Loosing your faith must a horrible experience. I have had faith now for 40 years. and these videos are just plan said. Jesus has been my life for 40 years of life and I have had crushing deaths, depression, married, children, more death. and all the time, God has been real and present. If I am deluded so be it , but the people about me say that I am a very sane person. Keep on searching and truth will be found. I am just one of the many travelers of life.
@MRGV7373 I know a lot of wonderful, sane people who believe in Jesus. For some people the Jesus message stabilizes in them and becomes a lifelong guide. For others, like me, the message ends up destroying the person. I feel like the later doesn't get communicated enough, and so on behalf of so many who go through this, I wanted to tell my story.
@Prplfox I understand your message well. I will tell you the message of Jesus should not cause complete despair. Why? the love of God has forgiven all sin. Now if you try on your own to be "perfect" you will never feel God's love and forgiveness. Why? Perfect does not mean sinless it mean loving as God loves. Sinless humans is a complete myth and if you believe you should be "perfect" as in sinless - you will become dead in guilt. Jesus did the work not us Does this make sense?
@MRGV7373 There are two conflicts I'm identifying here. One is the Christian struggle with sin, wanting to live a life for Jesus but falling into sin (living for yourself). The other, more serious conflict, which is the one I'm talking about in this series, is knowing the gospel and wanting to believe it but not being able to. That's where the pain of a deconversion comes from, as your world is torn out from under you (that is the most destructive part, learning the message isn't true)
@Prplfox The Christian faith only comes from one "proof" namely that the revelation of God in Jesus is true. This faith only has proof or basis in History. Scientific Methodology works well to prove how thing work, but does nothing to validate time/space events. History and the events of time/space always come back to - did the historians get it right. Did the Gospel writers get the story of Jesus and write it down with accuracy and was it pass onto us with credibility. Trust?
@MRGV7373 "Did the Gospel writers get the story of Jesus and write it down with accuracy and was it pass onto us with credibility. Trust?" - No, they did not. Matthew and Luke copied Mark. And the end of mark (in some bibles) was added in later. If you study the historicity of the gospels and how they were written and who they were written for, there is no validity in believing it's credibility.
@Prplfox 2nd, Do you trust what was written about Abraham Lincoln, JFK, French revolution, Roman?? It is the same faith in history that has help with archeology. What Jesus said and did comes back to trusting what the authors wrote. Much of what Jesus said is believable, much that he did is just miraculous and is beyond human understanding. Now the tough part. Do you trust what was written down? Why or Why not?? That basis of Faith in Jesus. Why would they lie to us?? Trust them
@MRGV7373 Well no, of course not. I don't even think that the Jesus portrayed in the conflicting gospel accounts is an accurate description of who Jesus was. I've taken great pains with this series to explain why, though I don't address history (yet). This series is about what happened to me when I trusted the idea of Christ that was constructed for and in me. It is because, when I was a young person searching, I got answers like yours from people I looked up to, that it became so destructive.
@Prplfox The "sinless" teaching lead all into complete despair. Why? we are only sinless when we are made new in heaven. With our human bodies and human spirits we will sin in this life even if we are Christians. So being "perfect" or trying to be perfect as in with out sin will destroy you That is what your message tells me. Your guilt is take by Jesus, it is nothing that you do. Trying to be perfect only makes it worse and despairing . Your are forgiven . Period, "it is finished"
I feel somewhat lucky, I was baptized, but after that, the subject of religion never really was talked about until my parents told me at about age 16 to "make up your own damn mind. Don't let people tell you the answers to your questions, find your own answers." Then I found /r/atheism, and I found my answers.
Your story is so much more emotional and painful than mine. I just started feeling a lot more doubt and skepticism towards Christianity after my parents stopped going to church. After about a year spent outside of the Christian bubble, I realized "Yeah, this is all a bunch of fairy tales, mythology, and bullshit."
@xCroB93x Everyone experiences it differently. I know my story is a little more extreme than others, that's why I feel compelled to share it, because this can happen.
Sorry, to post similar comments in multiple videos, but this series is just having a huge impact on me. I have never been religious and cannot understand how you felt going through your deconversion, but there is one thing I am trying to understand: Why did it happen? I focus on rational thinking in life, but I see you weren't persuaded by arguments showing the irrationality of religion. It justs seemed your emotional experience suddenly switched for I reason I can't see, and I find that bizarre
@Fuzzball70 Not that rational arguments can't be effective, but in my case, they had no effect on my deconversion. This was something that happened within my relationship with God and community and in the experience of being a Christian youth leader. I didn't want to be a liar.
@Prplfox Context...Evidently, you were w/dozens/hundreds of people w/slick music, video, highly emotional religious rhetoric --- As I have reflected on my experience in that kind of atmosphere, I feel convinced it is completely fabricated. The power-people in the mix have alot to gain by embellishing the whole charade & think nothing of creating it, & more. Certainly some are sincere - but pleez... It's abusive & works very hard to alienate you from yourself = easier to control.
@wellthenif I agree the productions have this effect, but at least in the Christians I knew who created the atmosphere, the intention is to affect people in ways they see as meaningful and pure... a way of experiencing God... that's the complication with this form of religion: that good intentions based in misinformation ultimately create people who are either damaged, or compelled to propagate and even modify the message to more potent forms, or both.
@Prplfox Yes well, to me that is way too kind & I give you, not them, credit for considering it. Still, in my view it lacks tremendous amounts of listening & sincere questions....& if that's true, it is far more likely to be manipulative & power-driven. In the moment, sincere people heartily believe it is real & true...but where is their chance to truly question it all? I have seen fundamentalism desperately work to help people ignore themselves in the name of truth & god. PATHETIC!
Continued... Each Christian denomination has different beliefs and practices. I am sorry that I wrote so much but I felt I had to get this out. Thankyou Prplfox for sharing your story I look forward to hearing your thoughts on what I have said so I can better understand your viewpoints. No matter what beliefs you have, I hope your story has a happy ending.
@En3rg3tic And thank you for being so thoughtful about yourself and the messages in this series. I hope to hear more from you as I continue the videos.
Continued.... I was taught not to regard the bible as historical fact but as stories that teach about God and humanity. I understand that evolution happened, I understand that many stories in the bible are only stories loosely based on fact and i believe that sin and sexuality are part of the human experience and not something to be ashamed of. I am sharing these things because it seems to me like you are regarding Christianity as one big faith. This is not true.
@En3rg3tic This is not the view of born-again Christians (many of whom would not consider Catholics as Chrisitian). There are varying views on evolution and sexuality, but when it comes to the gospel and epistles, there isn't much room to budge from the literal interpretation. Of course you can draw meaning of the human experience from parts of the bible if you pick and choose, but that's not what this series is about. I'm sorry if I've over generalized Christianity, I hope it makes sense why
Ok, now for my actual comment. I deeply upsets me to hear you and many commenters say things like Christianity is not ok, Christianity is a cult and that people who believe in God are somehow less logical or intelligent than atheists. I have been raised as a Catholic all my life and gone to a Catholic school. I have never felt like my religion was forced on me and have several friends and family members who have left the catholic faith without judgement.
@En3rg3tic I think the version of Christianity you experience is very different from the mainline protestant version that this video focuses on. When I say "Christianity is not ok" I am not referring to a philosophy. It is directly referencing the claims of Christianity, particularly Paul's claims: that you are dead in sin and Jesus was brutally killed and rose from the dead and you need to accept this to be freed from yourself. That is what most of the comments on this page reference.
@En3rg3tic I know there are many forms of Christianity. I've tried to be specific in this series (see part 2) as to which ones I came from. Modern evangelical Christian groups such as Young Life and Intervarsity, I agree with the comments, fit the definition of a cult. To tell a young person that they need something that isn't true, that's not ok. That was a big part of my inner conflict as a Christian leader to young people.
Hello... before I comment I would like to say three things. 1) I am 18 and very active in the Catholic Christian Church 2) I am not commenting to condemn your beliefs, argue or push my beliefs onto you... I am just trying to understand your viewpoints and your story and 3) Although I firmly believe in God, I can see that your fall from faith was a very painful experience and I am truly sorry that you experienced such pain.
dear friend i am watching your story....i wish i could give hug to you.....i am in a unique position in my life, i actually believe in God but i am unsure of so much. it is particular unique for me because i am severely disable with deformities. i always feel alone, i feel alone at church, i always feel this scare and sick feeling when they do those big worship song things like hillsong. it feel like manipulation. i believe in Jesus but i do not believe in the church if that make sense.
