IF I HAS A MONKEY

[wolf1033]

He would steal peoples left socks! I would bring the whole neiborhood down with sock fever! MuAHAHAHA! An dhead be called sock monkey (funny)

[zoieangel19991]

I would teach my monkey to piss on people that annoy me

[TheSamcoward]

if i had a money i would teach it to rob a bank then i would get all the money and buy lot and lots of things. so if get a monkey u might want to put your money in a bank with lats of security

[bnmay1]

Rawr

[rockcandy164]

I would teach my monkey, to sell drugs. and then smoke them.

[bloodthirstyvampire8]

If I had a monkey, I would train it to find you Danny!

[togood4uCUNT]

if i had a monkey i would teach it to throw cheese

[bluejay6077]

I would get a female monkey so it never left the kitchen. After I teach it too cook ounce I learn how to cook

[BlazikenMaster000]

My monkey would go and be the downfall of the humans

[kebothefreebo]

i would teach my monkey to scare people. because scaring people is fun :l



[WarrimooWarrior]

i would get several monkeys and teach one of them to teach all of them how to sing. then i would book them a gig and make alot of money...for drugs, for the monkeys, so that they will keep singin'!

[TheBoyWithTwoLegs]

if i would have a monkey i would teach it to steal drugs so i could use 15 dolars on hookers and not drugs

[Springxnich]

i would train my monkey to..... Make me money and pop bloons like they do in bloons tower defense 4!

[Blueflamingo3456]

I would teach my monkey to make sandwiches. I dont have a woman.

[xmusicQueen96x]

If i trained a monkey i would.....wait what the f

[jessihunni12]

if i had a monkey i would train it to cook so i can tell it to get its ass in kitchen and make me breakfast !!!

[DomMorris100]

@jessihunni12 ... silly you....... that's for women.

[TheAleksa27]

if i had a monkey i would train it masturbate

[Joylol13]

if i had a monkey i would train it to go dinosaur hunting and lay unicorn eggs and jizz out rainbows (: tht would b epic (:

[Psychomatician]

If I had a monkey, Id train it to lay eggs and how to make a mushroom omlet

[MarioAwSoMeNeSs321]

If I had a monkey, I would teach it to produce monkeys. Then I would have a lot of monkeys, and train the to do various things, like make me dinner, buy me monkey food (for me, of course), to live in a barrel, and give me handjobs.

[thecutecheerfreak]

If I had a monkey I would train it how to train other Monkeys so I could have more monkeys than I had before therefore I would have a trained monkey army!

[Scavangerctg200]

If I had a monkey I would train it to track people down and use a sling shot to shoot poo poo at thems facesez!!! O.o

[Toxicnitr8]

i was gonna get a monkey then i took an arrow to the knee :) sorry its my first and last arrow to the knee joke , god im sad . what have i done .

[charliescene15]

If I had a monkey, I would train him to make me a sammich and get me cereal, and maybe even to be a toaster. Everybody likes things that make toast.

[Zathorith555]

woooooo black books :D

[ausyausy94]

i would play with my Monkey (;

[masaj1949]

IF I HAD A MONKEY I WOULD TEACH HIM TO ROBE A BANK EVERNY NIGHT SO I WOULNT HAVE TO WORK AND SLEEP ALL DAY

[ihateblackops114]

if i had a monkey i would make him work out for me yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa­aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa­aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa­aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa­aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa­aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa­aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa­aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa­aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa­aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa­aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa­aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa­aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa­aaaaaaaaaa

[MrOfficerCartman]

i would teach my monkey to stalk your monkey O-o

[8010keys]

i would teach my monkey to be a dog and get a tattoo

[mommy8701]

SCIENCE MONKEY! MONKEY THAT DOES SCIENCE!

If i had a science monkey i would take it to school and let it do my work >.<

[charamander12]

Ur fucking high if u think I'm getting a fucking monkey.......... but ifni did get one I wold pody train it so it doesn't piss all over me in the middle of the night. >_<

[Juicyfan01]

monkeys -.-

[redkoolaidman1]

if i had a monkey it would be a diguessed freakin ninja dragon gambler channelchangin survalance money!!

[FallenEagel777]

IF I HAD A MONKEY

[shinichileez]

Someone explain to me why 'Hillary Clinton ft. Barack Obama' keeps appearing beside Danny's videos?

[msrachel1998]

If I had a monkey, I would name it, Mr. Isaac Banana Newmonkey I would train it to kill my brother. So that I get his X-Box, Then play C.O.D with Mr. Isaac Banana Newmonkey. The good thing is. He'll never know...

[Blooperishdude]

@msrachel1998 Omigod when I read that I laughed SO hard! I would train it to kill my brother... HA

[msrachel1998]

@Blooperishdude Haha why thank you! I would also dress it up like me and send it to school so I don't have to go! 13 Likes!!! !!

