Starbucks

[CalenBarnes]

I wish I had your vocabulary! haha

[AmandaRaeSavesTheDay]

This is so funny. :) I love it! Good job! <3

[Nerdfighter007]

Also, @TheClockHeart DANG.

[Nerdfighter007]

@GarlandJE You might want to look up some words if you're gonna use them. He's not naive... And although he is cynical (nice try spelling that) a lot of people are and it isn't necessarily a bad thing.

[cyoachim10]

I don't understand the haters on here. I find this hilarious, maybe my sense of humor is "dry" too.

[GarlandJE]

and a fuckin cynicical prick too, i might add

[GarlandJE]

this guys a naive asshole.

[jessface777]

lol nice!

[nordaky]

We don't have Starbucks in Norway, and I like that. :)

[AriaStone1]

Didn't understand one word--- but it was funny lol

[Penguin0708]

You're awesome.

[beautyqueen466]

wtf butt u still make sense

[sincerelyem]

Your extensive vocabulary gives me faith in such a society deficient in wit.

[thefunisonicecream]

um proactive much? lol 

[Megleighpd]

Well that was dramatic.

[elisabethrox321]

Dammit! Now I feel like a tool/mindless consumer for loving starbucks :( Thanks dude haha

[alanangeles91]

either u do crack or smoke shit load or maybe u drink way tooo much strbucks!

[sarahbeansx]

I like your hair in this :)

[CharlotteToday]

Have you worked at starbucks before?

[spearmintythang]

what did you get on your SAT English?

[xxbeatlesxxgirl]

I've watched this about 18 times.

I love it with each and every view.

<3

[stevensonrf]

Hey, it's a young Allen Alda!

[ImaNerdatHeart]

Oh this made my day 

[peculiarpineapple]

well that was quite spectacular

[SparklySnape]

Nothing short of brillianttt

[smilitu]

Is it wrong that that makes me want some Starbucks?

[SkimboarderKris]

Pot FTW. Caffinee sucks.

[madieebel]

You know, i think its pretty obvious that you wrote that before you said it. Nobody talks like that in real life.

[Cohenism]

@madieebel Of course it is.

I think you'll be surprised to know most youtubers script what they're going to say. It prevents us from being incredibly boring.

:)

[TheRantingCabbie]

@Cohenism Quite true. Content and editing is important. Most people have an attention span shorter than Kevin Costner's popularity.

[TheClockheart]

@Cohenism you script it in the way that tries to launch yourself above others. As if this is what is normal for you. But what we can be sure is normal for you, is the use of a thesaurus. Try not scripting it; I believe it would take away your monotonous forefront and extinguish your unfortunate attempt at dry humour. Try it :), rinse and repeat until delicious.

[Cohenism]

@TheClockheart I'm a pretentious, narcissistic tool. But then, isn't everyone? Here you are, giving me pointers on video-making, when you're clearly not a video-maker. Thanks, but no thanks, veteran.

Also, despite your incredible analysis of my speech, you'd be surprised to find out that you don't know me after watching a one and half minute video from 2 years ago. Go troll somewhere else. I have no need for it.

:)

[sk8rdman]

@madieebel I talk like that in real life. Though perhaps not as fluently. =D

[squall241]

You make me want to vLog. I may begin vLogging. Look out, world.

[jessthehobbit07]

I love sarcasm and you portray it perfectly Cohenism

lol

[jafacake09]

i have a starbucks right now.

[onelegchair]

This is the video that made me sub. Best decision I ever made.

[bassmusic3]

... well... I like it! (the vid not the coffee) grammar is not overrated... cant handle it? grab a book!! anyway to cohenism... \m/ good vid. insta-fan ^^

[mahogonywhisper]

Couldn't you be sacked for this?

[tw0Ut2]

faces of meth lol!

[thabooger]

@tw0Ut2 dude thats what i was thinking

[standingonair777]

What was that word at 1:24? I'm a verbivore, I love words that I don't know, and this is something I can't seem to type out according to how it sounds. A senseless...what? Thanks in advance.

[KaiserFailed]

You are horrendously cute. It's kind of disgusting. 

[tooooony95]

ur fucking weird. ur videos are shit

[Cohenism]

@tooooony95 Thanks.  I wish you well in your endeavors. :)

[Iruleuno10]

@Cohenism hahahah and that's how you handle a troll.

[dev559]

@tooooony95 Grammar is overrated, isn't it? Next time when you chose to insult someone, try not to look like a troglodyte whilst doing so.

