Guinness Book of Records - Derek and Clive

[jiggawoo]

broke me foot and scuffed me kickers...

[Blokecameuptome]

I just stick my excess bogies up my misses cunt in case I get hungry again

[serogalondon]

Legends! They do give me a horn!!!!

[Roundline]

there all cunts out there. Never a truer statement.

[deepcut66]

cunts



[Blokecameuptome]

where the fuck is the one on Damions underpants?

[pompey8scummers]

haha fuck! fucking cunt

[clonecommander62]

0:51 gets me every time...the noise he makes...

[wmw2525]

@fundakok ... My brother and I still reel off lines to each other from D&C, and do the accents as well as we can for a couple of Aussie guys. We also do the same with Monty Python ... That sort of stuff will always be funny to us. Cheers, and thanks for your comment. Wayne

[iamdb1990]

CUNT > PUSSY/VAGINA/TWAT/FANNY

[petecockcroft]

I said "Look , I'm going for the fucking Guiness Book of World Records for a long trail of snot. I've got 10 yards here for you to photograph and it's about fucking time you started behaving like a wife".

[stevenwithph]

Twitter . com / mansfieldsbum - Follow Clive

[Arrested101]

@LillabetteHane The "rushes" refer to the unedited footage of TV/film that has been filmed.

[wmw2525]

Magnificent ! ... No one tells a story like these 2 legends ... have all their Derek & Clive records, but great to see the live footage. ... Wayne

[clash84]

Fucking legends

[johncransom]

racist cunts!!

[TheChapaqua]

@johncransom You anti-racist cunt.

[flappospammo]

derek n clive rule ok ?

[KairuHakubi]

Thi sis hilarious, but what keeps bothering me is.. what does a sneeze have to do with mucus buildup? XD he shouldve said blowing-his-nose..

[MatthewHaydockPoet]

WIIIIIGGGGGIIIIIINNNNSSSS

[TosserBastad]

Mr Jolly lives next door

[royb1001]

genuises...

[vivascargill]

when peter died John Cleese cried for a week

[TheChapaqua]

@vivascargill Didn't we all?

[vivascargill]

@TheChapaqua yup!

[m1s73r4nd3rs0n]

@vivascargill u mean he was pissing his sides, cos he owed the CANT a fiver ?!

[farswept]

"Think of the poor fucking hamsters that are going to come back as you" - this line makes clear to me the reason of Stephen Fry's estimation of Peter Cook as the funniest sentient being in the totality of time-space. Absolutely dominating Dudley Moore's slightly mediocre attempt.

[MultiCren]

CUNT

[wapbamboowee]

I'm the No.1 cunt-kicker-in... lol

[darklordzden]

"I said 'Dolly, you've tested my patience in the past...'"

I remember when I first heard this as a schoolboy. Talk about a defining moment in life. Still has me in tears of laughter all these years later.

[JapStrangler]

@darklordzden 'I can't do it, I've got knob-ache.'

[darklordzden]

@JapStrangler "You know the Pope. When he was lying in state? Didn't half give me the horn."

[zxingzxing]

Stuff of Legends, why Peter Cook and Dudly Moore - The Best of British, Neville Bardoli

[zxingzxing]

Stuff of Legends offcourse ! Neville Bardoli

[MrDavidMason]

Dolly will you get a Polaroid of that!

[Archeleusgod]

To the 13 fucktards who disliked this, imma kick you in the cunt.

[Andybaby]

3:38

What happened to "I put my hob nailed boots on"?!?!

[squeatley]

Stuff legends are made from.

And sadly no longer with us.

[nukebacon876]

"the chain broke"

"AHH FACK!" XD

[jpotter247]

cunt punt!

[chaz5009]

i live in texas now but was born and raised in windsor thats the u.k . they never cease to entertain the livin shit out of me rest in peace boys (you pair of cunts) if you get a chance read petes book TRAGICALLY I WAS AN ONLY TWIN elvis gave it a thumbs down..but what did he know CUNT.

[tomes55moon]

literally. the funniest thing i've ever seen

[gdanks1]

there all cunts out there!!!!!

[m1s73r4nd3rs0n]

@gdanks1 Cants !!!

[renzo7575]

i love it when dudley gets angry! hes so cute!

