Added: 2 years ago
From: TheAist
Views: 1,241
Sort by time | Sort by thread (beta)

Link to this comment:

Share to:

All Comments (74)

Sign In or Sign Up now to post a comment!
  • SMILES FROM THE SUN!

    JUST ASK!

    SHON!

  • @thesunshon Hello, Mr Shon :)

    I'm curious, what am i to ask?

  • Ok, this was funny!

  • @mcrd2001 Thanks!

  • I won't speculate on Jesus whacking off; however, if he never had morning wood, he wasn't fully human.

  • this is funny...lol.. Jesus even said that he did as a child when he was a child, then as a man he was about his fther business. So Jesus could have done anything as a kid.

  • @RheNate glad u liked it :)

  • I'm asking you to state what your evidience is that says that you are 100% right.

  • ALL of it, 100% of ALL evidence. Biology, geology, astronomy, physics, chemistry, psychology, archeology...all of it. 100% of all evidence supports the natural universe, zero% supports fairy tale religions.

  • i want to ask you a question? what was the culture of when jesus was a teen? Because all of what you are comparing him to is that of this culture? Yah this may be for your own "laugh's and giggles" but what is the point? Because it seems to me that all you want to do is take shots at Christians and you really have no concrete evedience of your own.

  • well, this video is comedy, but the truth is, 100% of the evidence supports what i believe, while zer0% supports christianity

  • I could understand someone not beliving in God and religion,but this kind of blasphemy really makes me sick... You have no respect for other peoples oppinion and your an asshole.

  • lmfao good.  im not the asshole, your moronic imaginary dictator is the asshole, yknow, just like yourself. Now, please, fuck off and quit bothering me, dipshit. i dont care about your stupid opinions or your idiot master.

  • Opinions only deserve respect if they're respectable. Belief in the Christian god is not a respectable position to hold.

  • And who gave you power to judge thing like that ? Keep it to yourself.

  • well, 14, according to your primitive superstition, god gave us intelligence to judge. its nobody's fault but god's for being a total douche bag.

    And, anyone can comment on my videos, you have no say so here. Perhaps YOU should keep it to yourself.

  • Why for the love of fuck do people with untenable opinions become defensive when people call their bullshit? Great video btw, my roommate and I were chuckling through it.

  • Thanks, checkout my noah videos, you'll like them too.

  • I thought they were awesome. Noah and his ilk shoveling shit...24/7...man, whodathunkit?

  • No, I have freedom of speech in America. I'm hoping in Russia you do too, although I'm no expert on Russian politics.

    Who gave me the power to judge? Nobody, that's an asinine question. "What gave me the power to judge?" would have been a much better phrasing, and it's called my functioning brain. I have the power to tell you to take a nose dive off of your pedestal, realize that you are not a unique and beautiful snowflake, and realize that religion does not deserve anything.

  • Ever considered that your opinion isnt actually valued or needed ? Think about that.

  • i dunno if you are talking to me or jes, but..in my case, i have nearly 1300 subscribers...so, no i dont consider that.

  • I have, but I have 55 people subscribed to me. That means at least 55 people are interested in what I say on youtube. I've thought about it though, and I must consider my opinion needed. Conservative jerkwads want to legislate us into the dark ages with anti blasphemy laws, and religious nutjobs are trying to take away the rights of my people. This is all because they believe in something equivalent to the tooth fairy.

  • "I created the universe. I think I can saw a fuckin' board!" Priceless.

    I would suggest adding an exasperated teenage sigh and an eye roll to that quip for realism though.

    How many times do you suppose he said to Joseph "You can't tell me what to do! You're not my REAL Dad!"?

    (Yes, I used "REAL" ironically.)

    Great vid. Very funny.

  • Thanks. Thats funny what u said too...an eye roll would have nailed it!

  • I love this video

  • Thanks!

  • Holy Shit

    Emo fuckin jesus lmmfao

    you should go into comedy Coz

  • Thanks, i appreciate it.

  • well, its good your parents can laugh about religion, most cant. you should checkout my Noah videos, they are both pretty funny and have lots of info.

  • jesus was jewish, he got everyone else's money

  • he spent hours praying..

  • shit, that's perfect! did joseph and mary beat the shit out of jesus, and that's what made him such a peaceful man when he got older? spare the rod....

    unreal!

    thanks man

  • i hope they beat the hell out of him

  • ur a fuckin weirdo

  • He was obviously reading Harry Potter. You wouldn't want to include that in the Bible would you.

  • i think theres more magic in the bible than a harry potter book

  • I bet he had fun spanky his dirty monkey. He problely made the house shake and his mom would say. "Jesus I know your spanky your monkey again. What i tell you about that".lol

  • heehee

  • Actually, they used their left hand. That's why lefties were seen as wicked. That's why we shake hands with our right hand.

    There were stories of Jesus's growing up. They were left out of the Bible as they detracted from the "God incarnate" aspect of the dogma.

  • oh yes, ive read them. trippy stuff.

  • Actually, if he had spent his teenage years as a conservative republican.... he would have masturbated more, crashed his dad's donkey when he was shitfaced, and caught smoking hashish with a male prostitute.