[thedudesnextdoor]

If I had a monkey I would teach it to make boomerangs that fly around the world and collect stickers from every country it passed so I could have African Scottish and uzbekistanish stickers all on the same boomerang and then I would sell the stickers after I took a picture of them for 2 dollars a peice and use the money to buy drugs

[adamandjordin]

dude i would love to see a monkey on drugs!

[Babybeardoggy]

id i has a mokey i would borrow my moms sewing machine and make my monkey a dusquise that looks like me and teach my monkey to go to school as me

[KYLE8497]

To train monkeys.

[ZombieKiller2345]

If i had a monkey i would teach it to become a killer ready for the zomie to come OHH YEHHH!!! LOCK AND LOD MONKEY THIS IS NOT A DRILL! ( BANG )

[Skyhawkseven33]

i would train my monkey to be a rober so he can sneek into banks and pick poket people, free money, i would use the money to buy drugs... O.O for the monkey.

[asan1231999]

heeheehee I would teach my monkey to shapeshift cuz then it could be anything I want

[danwkkd]

I would teach my monkey to be a turtle. Because everybody loves turtles.

[adamandjordin]

@danwkkd i like turtels!

[Blooperishdude]

@danwkkd So random... yet so HILARIOUS!!!!

[junkemanify]

would train ma monkey to take videos of naked women by crawling up the side of their houses and by their room window. then then i would retrieve the videos and make a porno and sell it for 100 $ because it has boobs actually shown, not censored out. then i would become rich and have the joy of seein boobies. YAY!

[badasscrew324]

I WOULD TEACH MY MONKEY TO GROW A BEARD! AND THEN PLAIT IT! THEN TAKE PICS OF HIS BEARD AND SELL THEM FOR DRUGS! HEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO­OOOOPPPPP!!

[jeremiahjr209]

i will teach my to get ajob so i can be RITCH

[gumbyandbombon]

i would teach my monkey to make monkey porn and i would sell the monkey porn to other monkeys and i will use the money to buy drugs then beat my monkey if he wants some and she cant tell any one. >:) muhahahahaha

[TubeJockey420]

@makeuplovetv Yes!

[18811900]

2:52 Carlton Banks much?

[Mr123w2]

i will teach my monkey to make drugs so i don`t have to do what u said to get drugs

[Mr123w2]

i would teach my monkey to punch people that i don`t like in the nuts if boys but if a girl me i will teach him to sneak in her house at night, shave her hid and wright in her bold head "i am a gay girl that wants to be a girl"

[Mr123w2]

i want u to make a video that u say to ur mum that u are married to 2 women and u have 5 children

[MrSudhanshu444]

i woud train my monkey to become a commando...lol

[HOLYSPLAT]

join the lemon drop parade

[rockcandy164]

i would have my monkey stalk my crush <3

[300awesomegirl]

why does it look like he's reading sometimes

[doomedsole]

blowjob

[xXNoobKilaXx2]

i would teach my monkey to fuck monkies to have more monkies :D

[irule12345678901]

id teach my monkey 2 kick peoples asses that mess with me

[bopsister]

press 3 and then 5

[nolamarley]

no effence background monkey, but u look lik u are humping that computer. kind of sick! lol

[ballerinawsome]

DANCE monkey DANCE

[antanur21]

if i had a monkey i would probbalbly train it to hack and destroy videos that everybodyhates

[makeuplovetv]

if i has a monkey id teach it how to do the cat daddy!

[tickletoes0]

I would teach my monkey to poop and fart on peoples faces when they are mean to me and tickle torture any one who is extrememley ticklish

[mw2baseball]

i would teach mine to crap on justin biebers face

[mpdp24061996]

"IF I HAS A MONKEY" like the one ho's raping your monitor?

[eldarikus]

Ha ha haaaa. Monkey with finess to pregnant german lady LOOOOL

[GodsHaveSpoken]

He's reading a script! imposter!

Kidding I love you.

[49luigi49]

say the name of a song and add in your pants

not afraid in your pants

[elizarules11411]

i would teach it how to roundhouse kick so i could take it to school and demolish my enemies!

[EsmoLovesBvbAndBmth]

I would train my monkey to kill people that I hate and make ice-cream and write songs for me so I don't have to :D

[TheIcalik]

I would teach it to style my hair while checking my facebook at the same time.

[NinoV551]

DRUGS!!!

LOL

[C3rtifi3dh8t3r]

I would teach my monkey how to teach then how to fight then I would teach him how to win the lottey so he can teach his monkey friends all the above so that I have a army of money winning fighter monkeys and they will beat up everyone who has hurt me like that girl who beat me up in kindergarden

Just to be clear she is in kindergarden I am 23

[george101778]

i would teach it to flip off jb

[Dadrocks2323]

I'd train it to give me money and steal the money from people :D

[Lollie1176037]

I wonder what his real singing voice is like? hummmm..

