DDOJ-6 Christian Superstition Becomes Reality

[TheOnlyHopeFiend]

Back when I was an idiot...the solenoid went out in my car but before it was diagnosed by a professional...one of the chicks I knew from bible study suggested in all seriousness that there might be a fallen angel with, get this, a sword stuck in my engine block not allowing my car to start...although I believed in the ol' sky-daddy then...I still knew she was probably huffing paint...faith tends to have the same psychological effects...so glad to be free from non-sense...

[TKluvme]

A christian would answer that Jesus worked thru womans friend.

[CaptSeriouspants]

Maybe something like "Wow! The exact same thing happened to a Muslim friend of mine! Go figure!"

[rykoodasr]

Not sure how I'd respond, but I like how no one ever considers that maybe god doesn't want them to have a car. It just goes to show that god has no utility in peoples day-to-day lives, people just insert him wherever they please.

[fdasherv]

Wait, I don't get it. Was it like a totally anonymous $400 in cash? Was it a check? Any return address? Or was it...hmm...lying for Jesus?

[morthim]

wait so did someone anonymously give you the $400 or are your deliberately misrepresenting the donor? i wish there was something in the bible about not lying...

[PompousPreacher]

The next time my car breaks down I'm going to go on facebook posing as a Christian and e-beg.

[fedos]

Too bad it's considered uncouth to call the person out with, "I sent you that $400. You should be thanking me and not Jesus". Otherwise I"m sure you'd hear from the true benefactor.

[Moontanman]

I don't think there is an effective way to respond, i recently lost a long time friend because I questioned one of those viral posts about loving god before you can love your country or support the troops, it had to do with the under god part of the pledge of allegiance. he got really pissed that I had actual evidence to back up my point of view and accused me of misleading people by pretending to fight the good fight when I was really fighting for satan.

[Moontanman]

@Moontanman His rebuttal consisted of writing over and over in caps that I was wrong and by dropping me as a friend on face book, no reason that i was wrong, no evidence, just you are wrong over and over in capital letters. It's sad when an otherwise thinking human being just gives up and starts believing in religion to the exclusion of all else.

[TheRandomROFL]

My response would be:

"1. Go to library.

2. Read any book from any section that ISN'T in the religious texts area.

3. ????????????

4. KNOWLEDGE!"

[justinoakley999]

god should have "put it on somebodys heart" to leave a big old steamy wad of dog shit in their mailbox... you know, to test their faith.

[bullwhipjesus]

Why did Jesus let your car break in the first place? Or ask them if the same thing would have happend to a Scientologist would they start believing in Scientology?

[BigIdeaSeeker]

choppers=*chooses*, bale=*bail*

[BigIdeaSeeker]

Jesus saw fit to give you $400 for a car while he consistently choppers to ignore millions in their daily prayers for food and essentials? And they don't even live in an environment where they have wealthy friends to bale them out! Sheesh.

[BakaSeinen]

I would have gone with the 1st response. It was more concise.

[klutterkicker]

Hmm, imagine if this is how all people come to or maintain their faith in God. We would call it... the Mutual Santa Phenomenon.

[FishHeadSalad]

Too funny my friend! I am going to PM you in the next day or two. Has to do with the "shout out" by TLD. Take care, talk soon, -Salad

[finderfinder100]

Should have asked for more

[DarwinsChihuahua]

Response: "That $400 was a loan from me. My note must have blown away. You have 60 days to pay it back before I break some thumbs."

[Nocturnalux]

@DarwinsChihuahua Interest is 10% per day.

[Anony3141592]

Your friends gave you the $400, you put your faith in man when, obviously, you misunderstood Jesus' message of the broken car... He wanted you to have faith and pray to be given a Ferrari.

Fail harder you hell-bound doubter.

[099923257457]

here one I guess jeuss is just going to leave that on your tab for now. Better pray extra hard to make for that $400.

[AtheismTV]

How about this: "This is the devil here. I put $400 in your goddam mailbox so that you would worship me. Didn't you see my note? Fuck god."

[EdwardHowton]

Someone needs to invent an actual Clue-by-four that isn't simply an amusingly-named piece of wood and smack these people upside the head with it.

Or, if smacking people upside the head with it is not the preferred method of using a functional non-wooden Clue-by-four(tm), using the Clue-by-four(tm) in its appropriate method for its intended use.

Because that would be my response. Using a Clue-by-four in its preferred method upside these people's heads.

The 'begging' one works for me too.

[curlew0609]

I have fundy family who need constant help due to their impaired ability to think rationally and their refusal to make better dedisions. I used to help because they were family. I never got the credit for being kind or thoughtful. It was always Jesus who did it by giving me the resources and moving my heart to help them. It galled me, but I never did figure out a good response. I finally stopped helping. I don't know who gets the credit for that as they no longer bother to keep in touch.