[AustinRiAn]

@tooooony95 your a Fucking weirdo,,,man how can you possibly wrote things like that? NOYB,

[davidjstaub2416407]

hahahaq nice... this is so true!!

[igotskillz555]

moomba!! MOOMBA!!!!

[rici6]

This video is so amazing I watched it twice.

Too right as well, I could pump those caramel macchiatos into my veins like heroine, but better.

[adavetica]

Why the name "Cohenism"? And I must admit, I am an addict! There is one right across from my school.

[britishemokid79]

so maybe it is ..a questionable industry.. but what industry isn't.. it's controlled by shady ceo's and other corp. offices .. down to the barista that hands you your daily fix.. your perspective .. is on the edge.. but it does however raise question to this company that leaves people craving for a cup of poison.. but why that is the question .. what makes it delicious?

[Sackajawiiia]

jfc u tool, brew your own? its not crack or addictive, many ppl wouldnt pay 6$ for someone to punch them in the head, its pure laziness. you have the sheep part right though i will give you that.

[lalalablair]

i like your hair like this. :]

[dirtyhobosINC]

speaking of crackhouses...

you look like a crak head in this vid..

go play in traffic..

[jamisonb8]

it looks like one of those anti-meth commercials

[christinevi101]

i feel smart that i understood it =) and this is so true and funny!

[antipersonneldevices]

yes i agree... shallow and pedantic

[sleepstillnoon]

Okay caffeine might be bad for you but what isn't and unless you can give me real logical evidence showing some of its side effects, then I'm going to keep drinking it. Sorry I don't fall for fluffed language used by people in place of actual information.

[jamisonb8]

@sleepstillnoon well, most the time its paired with lots of calories, so you may get fat.

[kaylashalaylaaaaa]

llllllllllllllloooooooooooolll­lllllllllllllllllllll i love this. i don't think coffee is EXACTLY equivalent to crack ;) but i work at starbucks too, and i thought the other day, "oh duh. starbucks is genius. it combines the two things that people are most easily addicted to: coffee and sugar!"

[FanOfPopCulture]

Dunkin Donuts is better

[sansamonster14]

This is great.

[justinbieber143kk]

i dont know wat starbucks is..

[WendiTheP00h]

*favorite*

*subscribe*

(he's adorable!)

[GinnaAkira]

Lollercaust

[BahamutImpact]

What exactly is "Cohenism". And why did you make this?

[Cohenism]

I am Cohenism, and I made this, because I just really wanted to talk about my job and how much I dislike the industry, whilst remaining partial to facetiousness.

[xmynameismusicx]

i really thought i was the only person on the planet that didn't like starbucks.

[hachiman2012]

personally i dont drink coffee, i think its pretty disgusting how society encourages people to use this drug on a daily basis...afterall, what does this teach our children?

...anyway, i'm off to do some smack

[Cohenism]

lol.

[yukisnowkun]

Starbucks over where I live has coffee that tastes burnt and overpriced food. :(

It's really not any good, but they have a heater and a bathroom. It's probably my only reason for going.

[goofygoober91202]

who gives a shit, life is short, coffee is tasty, deal with it.

[Cohenism]

More accurately, I would say, "Life is short, learn sarcasm."

[stoneick]

The homeless guy is a little over dramatic but, it's funny to watch.

[AxelStalker1220]

Wow. Deep. I don't think anybody else got the idea that's it about addiction, even if it is only to coffee. Good job! :3

[123RhiiRhii]

ur so cuteeeeeeeeeeeee

[SnorklinWithCudas]

Wow you're a fucking moronic faggot. You look like shit too, are you sure you didn't die a few weeks ago?

[Cohenism]

I'm about 80% sure.

[JoyeuseXI]

I didn't identify any backing for the comments. Sorta like they were just pulled out of a hat. Or more accurately your ass.

[SnorklinWithCudas]

the fuck are you talking about

[JoyeuseXI]

Well, I saw no reason for your comments. May I also note that on your page, you state you give 'constructive criticism'. Which is, evidently, untrue. You obviously pulled those idiotic comments out of your ass, and as such are making yourself look stupid.

[SnorklinWithCudas]

@JoyeuseXI Lol, does anything this strange person is saying make sense to anyone???????