@DasTuppen To say that you believe in Jesus but not the church is something I can understand. I held on to Jesus for 3 more years after the church fell out under me. There was something about Jesus that was so beautiful and heroic that I connected with even though I couldn't connect with church anymore. Finally I had to let that go too because I found the Jesus I held in my heart was someone I created, not an actual person. You have to find that in yourself, it takes time. >>hug<<
God why did you show me this. I'm just one guy. I don't want the burden of knowing this.
What if all of this is wrong?
Thank you so much for your courage, Prplfox. I thought I was the only one until I found this video. I'm in between phases right now. All your points about Christianity is 100% true but Atheism doesn't provide all the answers either. Logically, it is sound but it doesn't explain how love works and I still have this yearning for meaning, maybe a God shaped hole.
"All your points about Christianity is 100% true but Atheism doesn't provide all the answers either. Logically, it is sound but it doesn't explain how love works and I still have this yearning for meaning, maybe a God shaped hole."
Just a suggestion. In case you haven't heard of it yet. Try out
"Why Christianity must change or die", by John Shelby Spong. Might give you a direction to follow. Friede
I am moved by your descriptions of your experiences. I have felt all the states and insights u describe. But, in my case it was NOT around an image of a god or religion. I want to say that all your experiences were VALID. Jesus and Cristianity are not valid; they exist in truth only as products of history and culture. But these states are part of life and are within us; they are part of our inner chemistry. Just sometimes u need ideologies and psycho-technologies like music to unlock them.
I experienced the community, bliss, ecstacy, getting "in," music in another context. I was amazed at the similarity. But there was no god, scripture, moral code, ranks of spiritual attainment. It was deeply meaningful and more existentially important to me than life and death. We were celebrating a master but he wasn't promising salvation, virtue, happiness. He wasn't saying he was god; he denied god. He was not denying life and it's mystery he said his chair was empty; there is only life.
Prplfox I just want to say I really enjoyed your video series thus far, and am very much looking forward to your next installments. I think your struggle with religion and belief is a very powerful story to tell and its enlightening for me in understanding just what some Christians go through. I too know what its like to believe, fear hell, and question god all at the same time. It can all be very painful and I'm glad there are people like you telling their stories so eloquently.
You and 97Roscoe both saw the careful design of Young Life worship, and felt profound unease. I'm so glad that there are people in organizations like this who take their beliefs seriously... and taking their beliefs and values seriously, they can no longer subscribe to them.
@Prplfox Watching your videos, reading your wise, kind comments, I began to see how consistently and lovingly you empathetically reach out and selflessly magnify the good in others as you also sweetly, gently, calm and soothe the angry, confused, hurt and lost souls among us.
When lying men wrote the myths of "the son of God", they knew the facts of their writings were untrue. The irony is - an Atheist has become a real-world person living more like Christ than any delusional Christian.
These are great videos. It takes guts to open up and it's appreciated. I think one of the harder parts of de-converting is realizing that death isn't going to be what you once thought it was. My realization that there probably wont be an afterlife didn't hit me as hard as it did my one friend, he was losing sleep over the fact. I think that's one thing that religious people have trouble understanding. We're not trying to be atheists; we just can't help it.
Ever since I've been able to make up my own mind about things, I've never really believed in God in any form. But all my friends did, and I was never too much of a d*** to refuse to go to one of thier youth groups. The sentiments and feelings you say you've had, I see very much in them there. It almost is very much the flock of sea-gulls after bread, but still very moving.
I'm sorry about the inner turmoil you've had. Wish you the best.
As someone who left Christianity due to empirical reasons, your emotional account was both fascinating and incredibly moving. It's reassuring to know that the struggle I had mirrors yours in many important ways.
Your videos provide an important service, to show those who feel they are alone that someone has experienced the same. They also demonstrate that what ties us all together is solidarity with each other. Your desire to help others with their struggles exemplifies this beautifully.
i have to agree somewhat with mumbling mickey, but i do not think it's wasted on youtube. it will reach people as it has reached me, and may that bring you happiness that a deity couldn't.
I've never had any kind of religious belief but I've always been fascinated by what the experience of having such a belief must be like. This is very interesting to watch.
To anyone else who enjoys this, I recommend also watching Evid3nc3's "Why I am no longer a Christian" series of videos. They're equally fascinating to watch, but it seems like his reasons were very, very different.
I would ask that in part 4 would you outline which points of Christianity you deemed wrong? As a believer, I've struggled with similar issues, but have come to recognize that Christianity isn't always about feeling God.
I greatly liked your videos : intelligently made, well crafted and still giving credits to those who were your friends even if you ended thinking in another way than them.
Religion serves the same purpose than police : to give people guidelines without going through rational thinking because people sometimes lack that ability. When you start thinking by yourself, it's like removing the blinders and discovering how the world really works, as opposed to the comforting way we are told it works. It may be scary, it may be confusing, it may be ugly at times, but it is in plain sight for everyone to see, understand and try to cope with.
@Prplfox Please type the keywords "The Bible: Evidence that God is Evil" and "Sexism in the Bible" on Youtube. Religious moderates are doing a trick called SELECTIVE INTERPRETATIONS. They only SELECT the parts of the Bible that are good and disregard or interpret the repulsive verses as "symbolic" or non-literal. The Bible contradicts itself.
Although I didnt need to be de-converted I had a similar experience in that I couldnt BE converted. As a child my friends took me to a place called Youth for Christ where the pastor would always say Come on down if you want to be saved! I felt nothing except guilt and shame for not being able to feel this power and wondered if something was wrong with me.Why didnt jesus want me? What was wrong with me? Took me a long time to come to terms with it all. But I'm happy without it all now.
great series. looking forward to the next chapter. I've been there before, I loved your question about loving someone for their character and then finding out that wasn't the real them. That describes both my relationship with god, which ended about 3 years ago, and a recent romantic relationship I was in. I've never felt anything that hurts more than falling out of the tremendous love I felt in both situations.
Amazing videos. It's more intense as I know what your were feeling. I had my critical moment only 3 days ago. I cannot go on forcing myself to believe, when in my heart I do not. I can no longer turn a blind eye to the truth, and it feels weird. All my beliefs are gone. Reality is harsh, but I think I want to face it because at least it's real, whereas faith leaves room for doubt, and my doubt grew so massive, I had to drop the faith. Excellent videos, it has touched my heart.
@Prplfox Over the last couple of days I have watched so many videos about different sciences it's unreal! I also think Christopher Hitchens videos are great, especially where he debates theists. There are other "de-conversion" videos too, so I know I'm not alone and that's a comforting thought. looking forward to the next video.
You experienced the confusion that results from suspending reality, and believing in fantasy. Welcome back. Adults with invisible friends are suffering from a mental disorder.
@Trauncher I'm not saying I disagree with what you said, but I hope the series helps express some of the depth of what this is and why it happens. Christians are not as crazy as we often make them out. This is a complex social construction that involves good people, and we have the power to slowly help that.
Rarely have I seen such eloquence used for honesty in this degree. You have my respect and my appreciation - this is a good thing that you do, and you do it uncommonly well.
My own deconversion was far less dramatic and painful than yours, and I think my reaction here is not because of any relevance to my own story - rather, I empathise with your story in and of itself.
I hope this helps many of the people who desperately need it. I truly, sincerely hope that.
I am amazed! Both by your story-telling but also by the deep sence of connection i feel with you. Even though i have never deconverted, i have had a deep depression (might be having one) and your story feels a lot like mine...
@QeloHawk Deconversion and depression overlap for a lot of people, and I am not excluded from that. I'm glad that I could make something that connects with you like this.
As I hear stories of deconversions, such as yours, I feel thankful that my parents never forced any religion on me. A friend of mine went through it and he asked me questions not knowing I was an atheist. That was an interesting few months. He began to loath me, wondering why I never had to worry about such questions. I think the question that did it for him was "Why are there other religions that differ drastically from mine?"
@ShogunnSlimm That's your biggest issue? That's nothing. And besides, they DID die after eating the apple. Adam and Eve were immortal before eating the fruit, and after they were made susceptible to old age. They brought death into the world through original sin. So God didn't lie about that part... But who cares? What a small insignificant part of a big horrible book.
I've never believed in God. I wasn't raised in a Christian household. And all of this talk of "loving God" and being so passionate about this, is an extremely alien and strange concept to me.
