Texts

[StevexOwnz]

Chris Conley!

Is that you!?

[gypsylovegoddess]

i wanna give you all the stars. can i be your north star? my name is jessie miranda hamilton, i'm from uxbridge ontario.

[lala931992]

aw barry. ur not real :( LOL!!!!!

[EricaCookies]

spacecake muffin text from alex? =]

[9nerdypenguins]

@twoplusoneisthree that sounds interesting. xD

[threnodymarch]

This was brilliant.

[pandapup10]

Ur very hot

[emovampess]

Can someone please direct me to Barry's video mentioned?I have looked,but I can't find it.

[jantchant]

i probably won't do it... because I'm rubbish!! :) lol

[luckejay21]

haha i love dave bcos he is awesome and i am drunk! :) love it :P

[BurntByTheMoon44]

ha I used to do this too. I would keep nice texts that were sent by people I don't talk to that often. Like friends that moved away.

[Curri3Saan]

thank god someone else agrees with me, grow up everyone lol

[tiffanyyyy16x]

hahah i love you

[harlequingirl14]

"Bye" ....."Bye" (: nice!

[lllixify]

Since I can't video respond due to lack of video camera or at least the knowledge of how to procure one..I would just like to say that I emphathize with the text about being kissed by the old man who wanted the constipation tablets. I work at a pharmacy and had to deliver a Fleet Enema to an old man who, according to his wife whom i spoke to on the phone, was in very dire need.

When I got to there they were so happy and he hugged me. Numerous times...far too much excitement over a laxative.

[shotgunfairy13]

i'm sad. i can't help but just want to watch you talk. i bet you make one sweet boyfriend... :)

[shotgunfairy13]

you have a lot of chicks wanna your gonads. can you blame them? i'm jumping on the band wagon. ahhh. you make me feel like i'm 12 you're so hott. dangit.

[shaupage94]

omg ur so cute i love ur accent!

[Thetheginger]

if i was a banana i would like to be eaten by lucy pinder because it will probly be the only time ill ever be inside her lols

xD

[omgitsmegx]

you make me smile until my face hurts.

[Sophiethelattegirl]

haha i just bought your love

for the bargin price of 5 stars and a comment=P

haha

say something witty..

[tyedyefire4u]

haha...so if you have more you should do another funny text blog thing......k so i stoped laughing to start typing, and started with haha

[annihugstrees]

This is the funniest thing I've seen in days. Who is this oft mentioned semi-fictional Barry character? He sounds like a riot.

[BarbieMacccin]

hahah, isent a text to my ex sayinq- "do you ever sit on your hand until it falls asleep, and then start playinq withyourself...pretendinq it's someone else?" LOL.

[baaaabybum]

very very funny

[geoffejames]

Your lovely, not being shallow or anything, but you areee :p

Bye...BYE :)

[marklamete]

I got one saying "I'm going to fucking murder you, you sun of a bitch! How dare you sleep with my sister" And yes that's how they went about spelling "son"...

:) I got one five minutes later saying- "...wrong number, sorry"

[ItWhoMustNotBeNamed]

i once got a text saying my kitchen cabinet hardware was looking especially shiny...don't know what that's about...

[EllaDaCowQueen]

WTF!?!?!?!?!?

[Heffac]

I can totally relate I keep funny and sentimental text... and have to agree you are pretty hot

[xXMCRFOBTHloverXx]

Ooops. just dropped my headset. Anyway I use to keep messages from certain people and if i had a bf at the time i kept all his messages until my phone had its maximum text message limit pop up and me constantly,mind you that was like 1000 texts but yeah. I've still got texts from a guy i've been crushing over for age. i've had those same messages for over a year now the rest were accidentally deleted.

Anyway in response to that banana on i'd have to say i would have to go with Teddy. don't ask

[salbigmac]

"bitch stole my hair" HAHAHA

[ALLY0LLY]

i completely agree candayyxbayybayyy

[CandayyXbayybayyy]

your a bit gorgeous..jus to throw that in there.

[xoLillyButtonxo]

i agree

[Curri3Saan]

and alexander salmond isnt?

[niv00001]

"Daniels in trouble" Quality.

[TheAwesomeJayandGray]

THE PENIS WILL NOT COME OFF MY FACE!!!!

[Aliciaaaa021]

mary says shes only a little drunk but spelled only with a six in it

LMFAO

[BabaFemalez]

i wish i got interesting texts lol

[daria1705]

i know this is an old vid, but i stumbled upon it and yes, i use to save my funny/dear msgs, but then decided to start deleting them cuz it aint always good being so nostalgic. a person has to learn how to go on. anyways, i keep info txts and reminders on my phone now.

