Jimmy Carr's shortest joke in the world

[FLxI2aPiiDz]

870 thick ass americans don't get it

[ARNOLDGOVONATOR]

The REAL shortest joke in the world is this:

Religion

[HesterDW]

Plenty people have not eaten deer, that doesnt make them idiots for not understanding the joke. Damn elitists.

[brydust]

Tomato

[NicoleNa666]

4 words: I didn't hear shit.

[x4alifetimex]

@NicoleNa666 4 words: You're obviously not British.

[BlackDollarBills]

people are hating on this joke on the comments and they think they're being really biting and saritical when they put "america" or "women's rights" or "military intelligence". puns are tired but at least people who make them don't take themselves too seriously.

[ordedonovomundo]

@BlackDollarBills ILLUMINATI!

[BlackDollarBills]

there are hundreds of good two word ones but i don't know any one word jokes

[96CHUNK]

midget shortage is his new one.

[ilikepie7631]

I thought he was going to say somthing like "Dead Babies" that would have been hilarious!

[Erech01]

Microsoft works

[MatsEP]

Shortest joke in the world (one word): Religion

[Phuma843]

@MatsEP

HAHAHAHAHA. no...

[MatsEP]

Venice is dead isnip

[c0rr0s10n]

his shortest joke is actually 2 words....Dwarf Shortage!

[stoxocube18]

this isnt a joke its a pun/wordplay whatever.

[Jumzu]

i dont get it

[Plax123]

He came up with a 2 word one: Dwarf shortage.

[JoeyH547]

Dallas cowboys.

[JoeBezzz]

Stationary shop moves.

[Venix946]

Dwarf shortage.

[stoxocube18]

my cock is the shortest joke ever

[hodgeyboy3]

@stoxocube18 i feel so sorry for you...

[DRDFOX]

More of an oxymoron but two words: military intelligence

[panny14]

@DRDFOX "french resistance" perhaps? or maybe just "France"......:P

[DRDFOX]

@panny14 lol

[SaintVespucci]

2 word joke, bitches

"Midget shortage"

[gunninlinguist]

Should be 6 words technically.

[dabomb1357]

@gunninlinguist Even counting the contraction as 2, which it's not, that's only 5.

[TheVonRes]

@dabomb1357 actually it is 6, gunninlinguist is right; Venison'S dear isn't it. I will not argue about contractions, after all it's a joke!

[gunninlinguist]

@dabomb1357

Venison is dear is it not.

[Zeph100]

whats red and white?

Pink

[spaceshi1984]

I'm too dumb to understand this..

[NowhereBeats]

"Stationary Shop Moves"

[2oldnot2]

A seal walks into a club...

[leavetheherbitalone]

What about "British dentistry?"

[irishtuke]

Mine is shorter. "Women's Rights"

[binladensassassin]

@irishtuke *gay rights

[binladensassassin]

DWARF SHORTAGE

[ItsTheAlfred]

It could be 3 words;

Isn't Venison dear?

[ConnorHere]

@ItsTheAlfred except that sounds so shit it ruins the joke.

[Zeph100]

@ItsTheAlfred or: Venisons dear innit?

[the3rdjoker]

one word- mooo

[TekedixXx]

Dwarf Shortage.

-Jimmy Carr (I understand this was uploaded before that joke)

[lhanks99]

861 people dont get that dear can mean two things.

[420lightmyspliff420]

emancipation proclamation! lol too racist?

[thelinkinparkfan504]

I think it's Justin Bieber.

[Gasundheit]

Camping's intense.

[Hellaklo]

Dwarf...Shortage.

Venison's Deer.

[corey01]

stationary shop moves

[wahinesurfergirl]

Stop with the Justin Bieber jokes. I'm not a fan of his, don't even like any of his songs at all, but please - it's getting old! It's totally redundant, like how people use the word "FAIL", all the time.

[karolis685]

I know even a shorter joke - religion!

[zoerickard]

@karolis685 Shit. I actually laughed at your joke too!!!

[Memblem]

You.

