hi, i have OCD and i want to kill you - OCD intrusive thoughts

[TheAppaJuice]

Meggan you are an amazing person i love you :)

[MeganSquareth45]

@TheAppaJuice <3

[TheGeocacheVlogger12]

I have tourettes and OCD two :)

[muruuuuu]

oh god.. i just wanted to tell you that you're really really strong! not everyone with OCD would be able to upload this kind of video to youtube. i suffer from OCD and i have intrusive thoughts too. but you made me feel better, THANK YOU<3 hope you get better in the future!!

[MeganSquareth45]

@muruuuuu :) <3

[OminousJaffa]

I get them too although seeing knives and things rarely affects me. If one little think depresses me all I can think about is suicide. I've had similar car ones too. I've only just realised I have OCD too, all my obsessions are coming out. Scary. Oh well!

[dechavezvryan]

I felt the same thing

I don't want to commit suicide

and I have no plan in doing those

but the thoughts are strong

[TheBanana1226]

my intrusive thoughts are really embarrassing I have never told anyone about them except my dog :[

[MeganSquareth45]

@TheBanana1226 you can always message me :)

[theathenakeene]

Hang in there. I have OCD too. Not like ur but I've been getting treatment for about 7 months. And nothing's changed I know how u feel. (Hugz.)

[TheLilmissFox]

Sweet heart you are so brave, and i noticed on one part of your vid you say '' i feel like a creep'' ... you are the furthest thing from it, and your so yoing to be brave enough to put up a video like this shows a true genuine person and i know from looking at you that you'd never do a thing like that ... trust me i know what its like to have OCD especially the way you have it , it can be a living nightmare but always remember its not you its your OCD :)

[alexis42able]

i feel you i have the same thing mostly about hurting children which i would never do but its the fact it makes you anxious that brings it on and because it makes you anxiuos it shows you will never act on it have you ever tried CBT?

[MeganSquareth45]

@alexis42able i'll be trying CBT in the near future :)

[alexis42able]

@MeganSquareth45 good luck ;) im not gonna lie its hard but very effective

[MeganSquareth45]

@alexis42able LOL ive seen it on tv, looks painful :P

[alexis42able]

@MeganSquareth45 the tv shows over dramatize it it is really as slow process( with the right therapist of course) if you find a good BT it works really well :)

[xwalsh14x]

i get these thoughts and images all the time and it is so terrifying but i dont know whether i have OCD becase they are very recent and i've never had them before! basically i know i will never hurt another human being i couldnt but what i want to know is is it possible for me to have OCD? and what should i do :/ xx

[MeganSquareth45]

@xwalsh14x yes ocd is a possibility but to have ocd you need other aspects for it to be ocd. many people have one or two things that they do that would fall into the ocd category, but they're just human, not obsessive compulsive. i suggest you do some research on the topic :P

[ShhhhhItsasecret]

Very brave of you to discuss your intrusive thoughts, it's always scary because you don't want anyone to think that you're capable of doing these things.

[viewuphere]

She pointed out that these are INTRUSIVE thoughts, and that someone with OCD isn't at risk of acting on them without thinking them through. They're often really really horrid, but they don't represent who you are.

This is going to sound odd, but I'm the one who keeps all our kitchen knives sharp. And yeah, that's one of the intrusive thoughts I get. (Told you it was eerie to watch your video!) Having sharp knives in the kitchen makes cooking easier. Besides, it's therapeutic.

[viewuphere]

Good on ya! The first time I ever told someone about my intrusive thoughts was in therapy. This was after the therapist assured me if they thought I would put myself or anyone else at risk, they'd have me taken to the hospital. It was downright eerie watching your video because I have very similar intrusive thoughts. It was like watching myself in that therapy session. She heard me out, and in the end I went home. She said I was safe. (more)

[Abercrombieand1Bitch]

Wow...i though my intrusive thoughts were something else not OCD and that I was insane for them.... thanks for making this video!

[MeganSquareth45]

@Abercrombieand1Bitch i though that all my life lol

[strongbow681]

its a shame a nice girl like this..lifes a bitch..

[strongbow681]

i know how she feels, i hide knifes because i fear i will cut my kids thoat, n thats just the tip of the iceberg..ocd = torcher..

[MeganSquareth45]

@strongbow681 i hide belts so i don't hang myself with them, i know the feeling, ocd is definately not fun lol

[djdempsey11]

im 14 some how i do things to make me worry and at the time its fine then 2 days later i feel bad about doing it =( i

[MeganSquareth45]

@djdempsey11 hmmm wanna message me? we can talk more about it :)

[TenshiTamagoKidd15]

omg i get intrusive thoughts that are fucking disgusting. i WOULD never do somthing like that, i would rather die than become someone like that. im 18 now and all this shit happend from roming the internet.