[5expuma]

i had to go urinate specifically because of what you just said.

haaahaha (:

[5expuma]

wait! you have the same phone as me! 4:24 and 0:23!

haha that phone lasts a really long time. i've had mine for three years. everyone loves it, it's so small.

[heynowgirl09]

"bitch stole my hair"

hahahah

[candygirlluvya]

your friends sound great

[hello1932443]

You look like three particular male "celebrities" rolled into one

[stacipoitra]

:O Omg! I love they way you said "P-I-M-P"!

[sami2503]

toothy vagina haha

[qdasoct]

you have some odd txts on ur fone.

[janitorbud]

i just bought your love with 5 stars and here's the comment.

i wish i had funny texts like that.

i don't even know who they were from and they had me smile and such.

ps: twazzock?

[LosexMex]

Awwhh.. this made my day. xD

Your dimples are cute by the way.

[avleonar]

Every time I watch a video with Dave in it I just get happier. Thanks for making my day :)

[rachelistheowniest]

how do you get blessed with both amazing talent and extremely good looks? its crazy. xD

[1234Meghan1234]

Love the ending...

You make me laugh!! ♥♥♥♥♥

[Emmaheartsmcfly]

twazzock! :) (your not, just quoting it)

[petitpois12345]

I LOVE YOU!!

[Beccarothwell]

The badgers are in the back garden singing songs with the squirrels about how they hate the neighbours cat.

I think the cat may have heard...

[Beccarothwell]

Poo I wasn't meant to send that! Haha! But just write it out and listen to the guy saying it... he's so sincere!

Haha

Loving your vids <-- What I actually meant to be saying!

^_^

xx

[tylermcquaid777]

lmfao thats so jokes

[pokeyluvr]

omg. i love you sooo much. haha banana. and i love your accent. marry me.

[TyroneeT]

haha *eyebrows up* daniels in trouble.

[hannahh711]

I still think this is the best video I've ever watched.

[Watsface]

You're dreamy.

[SpetsnazWarrior]

wow he has a pic of a guy as his background.....

[myChocolateArmy]

twazzock

ur friends send really random texts...

[fisbro]

I have a ? 4 u. Have u ever typed a text telling someone who u like and had the persons name in ur head and u also had that persons # this is the persons # whoo u like and u accidently sent it to that person? I know its weird wording sorry. but i have made the mistake of sending a message to the wrong person and it was saying who i liked and i sent it to that person lol that was a mess i lied my butt off to get out of that one

[domainoftheshadow]

The only amusing message my phone currently possesses says

"dum di dum, we all love the bum..."

[imfallingfasterr]

i know this is totally cliche, but your accent is the cutest fucking thing in the world and i want to be your best friend.

[123erfj]

hahah i can never bring myself to delete funny and picture messages

[chochang17]

i like the way you say 'banana'. pahah.

[PoeticTragedy16]

lol, i used to save my old texts when i had my sidekick and flip phones.

luckily, i now have a blackberry curve 8330.

idk if the inbox ever gets full because i've had it since the first week of october and i text ALOT, so i'm sure i have thousands upon thousands of msgs and it never shows as full or anything!!

i'm so glad!

[Frantabulous]

lmfao! "i just saw the world's fattest man i hope he pops!!!" heehee

[sea2thebizzle]

OMG! My friends make fun of me and call me a loser for keeping my old texts!

[omgitskatlynn]

After reading this comment i LOL'd, literally.

[twoplusoneisthree]

thanks man :D

[itsamountain]

You're friends seem very witty and entertaining. I am jealous. :P

[CactusesAreBADASS]

I like the banana one... lol

[randomYipeee]

i hope he pops

[DontBelieveTheTruth6]

HAHAHA when I got my hair cut it was thinned out so much and I remembered this video and actually said "BITCH STOLE MY HAIR" to my friend. It made her day. (you are very hot btw)

[minchau2020]

Daniel is in trouble!

I really enjoyed this :)

[kalisha12]

best bit: ''this is when my friend had a hair cut' "the bitch stole my hair"'

laughed out loud

[theOCroxz]

lol

[gothicjam]

who would i want to eat me if i was a banana...?

you dave...you

[gothicjam]

oh my god i WAS pissing myself that is hilarous

[sarahleighton]

your voice is so wow *blush* xx

[Laurbubble]

woah there were a lotta texts about barry there! Why did I not see this video in my sub box?! Why am i so late seeing every video?!

[Drownrats]

Spacecake eater= Alex.

AmIrite?

[chapstickbandit]

holy shit accidentally pressed post comment instead of audio preview.

awkward.

[chapstickbandit]

PENIZ

[krisstin1987]

If I were a banana I would want Ben Gibbard from Death Cab for Cutie to eat me because he is the sexiest man alive.

[perogieluver]

If I was a banana, I would want Ewan McGreggor to eat me.