[BentStigsen]

I'll bet you $400, that Jesus didn't put them in your mailbox.

[bamboo4tameshigiri]

I like the first response better.

[jjcrazi]

option 2!! lol

[HarrysSecret]

"So this is how you say thanks to the anonymous human donor ?"

(This is the polite version)

[HaploidCell]

1.) you have some fucked-up fundie friends on facebook (lol. alliteration ftw)

2.) I'd've answered

"THATS WERE MY 400$ WENT. GIVE IT BAAAAAAAACK! WRONG ADRESS!!!!!!"

[theshiznojudge]

wait, u can get money from god and all u asked for was enough to fix ur car? u could have asked for $4000 or $4 million or $4 billion and feed countless starving people around the world and chose not to. you monster!!!

[Zaunstar]

Wow, your FB friends are a lot more fundamentalist than mine! I like the first response better.

[MrStillmans]

The devil has moved into the gas tank now. Soon, all the gas will be gone!

[dan91709]

Now we know why Jesus is always short of cash.

[falchion49]

How about: "Oh wow, a true miracle and confirmation of my belief in JC as the ultimate sky daddy. I need $1500 for a high class escort because the bride that Jesus in his wisdom provided me with thinks oral sex is talking about it. Praise the lord and all that. Thanking him in anticipation."?

[GreatBigBore]

I'd go with Sam Harris' sentiment: a god that answers this prayer while allowing Somali kids to starve TO DEATH is obscene.

[Dudeatheist]

So Jesus was nice enough to send you $400, but continues to ignore starving children...

[jussts]

I would say, I didn't realize it was that easy to scam $400 off of the credulous.

[richardmann184]

The devil is at work in my refrigerator.I'm so down right now.My beer fridge is empty and I need $200. to restock it! As a child of cod I know there will be prevision made.

[Xgya2000]

Mechanics are of the devil!

Paying any of them money for an accident Jesus CLEARLY didn't cause is ludicrous.

They just profit from accidents devils cause all the time.

Just continue praying until your car is repaired. God will provide.

(At least, this would make one less crazy christian out there...)

[kyokumajr]

gOd allowed ppl to part seas and drown the entire human race but needs 400$ to fix his car?

[hollyhoodjoe123]

I would respond by saying "It's joys me to see God turning a blind eye towards my mother who had cancer, but taking time out of his busy schedule to bless you with $400. Thank God!"

[AuntieDiluvian]

How about, 'Why don't you thank the benevolent person who gave you the money, dickhead!!!! "

[coreygames]

"If you dusted for fingerprints on that money, would you find Jesus' fingerprint or, say, one of your facebook friends'?

[no1saphead]

Why god or jesus give a damn if you owned a car.

[XandarsMeteor]

Praise be to Sky Daddy Warbucks! :/

[saxmanchiro]

If Jesus is great, why did you not receive an extra $20k so you could go and buy a new car? That way, you could have years of carefree driving.

[yayzu]

Jehovah Giro provides!

[ApemanD]

Clearly the devil and the mechanic have some sort of working arrangement. -_-

[therealfriday13th]

That first one actually works better.

[drdeveril]

What's the interest due on that $400 from Jesus the divine loan shark?

[djasonwright]

I would've replied that, instead of "praising Jesus," they ought to be praising their awesome friends. Holy Cow! $400 is a lot of money to just leave anonymously in someone's mailbox. Going on and on about the virtues of your imaginary friend, while your real friends are looking out for you. Classy.

[lovelittlecats]

Stupid, wanky religion.

[pigwigpa]

what? jesus uses the us post office. Never heard of direct deposit

[notinmyname2050]

You see this is why I hate people being all down on immigrants. This mexican friend of yours, Jesus, obviously has his shit together more than most if he can afford to help you out with the $400 bucks.

[VRPudz]

I would like to know what their response would be to either one of your responses. I'm sure it would be good for a laugh.

[tehaugva]

really, blaming the devil, who only killed 8-10 people WITH GODS PERMISSION on all the evil in the world is just silly.

Someone needs to go look into what happens to moving mechanical parts after a period of time.

[viridismonasteriense]

Praise be the mechanic that fixed your car!

[pigwigpa]

both are good.

[lilimax555]

BS!

[yuyuhakushox]

why didnt god just stop satan from fucking with your car so no one would be out 400$?

[crossoldman]

Even though I had nothing to do with the money. I would write.

"I'm happy to know my loan helped you out. Please pay me back ASAP."