[MeganSquareth45]

@TenshiTamagoKidd15 some of my intrusive thoughts make me feel gross too , sometimes even guilty even though its not my fault

[TenshiTamagoKidd15]

@MeganSquareth45 or like weird pictures pop in my head. i hate that. 

[danceisfun43]

didn't know there was a name for this...one of mine is when im on a balcony or something to jump off yet i have a fear of hights...i also get random meaningless scentences that pop into may head and i have to repeat them a 100 times and they tend to pop into my head when im having a conversation with someone

[MeganSquareth45]

@danceisfun43 i always get the thoughts to jump off balconies :(

[Kristiniskool]

omg, thanks for being so brave to upload this to share with others suffering.... I get those kinds of thoughts too and they have bothered me for years.... But it helps to know that it's not just me, that there are others who know what it's like too...

[MeganSquareth45]

@Kristiniskool im glad my vid has helped u :)

[cooltyg2012]

i TRULY understand.... I am 38 yrs old and has had ocd my entire life but kept it a secret until last year. I know what u mean about the knives. I had a thing about guns and disarming police officers (soem real creepy is) on my wall is a song that I written about the disturbing thoughts I face, aled DEAR GOD. It's hard to explain OCD to people because some dont think its a real issue and others will freak out

[MeganSquareth45]

@cooltyg2012 i know, its soooo hard to explain to people. i could explain EVERYTHING and theyd probably get the idea in the end but to summarize what ocd is when theres so many parts to it is impossible. no one understands "obsessions and compulsions" lol. but anyways, im glad that you told people about your ocd and i will definately watch your video later! :)

[AgentTomcat]

I've always had intrusive thoughts, but I always channeled them into story ideas or drawings to deal with them and sort them out. That gave me the springboard I needed to cope with them. I don't often like the word "cope" because it makes me feel like a victim, but in this case, I haven't made much headway into controlling the creation of these thoughts, and I've only been successful in decreasing the amount of time it takes for me to stop them once they start. Mine are often about mass murder.

[MeganSquareth45]

@AgentTomcat i actually do that too lol, i never realized i did it until you mentioned it :P I actually havent had one intrusive thought since i had a dream where i actually did act upon them and killed 7 people. i think that dream let go my tension and i can relax now, of clurse, this is probably only temporary.

[tomoe1986]

oh yeah, i know where you're coming from. i get these thoughts every day. what worries me is the fact that i am somehow convinced i am a bad person and some sort of a danger to other people...

ps. you're absolutely beautiful!

[MeganSquareth45]

@tomoe1986 i know the feeling, im so scared im going to do these things.. and thanks :)

[UtubeXucks]

Thanks a lot for this. Others seem to talk about having intrusive thoughts but they rarely discuss specifically what that is. I know you might feel very uncomfortable or embarrassed about actually saying specifically what the suicidal/harmful thoughts you have are, but it was very refreshing to have it cleared up like this. Thank you.

[MeganSquareth45]

@UtubeXucks definately!!! i hate the feeling that im being judged when i tell people i get these urges. thank you for the support!! <3

[UtubeXucks]

@MeganSquareth45

I've been thinking a lot about something you said in the vid. I remember when I was ages younger, like in 3rd and 4th grade when I had these urges to open my side of the car door while my parents were driving. I even remember having the compulsion to pull fire alarm trigger (which i did and got in a lot of trouble for). I grew out of it, but the compulsion to do it is something I still remember. I think I kind of understand a bit more about OCD compulsion thing.

[MeganSquareth45]

@UtubeXucks yeah and its upsetting especially being young not knowing why you're having these thoughts

[CrazyBexx24]

oh

8===D ~~~ o:

[CrazyBexx24]

You have a very decorative room ;)

[MeganSquareth45]

@CrazyBexx24 .......stfu.

[acchildhoodsend]

Hello...I know exactly how you feel...I have pure OCD. Sharp things trigger me too. Imagine even sharp pencils...so I use golf pencils in school. I have lived with these thoughts all my life....I wish you well...I have no advice, I am sorry...we just have to hang on and hopefully they will make progress in medicines. Seeing you, actually made me tear up. peace.

[TheGolfer987]

@MeganSquareth45 Don't worry your get through it everything happens for a reason.