I actually have acquired a certain sensibility from watching these videos. I never thought that anyone could be so connected with something they can't see or hear. Something whose existence they so obviously can't verify. This has helped me understand the depths that this connection can go for some people.
@PrivateUbermensch It's through the insidious vectors religion uses to entrench itself in people's minds. It exploits the euphoria of music, the instinct to be communal, the child's tendency to obey authority (hence why it so often is started when theists are children), the desire to belong and be important, the appetite for power and elevation, the need to be loved. It exploits an entire swathe of our natural impulses. It can be a very powerful drug.
@PrivateUbermensch Thank you for this encouragement, I have been making the series with ex-christians in mind so it's humbling to hear of people without that past still taking meaning from it.
Oh, Prplfox, you have my heart. I feel wrenched by your story. I know you are doing great things by reaching out to people. I've just featured you on my channel.. I hope more people listen and watch. Wonderful work.
Brilliant series! I could NOT stop watching. I feel like I'm sitting on the edge of a cliff waiting for part 4. I am 34 years old and spent the better part of 15 years undergoing deconversion. My deconversion was the single most difficult, emotionally tortuous and exhausting experiences I have ever been through. It was slow and painful and full of second and third guesses. I hope your series is able to help someone out there, somewhere who is where you and I have been.
This is very good. Thank you for telling your story. I wish I had had this kind of support when I went through my deconversion ten years ago. I sent Evid3nc3's video series to my son whom is going through something similar and I'd like to send yours also so please, please continue. Very touching ... wonderful ... thank you.
I sympathize here but do want to caution. Anyone traumatized by fundamentalist religiosity needs to take a long look as he steps back. Human history that gave us religion is exceedingly complex. Its very easy after being emotionally abused to let such high emotions make us take overly strong actions in our minds and lives when we need to move away from the radicalism &absurdity of the hellenized faiths.As a non den christian who doesnt attend any church I do not live a faith of fear or emotion.
@pax256 I'm telling a story from years ago, you can take any meaning you want from it. The process of deconversion was very emotional which is what I'm expressing through the videos. I understand a lot now that I didn't at the time of this story, including the complex history that created Christianity and the image of Jesus. I'm curious why you are a Christian and what that means to you if your faith is not tied to emotion and you are aloof from church.
@Prplfox Church is just a grouping of people. In Canada for some time now about 50% of people polled who claim a christian faith are non denom. They find each other online and in their regular social lives but dont feel the need for an organized church with a fixed ideology. Religion being as much about history its constantly under revision from new findings. But the basic spirituality and the simple ethics (such 10 commandments) has no real contradictions. Baby and the bathwater so to speak...
@Prplfox Also want to add that no one really has a good grasp of the long history of the church and judaic faith before it. We have a rudimentary understanding at best and the best team of historians have trouble eeking out even important details. The study of this will go on for centuries probably eons. To draw any absolute judgement on basic spiritual ideas or values based on an individual's understanding of the history is not a good basis going forward.
I was once involved deeply in my church's worship team, and a valuable member to that growing [mega] church. But I had been struggling with it for years, . . . trying to balance my doubts with being a member of the "leadership" each Sunday. I would sit through three morning services, and when we were required to "take notes" [because of the way it looks to others], my notes became more about why I was finding doubt in the words of the preacher. It was such a lonely time, confusing, . . hell.
@DeavonReye It was around that time, completely abandoned from my once held beliefs, playing music that I still enjoyed, and longing for the social network that the church provided,...that I came to the conclusion, even though I knew it would change my life,...that "one more bit of input" would be the breaking point. It eventually happened and I finally left the church. I have some videos, but really need to redo them [they're only text based, and not that good].
My story departs from yours a lot, and yet I do understand what it's like to define yourself by a theology given to you by parents and friends and to find that shaken when you grow up. I've had more than a few wedges pushed into my relationship with my sister and my mother because of the deterioration of my faith, and I admire you deeply for your ability to share this story with your friend. I'm considering showing this series to my sister when it's completed. You word your story so powerfully.
A remarkable story.... one similar to that told by guards at concentration camps... or of thieves who realise the consequences of their actions..... or even of recovering drug addicts...
Its a highly emotive literary monologue. One that shows the very deep and painful struggle between a very real desire and the knowledge that such a desire is vapour.
Although enthralled, and awaiting part 4 I feel you are wasting this on youtube, this would be a best seller for theists and non theists alike!
@Prplfox Ohh well all the better for me then.... but I still think this should be a book... perhaps you might load up word at some point and begin that... regardless of the content of this series and others you'd be a brilliant writer... And if you read the comments from others you should realise that.
I can't wait for the next part. This story has a personal connection for me, because even though some aspects of it are quite different, I remember going through many of the same feelings and emotions.
This is a compelling series. While many of the particulars of my own story are quite different, it is striking how much of this resonates with me on a deeply personal level. The "addiction" may play out differently, but its fundamental aspects are the same. Moreover, you tell the story very well.
Your channel came to my attention via one of my very favorite people here on YouTube, namely, Evid3nc3. I must be sure to thank him for recommending you. And thank *you* for sharing your story.
@ProfMTH You (and Evid3nc3) are the people I admire most on all of youtube. I agree with you our experiences are different but I connect with you on so many levels. You bring so much clarity, knowledge and wit on your channel and your work is so important. I had to check to make sure it was really you ;) Thank you I'm honored.
You touch on things a lot of people I think miss, particularly those who were never in the church. I can't directly relate to your story though. You speak in past tense where I feel I'm more present-tense. The logical part of my brain says my belief is without foundation, yet the emotional side finds it so easy to "get back into it". Either way it's not the same. I'm looking forward to more of your videos, thank you for sharing your story.
Yes, I agree with another post in that I would love to see more videos, but I realize they take a lot of time. I check back every week to see if there's a new one yet. Keep up the good work. Looking forward to #4.
Yes, I agree with another post in that I would love to see more videos, but I realize they take a lot of time. I check back every week to see if there's a new one yet. Keep up the good work. Looking forward to #4.
Thanks for this series. I think it is valuable for the Christian who is struggling with doubts to see that others have gone through the same thing, discovered it wasn't true, and yet continued on to eventually become a healthier and happier person and I think it is valuable for many atheists that were never religious to understand how deeply immersive and compelling religious experience can be.
@RationalRat This is a point that does not go unreasoned by me. I am atheistic... so were my parents...and their parents. so religion is viewed by me the same way alcohol or addiction to computer gaming is viewed.
The last this the alcoholic needs to hear is all the pain he is subjecting himself and others to.
How much better to advance positives. However this experience of deconversion is alien to me.... So I am often incapable of understanding the mental processes of the religious.
I heard Evid3nc3 mention you in his podcast with TheThinkingAtheist. He was right, .. you have an exceptional talent for making video's and expressing yourself. A gripping story so far.
1 minor criticism: I did find it difficult to locate you, .. typing in purple fox got me nowhere, i eventually found you via evid3nc3's channel. You should have called yourself Purple fox. ( but hey, what do i know)
After 20 years of Christianity I have just recently gone through my own deconversion. I can't tell you how much happier I am now! I can breath freely, I'm allowed to use my own brain instead of being just a puppet for Jesus. Xtianity gave me constant guilt and fear, that I never had before I was a Xtian and I don't have after my deconversion any more. It had so many negative effects on my life. I'm allowed to learn all about the true wonders of the world now - such as evolution and cosmology.
your video series is absolutely incredible. my deconversion experience has been so similar to yours in so many ways. I admire you so.. because you have put so much of how I have felt.. how I have wanted to share with others.. into words. I feel like this is such a pure expression of your heart. I appreciate and love, love, love this series. I try to share it with everyone I can. I respect you and think about you often. thanks so much for taking the time to bare your soul to us. :)
@matthewtaylorbrown :D I couldnt have said it better!! After all everyone (even the atheists) percept the world through their own brains, which distort it more or less...After all every concept created by men(including religion) is imperfect version of reality...Science cannot prove anything, it just measures...but at least science admits that and constantly changes (while religion does not;)
Great video. Again, the appearance is that a denomination has done practices that you feel are wrong, and the you've gone and judged God Himself because of their actions. Think about it man, you were taught by a denomination which only started 1800 YEARS after Jesus died.. Jesus never talked about denominations. I'm sorry that guy said "yeah it's biblical" and just walked off from you cos that's just crap. I HATE the culture of "Don't ask".. That is NOT a healthy mental climate..