[JoyeuseXI]

Why yes, it makes sense to me. o:

[atalina08]

I understand that it was clearly sarcasm, but at some pt. i did realize, "what the fuck is he talking about''. i think it was because there were so many 'big' words

[alanangeles91]

starbucks doesnt make money from their cuality produ\ct man...its from their coolness.. ppl have been asked why they like strbks and they said is not the taste buck coolness. And now theiy r going to dump bcs there are too many strbks!

and it's becoming too common and so ppl are not buying it. Strbks is loosing its mojo!...

[kormorin]

that sounds like the narratives in the movie fight club. even his voice is similar i think

[justinden99]

dude you look like a crack head

[Cohenism]

I believe you need a more accurate representation of what a crackhead looks like to make that claim. I recommend Gary Indiana for a reference. :)

[justinden99]

Your gaunt, pale, struggling to speak, and it kinda looks like you have meth bugs. Does that clear it up for you? If not some Pro Active might

[alexfralexmelonwax]

this is actually one of my favourite vlogs of all time.

[dsprack]

No way I could get addicted to Starbucks. I'm Canadian. Tim Hortons FTW!!!

[Pixie773]

I like your nose.

(:

[jazzybread]

@alastairguhn

Laugh my assassinate off.

Good thing I drink tea

[alastairguhn]

Just one problem...

Starbucks tastes like ass.

[helloyou192002]

loves it

[spaztastic90210]

11,999 viewer

and this is awesome

its about as addictive as facebook

[yehyeh22]

lmao love this.

[Sydapple123]

you look like your on drugs in this lol

[hunidaniels]

OMG I couldnt stop laughing

[AliAsylum]

i've never had Starbucks before.

i do believe this made my day.

[beatriz0607]

was this supposed to be funny? i laughed :)

[rafax11]

dude, this is kind of messed up...but you're right. 95% right

[zeferia]

mmmmm...Starbucks  *drool* Lol, but I totally see what you mean. : )

[KCSGIRL252011]

holy crap.

now i feel horrible for drinking starbucks. meh.

[sawawa1985]

you use a great majority of  BIGGG words! i like. (:

[K0NFUS10N]

you should cleanse.

will help clear up your skin.

: )

[4M321K0]

Are you on meth ?!

[Susiefullness]

omg this awesomely funny!!! LOL

[MOO3223]

haha. that was pretty awesome, but i confess, i drink coffee when i need to stay awake and usually i make my own but when a starbucks store's conveniently located right in front of me...

[xxMustardTigerxx]

I bet you love starbucks but don't want to be viewed as a "sheep" so you go drink coffee that tastes like garbage for a dollar more at the beatnick shop across the street with all the other wanna be individuals talking about the posers in Starbucks, lol.

High school wasn't kind to you was it junior?

[WhirledSol]

@xxMustardTigerxx Hello person with a weird username. After reading your comments, I believe the best way of informing the author of the video would be to write a book. See if you can get it published by Random House and hopefully by the time you are done in about 4 years you would realize the arrogance in your writing. Good day.

[xxMustardTigerxx]

what a whiny little bitch, really...unless this starbucks vid was a joke. It's been a while since I've heard some pseudo intellectual kid be that arrogant. You can learn alot from someone based on their sarcasm. i.e. You insult those you deem to be followers and "sheep" because you yourself are blatantly one

[mhaneline]

Starbucks morning blend beans are pretty tasty with a course grind.

I should remind you that prior to coffee, people used to chew the beans. I mean, it can't be too bad if the Indians referred to it as "The Seed of Life". Man has been consuming caffeine in one form or another since before the birth of the supposed "christ". Let's not thumb our noses at thousands of years of consumption because one greedy corporation. Or shall we expand our fight to the Tea Leaf?!

That damn Tea Leaf!

[Cohenism]

lol.

[HayItsJ]

never had starbucks. ever. well in the coffee sense, but I did have a lemonade there.

[HadesObsidian]

First of all it's oh-she-AWE-sity (oh-shee-os-i-tee) Not "Oh-sity". Sorry but you can't be Mr. Clever C. Glibinstien if you don't know the words.

Now, go wash your god damn hair and burn down a Starbucks.

[xXSythenXx]

People pronounce things differently. The point is.

You knew what word he meant right?

So therefore - He got his point across. And you understood.

[HadesObsidian]

Yea your right, I think I was a little critical. I just spent six hours sitting in a house filled with my cousins moronic college yuppie friends. All of them trying to use words that sounded like they just looked them up minutes before hand. I swear one of these guys actually turned to this girl, who he obviously liked, and said "C-cant I ask you a rhetorical question?' She was all "I don't know what that means" He says back to her "It means like a personal question" Girl: "Oh yea, tee-hee"

[HadesObsidian]

I seriously wanted to stab my fucking eyes out with a chilled salad fork.

