Someone needs to explain all the crappy "touch him on the penis" jokes. I sort of figured its an inside joke but it'd be good to know where it comes from.

[BlueSabb]

@nashty626 It comes from the Cosmo episode.

[lajakl]

@nashty626 It was in some episode, don't know what it is called, some women were speaking of ideas to make their husband/boyfriend happy and it always ended with touching him on the penis.

[Econniff]

@lajakl They were writers for Cosmo.

[YanPL]

@nashty626 this vid: OTQnUTgLssI

[RobinHood3000]

JP's evil cackle followed by the punchline completely sells this short.

[RichartI]

Co za asy...

[orionkills]

somebody likes mana and health potions

[numb3rc]

I thought this seemed a bit dull and repetitive, and then suddenly at 1:43 that SMBC magic kicked in.

[stellevoce]

LOVE JP's smile at 1:38!

[cheez233]

That's exactly what I was expecting to happen while watching Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Except without the divorce.

[MrCaboose23]

the deal was for the diamond, Lao Che!!

really?! not one other temple of doom comment?!

[Zombiebushi]

Jessie Lande is pretty hot.

[DreagerEx]

The Kids....

ARE FUCKING IDIOTS! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHahahahah

[Rascus75]

Must not say it, must not say it...

.....

Give him the antidote, touch him on the penis

[ShmuelSpade]

I'm surprised no one commented on J. P.'s right hand. Usually it's been obscured in other videos, but they really came out and showed it this time. Good for them.

[nlp3000]

@ShmuelSpade I'd never noticed it before - What's the story there?

[ShmuelSpade]

@nlp3000 Birth defect/genetic mutation. He has fingers that never extended completely during development. I've met J. P. in person, he's a cool guy. When I found out that his hand was like that, I was shocked, as none of the videos had ever let on that I should expect that.

But it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's just one peccadillo that he's got that should be taken for what it is, and then accepted. Maybe the SMBC crew (or J. P.) is just at the acceptance stage now.

[nlp3000]

@ShmuelSpade Cool cool. I wasn't sure if it was an accident (like his hand was crushed or what not) or if it was a birth defect - either way it doesn't take away from his funniness :D

[Illnevertellyoueverz]

@ShmuelSpade Um, not your call to post that dude.

[ShmuelSpade]

@Illnevertellyoueverz To post what?

[Illnevertellyoueverz]

@ShmuelSpade about JP's hand, that's private to him and something he didn't want posted on the internet. He's not ashamed, it's just not anything he wants people focusing on, it's his business.

[ShmuelSpade]

@Illnevertellyoueverz It's clearly visible in the video. And apparently in other videos. This isn't something I revealed. I expressed surprise that there weren't more comments about it, but apparently I simply hadn't watched enough videos in which there was an appearance.

[Illnevertellyoueverz]

@ShmuelSpade no, about how it happened, that's what I am talking about, that's what he wanted kept private. And it has been talked about in every video. He no longer reads the comments because of this.

[ShmuelSpade]

@Illnevertellyoueverz The origin is deducible to anyone with eyes and experience. It's not like he told me what the cause was in confidence and then I talked about it here. It's just an easy conclusion to draw. And it's a shame that he feels he was driven from YouTube because of the comments (not that I'd noticed any on any earlier videos, but then again who really wants to read the YouTube comments section?), but how is anyone supposed to know that? People should simply accept him for him.

[Illnevertellyoueverz]

@ShmuelSpade agreed on both accounts, but unfortunately most people aren't as nice, understanding, or accepting as you.

[HowdWyde]

@ShmuelSpade . I've been looking at previous videos, and it seems the hand has actually been happy to appear on camera from the very first video J.P. appeared in (Gateway Drug). Consequently I'm not sure anyone was making too much of an effort to hide it during the episodes. That said, I'm surprised I failed to spot that at all until seeing comments on it today. Goes to show what you can turn a blind eye to without directed focus.

[ShmuelSpade]

@HowdWyde You've probably seen more of the SMBC theater videos than I have then. Having seen the last few dozen (maybe the last 60 tops), it always seemed, when I looked back at them, that there was always a cutaway, or a pocket, or a jacket, or a camera angle that covered it. It was rare before, but when I knew to look for it, it always seemed to be kept from view.

[Peteman12]

You know, I could have sworn there was a line "And now, you'll give me X, for the poison... to the antidote you just drank!"

I found that line hilarious.

[fabiobit]

I don't like her nose much, but I'd still do her - and poison her later...

[nlp3000]

@fabiobit She probably doesn't much like your attitude about her nose... I'd doubt she'd do you though.

[rounz1]

@fabiobit

She'd probably prefer that you poison her first

[ObbiObbi]

Acting was really good on this one! JP is great as usual, but who's the ex-wife in this? She's good.

[LightningHammer]

Fantastic!

[viewer001a]

It appears the tables have turned.

[Elrohirc]

@viewer001a YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH­HHHH!!!

[Quintega]

@viewer001a literally

[Ryuuken117]

@viewer001a YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[HaistaPaska92]

@viewer001a You win good sir

[TheTattooChef]

@viewer001a That made me laugh more then the actual video

[ForgottenMemoryLost]

All that poison looks delicious :( I want some

[RomanoGiovanni]

Where did they get all these awesome little bottles?!

[ftdbb49]

@RomanoGiovanni

The little bottle store.