[Neeidea]

America

[LimeyThunder]

@Neeidea lol

[TheRpm1999]

Justin Bieber

[500whiteboy]

naw the shortest is yer face

[MrJamesDEllis]

Dwarf Shortage

[FoxGirlVixi]

@MrJamesDEllis

You just copied that from Carr himself on a stand-up performance. You are the shortest joke in history.

[legalam]

I can top you all.

Justin Biebers penis.

[10Shivi]

@legalam I can beat that. Justin Bieber

[nickisquiteawesome]

Geology rocks



[acwlong2]

He said, "Venisons dear isn't it?"

Venison is a cut of meat from deer (as in bambi!).

'Dear' is an old fashioned way of saying 'expensive' in England.

[LimeyThunder]

@acwlong2 its not old fashioned at all

[weyvind]

@acwlong2 Haha, I understood it at once. Dear= Dyr(Expensive) in Norwegian. Americans....

[ordedonovomundo]

@acwlong2 *"Venison's dear isn't it?"

[jt93guitar]

wanna hear an even shorter joke? Dwarf shortage.

[djsmoothy]

touchy subject sex!

[HenryTheChipfork]

Dwarf shortage

[JxamesUK]

VENISON'S DEAR ISN'T IT

[KixKat360]

Shortest Joke: Your Mom

[FutureAbe]

irishman walks out of pub.

[mrswicket]

military intelligence

[zozefup]

poop....

[Kento617]

@420lightmyspliff420 Drum: "buh doom tss!" Encore =)

[rflood89]

@420lightmyspliff420 even shorter?.. women

[Grimtheorist]

I feel like this isn't really a joke... just a (mildly) clever play on words. Maybe British humor is just much more dry than what I would consider funny, but I still don't consider this a joke.

I heard he has a 2 word 'joke': Dwarf shortage. That one actually does make me laugh, quite a bit. Maybe that's because I'm tall?

So maybe the venison 'joke' is mean for rich people? Man, I dunno.

[0Linerider0forever0]

He says "Venison's deer isn't it?"

1. Venison is the meat from a deer

2. The joke is based around a pun on the word 'deer' or 'dear' as the meat is often quite expensive

[okmarshall]

Women's rights.

[OpethMcNugget]

Dwarf shortage

[luv4drums1]

actually Kim Kardashian's marriage was the shortest joke ever.

[suckmychuddywuddy]

@luv4drums1 woah she found time to get married between bumhole-waxing sessions and sextapes?

[TheImmortalness]

Shortest joke: my penis

[kapikzx]

@TheImmortalness Shortest joke: JB penis.

[DoctorPlausible]

"Venison's deer, isn't it?"

"Venison's dear, isn't it?"

That's not a joke; it's just a pun.

[lockide]

jimmy carr is funny

[IseeRightThrough2you]

I got the joke. Still not funny.

[jonny68s]

SHITE

[VolV8]

Saddest short story-

Ernest Hemingway: "For sale: baby shoes, never worn."

[Aeyres1]

His Shortest Joke That Makes Me Laugh Is: "For Fuck's Sake"

[osker17111]

Woman's basketball, Nuff' said

[justintc1996]

Women's soccer.

[gears146]

I've got one for you in 4 words:

That Joke is Shit

[Sameebob]

no no no, i saw him live and he had a 2 word joke.

Dwarf Shortage

[ToONShOTzZ]

how about 3 words?

Stationary store, moves...

and then even 2 words?

dwarf shortage.

[krisforrowan2010]

@ToONShOTzZ or even one word, SHIT!!!!

[amberliegh7]

dont get it lol



[Cheyenne290]

I love jimmy Carr. British stand up is the best.

[Resilience1983]

Doesn't "isn't" count as two words?

[floatingpoint]

@Resilience1983 no.

[Resilience1983]

@floatingpoint Why not?

[00millern]

@Resilience1983 Because it's one word.

[Resilience1983]

@00millern That's not a reason. Why am I a woman? Because I'm not a man. Not a valid answer, sorry.

"Isn't" is "is" + "not", so sorry, but two words.

[MountHappy]

@Resilience1983 It's a contraction and therefore one word.