[jangaloze]

your a pessimist

[mutantwhalesux]

I want you to die.

[xXSythenXx]

harsh ._.

[WhirledSol]

@mutantwhalesux I think you need a hug.

[mutantwhalesux]

I think i do. :P

I apologize for my behavior. haha.

[Svetty00]

They day to day Manouche? As in Gypsy Jazz a la Django Reinhardt?

[julekert1234]

that blew my mind right there, not gonna lie.

[xtefzx]

wow loved it :)

[Theis90]

HAPPY BIRTH DAY!

[ThePandaNinja88]

I felt smart listening to this.

[ClaireTheBearable1]

Jonas brothers Slpit! check out the vid on my channel!

[NightRevelation]

I find you unusually appealing. Just saying.

[lastmondaypast1]

Are you a vegetarian? you look very malnourished and weak. Seems to come with only eating vegetables and fruit.

[Cohenism]

I happen to love devouring animals. Of course, this would require them to be both dead and cooked to a healthy amount.

I can assure you, however, I am most likely malnourished, but this is due to my constant gorging on Doritos, not a lack of protein. :)

[MaskedOffenders]

You have such a nice vocabulary. Keep on readin', son.

[TheHungryhippo92]

ah hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MegaKatiea]

you has pretty eyes > ~>

[ZthePCgamer]

also repulsive skin

[YanksGirl5690]

i'm a Starbucks addict.....i admit it lol but this is HILARIOUS!

[hiimvin]

they shut down all the starbucks places within a 2 hour radius of my house...it sucks

[Sarahendipity]

Did Quake Marine shot those hooks at the walls?

[0tidbit0]

I am subing just because of this

[thompsontowne]

i kind of love this.

a lot.

a lot a lot.

[AlyAndCate]

Jake...What were you thinking.......

YOU'RE BRILLIANT!

My Goodness, that was hilarious!

[TheEditingShop]

I'm subscribing. Just from this.

[megbusch]

Haha not going to lie, you just made my lifetime X] Finally someone with a smart approach to youtube....very well done!

[Nikkirae91]

holy crap, you're amazing...

[jessaayy09]

and peppermint mocha tastes good.

so....

[HellYeahNessa]

It's kind of hard for a coffee addict to stay away from Starbucks since there is one at practically every corner.

[bryonynumber1]

I FIGURED WHAT YOUR VIDEOS LIKE THIS REMIND ME OF

fight club!!! it just clicked!!! ahhh i can rest now

x

[Avenger178]

lol, kinda reminds me of american physco actually.

[bryonynumber1]

cafe nero ftw

[ohlala73]

That was awesome, Jake. I like the style of this video.

[nph530]

I'm not gonna lie, i love coffee, not so much Starbucks per say but i do love coffee, guess I'm an addict lol, of course I'm also addicted to cigarettes so I'm going to die young, yep sounds about right haha

[bobstheking]

Make a more a videos please!

[NessaR12]

i don't know why i unsubscribed from you, you make good videos. at least now i'm subscribed again. :)

[Jessiebessie93]

HAH this was great, even though a few points i had no idea what you were saying, i liked the use of the "big words" It made my brain feel smarter

[enrak1120]

Excellent!

[Jazzy55RiseAgainst]

well that was simply glodly my dear

[BeksAlliKent]

That was great !! your enthusiasm is just impeccable, awesome job !!

[SofiaWINS]

bahaha i love your sarcasm.

and i'm still overly amused at your co[hen]ism banner (:

[greenpixel15]

Starbucks can actually be pretty innocent and fun when you don't work there :-\

[squirreliegirl815]

ha I hate how the best drinks are the seasonal ones.

[BulletxforxJulie]

Haha xD

And this is why you're awesome.

Thank you <3

[Shenoathemime]

hummm... you sound smart.. haha.

[taylorohhh]

i'd be doing a lot better in English if I had your vocabulary. jeezuz.

[Cohenism]

I failed English my senior year in high school.

I recommend finding a good thesaurus/dictionary and just start reading.

[grizzlybrah]

how did you fail english?!

[edgarae1]

I saw a documentary about how the coffee industry is screwing over, um, I think it was ethiopians; it made me dislike Starbucks even more than I already did. It's such an image place.