Patton Oswalt: Death Bed

[kikomiko1]

Sounds like a Stephen King story.

[GreenGearMood]

All these posers today, just hopping on the new wave Rape Stove bandwagon. WELL Y'KNOW WHAT? I was there for the ORIGINAL. I saw the ORIGINAL RAPE STOVE: THE STOVE THAT RAPES PEOPLE IN THEATERS.

[CvijaFaQ]

Fuck yeah, Deathbed is awesome! It's a rather pretentious artsy fartsy horror

[BerryJoy]

I get a slight Bill Hicks vibe from Patton Oswalt

[Mikemaniax]

@BerryJoy Definitely a far nerdier Bill Hicks, but his critique of religion and politics and everything is spot on!

[Ichiboy900]

Well maybe if the bed learned to eat some PUSSY I wouldn't be down here trying to get a sugar high off this goddamned thing!

[JavaSpitLava]

im gonna watch this movie now that he said it....and people...its real and free online...

[TheRealMadMaxJacks]

Patton rules and is so cool. He is funny as hell. I bust a gut whenever he is saying something that is funny to him.

[televisioneyes]

I listen to this clip every time I feel like I can't finish shit. It is better than any motivational poster.

[GBPblogg]

22 people were raped by stoves.

[Kaytlynkayt]

Rape stove- red hot desire what!

[Di0genesus]

yes. Cinema Snob reviewed this damn movie!

[MrKangaroo69]

holy shit the movie is fucking real!

[TripleDoubleFine]

22 people were interrupted by Patton during an orgy.

[watarukannuzuki]

Is it sad that I sought out the film on the power of this routine, and found it to actually be a really imaginative and quirky movie?

[viscountalpha]

@watarukannuzuki

Not really, I mean sadly- it's more imaginative then some of the garbage coming out of Hollywood right now.

[CnutRexAnglorum]

Is Patton a Down's case? Dude looks retarded. Like an obese spastic child.

[phillies2008wsc]

@CnutRexAnglorum he makes guap, you don't

[HighPriestofLemuria]

Rape Stove should shoot for theatrical release.

[TheGaytarHero]

21 people were rape stoved

[TheDiAFilms]

I Myself am trying to Write Movies, so I feel your Pain Patton. I have Great Plot's for Movies, but I can't seem to get Networks intrested, and this guy can Made "Death Bed: The Bed that Eats People", WHAT THE HOLY FUCK !!!!!

[xerxes333]

He's giving the movie too much credit, It looks like a fucking student film.

[pimpypimperson]

Stop Drilling! You hit oil!

[jruwing87]

the cinema snob sent me here a year ago. still one of my favorite comedy bits of all time.

[FouchJustin191]

21 People were Raped by Rape Stove, and had gotten eaten by Death Bed !

[TheRealShortBusTV]

I refuse to believe that I am the only one that would watch Rape Stove: The Stove that Rapes People

[ThePitofSidLord]

@TheRealShortBusTV I'd give both my left nuts to have it made.

[CrazyBlonde13]

Thanks to Cinema Snob I was well aware of this movie xD

[CoolerKing37]

"And then the pillow starts to smother-OH THIS IS AWESOME!!"

[TeenAuthor]

Is it wrong that the "Death Bed" guy is currently the creative muse I turn to when I have writer's block? IT'S GONNA HAPPEN! IT'S GONNA HAPPEN!

[Starrett3054]

on page 2 shes eating peanuts, but then later shes wearing a hat.

LOL XD

[nicknufsik]

Wait until he finds out about "The Human Centipede" that will make "Death Bed" look like Citizen Kane 

[FxOxAxDx]

its actually called "death bed:the bed that eats" i really did imdb it lol

[Pipweed]

lool all i thought when i saw the first photo was u fucking fat cunt. he looks like a tpical bartender like the one from only fools an horses haha. stupid prat.

[swingAE86]

imaging this as remy or thrasher makes this awesome.

[thepillager25]

i just bought this movie because of Patton

[ethansloan]

The actual title is "death bed, the bed that eats." The word "people" isn't there. I think the title is even funnier without people. It's just the bed that eats. it could eat other things. perhaps occasionally it eats people. watch and find out.

[jvc349]

Could you make this playable on the Youtube on the Iphone? For some reason, when I try to play this on the Iphone, it says "video owner does not allow video to be played on Iphone".

[limbdarkening]

Why was it never released? Because it was just too terrible?

[iaregirl]

The worst part of this is they made a REMAKE in 2002!!