[dubdefuje]

@Resilience1983 no

[keir193]

FACT: the reason most americans don't get this is because americans don't say "that's dear" when they mean that's expensive. you fucking arrogant fucks. im sick of this "americans are so fucking stupid" they aren't. by and large they are the same as the rest of the world. its a stereotype. and no im not fuckin american!

[XDebuzzyX]

@keir193 Finally someone who isn't American who sticks up for us Americans. Thank You.

[WistfulnessLonging]

@XDebuzzyX Nope, you're wrong; he is American, his profile page says he lives in Canada, which, like Mexico is American.

[XDebuzzyX]

@WistfulnessLonging Fair enough. I didn't look at his page so I had no idea where he was from.

[WistfulnessLonging]

@XDebuzzyX Hey man, no worries !

.

[WistfulnessLonging]

@keir193 That's the fault of whom? then.

.

American Airlines because the fares are too dear for ignorant-Americans to afford to vacation somewhere with a culture different from their own that they might learn from.

.

Supposably.

[PBowyer123]

FACT: 99% of Americans will need to watch this twice to understand it.

[WistfulnessLonging]

@PBowyer123 ... FACT: 99.9% of Amrèicans wouldn't bother to watch it again !

[JonasPolsky]

PLUSH SAFE HE THINK

[goon333]

"Venison's dear (deer), isn't it?" the effect is lost when you recite a joke rather than tell it

[MrJWDavies]

One word: Religion

[selty]

:/ Not too funny.

[haarryyyyy]

did anyone else have to replay?

[97ginoVDB]

Religion

[medz319]

4 words : I didnt hear shit.

[qeinar]

@medz319 that's actually five words. 

[jack00goodyear]

stationary store moves

[BagOfAngeredBees]

Two words: women's rights.

[clamper1810]

i dont get it?

[Rdburnzy]

@clamper1810 Venison's dear/deer isn't it ? :L

[Hazy992]

@clamper1810 cause venison's deer meat, so he's saying its deer but also it's dear (expensive). Its a pun

[jamietailz96]

A N G B

That's bang out of order

[drumndbassdubndstep]

dwarf shortage

[Ali3nat0r]

Tea is for mugs.

[DisturbedChild33]

That's nothing on my shortest joke! It's "ballsack". I just randomly scream it when i'm around my friends and they fucking shit thier pants laughing!

[hippotoast]

@DisturbedChild33 Please don't breed.

[DisturbedChild33]

@hippotoast lol

[TheWhiteOwl23]

@DisturbedChild33 the joke was you have no friends

[DisturbedChild33]

@TheWhiteOwl23 I fucked your mom. :p

[HeavyMetalFourLife]

@DisturbedChild33 His mum could be 70 for all you know. If you fuck 70 year old women to get under peoples skin, then you live a very fucked up life.

[DisturbedChild33]

@HeavyMetalFourLife Nope, his mom is 28. She told me so.

[HeavyMetalFourLife]

@DisturbedChild33 Naw cute, you thought it was clever.

[DisturbedChild33]

@HeavyMetalFourLife Never said that....

[tangiblephoton]

he says 'Venison deer, isn't it'

#1 Venison is a type of meat that you get from wild game etc like deer.

#2 he uses a pun on the word 'deer', the other spelling is 'dear' and it means something that is expensive.

#3 Venetian meat is generally expensive relative to other meats you can get.

[Carthsgtr]

@tangiblephoton

Simply having a pun in the phrase doesn't make it a fucking joke. Either way this guy sounds like a pretentious cunt saying that.

[LP290792]

@tangiblephoton 'Venetian' means from Venice, not Venison-like..

[0Linerider0forever0]

@tangiblephoton No he says "Venison's" or "Venison is"

[guineapiggyman]

@tangiblephoton dear doesnt mean expensive lol. it means nice or loved

[xgusROX]

@guineapiggyman The adverb form of 'dear' means: At high cost i.e. expensive... "lol"

[tangiblephoton]

@guineapiggyman dear 1 [deer] Show IPA adjective, -er, -est, noun, adverb, interjection adjective 1. beloved or loved: a dear friend. 2. (used in the salutation of a letter as an expression of affection or respect or as a conventional greeting): Dear Sir. 3. precious in one's regard; cherished: our dearest possessions. 4. heartfelt; earnest: one's dearest wish. 5. high-priced; expensive: The silk dress was too dear.