Your religious mental breakdown was social, mine was anti-social because of my social condition, but the pain and depression were probably no different. Your recollection is compelling and a grave warning and raising of awareness about the oblivious abuse well meaning religious can have on their more thinking, questioning and emotionally involved members.
The group experience, the music experience, it is beautiful how you present it all. This to me is precisely what keeps people in religion. People don't realize being swept away in music and having a profound "religious experience" from it has nothing to do with God. It is the music. Secular music has that affect on atheists.
Also, wow. I went to camp Aldersgate when I was a child. I can't believe you were a counselor there! Look at me now, an atheist.
@PainefulMass This Aldersgate place must be a breeding ground for atheism? no? Is this like when I insist to xtians that the best way for them to wake up is to actually read the bible?
@MumblingMickey It is a Christian camp. I must admit that even though I was a pretty hard core Christian at the time, the Christianity I was exposed to and practiced was very moderate and tame. Aldersgate was probably the first time I had been exposed to much more intense forms of Christianity. In some sense this made me want become more intense. In all honesty, this may have been a factor in eventually rejecting it.
@PainefulMass Hey then... lets expand on Aldersgate.... The more of those camps there are the better......
There is a logical reason I suggest that of course.... it has to do with what secular nations DO but the US does not DO.... They teach religion in schools... and in the information age its the primary reason for their secular outlook!
Religion has a pretty hard time when on an even playing field with reality!
@Prplfox It's not offensive.. While YOU may see it as "seagulls" glorifying the "production" (and in same cases that's probs correct!) there are many Christians who are genuinely blessed by God-worshiping music. It helps to draw out the feelings of gratitude to God that we have in our hearts. Look at Hillsong, they really don't focus on the singers.. They focus on the point of the music which is to sing and praise and worship God. And this does not REQUIRE the music, the music just helps.
I kept my Bible in the back of my Jeep for years... holding on to what I'd lost, I guess. The sad thing is shortly after I got rid of it was when I found Evid3nc3's videos, which made me want to read it objectively.
So, I had to get another one.
This time I chose the Catholic version. And the Qur'an. And the Book of Mormon. And the Apocrypha...
@SuperHuntard I feel you. I kept a bible in my pocket for years. I was going to burn it on a mountain last year but then I started this project. You made me laugh saying it's not even good fiction, I agree.
You started a journal? Keep it away from the prying eyes of Big Brother. You sir are a modern day Winston Smith, and you should feel proud. Don't feel ashamed of your so-called "thought-crime" and make sure you never, ever love Big Brother.
great video, i do have to say this though you were very sure about all these things at one time now you are not i do not know what you follow now as far as spirituality or your ideals but whos to say you are not wrong now? i relate to what you went threw.i have gone threw it more than once reconverted and deconverted many times. i think the biggest problem you faced was evangelical christianity i think modern american evangelical faith is filled with many pockets of fraud.
great video and yes possibilities are infinite, the possibilities of ((God)) and what ((he)) or it may be is something that men can never grasp even the bible states this. is there God or is there nothing i think both ideas are to simple and narrow. the universe is expanding and is something that for all we know goes on forever.
Loosing your faith must a horrible experience. I have had faith now for 40 years. and these videos are just plan said. Jesus has been my life for 40 years of life and I have had crushing deaths, depression, married, children, more death. and all the time, God has been real and present. If I am deluded so be it , but the people about me say that I am a very sane person. Keep on searching and truth will be found. I am just one of the many travelers of life.
MRGV7373 1 month ago
@MRGV7373 I know a lot of wonderful, sane people who believe in Jesus. For some people the Jesus message stabilizes in them and becomes a lifelong guide. For others, like me, the message ends up destroying the person. I feel like the later doesn't get communicated enough, and so on behalf of so many who go through this, I wanted to tell my story.
Prplfox 1 month ago
@Prplfox I understand your message well. I will tell you the message of Jesus should not cause complete despair. Why? the love of God has forgiven all sin. Now if you try on your own to be "perfect" you will never feel God's love and forgiveness. Why? Perfect does not mean sinless it mean loving as God loves. Sinless humans is a complete myth and if you believe you should be "perfect" as in sinless - you will become dead in guilt. Jesus did the work not us Does this make sense?
MRGV7373 1 month ago
@MRGV7373 There are two conflicts I'm identifying here. One is the Christian struggle with sin, wanting to live a life for Jesus but falling into sin (living for yourself). The other, more serious conflict, which is the one I'm talking about in this series, is knowing the gospel and wanting to believe it but not being able to. That's where the pain of a deconversion comes from, as your world is torn out from under you (that is the most destructive part, learning the message isn't true)
Prplfox 1 month ago
@Prplfox The Christian faith only comes from one "proof" namely that the revelation of God in Jesus is true. This faith only has proof or basis in History. Scientific Methodology works well to prove how thing work, but does nothing to validate time/space events. History and the events of time/space always come back to - did the historians get it right. Did the Gospel writers get the story of Jesus and write it down with accuracy and was it pass onto us with credibility. Trust?
MRGV7373 1 month ago
This has been flagged as spam show
@MRGV7373 "Did the Gospel writers get the story of Jesus and write it down with accuracy and was it pass onto us with credibility. Trust?" - No, they did not. Matthew and Luke copied Mark. And the end of mark (in some bibles) was added in later. If you study the historicity of the gospels and how they were written and who they were written for, there is no validity in believing it's credibility.
TheLuckySaGe 1 month ago
@Prplfox 2nd, Do you trust what was written about Abraham Lincoln, JFK, French revolution, Roman?? It is the same faith in history that has help with archeology. What Jesus said and did comes back to trusting what the authors wrote. Much of what Jesus said is believable, much that he did is just miraculous and is beyond human understanding. Now the tough part. Do you trust what was written down? Why or Why not?? That basis of Faith in Jesus. Why would they lie to us?? Trust them
MRGV7373 1 month ago
@MRGV7373 Well no, of course not. I don't even think that the Jesus portrayed in the conflicting gospel accounts is an accurate description of who Jesus was. I've taken great pains with this series to explain why, though I don't address history (yet). This series is about what happened to me when I trusted the idea of Christ that was constructed for and in me. It is because, when I was a young person searching, I got answers like yours from people I looked up to, that it became so destructive.
Prplfox 1 month ago
@Prplfox The "sinless" teaching lead all into complete despair. Why? we are only sinless when we are made new in heaven. With our human bodies and human spirits we will sin in this life even if we are Christians. So being "perfect" or trying to be perfect as in with out sin will destroy you That is what your message tells me. Your guilt is take by Jesus, it is nothing that you do. Trying to be perfect only makes it worse and despairing . Your are forgiven . Period, "it is finished"
MRGV7373 1 month ago
I feel somewhat lucky, I was baptized, but after that, the subject of religion never really was talked about until my parents told me at about age 16 to "make up your own damn mind. Don't let people tell you the answers to your questions, find your own answers." Then I found /r/atheism, and I found my answers.
sighimbored 2 months ago
I remember when I lost my faith... It was very painful.... it still is :'(
MyEmmaLeeRose 5 months ago
Your pastor seems a bit dodgy....
leeroynaggins 7 months ago
Your story is so much more emotional and painful than mine. I just started feeling a lot more doubt and skepticism towards Christianity after my parents stopped going to church. After about a year spent outside of the Christian bubble, I realized "Yeah, this is all a bunch of fairy tales, mythology, and bullshit."
xCroB93x 7 months ago
@xCroB93x Everyone experiences it differently. I know my story is a little more extreme than others, that's why I feel compelled to share it, because this can happen.
Prplfox 7 months ago
@Prplfox Yes, thank you for that. These videos are very well done.
xCroB93x 7 months ago
But emotions are just bizarre, I guess. :)
Fuzzball70 8 months ago
Sorry, to post similar comments in multiple videos, but this series is just having a huge impact on me. I have never been religious and cannot understand how you felt going through your deconversion, but there is one thing I am trying to understand: Why did it happen? I focus on rational thinking in life, but I see you weren't persuaded by arguments showing the irrationality of religion. It justs seemed your emotional experience suddenly switched for I reason I can't see, and I find that bizarre
Fuzzball70 8 months ago
@Fuzzball70 Not that rational arguments can't be effective, but in my case, they had no effect on my deconversion. This was something that happened within my relationship with God and community and in the experience of being a Christian youth leader. I didn't want to be a liar.