[limbdarkening]

@iaregirl WHAT!?!

[iaregirl]

@limbdarkening It might not be a remake, but it's definitely something equally stupid. Go to IMDB

[KnightofDuroch]

Only Patton could start a bit with "A carpenter drove nails into wood..." and end it with "fifty dicks in his ass like the tail of a peacock!"

[SeanBearE]

See, I want to find this funny being that my father made this film, and yes, it's not a GOOD movie being that it had almost no professional actors and a budget of about 8 dollars and a club sandwich. This is honestly a terrible skit because it's damn obvious Patton Oswalt never even watched this film. This entire bit is based off a title he read and nothing more. Considering that he implies that this was essentially a Hollywood production, I don't understand how he could have possibly seen it.

[jamesandrew2000]

@SeanBearE You absolutely missed the point of the entire piece. It has nothing to do with your dad's crappy movie as much as it does crappy movies in general. With your showbiz pedigree you could certainly get 'Rape Stove' made.

[KateiSolo]

@SeanBearE Well if you're serious about being the son of Death Bed's creator, you have zero understanding of comedy and have earned those 50 dicks in your ass. If you are trying to be funny you still fail and should have 50 dicks shoved in your ass. Of course you still won't get it, but at least we'll be laughing.

[aquenita27]

I have a feeling that "Rape Stove: The Stove That Rapes people" will be a gay porn...

[RotnRoll77]

@aquenita27 I'd watch it.

[Goynes42]

I love the Lewis Black-ish "blubber" at 3:18. Bllbbbllbbppbl NO! I will FINISH this!

[styxman09]

Cinema Snob reviewed it

[ralphhersheljunior]

I can't wait to see ''Rape Stove: The Stove that Rapes People.''

[copmon]

Death bed is fucking crazy.

[BrettGTelV]

RAPE STOVE- rated g

[whenthewestwasone]

nooo "Cats and the cradle with the silver spoon"

[RefusetoListen]

@xSolidHologramx Best ad ever.

[knotofnine]

I just saw Death Bed. It's pretty much as bad as he says it is. And the Bed does feel up the girls before he eats them, so rape stove is not that far away. Although he got the backstory somewhat wrong, but then again, when you watch the bed eat a bucket of fried chicken - you don't really care about the backstory.

[Edwinvancleef100]

cinema snob!

[moOswe]

I would so watch rape stove! xD

[AngryLeroy]

Mr Oswalt is a genius. He's a weaver of words in ways that will never cease to amaze.

[southernboygonebad]

Does that movie really suck?

[butcherboy2008]

Nightmare On Elm Street. You die when you sleep.

[hs41982]

ok i hunted this movie out... its so bad so fucken bad

[Aphasia17]

you know what, he'll finally understand when he sees death bed: the bed that eats people

[saguaroboy]

@Aphasia17 Stop drilling, you hit oil!

[EchoBoomer1987]

Thank you Cinemasnob!

[repogirl20]

I'd see Rape Stove, that sounds better than half the "blockbusters" they come out with today.

[Ozarkmadness56]

peacock

[Ozarkmadness56]

tail of a peakock

[ChrisMcQueen85]

I've never heard him swear before.... fuckin' awesome!!! :-P

[1313Nothing]

Lol, a guy kills a demon with a sword? -.- he fucked a chick he loved on the bed and she died, then he cried tears of blood.

[Magic4Real312]

@1313Nothing Clearly a much better story line...

[poopyhead002]

yes i will hang in their kitten lol

[Minic15]

The first time I heard this guy's voice was in the movie Ratatouille, so I've got this image of a little blue rat on a stool at an open mic night, walking around on his hind legs and screaming his head off.

[hcabmellaK]

If anyone knows where online to find Patton Oswalt's bit about a lounge entertainer singing "LOVE ON THE ROCKS," please send a message to this YouTube account (hcabmellaK). The bit is so genuinely hilarious.

[HydroAndro]

Rape Stove FTW.

[MrJohndoakes]

Fuck it, it would make a great student film, could have tenticles or a dildo coming out of the stove, could rape then eat people....why didn't George A. Romero come up with this!?!!

[Kelji98225]

funny funny stuf ! I'll never look at a peacock the same again

[bucknaked466f]

Death Bed is absolutely the worst movie ever.

[alecfras]

I watched it with a buddy last night and I couldn't stop laughing. At one point, the black woman's crawling painfully across the concrete floor for like.. 10 solid minutes and then the bed's like "PSYCHE!!"  and yanks her back with the bedsheet when she's crawled halfway up the stairs. XD

[captainamalex3]

i'm so proud to know the son of the person who made death bed

[SuperFishman22]

Why do I not think this guy is funny? Am I missing something?