    Hey...blasphemy IS fun!!!!

  • thats hilarious!

  • I wonder what kind of exhaust system that jesus would have had on his mule?

  • haha here come the cops, quick jesus turn this wine back into water.

  • lol nice!

  • awk, I'm sure he was just a nice wee boy who helped old people and his parents.

  • oh, im sure you're right :)

  • Yeah, its pretty much a comprehensive collection of the supposed teachings of Jesus as opposed to a story, but it is indeed very gnostic. It's famous for what it revealed as the true meaning behind Luke 17:20-21. The horror movie Stigmata was based on it.

  • One time, Teenage Jesus bumped into another kid while walking in the marketplace and in a temperamental fit, he killed the kid just by touching his head.

  • lost books of the bible. checkout the old testament lost books

  • Know them too, Enoch and all. Interesting stuff. By the by, I mentioned that Teenage Jesus story not because I believe it, but only because it's kinda funny that there is an old story floatin' around out there about Jesus being a brat.

  • the book of enoch is one of the trippiest things ive ever read

  • It is a doozy, no doubt about that. There's a book out there about Enoch called Fallen Angels and the Origins of Evil. It was written by a kabbalist, but the book still gives some good insight into how Enoch was meant to be interpreted by the ancients.

  • what is retarded about the whole enoch thing, and several stories in the bible as well is, they describe things that no one could possibly know. enoch went to heaven, he didnt come back to report it. its like he went to heaven, wrote a book, then dropped it out of the sky?

    same as the beginning of Job. who could have possibly witnessed god & satan talking in heaven.

  • I don't put much stock into it myself, but I suspect that it was a myth used to explain the ultimate nature of creation and divinity. I don't know if it was the same book, but there is an Enoch book similar to Dante's Divine Comedy that talks about prophet being shown ten realms of heaven.

  • sounds like the same book, only its not presened as fiction like Inferno, its presented as any other book of the bible....except the ultra-fantastic impossibilities. im surprised the council of nicea left it out, they included so much other goofy stuff.

    what im surprised about is that they left of the book of thomas. i havent read it, but from what i understand it was actually written in the time of jesus or immediately after.

  • Ooh, the Church actually had every incentive to leave Thomas out! The Book of Thomas was a highly gnostic book that encouraged finding 'God' inside yourself above anything else and you're right that it was a very early book. And since the Church wanted a monopoly on finding God, they left it out.

  • thats interesting, maybe i will read it

  • bwhahahahahaha

    Good one, mate. :)

  • Thanks!

  • By the way, good video on Satan on your ning site. I've been meaning to put one up for a while but I am busy and am always tired these days. *sigh* I've been keeping an eye on those vids you put up there, though. Good work.

  • Thanks, i appreciate it. i wish i could get more people to check'em out. i think they are some of my best stuff. people are so addicted to YT, they wont even click away for 10 minutes.

  • Yeah, those videos over there are great. I don't understand why people won't just click a link. It takes a movement of the hand and a click on the mouse. Doesn't take much...

    Oh well.

    Are you going to be posting more vids on YouTube, then?

  • definitely, i never planned on stopping YT. But, i cant leave myself dependent on them.

  • Jesus never masturbated! He just pointed at his pecker and made it cum.<----- I would put a smiley face right here but then that word would be too close to my literal mouth=)

  • maybe jesus was like a Ken doll?

  • LMAO!!!

  • teehee

  • it is SO nice to see you chuckle.

  • Thanks!

    as for the toilet paper..i was just going with the common thing, yknow....i use steel wool.

  • hehe steel wool or a wire brush

  • Thanks, man! I appreciate it!  Glad u liked it.

  • toilet paper is for sissies!

  • I think I got it all figured out Coz.

    First, we are said to be created in Gods image, right?

    So, he must have a dick, and thus he must be horny. He must think of sex every 6 seconds just like we do. As an evidentiary example, we already know that he fucked someone's wife.

    Add this to the undeniable fact that we're related to apes.

    So, in conclusion, God was an ape fucker.

  • AH! THE missing link! I guess creation & evolution ARE harmonious.

  • "spare the rod, spoil the child"

    That's why I take my kids in my hot rod to the ice cream shop, to spoil them silly. The staff thing is regarding the music ' staff ' thingy that you find on the left side of the line of music. I heard Jesus was into New Age Punk (Country then) and he played a mean two string guitar.

  • the music thingy you're talking about is a treble clef. the staff are the 5 lines the notes are written on.

    i want some ice scream.

  • You're right. Shit, I new it was somewhere on the page of music. Give me credit for something. It's been a while since I talked about written music.

    Anywho, did you hear the one about Peter, the Disciple? He was caught playing around with little boys and that's where the RC priests are getting their idea from. I think that's where we get the 'Peter' reference for the 'rod' or male member. I think a Hindu told me that one. He could be wrong.

  • this reminds me of the part of our convo about how humanity hasn't progressed much in 6000 yrs. funny too!

  • aww, cmon, we have toilet paper these days. thats an improvement :)

    and we dont need designer dresses to impress the chicks.