[paul280272]

how dare she do that to you...my mate xD

[ashleyd141414]

As ramejkisp says, the best line of all time. Only complimented by Dudleys shout of "What a cunt!"

[ramejkisp]

i spread her legs open and kicked her in the cunt again and again until I was exhausted and the cunt wouldnt even get up

[frase1234]

Dolly = CUNT !!!

[ftwsmp]

"You can't afford to let your bogey sag."

Words to live by.

[Blueraider1964]

It's enough to give you the Horn!

[garyturner96]

I hope there enjoying listening too that tape up there?

[GaryLDN]

u know whats going to happen when we get to heavn ...

[friendofsgran]

My dad's got the album of this

[danxl5]

Same, SO AWSOME!

[steevestuff]

Dud was always getting tortured by the genius cook. Cook was streets ahead of him. But Dud was useful in bringing out cooks best material.

[wozzer300zx]

it take's too to tango ......

..

[inagartenrules]

Well, mother was good, and Dud led that one, and Winston's Bogie. But they're both good

[audiocd99]

Pause at 1.21 and you can see Pete's snot he's just pulled from his nose....

[shepp65]

the world needs more pete and dud. comic genius in the filthiest sense

[Agret]

lol wtf that was whack

[dorotttta]

do someone know where I can find lyric for this song?:)

[keeprighton2007]

two top blokes

[trickybubbles]

fuckin cunt!!!!!!!lol love it!!!

[LiamTheGreat]

I remember hearing this for the first time with a mate of mine. We were both 14 at the time and this sketch shock our world

[samafia1]

the number one cunt-kicker-in, in the world!

[screwtape84]

we need another cook in this day and age of Horne and Corden bollocks.

[GlenyD]

Too right! Horne and Corden are the most wildly over-rated piles of shit ever. It has to be said - and I'm glad you have!

[wilco9000]

too true

[Ridikzappa]

@screwtape84 Horne and Corden being mentioned in the same fart as these is an insult to PC & DM.

[N4TH4NJ4Y]

lmao at Cooks final line

[nik250]

broke me foot........scuffed me kickers....best line ever!!!!!!

[Morthund]

I am woman...hear them roar..

they are clive and derek hear them burp

[motleyhar]

Wow... this was really forward and advanced. This of the time... good stuff!

[dpw81]

Wonder if kicking someone in the cunt is an idea My Family or Two Pints would run with?

[fliddeh]

if you dont bend at the knee its called a cunt punt!

[Clarecanet]

cook is amazing, he verbally abused me in our price in wood green in 1986, i've never been happier, he's a genius and kills me!!

[booshoo11]

Jesus - Ourprice! I totally forgot about that place! And that is fucking awesome - what did he say to you?

[usamaj]

I cant believe how much of a genius peter cook is, and also dudley moore, who is a different kind of genius where he absorbs and bounces everything

[GiorgePiquionne]

0:48- that laugh

[starlinginspector]

Who the fuck wants to say 'shit arse cunt tear your tits off I've got em in a mangle stuff your bollocks up your arse. I don't want to say all of that that, do I want to say all of the things I've just said? No I fucking don't. I do not want to say all of the things that I've just fucking said.

[TheBussy88]

I broke that record, (not the snot one - the cunt one).

[makkamccann]

Absolute comedy classic!!!

[VinceNoirApril]

LASONLEO...you just dont understand fantastic comedy. Peter Cook and Dudley Moore where Genius' soo get on with your shit type of comedy and fuck off away from this.

[boodejan]

What a cunt

[magicallinzi]

cunt kicker's world wide can relish in peter's publicly admitting it.

[turner60]

Dudley was apparently shocked with Peter's material on Derek and Clive so why did he agree in the first place, to do the albums if he it offended him so much?

[breakablebuttercup]

fuck me . 321 with ted. blimey. i fuckin don no what to do apart from try an beat the world record at snot giz. wish me luck, yer cunt.

[stonedparyah]

ohhh fucker! Fucking cunt! How dare she do that to you, my mate, fucking destroying your bogey like that!

[Arrested101]

I'm gonna be the number one C**t kicker!!!

[willwoodward99]

good opinion............

[myfreshhell]

this is so WTF hahaha

[SonyShots]

I'm Gonna Be the number One

[maxinepink]

Quite possibly the funniest thing i have ever heard in my life!!!!!! hahahahahaha

[VinceNoirApril]

Its actually hallarious!!!!!!! hahaha x

[merrett]

Hahahahahhaha

[airheadstudios]

I laughed so much I think my heart stopped beating.