Prplfox 7 months ago
@Prplfox Context...Evidently, you were w/dozens/hundreds of people w/slick music, video, highly emotional religious rhetoric --- As I have reflected on my experience in that kind of atmosphere, I feel convinced it is completely fabricated. The power-people in the mix have alot to gain by embellishing the whole charade & think nothing of creating it, & more. Certainly some are sincere - but pleez... It's abusive & works very hard to alienate you from yourself = easier to control.
wellthenif 5 months ago
@wellthenif I agree the productions have this effect, but at least in the Christians I knew who created the atmosphere, the intention is to affect people in ways they see as meaningful and pure... a way of experiencing God... that's the complication with this form of religion: that good intentions based in misinformation ultimately create people who are either damaged, or compelled to propagate and even modify the message to more potent forms, or both.
Prplfox 5 months ago
@Prplfox Yes well, to me that is way too kind & I give you, not them, credit for considering it. Still, in my view it lacks tremendous amounts of listening & sincere questions....& if that's true, it is far more likely to be manipulative & power-driven. In the moment, sincere people heartily believe it is real & true...but where is their chance to truly question it all? I have seen fundamentalism desperately work to help people ignore themselves in the name of truth & god. PATHETIC!
wellthenif 5 months ago
this is amazing, your story is amazing
MrWiggy1000 9 months ago
Continued... Each Christian denomination has different beliefs and practices. I am sorry that I wrote so much but I felt I had to get this out. Thankyou Prplfox for sharing your story I look forward to hearing your thoughts on what I have said so I can better understand your viewpoints. No matter what beliefs you have, I hope your story has a happy ending.
En3rg3tic 9 months ago
@En3rg3tic And thank you for being so thoughtful about yourself and the messages in this series. I hope to hear more from you as I continue the videos.
Prplfox 9 months ago
Continued.... I was taught not to regard the bible as historical fact but as stories that teach about God and humanity. I understand that evolution happened, I understand that many stories in the bible are only stories loosely based on fact and i believe that sin and sexuality are part of the human experience and not something to be ashamed of. I am sharing these things because it seems to me like you are regarding Christianity as one big faith. This is not true.
En3rg3tic 9 months ago
@En3rg3tic This is not the view of born-again Christians (many of whom would not consider Catholics as Chrisitian). There are varying views on evolution and sexuality, but when it comes to the gospel and epistles, there isn't much room to budge from the literal interpretation. Of course you can draw meaning of the human experience from parts of the bible if you pick and choose, but that's not what this series is about. I'm sorry if I've over generalized Christianity, I hope it makes sense why
Prplfox 9 months ago
Ok, now for my actual comment. I deeply upsets me to hear you and many commenters say things like Christianity is not ok, Christianity is a cult and that people who believe in God are somehow less logical or intelligent than atheists. I have been raised as a Catholic all my life and gone to a Catholic school. I have never felt like my religion was forced on me and have several friends and family members who have left the catholic faith without judgement.
En3rg3tic 9 months ago
@En3rg3tic I think the version of Christianity you experience is very different from the mainline protestant version that this video focuses on. When I say "Christianity is not ok" I am not referring to a philosophy. It is directly referencing the claims of Christianity, particularly Paul's claims: that you are dead in sin and Jesus was brutally killed and rose from the dead and you need to accept this to be freed from yourself. That is what most of the comments on this page reference.
Prplfox 9 months ago
@En3rg3tic I know there are many forms of Christianity. I've tried to be specific in this series (see part 2) as to which ones I came from. Modern evangelical Christian groups such as Young Life and Intervarsity, I agree with the comments, fit the definition of a cult. To tell a young person that they need something that isn't true, that's not ok. That was a big part of my inner conflict as a Christian leader to young people.
Prplfox 9 months ago
Hello... before I comment I would like to say three things. 1) I am 18 and very active in the Catholic Christian Church 2) I am not commenting to condemn your beliefs, argue or push my beliefs onto you... I am just trying to understand your viewpoints and your story and 3) Although I firmly believe in God, I can see that your fall from faith was a very painful experience and I am truly sorry that you experienced such pain.
En3rg3tic 9 months ago
dear friend i am watching your story....i wish i could give hug to you.....i am in a unique position in my life, i actually believe in God but i am unsure of so much. it is particular unique for me because i am severely disable with deformities. i always feel alone, i feel alone at church, i always feel this scare and sick feeling when they do those big worship song things like hillsong. it feel like manipulation. i believe in Jesus but i do not believe in the church if that make sense.
DasTuppen 9 months ago
@DasTuppen To say that you believe in Jesus but not the church is something I can understand. I held on to Jesus for 3 more years after the church fell out under me. There was something about Jesus that was so beautiful and heroic that I connected with even though I couldn't connect with church anymore. Finally I had to let that go too because I found the Jesus I held in my heart was someone I created, not an actual person. You have to find that in yourself, it takes time. >>hug<<
Prplfox 9 months ago
God why did you show me this. I'm just one guy. I don't want the burden of knowing this.
What if all of this is wrong?
Thank you so much for your courage, Prplfox. I thought I was the only one until I found this video. I'm in between phases right now. All your points about Christianity is 100% true but Atheism doesn't provide all the answers either. Logically, it is sound but it doesn't explain how love works and I still have this yearning for meaning, maybe a God shaped hole.
14kinetik 10 months ago
@14kinetik
"All your points about Christianity is 100% true but Atheism doesn't provide all the answers either. Logically, it is sound but it doesn't explain how love works and I still have this yearning for meaning, maybe a God shaped hole."
Just a suggestion. In case you haven't heard of it yet. Try out
"Why Christianity must change or die", by John Shelby Spong. Might give you a direction to follow. Friede
Foxcanine1 9 months ago
I am moved by your descriptions of your experiences. I have felt all the states and insights u describe. But, in my case it was NOT around an image of a god or religion. I want to say that all your experiences were VALID. Jesus and Cristianity are not valid; they exist in truth only as products of history and culture. But these states are part of life and are within us; they are part of our inner chemistry. Just sometimes u need ideologies and psycho-technologies like music to unlock them.
Antarblue 10 months ago
@Antarblue One of my hopes with this story is that a deeper aspect of humanity (not specifically related to Jesus) can be expressed.
Prplfox 10 months ago
I experienced the community, bliss, ecstacy, getting "in," music in another context. I was amazed at the similarity. But there was no god, scripture, moral code, ranks of spiritual attainment. It was deeply meaningful and more existentially important to me than life and death. We were celebrating a master but he wasn't promising salvation, virtue, happiness. He wasn't saying he was god; he denied god. He was not denying life and it's mystery he said his chair was empty; there is only life.
Antarblue 10 months ago
thank you for this video. it's like looking into a mirror and I've lost everything seeking Christ
14kinetik 10 months ago
Prplfox I just want to say I really enjoyed your video series thus far, and am very much looking forward to your next installments. I think your struggle with religion and belief is a very powerful story to tell and its enlightening for me in understanding just what some Christians go through. I too know what its like to believe, fear hell, and question god all at the same time. It can all be very painful and I'm glad there are people like you telling their stories so eloquently.
rimrattler8 10 months ago
more please :)
antonc81 11 months ago
Dude...you should turn this into a book, or at least an essay.
Flailwielder 11 months ago
You and 97Roscoe both saw the careful design of Young Life worship, and felt profound unease. I'm so glad that there are people in organizations like this who take their beliefs seriously... and taking their beliefs and values seriously, they can no longer subscribe to them.
ReligiousFiction 1 year ago
@Prplfox Watching your videos, reading your wise, kind comments, I began to see how consistently and lovingly you empathetically reach out and selflessly magnify the good in others as you also sweetly, gently, calm and soothe the angry, confused, hurt and lost souls among us.
When lying men wrote the myths of "the son of God", they knew the facts of their writings were untrue. The irony is - an Atheist has become a real-world person living more like Christ than any delusional Christian.
InternalCompass 1 year ago 6
@InternalCompass wow this is as much as I could hope for with this channel
Prplfox 1 year ago
I agree about musical worship. To be honest, that's what I really enjoyed about church gatherings.
CeaselesslyCurious 1 year ago
These are great videos. It takes guts to open up and it's appreciated. I think one of the harder parts of de-converting is realizing that death isn't going to be what you once thought it was. My realization that there probably wont be an afterlife didn't hit me as hard as it did my one friend, he was losing sleep over the fact. I think that's one thing that religious people have trouble understanding. We're not trying to be atheists; we just can't help it.
min7b20billion 1 year ago 9
@min7b20billion I really connect with what you are saying about not being able to help what you believe, and how helpless that can feel.