  • LOL

    1st off, you know I wear a dress; weren't you impressed? :P

    2nd, just b/c I can buy toilet paper doesn't mean I don't wipe with my hand - eww!

  • then what do you use it for?

  • papering old man McGinty's farmhouse - what else?!

  • oh man, what is that from? i recognize the name

  • oh he definitely used those parlor tricks to get some pussy.

    he's all like "i bet i can get your panties off" ... and she's like "no you can't" ... and he's like "i already did" - and holds them up.

  • Classic!

    I wonder if god made himself extra endowed....cheater!

  • Not only did he 'extend' himself a bit, he gave himself a half hr long orgasm and tons of semen to boot. Many of his male friends were jealous of this and kept asking him to do the same for them. He got pretty tired of the requests and warned them that he would make them smaller. That shut them up. Also, being godly and all, made Jesus pretty good at the stamina game. I think that's why he never made out with the gals. They wouldn't be able to handle the time factor, let alone the length problem

  • Thy rod and thy staff comfort me...who has a rod and a staff?

  • I do!! I have a hot rod in the garage and a great staff in my office that love me and work well together.

  • so, the disciples were jesus staff? i dont think jesus had a garage tho. maybe his rod is something different?

  • meh, trick question, not all the kids named jesus christ, lived to puberty 8P

    should check into the books that were omited from the popular bible.

    he formed birds from clay, an blew life into them.

    raised his friend who fell an died, they blamed jesus, so jesus raised his friend to have him recount what really happened

    he also mended a plank his father had cut the wrong length of

  • yep, ive read them. the old testament ones are mind blowing too

  • I love this blasphemy stuff too. You can have a real hoot making shit up, just like Matthew, John, Luke and Paul did way back. Now they were real messed up guys.

  • ugh! especially paul...what a mind raper

  • "I guess God must have loved him a lot, because he sure kicked his ass!"

    That was funny!

    I can see the walls of religion closing in.

    Great video!

  • Thanks!

  • Jesus was gay. He tried to go hetero but couldn't. That's why they crucified him. Good Christians all. I think I read this in some holy book once but don't quote me since I have been known to be somewhat delusional. I don't remember which dad got all pissed off, Joe the carpenter or the Lawd himself. Judas was gay too and that's why he turned him in to the guards. Judas hit on Jesus and he gave him the ice shoulder treatment. Judas was pretty jealous of the other 11 guys getting some 'J' :)

  • no doubt jesus and judas had some jealousy issues. maybe he got left out of the daisy chain?

    i recently did a couple videos on the crucifixion & resurrection on my ning site. when i was reading up on it, i couldnt help but notice the blatant homosexual innuendos. i didnt go into it in the videos, but its obviously there.

  • The other thing I heard about Judas was his tendency to be bisexual. He tried to date Mary M before the disciples got together and she found him pretty hot. Then Jesus came along and the rest is history. When Judas did his nasty deed after the Last Supper, he took one of the guards out the back and provided some fallatio services and Mary caught him. She took off for a while and didn't surface until the crucifixion. I heard she was all depressed over Judas being gay and she went celebate.

  • Book of Mary?

  • Alo Zen;

    two minutes to mid knight

    ≈:)

  • Hi, F4! Good to hear from ya!

    iron maiden reference?

  • *****

  • Thanks!

  • that was so funny cz...

  • Thanks  :)

  • One of the books that was never made canon detailed the childhood of Jesus although I can't remember what it was called.

    It was written pretty late but from what the History Channel doc said about it it seemed rather amusing.

    According to the video I saw Jesus had actually pushed one of his friends off a building killing them and when the villagers came to ask if he had done it he resurrected the boy from the dead and told him to tell them he did nothing wrong lol

  • i read that. there are 2 books, one for the old testament, one for the new, i think they are called "unread books of the bible" or something like that.

    the old testament one has an awesome Book of Enoch. describes heaven, its very trippy

  • There were even more books mentioned in the documentary such as the Gospel of Mary, Thomas, Judas etc. and there was one detailing the lives of Adam and Eve.

    Many of these books were however written even later then the ones that did make it into canon and given what Constantine had to work with I guess he did the best he could.

    However to compound the issue further though some books that are canon reference books that aren't.

  • oh man, the one about adam and eve (face palm!)

    after they were expelled from eden, they didnt know how to survive, and adam kept going to a high place and threw himself off, god kept ressurecting him, its was soooo bizzare

  • Dude, some people say jesus didnt even shit

  • That would be a miracle!

  • ive never heard that, but it doesnt surprise me. people believe in some whacked out stuff

  • lmfao this was funny my man. good to see you doing vids on your ytube channel

  • thanks! i dont plan to quit. you should go check out the Satan video.

  • you know i will

  • LMAO; of course jesus would have beat the meat. That is, If he existed as a real man and is not a historical amalgamation.

  • Jeuss wanked it.

  • yeah he did!

Loading...
Alert icon
0 / 00Unsaved Playlist Return to active list
    1. Your queue is empty. Add videos to your queue using this button:
      or sign in to load a different list.
    Loading...Loading...Saving...
    • Clear all videos from this list
    • Learn more