[m1s73r4nd3rs0n]

@airheadstudios similar thing 'appened to me, 'cept mine stopped bleeding :->

[Gayunderweather]

That's whole point of the thing the swearing.

[invertedchords]

this is very funny. Derek and clive are hilarious

[fayezfaye]

this is by far my favourite Derek and Clive sketch,

Peter Cook = God of Satire

Faeden, ha, calling the angels wankers, i really do hope there's such a place as heaven, just so that statement can be true.

[clairez007]

No doubt that if there is a God and,or Heaven they will be there.I am a Hamster and I would'nt mind Knobbing Dudley!XOX PEACE

[invertedchords]

Correction... Chris Morris is the god of satire.

[Blazwash]

Chris Morris is a genius, but it is well documented that Peter Cook is one of his major heroes.

It is doubtful Morris would be doing what he does without Cook.

[Frantastic69]

Pure genius!!

[rudysw2]

"You've tested me in the past.."

[scholesy111]

How dare she do that to my mate, the Cunt!!!

ha ha makes me go everytime!

[smokethepancakes]

pure genius

[Abknorm]

Great clip. Unbelievable segues. Thanks for posting

[emilybot]

Am laughing so hard I'm in AGONY.

RIP Peter and Dudley

[Faeden]

I know what they are doing now, sitting on a cloud in heaven drinking gin and calling the angels cunts. Greatness.

[ImaTWAZZOCK]

Fuckering wankers ..wanking fuking horn

[kikque]

"Broke me foot and scuffed me Kickers.........."XD One of my favourite Derek and Clive bits from "get the horn" film. Two fellas I'd have loved to have met. Peter Cook was a genius and Dudley Moore had bags of talent...A great partnership sadly missed.

[suzbailey23]

You can't afford to let your bogey sag. Words to live by, truly.

[oxygene65]

Are you any happier for seeing this bloke ?!?

Dudley aint as ingenious as Peter Cook. But the two work so facking well together.

Fucking love their stuff. Got this DVD at home, I think I've nearly worn it out.

What a cunt eh ?

[tobybenedetto]

but is he happy?

[loungeluger]

too be honest dudley is pretty naf . Peter is the genius

[airheadstudios]

If you think that then watch "Jump you fucker, jump" Hopefully that will change your mind.

[mangojimmy]

I'm starting a one man war

againt lame internet acronyms:

no more LOL and LMAO!

join me! no more ROTFL!!

[Thisnameistaken11]

It's not really a one man war if people join you.

[rorywelsh93]

omg! tbh, i cba atm fyy. roflcopter

[steveo1622]

Squatter Madras??God

[iwantmooredudley]

I actually found a "trail" of fake snot, and I 'ad to 'ave it! First thing I did was take a picture and post it (and the url for this clip) on my Facebook and MySpace page. My friends were utterly grossed out until they watched this and figured out what was going through me 'ead at the time! ;)

[Gayunderweather]

I tried that record myself but I sneezed before I could measure my bogie, which by then was really long.

[harp0marx]

think of the poor fucking hamsters that are gonna come back as you

[Stonekill3r]

JUMP YOU FUCKER JUMP!!!!

[alister7]

How dare she do that to you, my mate.

[tomsk13]

its called "in the cubicles"

[Musicvideojunkie]

"I don't fancy being fucked to death by a hamster"

[maxwalker123]

Can anyone tell me what the sketch was called with the bathroom attendant "put it my mouth derek" "i can feel your vains throbbin" something along those lines?

[VinnyMcCool]

In The Cubicles, from Come Again, I do believe. A classic purely due to the amount of abuse Pete gives Dud at the end, they just swear and shout at eachother for minutes.

[Gayunderweather]

It's not that one this was on the e Ad Nausam record ehich they did in 1979.

[turner60]

Who's given me a fucking -5 rating here? This one is on the Ad Nausam record and that is a fact.

[Danechip]

Great Video. Nice work !!!!

[OliviaBassClef]

Oh how I loathe and despise myself for loving this......

[333baast333]

LMAO..same here!..but it's so f* funny.

[joethy]

one of mates made a druma nd bass song using this for samples. BEST SONG EVER!!!!!