Prplfox 1 year ago
what is the song at 4:12
midgety1 1 year ago
@OldSchoolSkill :)
Prplfox 1 year ago
Wow... someone actually 'Disliked' this vid... That hate is so typical of the bible.
I give a thumbs up for all those who have struggled with the drug that is religion. I know how you feel...
PalulukanMakto 1 year ago
Amazing story. It's interesting that your struggles with religion remind me a lot of my secular struggles as a youth.
I wanted to be a perfect person. I had trouble dealing with my sexuality, my desire to gain other peoples acceptance, and my inability to accept help.
Keep up the great work!
clizzaster 1 year ago
You give me hope that there are still intelligent people out there who are willing to face reality no matter how frightening it may be.
fuzzness 1 year ago
Ever since I've been able to make up my own mind about things, I've never really believed in God in any form. But all my friends did, and I was never too much of a d*** to refuse to go to one of thier youth groups. The sentiments and feelings you say you've had, I see very much in them there. It almost is very much the flock of sea-gulls after bread, but still very moving.
I'm sorry about the inner turmoil you've had. Wish you the best.
35TCK 1 year ago
As someone who left Christianity due to empirical reasons, your emotional account was both fascinating and incredibly moving. It's reassuring to know that the struggle I had mirrors yours in many important ways.
Your videos provide an important service, to show those who feel they are alone that someone has experienced the same. They also demonstrate that what ties us all together is solidarity with each other. Your desire to help others with their struggles exemplifies this beautifully.
JGonspy 1 year ago
@JGonspy This is a meaningful reflection thank you
Prplfox 1 year ago
i have to agree somewhat with mumbling mickey, but i do not think it's wasted on youtube. it will reach people as it has reached me, and may that bring you happiness that a deity couldn't.
TAXEXEMPTION 1 year ago
@TAXEXEMPTION Thank you for this
Prplfox 1 year ago
I've never had any kind of religious belief but I've always been fascinated by what the experience of having such a belief must be like. This is very interesting to watch.
To anyone else who enjoys this, I recommend also watching Evid3nc3's "Why I am no longer a Christian" series of videos. They're equally fascinating to watch, but it seems like his reasons were very, very different.
fragglet 1 year ago
wow man, great series!
I guess I never really believed, even though my parents took me to church.
interesting to hear your story! great work
wetkenny 1 year ago
I would ask that in part 4 would you outline which points of Christianity you deemed wrong? As a believer, I've struggled with similar issues, but have come to recognize that Christianity isn't always about feeling God.
servetheshepherd77 1 year ago
Man this video should be shown at church!
seanturpin01 1 year ago
I greatly liked your videos : intelligently made, well crafted and still giving credits to those who were your friends even if you ended thinking in another way than them.
ycspaceman 1 year ago
Religion serves the same purpose than police : to give people guidelines without going through rational thinking because people sometimes lack that ability. When you start thinking by yourself, it's like removing the blinders and discovering how the world really works, as opposed to the comforting way we are told it works. It may be scary, it may be confusing, it may be ugly at times, but it is in plain sight for everyone to see, understand and try to cope with.
ycspaceman 1 year ago
So did you and Liam finally fall in love? Now that you've put down the big lie, I HOPE YOU CAN FIND THE LOVE YOU SEEK.
Chadfish 1 year ago
Excellent script, beautiful music, and interesting experience.
I enjoy the videos, and this one has become of my favorites so far on Youtube. Is the music from a particular soundtrack or personally developed?
livingxxgod 1 year ago
Per my previous comment. I have the answer to the music, I should have read the description. Well, it's good wook.
livingxxgod 1 year ago
@livingxxgod I wrote the music, I think it has been important to this project
Prplfox 1 year ago
@Prplfox Please type the keywords "The Bible: Evidence that God is Evil" and "Sexism in the Bible" on Youtube. Religious moderates are doing a trick called SELECTIVE INTERPRETATIONS. They only SELECT the parts of the Bible that are good and disregard or interpret the repulsive verses as "symbolic" or non-literal. The Bible contradicts itself.
MrFareddy 1 year ago
Although I didnt need to be de-converted I had a similar experience in that I couldnt BE converted. As a child my friends took me to a place called Youth for Christ where the pastor would always say Come on down if you want to be saved! I felt nothing except guilt and shame for not being able to feel this power and wondered if something was wrong with me.Why didnt jesus want me? What was wrong with me? Took me a long time to come to terms with it all. But I'm happy without it all now.
NoFearOfGod 1 year ago
great series. looking forward to the next chapter. I've been there before, I loved your question about loving someone for their character and then finding out that wasn't the real them. That describes both my relationship with god, which ended about 3 years ago, and a recent romantic relationship I was in. I've never felt anything that hurts more than falling out of the tremendous love I felt in both situations.
Dudeamis 1 year ago
@Dudeamis I feel you my friend
Prplfox 1 year ago
Amazing videos. It's more intense as I know what your were feeling. I had my critical moment only 3 days ago. I cannot go on forcing myself to believe, when in my heart I do not. I can no longer turn a blind eye to the truth, and it feels weird. All my beliefs are gone. Reality is harsh, but I think I want to face it because at least it's real, whereas faith leaves room for doubt, and my doubt grew so massive, I had to drop the faith. Excellent videos, it has touched my heart.
infinitusverum 1 year ago 3
@infinitusverum You and others like you are why I want to make these videos. It is ok to not be a Christian. I was touched by your words as well.
Prplfox 1 year ago
@Prplfox Over the last couple of days I have watched so many videos about different sciences it's unreal! I also think Christopher Hitchens videos are great, especially where he debates theists. There are other "de-conversion" videos too, so I know I'm not alone and that's a comforting thought. looking forward to the next video.
infinitusverum 1 year ago
Where is part 4? This was awesome and it had happened to me to an extent to..
KarthikSoun 1 year ago
You experienced the confusion that results from suspending reality, and believing in fantasy. Welcome back. Adults with invisible friends are suffering from a mental disorder.
Trauncher 1 year ago
@Trauncher I'm not saying I disagree with what you said, but I hope the series helps express some of the depth of what this is and why it happens. Christians are not as crazy as we often make them out. This is a complex social construction that involves good people, and we have the power to slowly help that.
Prplfox 1 year ago
I am impressed by the clarity you convey your emotions.
I've never been a believer, but every time I saw the images of all the people worshiping in front of the stage I got scared.
They feel like validation farms for insecure youth.
xarvh 1 year ago
@xarvh The idea of validation and young people is very important, I hope I can express it in later videos
Prplfox 1 year ago
Dude...keep these coming, they are great. And well done.
You are right in your convictions and you have support all over.
johnycannuk 1 year ago
Rarely have I seen such eloquence used for honesty in this degree. You have my respect and my appreciation - this is a good thing that you do, and you do it uncommonly well.
My own deconversion was far less dramatic and painful than yours, and I think my reaction here is not because of any relevance to my own story - rather, I empathise with your story in and of itself.
I hope this helps many of the people who desperately need it. I truly, sincerely hope that.
soundofgeek 1 year ago
@soundofgeek I truly hope that too. Thank you for the encouragement and your kind words.
Prplfox 1 year ago
fuck religion!!!
henrikstaaf 1 year ago
@henrikstaaf Well, let's take our time now ;)
Prplfox 1 year ago
I am amazed! Both by your story-telling but also by the deep sence of connection i feel with you. Even though i have never deconverted, i have had a deep depression (might be having one) and your story feels a lot like mine...
QeloHawk 1 year ago
@QeloHawk Deconversion and depression overlap for a lot of people, and I am not excluded from that. I'm glad that I could make something that connects with you like this.
Prplfox 1 year ago
Dude!! this series is awesome, it really resonates with my own story. Keep up the good work.
ThePakowako 1 year ago
@ThePakowako I'm glad it can connect with you in some way
Prplfox 1 year ago
As I hear stories of deconversions, such as yours, I feel thankful that my parents never forced any religion on me. A friend of mine went through it and he asked me questions not knowing I was an atheist. That was an interesting few months. He began to loath me, wondering why I never had to worry about such questions. I think the question that did it for him was "Why are there other religions that differ drastically from mine?"
darkjaw17 1 year ago
@darkjaw17 I hope someday being atheist doesn't feel like it shouldn't be spoken
Prplfox 1 year ago
Thank you for uploading
midgety1 1 year ago
has anyone ever told you you sound like Scott Pilgrim (michael serra)
Calebmoyer 1 year ago
@Calebmoyer lol yes ever since the movie Juno. I still don't agree :)
Prplfox 1 year ago
Dude, get into Slayer.
