Heroes -- In Theater trailer VIDEO RESPONSE

[humbleRaj]

Extremely Sexy Shirt!!!!!!!!! Wish I get it as a Present from Ptozollo!!!!!!!!!!!!! I simply Love this Person!!!!!!!!!!!!

[iHeartCharmed]

haha this guys funny.

[Chilldogg]

That's not your "superpower." That's a the great "can opening ghost" doing that stuff for you.

[quebon2]

Hey, this guy has one heck of a superpower: The Super Desperate Need for Attention!

[toddh3284]

Hmm..you're an absolute spunk.

[IvanCalegari]

i no wat it is its those aoutomatic can openers

[pzottolo]

i guess i do need to retire that shirt.

[powernerf]

You Open Can's For Old Lady's!! Seriously Dude. I Salute You. That Has Gotta Be The Single Most Funniest Thing I've Ever Seen. Thanks.

[pzottolo]

thanks!

[infomuze]

i think hes brilliant! thats the funniest thing ive seen in awhile. i believe in you great can opener guy!

[pzottolo]

thank you. i was wondering if now was the right time to reveal my powers, but most everyone has been very supportive.

[ianveneno]

well, he looks like a cute fag, he can open a can, he thinks he´s a hero.... he´s my ex bf!

[1Manya]

I laughed so hard! This guy is funny. Especially the faces he makes while he says the stupidest things.

[doombox414]

what a waste of my time

[Tenamaxtli098]

I think your super power is being retarded without anyone telling you.

[pzottolo]

say that out loud to someone and then ask them if it makes sense.

[Fnts33]

Hahahaha

[FreakyDeakyMia]

dude... wtf. HELLO MAYBE YOU HAVE TELEKINETIK POWERS!?!! DER! XD

[carrotzmoonman]

Man! A new hero is in town! Sa hello to the.... CAN OPENER!!!

[womendominate]

Wow, you just totally rambled on about tuna for two minutes.... That was amazing.

[PeteRamone]

go open a can of douche

[nathanlaird]

very funny! great sense of humor. you'll go far with that type of comedy. keep them coming

[dubhater]

uh-huh.

open a can on screen.

[halflife2892000]

i think your hero power is being a fag biatch

[pzottolo]

Only cuz that's how your mom likes it. Oh burn!

Seriously, how old are you? 14? Is that all you can come up with, you blubbering acne puss of puerile man-boy mediocrity?

[cachame]

go fuck yourself in the ass while taking a shit.. that's power

[pzottolo]

so is the ability to retort without trite middle-school comebacks.

[soulstorm2]

yeah!!! you are cute...but c'mon! any one wearing that shirt is just asking to get knocked out!

[amnesiac85]

I think your superpower is wearing that shirt without getting beaten up.

[chakadoo]

your my hero for thinking you can get away with wearing that shirt

[MidnightDemon14]

lmfao rofl... well... well... i can... actually... make... tuna... sanwiches... with the power of you opening tuna cans and the power of me making them we will conquer all of humanity with our tuna sandwiches...

[BrimStoneBloodz]

WOW THAT WAS SOOO FUNNY HAHAHAHAHA

[grumpyeskimo]

buahaha cans,say it, say it....

[win2121]

omg ur soo cute .i couldnt help just staring at ur face .. whoa gorgous .. looking at the comments i guess ur entry isnt very liked but who cares... ur face its so mesmerizing .. ahahaha lol wasnt palyign attention to anything u just said though sryyy

[jimmytto]

great dude i have a friend who can flush toilets with his mind man i wish i had that power i'd give up my power to fly if i could only flush toilets or like you open cans with my mind but darn it i'm stuck with this ablity to fly and super strenght i envy you and my friend and another guy in phoenix that can change chanells with his mind xD

just kidding

[anikin]

yeah...yeah....ur a fruit

[pzottolo]

yes you figured it out. i'm a grape.

[stinkface14]

ok lets see you do these "amazing" tricks

[Eaglesfrk7]

Is this a joke

[georgehwbush]

Great stuff! I hope people get the joke!

[Skittleopoly]

xD I am such a retard for thinking you were serious for the first half of your little monolouge. That was funny. =)

[jeffbarge]

Colour-blind indeed. And yet -- and I still don't believe it! -- but I just saw this very same shirt in the window of the new Ralph Lauren on Bleecker Street. I knew a lot of theft went on in the fashion industry, but this is just shocking. What a way to kick off Fashion Week.

[pzottolo]

at least now i'll blend in. will do wonders for my secret identity.

[jeffbarge]

Correct. The first gay action hero in film history. Way ahead of his time back in 1937.

[smootholive]

LMAO! That was great, mostly because of the faces you make.

[Yakuzadiplomats]

nice shirt, bro.

[jeffbarge]

When do we get paid for posting these comments? I was told I would get $2 for each comment.

[pzottolo]

You haven't gotten your check? Must be the work of my arch nemisis, Human Mail Delivery Screw Up. Oh wait that's just the normal USPS.

[alienconcept]

I know superheros are meant to have bright coloured costume but you have took it too far!