"AND I KICKED HER AND I KICKED HER AND I KICKED HER AND I KICKED HER IN THE CUNT!"

[kssykssygg]

I'm not really into this kind of humor but that was hilarious. I really found two great comedians when I found Pete and Dud. I love how Dudley's voice kinda breaks at 2:48. I think I really am in love with them.

[theliquidshadow]

Literally the funniest thing I've ever seen. By the time Cook gets to the "c*** kicker in" bit I am crying with laughter.

[iluvdeflep]

im not british mate im from england im ENGLISH

[woollydoyle]

pure genius

[ajk1989]

Hahahahaha! My god this is brilliant... "I don't feel like being fucked to death by a fucking hampster" "Who said you did?" genius...

[cheyennebritbrat]

oh god ......u have to be british to get this.......it kills me every time

[kenrubes]

no...I'm a dope American and this is killing me too.

[iwantmooredudley]

Like kenrubes, I too am an American and I think anything these guys did was brilliant! I absolutely adore all of Dudley's work, but he and Peter Cook made a great team!

[jackfalconer27]

a bit sensationalist for me, prefer pete and dud

[alread56]

i've had the lp and dvd of ad nuseium... or whatever the fucking thing is called {what a cunt!} i still get a laugh out of it..

[sickassguitarist]

stupid cow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Stimpystimpy]

Absolute classic....Long live Derek & Clive in our memories for ever! Just a shame they didnt do more on video. Comic legends of the 1st order!

[sosaage]

this is wasted on the modern generation. and im one of em...

[sosaage]

its a beautiful thing, life is short............

[themorganator]

Fan bloody tastic!

[joethy]

AND I SPREAD HER LEGS APART....

..AND I PUT MY HUGE GREAT NAILED SHOES ON...

...AND I KICKED HER AND I KICKED HER IN THE CUNT FOR HALF A FUCKING HOUR 'TIL I WAS EXHAUSTED.

(quite literally the funniest thing I have heard- in this context)

[adamgreen16]

and i spread her legs apart, and i kicked her nd i kicked her in the cunt

[JamesReardonSmith]

simply the fucking best!!!!!!!!!!!

[Gayunderweather]

Apparently, the whole film was slanging match between the two. Peter would try and succeeed more often to shock Dudley with ever more risky material. This is probably the riskest of them all. It's not really surprising they didn't really perform together after this agian.

[Phantomorphan]

"Oh fucker! fuckin cunt!"

[snowygrouch]

C*** c*** C*** C**t!

[clouddevil]

two idiots idiota

[jiggawoo]

scuffed me kickers : (

[ivor1977]

how dare she do that to you!! my mate!!!

[rockiecakes]

FUCKING STUPID COW/ hahahah

[themungoman]

What a cunt!

[tomtom1989]

block come up to me the opther day and he said hello?

he wot! he said hello.soo i fucking kicked his teeth in then he want urgh!soo i walked away i wasnt gunna be dictated to

[steveo1622]

Comes in with allo and goes out with urgh!!What a cunt

[bassjack99]

Great. You have to love the foul mouthed cockney.

[Michaud27]

It's about fucking time yuo started behaving like a wife!!

[placebo73]

The stuff of legend! He'll pop us in the flames and say "Cunts!". Magic!

[gashalasha7]

you've tested me in the past! hahahaha

[monkfeeesh]

Dolly get a polaroid of that

[L0K3]

This is better than whales

[terrynutkins22]

Reading between the lines the sabotage of Clive's attempt to enter the guiness book of records is clearly the last in a long line of attempts to undermine his manhood by the clearly lazy and ignorant Dolly. When seen in this way Clive's behaviour is totally reasonable.

[badgerorsomething]

funny as f*CK !

[jlbrads]

Timeless.

[flipjunior]

Sir griblings a cunt and he love ants€. So do I, but i love lobsters more. My mum was sucking my dick yesterday at breakfeast while she was reading my best back passage from the bible. Suddenly there was a big bang an I saw jesus on the cross on my leg. I felt strangely humble but yet my life force two foulded and I blow up which was a terrible shame as I had a lot more too give

[mrbret]

True classics. You gotta love them.

[coperblu]

mmmm, i said godbye instead of goodbye. what a cunt i am.

[doosh1975]

no sir you are a cunts cunt!

Pete and Dud R.I.P proper lengends