Eli's Dirty Jokes - Episode 4 - Five Birds

[LetsRideRulz]

A lawyer arrived home late after trying to get his client off being hung at midnight. His plea failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As he walked through the door at home, and his his wife starts nagging,'Why are you so late? Where have you been?'.Tired, he goes to have a shower when the phone rings & the wife answers, opens the door to her husband drying his feet, and says 'They're not hanging Wright tonight" he turns around yelling "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?'

[Shylanta1]

lmao i get dixx

[ANOTHA1BITESDADUST]

im soo trying that at school :D

[djjaxon2001]

@Gamekillerish she choose the one sucking on the cone cuz u know sucking a cone sucking a dick she's imagiting the the cone is a 8===o if u know what that looks like

[Gamerkillerish]

I don't get the part were the teacher choose the lady govling on the ice cream

Can someone help me out

[ElPasoBroncos]

that dont look like a lil jonny... more like a lil pablo...

[D31C1D3]

this joke is better when you just read it

[ghillieninja1]

I like Mexican Johnny

[AlldayEveryday305]

I defenitly like her thinking!that was funny

[MattySackThing]

the teacher grows a finger at 0:24 and then loses it at 0:25

[holyshticantfindanam]

What do you call three hundred sixty-five used rubbers melted down into a tire?

A good year.

[megahylian72]

Ok, now I get it

[megahylian72]

I don't get it, it's probably because I'm young

[ajaaqmc]

and i reccommend Skyrim

[skelzonefire]

wait... who here rewinded it to see if they were wearing the ring???

[shin7speaty]

my fav. one

[wwefan12372]

الله اكبر

[kataraandhakuandluka]

I love johnny

[japanskeunger]

you guys noticed that little jhonny was eli? :O

[UrHighlight]

am i the only one who went back to look for the one wiv the ring?

[stinkmeaner870]

@UrHighlight The skinny one has

a ring

[Brugar18]

the kid lives with his father since birth and one day the kid asks his father:

-dad? where did i come from?

-you were brought to my by a stork, son.

-weird... there are plenty of sexy chicks and you chose to fuck a stork?

[sickheadedfreak]

theres some form of eli on every joke

[hotpockets222]

HOME

SICK

UNDER A BLANKET OF TIRES

UNDER A BLANKET OF TIIIIRES

FUCK. YOU.

[romeochild220]

Yeah umm no.... That one wasn't very funny....

[TheStockCarStig]

DID YOU NOTICE THAT NOBODY LAUGHED AT THE JOKE...

[JAKEFOWLER1999]

A Guy and and a girl are raing each other on foot,. The boy wins the race. The girl asks" How come your so fast?" and the guy says "Ball Bearings and a stick shift."

Thumbs up if you get it XD

[TsardsCocoaPuffs]

Ahaha omg, someone told me this joke a really long time ago XD

[flea4000111]

i dont get any of these is it because im 14??

[TheFreeflowin]

@flea4000111 oral sex. im 13 and even i know that.

[hipnotikaa]

omg ..

[kononenkogal123]

gangsta bird

[shadow19831]

will he never told her of the ring in the first place so meh

[DizziGhoul]

@jukebox1322 the one with the wedding ring, but I like your thinking."

[DizziGhoul]

@jukebox1322 when the teacher said which one she thought was married was cause it's like sucking a cock. He said the one with the wedding ring was married, and he said but I like your thinning. If you don't understand what they said, this is it:

"There is a woman carefully licking the ice-cream, a woman cobbling it down and sucking the cone, and one vigorously biting it. Which on is married?"

-blushing-"Well, the one that gobbled it down and sucked the cone, I think." said the teacher.