[ba3cool]

Dwarf shortage.

[blapgatify]

Venison's dear is nit? I don;t get it

[Nik1718]

@blapgatify

Venison's dear isn't it? Is what he said.

The joke is that is also works as "Venison's deer, isn't it?"

[mushroomchrisn]

@blapgatify its wordplay, "dear" means expensive but "deer" is also venision (as in both the same animal).

[twoshedsjohnson]

Black people

[TORCH5095]

@twoshedsjohnson RACIST SCUM

[twoshedsjohnson]

@TORCH5095 Your joke sucks.

I've got an even shorter one: Niggers

[xeperhurf]

@twoshedsjohnson it's you, your the joke, you short-dicked redneck.

[twoshedsjohnson]

@xeperhurf You turned yourself into a joke you stupid butthurt nigger. Ugg booga dick bigger den ooga dick ug. Thank you for proving my point faggot.

[TORCH5095]

@twoshedsjohnson it wasn't a joke I was calling you racist scum...moron

[twoshedsjohnson]

@TORCH5095 And I was making fun of you for being too stupid to understand that I was waiting for some retard to bite. Sure enough, you did. That makes you king of the retards, that's awesome!

Oh yeah and you're a nigger-faggot nigglet niggy nigger so we'er even on the name calling 12 year old boy who found a computer.

[TORCH5095]

@twoshedsjohnson im actually white you don't have to be black to stand up to knuckle dragging, black hating caveman throwbacks like you

Second, if you have enough free time to post comments and "wait for some retard to bite" then I’m truly sorry but that’s just sad

[twoshedsjohnson]

@TORCH5095 Aw ok kid. You're sticking up for the Black race. Good for you. ;)

[captainsensible18]

he got a new 1 on his 1 in london only 3 words

stationary, store, moves

then a 2 word joke

dwarf, shortage

haha

[Muherdon]

No, "stationery store moves" and "dwarf shortage". All you've done is list words. And spell stationery incorrectly.

[captainsensible18]

@Muherdon seriosly dude if u go around on youtube and correct peoples mistakes like spelling u NEED 2 get a life

[bobdy9988]

@captainsensible18 That's "you" need to get a life. (Trollface)

[destined2sleep]

@Muherdon I think I SPeak for everyone when I say 1) the joke was crystal clear even with the commas and 2)you are a bitch, bitch, bitch!

[destined2sleep]

@captainsensible18 dwarf shortage isn't that good but stationary store moves is

[greymatter110]

@TORCH5095, @oc00091, @Werty12112, @Iameverything, @ThiefLeet- ...But at least I won't be coming back to check your replies. As for the whole Jew thing, don't hate all the jews, just the 1001 currently responsible.

[greymatter110]

@TORCH5095, @oc00091, @Werty12112, @Iameverything, @ThiefLeet- This is a lame, 5 second video, which none of you enjoy, but instead of moving on with your lives, you feel the need to "one up" others. I know most people, like myself, want to say something, but know its pointless. I dont want to say something because it makes me no better than you, but someone needs to sometime...

[TORCH5095]

@greymatter110 actually I did enjoy the video I just felt the need to defend the Jews against antisemitic scum like thiefleet

I mean jimmy was just making a joke theifleet was saying shit like "10 out of 10 Jews love incest"

[itzxx420l33tHALOxxzz]

Shortest joke: Women's rights

[seabury]

@itzxx420l33tHALOxxzz I thought your dick was?

[itzxx420l33tHALOxxzz]

@seabury go back to the kitchen and make me a sandwich lolololololoolol

[iliketha]

surely this would work as 2 words: "Venison's dear"

[ReeceDogg100]

Two words: Not Funny.

[epsons25]

@zebezd Behold, the most tired and trite joke on youtube.

[jordododo]

two words: dwarf shortage