[bungbung13131]

You're missing the line "Fifty dicks in his ass like the tail of a peacock".

[sygnus5]

You're not: comedy is subjective. Very, very subjective. However, this is the internet, and one of its many rules is that certain people are funny: no exceptions. Just remember that, and don't say "Epic Fail" or anything, and you'll be alright.

[hotrodius]

A sense of humor, douche-canoe.

[SuperFishman22]

Ha ha! Now I get it. Thanks for clearing it up! Cockcheese.

[Aphasia17]

@hotrodius ive never heard that before... im totally stealing that

[elbonia17]

oh my god. I cannot breathe. I thought Zack Galafianakis was the funniest comic... and then I found this.

"stop drilling, you've struck oil!"

I laughed so hard I almost threw up. this is amazing.

[Shawlia]

I'm still waiting for Rape Stove.

[DJSiamey]

Awesome

[jhaketheturtle]

stop drillin youve struck oil!

[slapchoppa]

rape stove? i'd watch that.

[madrox555]

god i saw this movie through netflix. god i never laugh during horror flix i take every movie i watch seriously and with conviction but this movie is fucking relentless

[kingofthelaugh]

Patton Oswalt has a nine foot penis, it's been documented

[ltdgtr]

Jesus...That's like, 3 yards! Lol

[AmosNomore]

That's approx. 3m on the Peter Meter for all you metricians.

[airjoe49]

@kingofthelaugh He has 9 feet attached to his penis?

[petro60]

"stop drilling you've hit oil!" hahaha

[KlaykidReal]

Sodomy Toilet, the toilet that sodomizes people.

[kingofthelaugh]

I own that toilet, I's pretty anoying, every time I go to take a dump I get sodomized

[Chrispolowater]

You should get tested, god knows where that toilet's wang has been.

[CaseHa]

I'm writing a parody movie right now and this is one of my motivations, if Death bed is real, then even i can write a decent movie

[redsox2213]

saw this movie because of this clip....it was awful. i turned it off when the bed ate an apple and drank a glass of wine.....

[novaws]

IT'S REAL, I'VE SEEN IT!!!!!

[yamila68]

LMFAO! Death Bed: The Bed That Eats People. Sounds like a movie that's one step down from a B-move (if there is such a thing).

[TwinkleLightProd]

A Z-grade movie is what I think it's called.

[28g34ajbsd]

The "hang in there, kitten" detail is just pure unabashed undiluted gold. If Homer had acted that one out, it'd be a classic Simpsons moment.

[susiesan]

Well there was an episode where Marge was having writers block (or something...can't remember exactly) and she looks at a "hang in there kitty" poster and thinks "Copyright 1970...That cat must be long dead by now. How depressing". Not exactly the quote but you get the idea.

[greenskeeper3000]

STOP! You had me at Rape Stove !

[REDSOXNYG]

this is some of the funniest shit I've EVER heard!!!

[IlessthanslashthreeU]

I memorize Patton's bits like normal people memorize songs. This is one of my favorites. :D

[28g34ajbsd]

Ditto on both.

[uruseiranma]

We need son of Death Bed. It'd be:

Death Bassinet...the Bassinet that eats Babies!

[uruseiranma]

I had to purchase this after hearing it (call me old-fashioned, but I feel if I purchase it, I'm giving Patton something for his efforts).

What makes it funny and great, is every time Patton says 'Death Bed: The Bed that Eats People,' it becomes funnier and funnier!

It also acts as a great punch to the nuts...because if some guy could make a film called 'Death Bed: The Bed That Eats People,' why can't I finish that animated short that I never finished 7 years ago!?

[faolchuscatha]

my friend is in that movie and she heard about a comic who talked about it, but never heard who/what -- I have to send this to her now so she can have a good laugh.

[beccahmelecka]

Bahaha!This is excellent. XD

Rape Stove Yeeahh! :P

[elmaschingon142006]

patton oswalt is outrageous !!!

[Cassio227]

Can't wait to see Rape Stove!

[SultanOfSurreal]

I don't think I've ever replied to a comment on one of my videos, but you're a goddamn retard. Jesus.

[ehhhhhhhhhh]

This has become one of my favorite bits ever. Thanks for posting it.

[dkthg]

@SultanOfSurreal fuck you! i hope you get molested by a kitchen sink!