[Katiekoneko]

you're adoreable.

[xyellowlollyx]

haha i do the same :)

damn inbox gets full so quickly though cos i've got so many saved. then if i get too many before i check my phone and delete some, i can't them all. :(

anywayyy - I JUST SUBSCRIBED :D

x

[whichwaytotheuk]

that was epic!

you have some crazy friends haha

[trickcandles05]

if i were a banana, i'd want YOU to eat me. you have dimples. how old are you anyway?

[trickcandles05]

he said rubbish. he's clearly british. :)

[bridgerox94]

haha that was hilarious. if i was a banana i think id want an old person to eat me because they don't have any teeth so it wouldn't hurt as much when they bit into me.

are you australian or british?

[chacotan]

that just made my day. haha

[MuoGa]

PIMP..XD

[ZaraOver]

i lol'd

the dude who climbed the fence.. poor!!

[LeBaggons96]

now you have to many lovers!!!! hahaha more than 600 , do you know spanish???? well if you do "adios" if you dont BYE

[cyberminky64]

teeheehee! me likes your videos so i subscribed :D

[Q2K2008]

Lmao! I loved your ending. It was brilliant. XD

[hannahh711]

this just made my day.

[odetoinsanity]

probably would have to get you to eat me if i was a banana.

[bendory]

bitch stole my hair too :(

[strongestgirl]

lol. i do the same with emails and texts. lol.

[charleeXD]

jimmy? as in mr 0010?

[yinxiii]

lol "bye... bye!"

[cutekat0012345]

hahahaha thats so funny XD

[Bayzili]

nerimon is a guy.?

scandal.

[Kimiko335]

if i was a banana i would want gerard from mcr to eat me XD

[1love93]

Lol, that was awesome :]

[photogap]

hahaha i have the same. funny you share your messages. funny friends you have! like your hairdo btw

[americanmusicc]

hahah you are too wonderful

here are some of mine that i never delete

"there are frosted dicks in my cereal"

"youre a nice lookin man with real feminine features. thats good. maybe tuck your sack back, throw a little rouge on you, you game?"

"then when you guys are doin it, will kick open your closet door and be like "I WONDER WHICH HOLE HE'S GONNA POKE HER THROUGH?!"

"WE LUV TEH SUBZ! COZ DEY R GOOD TO US!"

:)

[LifesnoPieceofCake]

OMg ur sooo cute!!!!! ;)

[stupidfish303]

"daniels in trouble.."

hahahaha...i love britsh guys so friggin much.

haha

[odetoinsanity]

wtf dave you are the bestest.

[dxaxs]

OmG Lyk SAME fone! Yur so WanTin 2 B me!

lol nice idea actually, my inbox fills up and i hate emptying it!!

[sugarXjunky]

I'm buying your love mwahahahaha *runs around half naked*

[paisleypower30]

OMg the number thing is funny! ha ha

3:21

[paisleypower30]

Guess I didn't do it right, oh well

[believingxox]

Could you be any cuter if you were smothered in pink cotton candy and surrounded my multi-colored pickles?

[Banana2022]

I'd eat you if you were a banana.

I'd eat you right now, you gorgeous chunk of british.

[ofarevolution441]

holy poop! 1:23 1:42 2:31 2:58 3:10 4:53

those are just random times. but this is amazing. *flips out*

[ofarevolution441]

awh. only half of them worked.

[MusicFromBlueSkies]

you overloaded it! XD

[WillThePlank]

2:31 is win!

[veebeeseesyou]

@youtube 1:26

[MusicFromBlueSkies]

LOOK... 2:04

[xMindxOverxMatterx]

Haha that was so funny.

:) And you're really, really cute!

And I love your accent too lol.

[prettyxpinkxbows]

wow i adore your accent, especially the way you say "oreo"

x]

[JinChyi]

无奈啊~~~怎么你手上也拿着三星的手机。不知道感叹亚洲人厉害­还是感叹国人的悲哀。我倒是希望你手上的是中兴或者其他什么国产­手机。。。

[panicduckky]

"daniel's in trouble..."

bahaha

x']

[Xheherokii]

Well ha ha, Daniel.

I know someone named Daniel.

They died the day before my birthday this year.

I call people names other than theirs periodically.

Like "Steven" or "Rick". o-O

Anyways. I guess I bought your love?

I'm sorry if this comment is stupid.

I'm a bit spazzoidial right now; I can finally use my computer again after antivirus 2009 killed it for a while. Dx

[rockstar32296]

rofl

Danles in trouble

XD

nice one <3

[kylielovescole]

'Good Morning Starshine, The Earth Says Hello!' - That was from my buddy at 6:30 in the morning :)

If I were a banana I would want the fictional characters of Across the Universe to eat me =P

[NickJismystuddmuffin]

haha! hilarious! ily Dave! =]

[chrizzo006]

im looking at the biggest boobs i ever saw... well actually a aint looking because i got scared the first seconds ! omgtheyrsohuge

[thetreeorthebear]

You'd get even more funny texts if you gave you number out on YouTube. I think that would be a good idea.