[dthorn1970]

I would teach my monkey to do my job so I could send him in and stay home and watch t.v. all day.

[nostealthebucket9009]

to fuck.

[Bboykid97]

If i has monkey, i would tell it to make me a sammich...

[SuperLolrandomness]

hump yr munky



[nakedbanana23]

I would teach him how to stab himself over and over until he dies

[jameson122397]

I wud train my monkey to diwnload ur vids in my phone

[jameson122397]

My monkey would fight evil mr. waffles and mr. Evil taco man

[TheKomek]

if i have a monkey i would sell it and buy something else :>

[MrRoman1178]

i would teach my monkey to take the fall for i crime i could commit :p

[Renwzy]

Omg u liekz steven chow?

subscribed

[lezziann]

I would send my redheaded monkey in a little box to australia to stick it's tongue in your ear...my monkey would then make you waffles, or pancakes if you prefer...maybe an omelet. My monkey would play you Billy Joel songs on the Piano. I wish I had a PASSPORT MONKEY. luv ya danny

[BieberLover196]

I would Have My monkey to go to school and then have it do mai homework. I hate homework. Oh BTW do a vid on why pie and ice cream tastes good. I luv bein ur lovely little lemon drop!!!!!!! LUV YA DANNY!!!!!!!!!

[ladyJenavieve1555]

I would train my monkey to do many things, but for fun... I would first like to train it to Spank itself when company is over... just to see who gets the joke.

[AwesomeEpicMuffin]

I'd train him to be 3:04

[TheGodsHelp]

i estimate this would save me 137 hours a week ahahaha

[r8285]

I would teach my monkey how to steal if i has one

[trenton135]

If i had a monkey id make it a rocket scientist, but it still acts like a monkey in class lol

[Jackie4Realz]

If I had a monkey I would train it to track you down so I could find you and give you a hug! :D

[BigLyfe1]

teach it to smoke a blunt with me thad be badass

[MrJellyBean61]

id teach my monkey to do monkey things...

what ever i want that to be

[Evildoggee]

Matt Damon

[BuiltFarmStrong]

Man Chest

[MrToiletclogger]

FUCKIN LOVE DAVID THORNE

[live4volleyball001]

i would train my monkey to kill my sister and brothers

[ZOMBIEgirl1112]

Teach it to play CoD and Dead Island with me on xbox! MONKEY!

[xXshinningstarXx]

haha i love how people say thumbs up at the end of their comment,but no one gives them a thumbs up

[nejckorosec1]

seriously, pregnant german women in latex danny?

[liucryztal]

i would teach my monkey how to become like james bond ¬007

[SasukeWithLove]

LoL i woulnd share my drugs with the monkey because i would make my monkey go make me money on the streets if u kknow wat i mean XD and then have my monkey give me the money thts how its done :D thumbs up

[Mongolyon55]

to be my friend

[LILYWANNAROCK]

likes if you want a monkeyy

[ozziewannarock]

@LILYWANNAROCK asking for likes is just childish and retarded

[Msemily24XxXx]

teach it to do the popinloth on fire on a spaceship

[Dcookies100]

I would teach my monkey to be like DANNY!!!

[micahmartinezrgv]

I would teach my monkey to teach monkies so that i can have alot of teaching monkeys to teach my future monkeys

[fantasticalstorybro]

make the monekay kill everyone who pisses you off, steal anything for you, shoot people, fuck people, and do everything you want. and it shall obey! :O

[SuperLolrandomness]

If I haz a munky I would make him go eat a whole bunch of pie then smash everybody's face :)

[ScooteringTwins]

tech it to beat me off cause im lazy ;)



[MajesticAntalope]

Well, not sure if you've heard, but I'm PRO at pretending to be ninja. So, I would teach my monkey to karate chop up mah food. :DD

[funkyking05]

I would teach it to ride another monkey on its shoulders

[mchall19]

i would teach it to cut out peoples hearts (if they had one) and rape their face, it would also be an assasin ninja monkey... that could make me nochos

[MrFreeCountry]

i would teach my monkey to wipe my ass

[MeganAndSkittles]

Anyone else notice the monkey humping the computer..?

[levmailhere]

I would teach it to tie my sister up with socks.

[GrEgSkE1000]

i would train my monky to kill justin bieber :D and he will bring me selena gomes

[RosaGinger12]

Pregnant German women in latex... Interesting taste there Danny! xD

[ItzStefaan]

I'd teach him to be gangster, :).

[ZmasterM]

i would teach it how to find hookers for me to do stuff to...