TheTyrantRaptor 1 year ago
@ShogunnSlimm That's your biggest issue? That's nothing. And besides, they DID die after eating the apple. Adam and Eve were immortal before eating the fruit, and after they were made susceptible to old age. They brought death into the world through original sin. So God didn't lie about that part... But who cares? What a small insignificant part of a big horrible book.
Slanguaj 1 year ago
These videos are intensely moving.
Heavensrun 1 year ago
Simply amazing. Thanks.
ChaosStrike47 1 year ago
I've never believed in God. I wasn't raised in a Christian household. And all of this talk of "loving God" and being so passionate about this, is an extremely alien and strange concept to me.
I actually have acquired a certain sensibility from watching these videos. I never thought that anyone could be so connected with something they can't see or hear. Something whose existence they so obviously can't verify. This has helped me understand the depths that this connection can go for some people.
PrivateUbermensch 1 year ago
@PrivateUbermensch It's through the insidious vectors religion uses to entrench itself in people's minds. It exploits the euphoria of music, the instinct to be communal, the child's tendency to obey authority (hence why it so often is started when theists are children), the desire to belong and be important, the appetite for power and elevation, the need to be loved. It exploits an entire swathe of our natural impulses. It can be a very powerful drug.
GermanChocolateCake 1 year ago
@PrivateUbermensch Thank you for this encouragement, I have been making the series with ex-christians in mind so it's humbling to hear of people without that past still taking meaning from it.
Prplfox 1 year ago
Incredible videos. Am utterly captivated at your struggle & can't wait to hear more
bornagainatheist1 1 year ago
part 4 please!!
Heliosvector 1 year ago
you remind me of Evid3nce videos
Heliosvector 1 year ago
@Heliosvector Evid3nc3 is an inspiration
Prplfox 1 year ago
Wow. Just wow. I really admire you for sharing this.
zebruh 1 year ago
Oh, Prplfox, you have my heart. I feel wrenched by your story. I know you are doing great things by reaching out to people. I've just featured you on my channel.. I hope more people listen and watch. Wonderful work.
ReligiousFiction 1 year ago
@ReligiousFiction You are doing great things too
Prplfox 1 year ago
Brilliant series! I could NOT stop watching. I feel like I'm sitting on the edge of a cliff waiting for part 4. I am 34 years old and spent the better part of 15 years undergoing deconversion. My deconversion was the single most difficult, emotionally tortuous and exhausting experiences I have ever been through. It was slow and painful and full of second and third guesses. I hope your series is able to help someone out there, somewhere who is where you and I have been.
csmithrn 1 year ago 26
@csmithrn You and I are connected in this. I hope I can convey it more in the next videos. So glad to hear your voice.
Prplfox 1 year ago 10
This is very good. Thank you for telling your story. I wish I had had this kind of support when I went through my deconversion ten years ago. I sent Evid3nc3's video series to my son whom is going through something similar and I'd like to send yours also so please, please continue. Very touching ... wonderful ... thank you.
4whatwhycool 1 year ago
I sympathize here but do want to caution. Anyone traumatized by fundamentalist religiosity needs to take a long look as he steps back. Human history that gave us religion is exceedingly complex. Its very easy after being emotionally abused to let such high emotions make us take overly strong actions in our minds and lives when we need to move away from the radicalism &absurdity of the hellenized faiths.As a non den christian who doesnt attend any church I do not live a faith of fear or emotion.
pax256 1 year ago
@pax256 I'm telling a story from years ago, you can take any meaning you want from it. The process of deconversion was very emotional which is what I'm expressing through the videos. I understand a lot now that I didn't at the time of this story, including the complex history that created Christianity and the image of Jesus. I'm curious why you are a Christian and what that means to you if your faith is not tied to emotion and you are aloof from church.
Prplfox 1 year ago
@Prplfox Church is just a grouping of people. In Canada for some time now about 50% of people polled who claim a christian faith are non denom. They find each other online and in their regular social lives but dont feel the need for an organized church with a fixed ideology. Religion being as much about history its constantly under revision from new findings. But the basic spirituality and the simple ethics (such 10 commandments) has no real contradictions. Baby and the bathwater so to speak...
pax256 1 year ago
@Prplfox Also want to add that no one really has a good grasp of the long history of the church and judaic faith before it. We have a rudimentary understanding at best and the best team of historians have trouble eeking out even important details. The study of this will go on for centuries probably eons. To draw any absolute judgement on basic spiritual ideas or values based on an individual's understanding of the history is not a good basis going forward.
pax256 1 year ago
what happened?
dionstrezlecki 1 year ago
I was once involved deeply in my church's worship team, and a valuable member to that growing [mega] church. But I had been struggling with it for years, . . . trying to balance my doubts with being a member of the "leadership" each Sunday. I would sit through three morning services, and when we were required to "take notes" [because of the way it looks to others], my notes became more about why I was finding doubt in the words of the preacher. It was such a lonely time, confusing, . . hell.
DeavonReye 1 year ago
@DeavonReye It was around that time, completely abandoned from my once held beliefs, playing music that I still enjoyed, and longing for the social network that the church provided,...that I came to the conclusion, even though I knew it would change my life,...that "one more bit of input" would be the breaking point. It eventually happened and I finally left the church. I have some videos, but really need to redo them [they're only text based, and not that good].
Will await your part 4.
DeavonReye 1 year ago
LOL 1:27 God BluePrint look just above, look closely at the window, what do u see,
a Upside down Cross, whats the Dog in the most basicway, = the Dog is a Beast so flip the word Dog round u get God so God is the Beast
so God believers are Beast worshippers
realitygameworld2 1 year ago
Great series keep going!
apple2018 1 year ago
My story departs from yours a lot, and yet I do understand what it's like to define yourself by a theology given to you by parents and friends and to find that shaken when you grow up. I've had more than a few wedges pushed into my relationship with my sister and my mother because of the deterioration of my faith, and I admire you deeply for your ability to share this story with your friend. I'm considering showing this series to my sister when it's completed. You word your story so powerfully.
colossus999 1 year ago
Oh sorry... definitely subbed, total thumbs up... and for what its worth my sincerest best wishes for the future after such pain.
MumblingMickey 1 year ago
A remarkable story.... one similar to that told by guards at concentration camps... or of thieves who realise the consequences of their actions..... or even of recovering drug addicts...
Its a highly emotive literary monologue. One that shows the very deep and painful struggle between a very real desire and the knowledge that such a desire is vapour.
Although enthralled, and awaiting part 4 I feel you are wasting this on youtube, this would be a best seller for theists and non theists alike!
MumblingMickey 1 year ago 7
@MumblingMickey Thank you so much. It's worth putting on youtube if it affects people here, that is my hope.
Prplfox 1 year ago
@Prplfox Ohh well all the better for me then.... but I still think this should be a book... perhaps you might load up word at some point and begin that... regardless of the content of this series and others you'd be a brilliant writer... And if you read the comments from others you should realise that.
MumblingMickey 1 year ago
I can't wait for the next part. This story has a personal connection for me, because even though some aspects of it are quite different, I remember going through many of the same feelings and emotions.
Plausiblesarge 1 year ago
This is a compelling series. While many of the particulars of my own story are quite different, it is striking how much of this resonates with me on a deeply personal level. The "addiction" may play out differently, but its fundamental aspects are the same. Moreover, you tell the story very well.
Your channel came to my attention via one of my very favorite people here on YouTube, namely, Evid3nc3. I must be sure to thank him for recommending you. And thank *you* for sharing your story.
ProfMTH 1 year ago 4
@ProfMTH You (and Evid3nc3) are the people I admire most on all of youtube. I agree with you our experiences are different but I connect with you on so many levels. You bring so much clarity, knowledge and wit on your channel and your work is so important. I had to check to make sure it was really you ;) Thank you I'm honored.
Prplfox 1 year ago 2
You touch on things a lot of people I think miss, particularly those who were never in the church. I can't directly relate to your story though. You speak in past tense where I feel I'm more present-tense. The logical part of my brain says my belief is without foundation, yet the emotional side finds it so easy to "get back into it". Either way it's not the same. I'm looking forward to more of your videos, thank you for sharing your story.
mxmsfuyt 1 year ago
Thank you for sharing your story so far. I'm eager to hear it continue in the next part or parts.