[jonbrence]

@RomanoGiovanni They were donated by Harcos Labs :) harcoslabs (dot) com

[RomanoGiovanni]

@jonbrence

Thank you for the actual answer! I am going to get me some of these!

[deanallenjones]

Best Punchline Ever

[chromo15]

Best ever

[WLDFLD]

the first half was funny

[krazilogicz]

Hilarious,  thanks guys

[verasq]

I love how the revolver uses a magazine soundclip. NICE PRODUCTION VALUES, JEEZ.

[4lligator]

Best ending ever

[seanfenrir]

drink the poison touch him on the penis

[EssThree]

Ending couldn't have been better :D

[Magus79]

Tap nine.

"Cocks head"

"buickbuickbuickbuickbuickbuic­kbuickbuickbuick"

[tquid]

Last line totally makes it.

[ZetSunbou]

YOu guys are sooo awesome! Better than nigahiga, fred, shane dawson etc ...

[BaronLez]

Wow, you guys have a hundred videos, I never even noticed over all the weeks.

[gamerunknown]

I assumed he'd be immune like that blonde guy from the princess bride.

[BlackBobby69]

Now THAT punchline packed one hell of a punch. I like it!

[HKKR112]

Your best so far!=)

[NaveedKoval]

thank god for the end punchline

[orrin4]

that was amazing! lmfao

[GermanGangrel]

I wasn't sure where it was going, but it resolved beautifully.

[kirbyviper93]

WE NEED TO POISON HIM FURTHER [/Inception]

Should have seen that ending line coming, it's a classic SMBC Theater move. Nevertheless, it caught me off guard and made me laugh quite loudly. Great job once again, all!

[lava502]

BUICK

[ZMoreland04]

This has taken the slot as my number 2 favorite SMBC Theater sketch.

Number one is Date Wars, obviously.

[hardworker424]

lol

[JKoss618]

This was almost as confusing as Inception...

[LocutusIsBorg]

Poison him, touch him on the penis. Call it the Snow White.

[BobVosh]

I love this stuff so much

[alman102]

I see 305 likes and 301 views...

YOU TUUUUUUBE!

[AdrianvsJak]

Was about to not thumb up, but that ending was pure genius

[vaarsuviusprime]

@AdrianvsJak agreed

[Elolzabeth]

Omg. I love JP's evil laugh. LOVE THIS.

[Kogerii]

1:14 when it starts getting good.

[TheTelepathicKid]

Loved how he said "... ARE FUCKING IDIOTS!" that laugh afterwards was priceless.

[Mekose]

@TheTelepathicKid That would be an awesome spider man villain laugh.

[coobru]

IT'S A TRAP!

[Randalor]

Listen, I know that thoses Energy Drinks arn't THAT good, but to call them poison?

[amount18]

best in a long time!

[AugustusYoranderFreu]

This one is fantastic!

[PostNoctum]

Jessie Lande is pretty good.

[Blueninja33]

Very Raiders of the Lost Ark.

[KHChaosrules]

@Blueninja33

Isn't it Temple of Doom?

[Blueninja33]

@KHChaosrules Yes, my bad.

[CrimsonPhoenixBen]

Best one in a long time, the ending made me laugh my head off.

[ImTestingSleeping]

I know it isn't cool to just requote the video, but come on.... just this once...

"The car!"

*head turn*

"BUUUUICK"

[rm06c]

Woo!

Score one for the guys!

[ljonesvc]

I am perturbed by the revolver making that Hollywood racking-gun-slide sound effect.

[Norrec87]

@ljonesvc clearly he had a tape recorder in the other hand.

[PhoenixFlare14]

One of the greatest so far.

[J52390]

Make him drink poison, then touch him on the penis.

[dmh3000]

Nice.

[Zralf]

haha, this one is great, the buildup ,twists and anding are verry amusing :)

[Davidivov]

Drink poison, then touch him on the penis!

[Patacorow]

DAHAHAHA! JP'S brilliant!

[graxthetyrant]

The first half was predictable but well executed. The second half I actually didn't see coming. Awesome job guys! :)

[Michaeluj]

The shift in the middle really made me interested. I thought that this one would suck.

[littledeadybear]

"The kids!"

"ARE FUCKING IDIOTS! HAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I love JP so much now.

[DepressedAnimeAddict]

why has she got a combover?

[Rictorran]

I would have let myself die.

[Naturality]

This was made considerably funnier by all the divorce videos in the 'related videos' section.

[headacheinducer]

Awesome Temple of Doom reference goin on here

[TheLoneN00b]

"And now...you will cut off your penis and hand it to me!"

"Why?"

"So I may touch it!"

The Penis Poison Paradox.

[videogamer810]

"It's okay, dad." XD

[dragontamer63]

Tell him you've just been poisoned, touch him on the penis.

[SAlpsu]

As if women need to poison men to get everything in a divorce.

[sonicase]

lol nice one,.. but yeah, lol WoW energy drinks

[AntimatterGizmo]

there are WAY too many divorce lawrer vidios --->

[Huihuihui3]

But I got everything! :S

[Kicks42]

I didn't realize they had a lazy susan. I just thought JP was a jedi.

[AidanChalklin]

I want one of those spinning tables.

[DdlyHeadshot]

@AidanChalklin It's called a Lazy Susan - they're quite common...

[Coruptshun]

@AidanChalklin called a lazy susan, sell them at most home goods stores...but not that i would know or anything... ;)

[coobru]

@AidanChalklin i think it's called a lazy susan.