"No, it

[TheGuitarkid15]

In the words of George Carlin "This reminds me of something my teacher said once, she said you show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cock sucker from Guatemala"

[FilmParodys]

None laughed at that one :L

[dill1571]

International penis sizes.

france-6''

engaland-8''

iceland-12''

thats why mums go to iceland. XD

[combuf]

The teacher is teaching a class and she stands up and asks the class, "What am i thinking of that is red." Suzy says, a fire truck. The teacher says, "an apple, but I like your thinking." The teacher asks "What is yellow". Bob says "a bus." "No a banana. But i like your thinking" So Johnny stands up and asks, "teacher now i want to ask you a question." Whats round, has a head and is my pocket?" The teacher yells, "GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE" A quarter, he says. But i like your thinking.

[jukebox1322]

Please....... without me dealing with answering your stupid questions, simply explain to me the joke.

[MetalBru01]

@Heramox When you are older.....

[MetalBru01]

@Heramox ....You'll know when you're older mah boy!

[2k14prettygirl]

Hahahaha.!! He made Her Look Like a Fool.!

[christopherw1297]

this show isn that funny

[NightmareSpriter]

LOL anyone else notice when the teacher says 4 she has 5 fingers but after that she has 4 again XD

[vpfan207]

ive actually heard this one

[TheGString123]

he gettin that teachers pussy after school

[laxrat25]

@TheGString123 how strange i read this with 69 likes

[bmad66]

Johney was asked to find out something about his family, he comes the next day and puts a dot on the board and says "it's a period" "what does that have to do with your family?" "I don't know" johney replies "but last month my sister missed hers, my mom cried, my dad ran away, and my neighbor shot himself."

[u2dvdbonofunny]

@Thefireninja25ipod asshole.

[Craigluver809]

okay. A teacher is teaching mat. The teacher ask one student, "Amy if I have 6 bottles and i drink 1 how many bottles do I have left?" Amy replied with "5 bottles!" "thats right!" The teacher then looks around the room and ask little Johnny, "johnny if I have 14 bottles in one hand and I drink 7 how many bottles do i have left." Johnny thinks for a momment then answers smartly "a drinking problem?"

[smoogirl]

@Craigluver809 That's been done before :P

[StarringMrFlint]

LMAO that was a good one!

[thexlalax]

lol:))) good one

[Rachirure]

- How does the Englishman greet the Mexican?

- "Good day ol' bean."

Hilarious. x3

[brom59]

@deno914 Dont get it... Lmaoo

[woodedairsoft]

@brom59 mexicans are kinda known for beans

[SuperBeybladeAddict]

boy says to teacher " will you tell me off for something i didnt do?

Teacher Replies " ovcourse not."

boy says with a smile on his face "good because i didn't do my homework last night!"

[maiarox101]

@SuperBeybladeAddict i heard that XD

[CoryGeorgeMusic]

I love this one!! LOL!!!

To me,music is life and life is expressed through my music.Come to my page and experience different variety of music. I got club songs,love songs,songs dealing with issues,caribbean flavor music and many more. Come and experience a different kind of music.......real music.......'feel good' music........my world of music.

[o0OMadMikeO0o]

Read the comments before watching the video?! xD

[SLIPKNOTFREA]

I didn't understand the joke! Was did it mean? Can someone explain to me

[johnrambo55555]

I might just have to use that one

[LoLVIDEOS12321]

omg so funny XD

[Ronsuri]

LOLZ Johnny gotz her good XD

[superstandardman]

ROFL wow

[MrAsianNinjaa]

doesnt johnny look like eli?

[glali07]

The bird who did the shooting was the best part! Pay close attention, lol

[GhettoPeopleTV]

Btw it's the lady that had orange hair that is married

[izvebad]

@GhettoPeopleTV I think its suppose to be Eli as a kid xD

[MFenix113]

Why does little Johnny look 45 years old?

[policefox123]

maybe wihch one is sucking a cock (ALIKE)

[cuspurs]

The joke on my side was a bit different. ''The teacher asks Johny 'what you gonna be when you grow up?' Johny replies: 'Sexologist'. Teacher asks 'why?'. ....Then johny asks her the ice cream question, she answers and he says ''No, the one with the wedding ring, and I am going to heal the ones like you'

[123leor]

lol :)

[Rockbandmaster808]

Eli is Johnny.