[andromeda99239]

My intrusive thoughts started when i was 16, i thought i was an evil and awful person for having those terrible thoughts . Now i'm 22 and so far i've managed to control them a bit more. They never go away, but it gets better 

[TheGolfer987]

I have OCD 2 I'm 17 the intrusive thoughts are really bad sometimes but I can deal with it.

[MeganSquareth45]

@TheGolfer987 aww im glad you can deal with it!! i can too, idk how much longer i can take this though...

[taleana2002]

i actually did jump out of a car when i was 18. and the intrusive thought is still common to me, it stinks! My ocd has calmed down as i got older, so maybe it will for you too, that would be nice. I get horible thoughts towards my kid too, and that can scare me bad, im afraid the urge could be acted on. so far i havent come close to harming anyone, phew...but i do worry, what if.....

[MeganSquareth45]

@taleana2002 you did? thats hella scary O.o and i hope things calm down, im going to a phycologist at the end of the month, cant wait!! one of my biggest thoughts not mentioned in the vid is cutting important papers or cutting my own hair, sucks. and i worry to, i dont want to hurt anyone :$

[taleana2002]

@MeganSquareth45 my 6 yr old girl does cut important papers, she cant control her intrusive thoughts, she acts on alot of them, its sad but that's life i quess

[MeganSquareth45]

@taleana2002 well she is young, so when she gets older she'll be able to realize and understand her condition more, and her thoughts will be more controllable :)

[taleana2002]

@MeganSquareth45 thx meggan, she is in therapy twice a week now, her ocd seems to be having a major impact on her now as well, she had a very long meltdown from not having her picture perfect, didnt matter how much i told her it was perfect to me and i loved it, in her mind it was ruined and that's all , was heartbreakeing

[Largestina]

Also I really like the video title :P

[Largestina]

You're so brave to openly talk about this :) there really should be more videos and stuff where people can openly speak about it. it really is a big part of OCD, most people think OCD is all about cleaning and tidiness and stuff, the obsessions are often worse than the compulsions IMHO.

[MeganSquareth45]

@Largestina I think more people should open up about stuff like this. i feel more comfortable talking about it to complete strangers on youtube than i am talking about it to my friends/family, probably because they can't relate. and lol yeah, not always about cleaning, people see my room and say "i thought you said you have ocd...." lol, youd never be able to tell :P but yeah i think the obsessions and compulsions are both equally annoying, :P

[mykidissuper]

Thanx,Megan- my six year old has really intense phobias and it's good to know that even though now he doesn't verbalize well...one day he will tell me what is going on in his head.:)

[MeganSquareth45]

@mykidissuper yeah he'll be able to explain better when he's older. he's 6 AND doesn't verbalize well so it might be hard getting things out of him but when he's older he'll be able to understand himself better :)

[FedezMolko]

I like your videos please keep doing this

Your touretts is nothing compared to your big heart <3

Also you´re attractive, anyone would date you including me =)

[MeganSquareth45]

@FedezMolko wow that was REALLY sweet. thank you so much :) <3 and i will keep doing this for sure !! :)

[Ravenhura]

Cool beans, my OCD is mild, I have to have the sugar bowl and creamer ,spoon rest in a certain place or I get in a really bad mood ..until its fixed...

[Ravenhura]

Nah!! your not different at all. This is your normality.

[MeganSquareth45]

@Ravenhura lol trust me, my tics and ocd are the most normal thing about me !! ;)

[Ravenhura]

Its common? wow scary. **HUGS**

[MeganSquareth45]

@Ravenhura yeah i was reading online about ocd, and thats when i figured out these thoughts were a part of it which really took a lot of my shoulders, after thinking im just a disturbed child all these years ;) so i guess a lot of people with ocd get them so im not that different :D

[ItachiMongekyouEyes]

My OCD is having things symmetrical

[MeganSquareth45]

@ItachiMongekyouEyes yeah, i do that too. always a pain in the butt eh :P

[StomperReed]

Yeah I can relate to this. Good video keep making them if anything you are probably gonna help others with their OCD. Hope things get better for you! Peace

[MeganSquareth45]

@StomperReed aw thankyou!! and im getting help late september !! :)

[Ravenhura]

Interesting OCD issue. 

[MeganSquareth45]

@Ravenhura interesting yet common :P

[SandNBtwnMyToes]

Your not alone hun, I am 24 years old and was diagnosed with OCD I manage it with prozac. I have disturbing thoughts as well mine have been from molesting a children, and suicide also. Would love to talk sometime. send me a message

-Paige

PS keep your head up