GuineaPigDan 1 year ago
Yes, I agree with another post in that I would love to see more videos, but I realize they take a lot of time. I check back every week to see if there's a new one yet. Keep up the good work. Looking forward to #4.
Himmeldude 1 year ago
Yes, I agree with another post in that I would love to see more videos, but I realize they take a lot of time. I check back every week to see if there's a new one yet. Keep up the good work. Looking forward to #4.
Himmeldude 1 year ago
Thanks for this series. I think it is valuable for the Christian who is struggling with doubts to see that others have gone through the same thing, discovered it wasn't true, and yet continued on to eventually become a healthier and happier person and I think it is valuable for many atheists that were never religious to understand how deeply immersive and compelling religious experience can be.
RationalRat 1 year ago 2
@RationalRat I'm with you
Prplfox 1 year ago
@RationalRat This is a point that does not go unreasoned by me. I am atheistic... so were my parents...and their parents. so religion is viewed by me the same way alcohol or addiction to computer gaming is viewed.
The last this the alcoholic needs to hear is all the pain he is subjecting himself and others to.
How much better to advance positives. However this experience of deconversion is alien to me.... So I am often incapable of understanding the mental processes of the religious.
MumblingMickey 1 year ago
I heard Evid3nc3 mention you in his podcast with TheThinkingAtheist. He was right, .. you have an exceptional talent for making video's and expressing yourself. A gripping story so far.
1 minor criticism: I did find it difficult to locate you, .. typing in purple fox got me nowhere, i eventually found you via evid3nc3's channel. You should have called yourself Purple fox. ( but hey, what do i know)
A stunning series. Well done.
bonnie43uk 1 year ago
After 20 years of Christianity I have just recently gone through my own deconversion. I can't tell you how much happier I am now! I can breath freely, I'm allowed to use my own brain instead of being just a puppet for Jesus. Xtianity gave me constant guilt and fear, that I never had before I was a Xtian and I don't have after my deconversion any more. It had so many negative effects on my life. I'm allowed to learn all about the true wonders of the world now - such as evolution and cosmology.
Kostyasch 1 year ago
your video series is absolutely incredible. my deconversion experience has been so similar to yours in so many ways. I admire you so.. because you have put so much of how I have felt.. how I have wanted to share with others.. into words. I feel like this is such a pure expression of your heart. I appreciate and love, love, love this series. I try to share it with everyone I can. I respect you and think about you often. thanks so much for taking the time to bare your soul to us. :)
ahhitsjamie 1 year ago
This is a well done expression. Your religion and perception of your diety seem to be having a negative impact on your emotional health.
matthewtaylorbrown 1 year ago
@matthewtaylorbrown :D I couldnt have said it better!! After all everyone (even the atheists) percept the world through their own brains, which distort it more or less...After all every concept created by men(including religion) is imperfect version of reality...Science cannot prove anything, it just measures...but at least science admits that and constantly changes (while religion does not;)
MarkoIK85 1 year ago
Great video. Again, the appearance is that a denomination has done practices that you feel are wrong, and the you've gone and judged God Himself because of their actions. Think about it man, you were taught by a denomination which only started 1800 YEARS after Jesus died.. Jesus never talked about denominations. I'm sorry that guy said "yeah it's biblical" and just walked off from you cos that's just crap. I HATE the culture of "Don't ask".. That is NOT a healthy mental climate..
BibleIsland 1 year ago
Awesome.
'The burden of knowing this' & esoteric meanings of phrases and terms.
billygundum 1 year ago
Great Vid Prpfox. Looking forward to part 4!
TheLawlbringer 1 year ago
Your religious mental breakdown was social, mine was anti-social because of my social condition, but the pain and depression were probably no different. Your recollection is compelling and a grave warning and raising of awareness about the oblivious abuse well meaning religious can have on their more thinking, questioning and emotionally involved members.
anubis2814 1 year ago
@anubis2814 "oblivious abuse well meaning religious can have on their... emotionally involved members" You are saying this really well.
Prplfox 1 year ago
"What if all of this is wrong?"
I thought about this question everyday. If I were you, I would try looking up on Pascals Wager.
yahooman2009 1 year ago
I was really sad when I saw the video ending. Can't wait for the next =] awesome videos and presentation.
Twint42 1 year ago
The group experience, the music experience, it is beautiful how you present it all. This to me is precisely what keeps people in religion. People don't realize being swept away in music and having a profound "religious experience" from it has nothing to do with God. It is the music. Secular music has that affect on atheists.
Also, wow. I went to camp Aldersgate when I was a child. I can't believe you were a counselor there! Look at me now, an atheist.
PainefulMass 1 year ago
@PainefulMass wow, you made my mouth drop saying you had been to Aldersgate.
Prplfox 1 year ago
@PainefulMass This Aldersgate place must be a breeding ground for atheism? no? Is this like when I insist to xtians that the best way for them to wake up is to actually read the bible?
MumblingMickey 1 year ago
@MumblingMickey It is a Christian camp. I must admit that even though I was a pretty hard core Christian at the time, the Christianity I was exposed to and practiced was very moderate and tame. Aldersgate was probably the first time I had been exposed to much more intense forms of Christianity. In some sense this made me want become more intense. In all honesty, this may have been a factor in eventually rejecting it.
PainefulMass 1 year ago
@PainefulMass Hey then... lets expand on Aldersgate.... The more of those camps there are the better......
There is a logical reason I suggest that of course.... it has to do with what secular nations DO but the US does not DO.... They teach religion in schools... and in the information age its the primary reason for their secular outlook!
Religion has a pretty hard time when on an even playing field with reality!
MumblingMickey 1 year ago
This is turning into an amazing series.
I got goosebumps when you described the losing of your voice and pretending to be Christian.
The "flock of seagulls" analogy is beautiful and accurate at the same time.
jazzx251 1 year ago
@jazzx251 The seagulls was the part I was most worried about offending people with. I'm glad it connected with you.
Prplfox 1 year ago
@Prplfox It's not offensive.. While YOU may see it as "seagulls" glorifying the "production" (and in same cases that's probs correct!) there are many Christians who are genuinely blessed by God-worshiping music. It helps to draw out the feelings of gratitude to God that we have in our hearts. Look at Hillsong, they really don't focus on the singers.. They focus on the point of the music which is to sing and praise and worship God. And this does not REQUIRE the music, the music just helps.
BibleIsland 1 year ago
I kept my Bible in the back of my Jeep for years... holding on to what I'd lost, I guess. The sad thing is shortly after I got rid of it was when I found Evid3nc3's videos, which made me want to read it objectively.
So, I had to get another one.
This time I chose the Catholic version. And the Qur'an. And the Book of Mormon. And the Apocrypha...
They're not even GOOD works of fiction.
SuperHuntard 1 year ago
@SuperHuntard I feel you. I kept a bible in my pocket for years. I was going to burn it on a mountain last year but then I started this project. You made me laugh saying it's not even good fiction, I agree.
Prplfox 1 year ago
spectacular presentation as always!
RoyalMessup 1 year ago
@RoyalMessup :)
Prplfox 1 year ago
You started a journal? Keep it away from the prying eyes of Big Brother. You sir are a modern day Winston Smith, and you should feel proud. Don't feel ashamed of your so-called "thought-crime" and make sure you never, ever love Big Brother.
patrickthesaint 1 year ago
And it ends, damn it.
Shalek 1 year ago
Very RAW - Very REAL - Very Inspiring! Thanks for putting yourself out there! Wow, just Wow...
SkepticalBliss 1 year ago
@SkepticalBliss Thank you for your words
Prplfox 1 year ago
great video, i do have to say this though you were very sure about all these things at one time now you are not i do not know what you follow now as far as spirituality or your ideals but whos to say you are not wrong now? i relate to what you went threw.i have gone threw it more than once reconverted and deconverted many times. i think the biggest problem you faced was evangelical christianity i think modern american evangelical faith is filled with many pockets of fraud.
ForgottenFaces001 1 year ago
@ForgottenFaces001 Might I suggest a video called "Betting on Infinity" by Thermin Trees and Qualia Soup? That about sums it up for me personally.
theclinger 1 year ago
@theclinger
great video and yes possibilities are infinite, the possibilities of ((God)) and what ((he)) or it may be is something that men can never grasp even the bible states this. is there God or is there nothing i think both ideas are to simple and narrow. the universe is expanding and is something that for all we know goes on forever.
ForgottenFaces001 1 year ago