[Misfitsfan41]

very funny! and i love your accent!=]

[odetoinsanity]

I know your last name, Dave. I found you on Facebook. Don't worry, I won't tell anybody.

I know lots of youtube people's last names...and believe it or not I'm not a stalker.

[themurderxmachine]

oh my god. these are the funniest text messages i've heard, rofl.

THE PENIS WONT COME OFF MY FACE.

id love to send you funny messages. roflmao.

[Olivelover]

I can't delete funny messages either!!! It's too hard b/c they have so many good memories with them!!!

[5362753]

I would want Rika Hawes to eat me so she can have a chocolate covered banana an know what i taste like!!!!!

[TheStallion86]

I always touch myself when i'm watching your videos :-P

[heartless666]

I would want Donkey Kong to eat me, so that I would be forever famous

[iianardo]

Hehe im honored to be on your background still :)

Yeah i also do this like i was telling you the other day about about before i go to bed, i look through them txts before i sleep and now i can look through lots of blurry pictures of us in the coach station lol.

[sparrowluvver92]

This isn't a text i recivied, but one I texted my friend like 2 mins before watching this:

'I was just eating a packet of wotsits and was thinking; "These don't taste like wotsits! How come they're not cheesy how they used to be? what's happening to crisps these days?!"

Then when i finished eating them i looked at the packet and realised they were prawn cocktail. *headdesk* *o_O'

I feel like such a twat. XD

[ninjachild5]

haha i cant believe some of those messages you had. They were completly mad!

I loved your expression when you read "I watched your video and touched myself". haha my mum walked in right when you finished too.

[AllysSuperRad]

Heh. I loved the vid =]

My mum cant text and sent me

"I wonder he gigs mother is hmmm"

Translated to English

"I wonder if his mother is home"

[monkeybev]

I Actualy was the one who was sending the message. it was to my ex boyfriend and it was really graphic and stuff i was going on about how much i hated him and how big of a jerk he was. but i accedently sent it to my mom. it was super hillarious my mom messaged me back and was all like "god beverly what did he do!? it must be somthing terribly horrible. if your using that kind of language." i was surprised that my mom wasnt pissed. :P

[Hangcat]

I would have Jessica Alba eat me if i was a banana...so when I'm being eaten alive at least it will look sexy lol.

[Sunblam]

Those were hilarious.

I love how you laughed after the banana question.

texts: "I like my 14th dwarf but honestly, I'm not a nerd." and "what is the wanahackaloogie government?"

[skiesforshining]

If you were a banana, who would you want to eat you and why?

My friend said she would want Edgar Allen Poe to eat her because the thought of Poe eating a banana is insanely hilarious.

<3 funnyy

[robotfr0m1984]

I just got a new phone so all my text messages are gone.

:(

But I do remember this voice message I got once. It was some poor guy who clearly had a fight with his girlfriend. Judging by the message, her name was Noel. Basically, the whole message was him singing an apology song for her. For the record, it didn't sound very good.

But I felt so bad because obviously this guy had taken the time to write a nice song for his girlfriend and he called the wrong number!

I wonder what happened to them.

[MusicFromBlueSkies]

haha that's amazing!

[earthpox]

it's so sad i'm no allowed to text because it's expensive!!!

but if i did it'd probably be something like

i'm texting because i'm in the bathroom doing bathroom stuff and i don't want you to hear me

i hope you can't hear this.

how long can a text be anyway?

[jenlussinall]

Hahaha, "Daniel's in trouble" hilarious!

[CrayolaaWonderr]

haha i love these so much.

[AmazingPhil]

aw my old phone died as did all my funny messages!!

This made me smile! XD

[odetoinsanity]

aha I love how it takes you two tries to turn it off

[AuthoressKat]

"Omg were you trying to cut off mikes finger?" from a friend who had not witnessed an intensely fast round of cards between myself and Mike. He had the cards I wanted, I slapped the pile, but his hand was in the wrong spot and my nails accidentally cut a pretty little gash into his finger. Oops.

[EmiliaTsontilis]

I literally... ish, sent you HALF of those texts.

thats literally...ish, 50%, dave.

The first two texts make me sound like a stupid cunt who can't help but fall over things in her room.

love you.

[MusicFromBlueSkies]

ZOMG EMILY SIGNED IN!

<3

[AuthoressKat]

Guilty of saving most texts. Unfortunately, they're all boring because none of my friends are funny. :-(

Loved the video, though. 5*