[Shockheadd45]

I'm was dying at the drilling oil part, and when he said Rape stove instant crying laughter. I never trusted furniture stores anyways.

[wrekk]

"Stop Drilling... You Hit OIL!!"

[yoingtin]

RAPE STOVE! What a finisher!

[nflsqueeze]

"50 dicks in his ass like the tail of a peacock!" OMFG! Patton Owns!

[ArcangelZero7]

And then the sequel: "Ikea, the Demonic Army"

[theanvilcracks]

hahahahahaha, fuckin' swedish coffeetable-demons! ;D

[Grant691]

@ArcangelZero7 Death is affordable!

[i8acid2days]

holy fuckin shit is this funny. im haviing stomach cramps atm.

[fliphusslove]

i love this segment

[Flakkyflakky]

I'm thinking: "Aggravated Assault Bureau" or "Second Degree Manslaughter Ottoman".

[ConradHilinghman]

lol rapestove

[Jimkaider]

Saw him at the Improv at the Spectrum in Irvine. Rule of thumb never eat mozzarella sticks while watching comedy, you'll be busting a gut and getting horrible heartburn.

[punkzorr]

im serious furniture can be the worse enemy possible to mankind

[lovecraft231]

I've seen this movie (Death Bed.) It really must be seen to be believed. It's one of the strangest movies I've seen-and that's saying something.

[BananaHurricane]

I can see it now... Gone With The Wind... Casablanca... Citizen Kane... Schindler's List... RAPE STOVE.

[equalcharliebrown]

@BananaHurricane

Bah, Gone with the wind is one of the worst movies of all time, even Death Bed is legit a better movie.

[mseales]

stop drillin' you've hit OIL

[everall23]

haha That's great!

[kingofthelaugh]

Patton Oswalt you are the funniest guy on earth

[Craig496]

I don't even know how this is humanly possible!!! But this movie is actually even worse than it sounds!!!

[UlcaTron540]

patton gave me this dvd its the comedians of comedy its one of his best stuff yet!!!!

[kingofthelaugh]

the comedians of comedy  is probably the best DVD comedy tour

how do you know Patton Oswalt that well?

[rush1er]

Fudge is shit, fudge is shit! Also Eugene Merman killed it on that tour.

[hbknutjack]

i fucking hated sarah silverman from the comedians of comedy

[AddictedToFunAndMeth]

One of the very few things that only gets funnier the more he says it. The way he says Death Bed, I think his entire set could just be him saying that.

[DigitalIndustry]

I believe he performed this bit on one of the Comedians of Comedy specials on, well... Comedy Central. I've heard this before and I haven't listened to the album.

[xhyio]

I would watch Rape Stove if Patton made it. Sad but it's better than a bed that eats people.

[ars731]

Paton Oswalt's bit is the only good thing to come out of that movie

[GJJFan]

"Tail of a peacock!" ROFLMMFAO!!!!!!!

[BLARGHALT]

I liked Arson Table: The Table that Commits Arson better

[Cyrathil]

The Hottest Summer Blockbuster, definitely.

[RacsoHillgreen]

Death Bed: The Bed that Eats is completely amazing. You won't believe your eyes, I promise!

[TragicUchiha]

i just saw a few clips from Death Bed and ive never seen anything more terrible

[TwinkleLightProd]

Watch Manos, Monster a Go-Go, Shriek of the Mutilated, Dragon Ball Evolution, Twilight, the Hostel movies, the Saw series, the Cleveland Show. The list goes on, but I'm sure it is still horribly unwatchable.

[TzekeT]

we are shooting this masterpiece.

[sharkboy85]

lol after seeing "mirrors", I believe "rape stove" needs to be made.

[fishdeathisftw]

good thing i raped my stove before it raped me ;D when it got hot i enjoyed it

[zilaroth]

reach down god give me a high five! *boom* lmfao

[emu314159]

Cannot...breathe. OMG Oswalt is so funny when he's unleashed.

[narutoBLASTER]

Rape Stove ftw!

[Chrispat8]

What if the director of Death Bed were to see this?

[pizzapersonfreak]

He would probably be very sad that his masterpiece was being trashed.

[JTPlant]

I'm afraid he can't. He was beaten to death last year by an entire dining room set. Sad when furniture turns on man...

[Cyrathil]

They've warned us for years, and we were too proud to listen. But now, it's happening. The furniture will rise up and take over us! It's the perfect storm, they don't need to eat, sleep. It's just a 24/7 murder frenzy...