[AMERICASMUSICTODAY]

@TakeTechDown Oh thanks .

[kikugalanet]

Haha,none of these women owns a wedding ring.

stop at 0:35

[BlackMasterJoe89]

Why does everyone feel the need they have to tell jokes because this video is about a joke???

[lemoncouch1]

what?

[AMERICASMUSICTODAY]

i dontget it

[caitlin991]

i didn't get the joke.

[JohnDumbleTroll]

Three kids are gonna take the finals for their Math class. One kid says "The test is today?! Holy shit! I didn't study or even pay attention that much in class! What am I gonna do?!" The two other kids say "Just fuck it dude. Fuck it." So he says "Okay." Then after he took the test the teacher is looking at the paper with a hole in it, dripping with semen, while saying "What the fuck?!"

[apkeJAnnU]

@JohnDumbleTroll that is jus nasty

[shughes600]

Cute lol

[Memgon]

that was sweeeet! omg i loved that one.

[tomboygirl12345]

I didn't get this one, can someone explain it to me?

[888dara888]

@tomboygirl12345 the icecream cones are like penises, and the way the woman eats hers shows the way she gives a blowjob

get it?

[tomboygirl12345]

@888dara888 Ohhhhhhhhhh okay! Thankyou! :D

[cvijetiptica]

Hahahahha look at the other students ! XD Look at those sad faces :D

[vampfreak614]

ok i have a joke:

a boy and his girlfriend were having a romantic conversation, when the boy gets a text wanna know what the rinner was . . . BOING!!! (boner)

[booksandvideos]

That was funny when the teacher coughed.

[mrmaplestory12]

Eli Ftw! :D!!

[haloh8ter]

Lil Johnny looks like George Lopez

[FlriaTheHedgehog423]

Gangsta Bird FTW

[OverloadedToaster]

i love how they animate whenever he coughs or stutters. xD

[Goldstar127]

Here's a joke I came up with:

Two boys go to school and take a hard test. When they get the results, the first boy gets an average grade and the second boy passes the test with flying colors.

His friend says: "Dude, I'm surprised you got a high score."

The boy says: "Well, you could say it's in my blood."

His friend asks: "Why do you say that?"

The boy replies: "Because my blood type is A+."

[kanesizer9]

@Goldstar127 ROFL!

[extreme5050]

@Goldstar127 thats not funny, its so predictable

[Goldstar127]

@extreme5050 Hey, if you can't appreciate a good joke, go somewhere else to criticize.

[daniaburhan]

@Goldstar127 funnyyy!!!

[tyler2338]

@Goldstar127 thats hott

[Goldstar127]

@tyler2338 LMFAO I think I know what you're thinking about the joke.

[rkmiceey]

@Goldstar127 that joke is dum dude u suck

[rkmiceey]

@Goldstar127 

[rkmiceey]

ur joke is dumb dude u suck

[Goldstar127]

@rkmiceey Oh, I'm sorry. I thought dumb people like you understood a cleverly thought up genetic/sexual innuendo joke like mine. Fuck you for misspelling "dumb", you hillbilly.

[Larvemannenz001]

@Goldstar127 I give it a 3/5, pretty good for something you came up with.

[Goldstar127]

@Larvemannenz001 Awesome.



[pingzin321]

@Goldstar127 dude you suck

[Goldstar127]

@pingzin321 Oh, like you could tell a better joke. Go ahead, make one up. I triple dog dare you, bitch.

[xxLivLaffCryDyexx]

@Goldstar127 its ok i like your joke. its different in a good way, but there really is no point in getting mad over something as silly as someone ridiculing a joke you made up yourself 5 months ago. you are in the top comments so at least you know that someone thinks your clever.