[TheGeekyguy42]

i'd teach him to KILL CASEY ANTHONY!!!

[TheGeekyguy42]

thumbs up if noticed

[smurfguy100]

I would train him to beat up people who poke me at random moments

[yamuthasbrotha91]

a robber monkey who points guns at people and steals there drugs

[khrysy2010]

A dirtbike monkey!, a dirty monkey riding a dirt bike!!

[XLilMissHollieX]

No Top Comments?! Make Mine The Top Comment!! :D

[Amitygrace43]

I'd teach it to rape people's faces :)

[zxcvbnm122333444]

i would teach it to eat my parents,sister, and boyfriend.

[SoccerChix60]

Teach it how to dougie:)

[yamuthasbrotha91]

tazer people i dont like

[SuperAbombs]

smoke weed



[jerpdafloopydoop]

I'd train my monkey to be a ninja :D

[MetalGir1334]

i clicked on this video because the thumbnail was hot

[ctrlaltdelmaster]

what is the purpose of this? are americans illiterate?

[weerajyboy]

i would train my monkey to go to school for me!

[ThaliaRose5]

duhhhhhh serve me pizzaaaaaaaaaaa

[MarioAwSoMeNeSs321]

Dirt monkey! Monkey coveed in dirt!

[pkcdb]

i wuld train my monkey to like your videos

[wilburn135]

I would train my monkey to make gas money so I could go see my friends :D lol

[ZeldaLinkMidna99]

I WOULD TRAIN MY MONKEY TO BE ABLE TO GET PAST THE HARD BITS IN MY ZELDA GAMES!!

[SuperLewis1997]

I'd train my monkey to ride a bike or to fight mike tyson then I'd make him king kong

[tonyferrino67]

I would train my monkey to bend over so that I could spank it.

[singarith]

i would train my monkey to sneak into other peoples homes and wait patiently in their living room chair with a cigar in his mouth. he would have a wireless speaker and mic hidden on him and i would speak in the form of bosley from Charles angels. i would give them a mission of the up most ridiculous fashion. then either while they are out preforming the set tasks or calling the police, my monkey would slip away into the shadows.

[whorebuiscut24]

i love black books

[pawsoff1994]

i love hes faces lmao there so funny haha

[AnaLuMilian]

OMG, you speak so fast, LOL

[emmiemadness]

i train my monkey to dance so i could make money of him and also the monkey would be gay. lol

[MrsAngelCake]

Make a video about British accents! :)

[adventureteen13]

First of all if I were to have a monkey it would be a gorilla, if those even r considered monkeys. After getting my beloved gorilla i would put a purple tshirt on him and a cap and sell him on ebay as justin bieber making a fortune off of some stupid lousy girl w/ no life. Honestly there really is no difference between the gorilla and justin anyways :P

[KayandCait]

If i has a Monkey i would train my monkey to turn into Matt Daymon and when i brought him into the movie theater and the workers said "hey you can't bring that monkey in here because he's a monkey" i would say oh okay and go behind a corner and my monkey would turn into Matt Daymon and i would come back and the workers would say "hey weren't you with a monkey?" and i would say "No i was with Matt Daymon the whole time" and me and the matt daymon monkey would watch the movie.....together......

[myndirnotur]

I LOVE DAVID THORNE AND I LOVE YOU THIS IS A COMBINATION OF TWO AMAZING THINGS AAAAAAAAHHH

[audreyohyeah234]

If i has a monkey, i would train it to fecth Bruno Mars for me :D

[MrLangely]

if i has a monkey i would shave it and put it in my sisters bed

[VenomMixedWithAcid]

I would train my monkey to watch the gradual report and when I get home he'll tell me all about it that way it would save me time so I could go buy drugs to give to the monkey so he could tell me to watch the gradual report

[MsMIDNIGHT42]

I would train my monkey to dress up in a unicorn suit, get on the news, and make me rich and famous. MWAHAHAHAHAH >:D

[purplelaedy]

ur very funny danny

[RoomOnFire11]

Jesus christ is this meant to be funny? David Thorne is a genius but this guy is just acting like a moron. He reminds me of one of those embarrassing actors from Nickelodeon or something.

[Pokedude818]

hey Gradualreport, please can you do a video on how to get a girlfriend, coz i really need some help!

[jellybean543]

I would teach my monkey to floss me teeth cuz I'm British , and have bad teeth . Luv all of ur vids . Please goto craziones55 . Dat is me channel !!!!!!!!!

[TheC2believe]

You make me laugh so haaaaard

[purpleiscool456309]

if i has a monkey i would train it to drive and so it would get a linsene and then he would be able to buy me vodka FUCK YA!!!!!

[AmazingMr23]

U r funny and also retarded lol but you are awesome but can you do a report on pandas