[Physicspilot]

0:16 fly-by shooting and the bird is dressed like a gangster LOL.

[OMGirl27]

bird by

[Grey9man]

Hilarious, Thanks!

[362boi]

johnny looks like george lopez 

[MrMoomy5]

Why does she just randomly cough

[kyleisreallycool]

@MrMoomy5 because eli did rofl are you that retarded

[Iwantacookie110]

0:15

Gangsta' bird XD

[Atma505]

0:27 ROFL

[alexmtzZB]

what a twist!

[Punkeosa]

Haha xD

[FSXTout]

no comment

[maliksanford]

I don't get this one.

[ElDuderino909]

oh god I liked this 1.

[Austinchan077]

Yess Yesss YESSSS!

[madismaa]

good:D



[calvinsanchez100]

the first one is the marrdie one

[theasomow1s]

little jonny goes on a school camping trip. he goes to the teacher and asks her if could sleep with her. she said no. jonny said my mom lets me sleep with her. so the teacher said okay. then he asked the teacher if he could play with her belly button. she said no. jonny said my mom lets me. so she said okay. then 5 minutes later the teacher ssays to jonny that isn't my bellbuttin. jonny say i know that isn't my finger

[kanesizer9]

@theasomow1s I don't get it. Explain.

[hio1320]

@kanesizer9 how old are you?

[kanesizer9]

@hio1320 I just got it as soon as I posted the comment :P

[Goldstar127]

@theasomow1s LMFAO

[apkeJAnnU]

@theasomow1s YO! i like that, thats funny

[theasomow1s]

@apkeJAnnU thx

[frostshaymin989]

@theasomow1s i no that 1!

[SwaggaSoSick32]

i love the little johnny jokes at the jokeyard but i think eli is a bit better

[Brugar18]

a guy comes to a club wearing a shirt that says "chaves suck because of 3 things"

one chavish guy comes to him and says you wanna fight? a guy responds:

-1st problem they wanna start a fight inside the clubs

the guys go outside and chav gets 2 of his friends to kick his ass

-2nd problem they cant do shit in 1v1 fights

chavs pull out their knives

-and a 3rd problem is that they bring knives during a gunfight

[miera1029]

haha!

[xavi9595]

you r like this mexican guy called polo polo

[tjtom44]

thats pretty funny lol.

[Iceeman234]

Eli is Jonny

[cuzimspecial1]

BUT NONE OF THEM ARE WEARING WEDDING RINGS O.o

[Sliacen]

@cuzimspecial1 The first one is if you look carefully.

[cuzimspecial1]

@Sliacen oh yea... thx

[Hannahoot]

@cuzimspecial1 Yep, look at the first woman's left hand.

[MyShadowbeast]

@myshadowbeast then the guest arrived "Hello ladys and gentlemen, may i take your penis and vagina, my dads in the bathroom, wiping shit off his face, and my mom is fuckin' up the turkey @myshadowbeast

[MyShadowbeast]

There was a boy playing with his toys outside, when he heard his father said SHIIT!!

The boy asked the father, whats a shit? The father said it was a type of shaving cream. After that he heard his mother said FUCK!! And the boy asked "whats a fuck?"The mother said "it is a type of turkey seasoning". So the boy went to play with his toys when he heard his neighbors said "STICK YOUR PENIS IN MY VAGINA" he asked whats a penis and a vagina,dad said it was a hat and coat

[clubpenguinqueenmagi]

eli is the boy who is putting his hand up

[pnay02510]

Lol this channel never seizes to make me laugh!

[gyjpeo]

radames radames hahahaah u crackers wont understand this hahaha

[prototype844]

what kind of teacher would talk about killing birds

[TheSatansspawn]

0:01 no ads

[MeowThePurpleNinja]

loool I remember this one X D

[toyotaprius79]

aw no laughs

[Nixel85]

388 people did not like her thinking