[pzottolo]

Human Can Opener sounds so pedestrian; I've got to stand out in an overcrowded sea of superheroes somehow.

[jeffbarge]

Human Can Opener is actually going into business with P. Diddy and Sean "Puffy" Combs to design and market a line of superhero clothing based on retro designs worn by famous rodeo clowns of the 1930s and 1940s. The particular shirt shown in this video is known as the "Slim Pickens" model.

[pzottolo]

So named for a famous celebrity who tried in vain to open a rather large can bomb while riding it to his unfortunate dismise to prevent the Doomsday Machine from destroying life on Earth as we know it.

[alienconcept]

Man, we have definitely got the ball rolling here! I see a brilliant story in the making! Do you know how most superheros rise from tragic backgrounds? Peter Parker is an orphan raised by his auntie and uncle and so is Superman. X-men are seen as mutants and are shunted by the world, the Dare-devil has lost his sight in a childhood accident. The Human Can Opener can be colour-blind! :p

[pzottolo]

you mean my shirt isn't grey?

[japguy360]

the correct word is...

"YATTA!!"

j/k.

[japguy360]

yatta! holy crap! it posted my comment!

[pzottolo]

Excellent! You have to post the one that didn't go earlier.

[Steeler49er]

Yeah! Yers soooo Frickedy, Frackin Gay...Have'n a sence of...Gulp "H.U.M.A.R.!

For shame!...You should burn in the 3rd realm of hell (AKA New Jersey) till Judgement Day (not the Bible one, The other one, you know...with cyborgs)!

That'll be teachen ya to think funny!

:P

You people with yer com-O-dy and Laff-ing!

For shame!

[japguy360]

your one strange little man. your super power must be being a dumb ass.

[pzottolo]

no, actually, that comes quite naturally.

[japguy360]

not u i meant steeler49er.

[meckgt3]

So friken gay man you suck....maken fun of a good show like that i dispise you

[pzottolo]

I dispise maken speling mistayks.

[jeffbarge]

No it isn't.

[pzottolo]

Is.

[SteveTwo]

Heheh, that was funny. Some people have no sense of humor.

[pzottolo]

I agree. Can opening is widely used by clowns at children's birthdays.

[wolfostrophe17]

wow...okay, if you're making fun of the show you clearly don't know what it's about. I looked into the show and maybe if you tried to look into the story you wouldn't be so patronizing. it's a tv show...

[pzottolo]

are you saying i made this up?

[jeffbarge]

There's nothing wrong with thinking a bit selfishly, you know!

[jeffbarge]

Hmmm. I think you should reconsider. It looks to me like you yourself are getting a little bit of a belly there! Or did that shirt shrink in the wash last week? And so this would benefit not only yourself, but people in the neighboring cubicles as well perhaps.

[pzottolo]

this man knows all. otherwise he wouldn't have known i gained 5 lbs in the past 2 years. damn you.  but you are right...soooo right.

[jeffbarge]

All due to Starbucks.

[PistoLP09]

You're crazy, but hot. :)

[TDDUS]

if your not fake than make the video

[aliasmountaineer]

i like your shirt.

[jeffbarge]

Thank you.

[pzottolo]

His shirt is quite nice, actually.

[Taylor756]

For obvious reasons could you give us a demonstration??

[pzottolo]

i lack the panoply of special effects wizards to effectively simulate what it would be like to turn a can opener without touching it, unfortunately. if i made the video it'd look like a string or something was doing it and look all fake. which i'm absolutely not.

[Taylor756]

Just make the video and we will make that judgement. Remember you're not on Leno! Besides isnt that what YouTube is all about...entertainment!!!

[jeffbarge]

Unless you are a ballerina, yes.

[pzottolo]

was that jane jetson's profession?

[jeffbarge]

I don't know anything about Jane Jetson's "profession." I only know that if SweatSavers is not creating a VOIP that can be adjusted to take 20 unwanted pounds off of a girl's figure then your V.C. boys are missing out on a huge potential moneymaker.

[pzottolo]

That is actually a good idea. What better way to make money than exploited women's inherent self-loathing? Plus we'd corner the market on the morbidly-obese webcam users, a small but powerful niche not to be underestimated for their dollar power.

[jeffbarge]

Not only that, but if you could adjust the software to make a girl look 20 years younger, that would be a major moneymaker as well.

[pzottolo]

i don't know. that's getting into the cosmetics industry's domain - treacherous waters they. i hear they are the ones that killed ponce de leon.

[jeffbarge]

I don't know how she kept in shape.

[pzottolo]

her route to famousness called for the greatest sacrifice.

[jeffbarge]

She actually enjoyed it although doing it "Flamingo Style" with Tom Cruise as Tom insists upon is very difficult on a planet where the gravity is as heavy as ours. It is a sexual position that is much easier to maintain in the much lighter gravity of the home planet.

[pzottolo]

was that the one-leg method referred to in the video? i can imagine it would be much easier in zero G.

[jeffbarge]

Coincidentally, my friend has a video on this site, and she has become famous merely by having dated Tom Cruise and bearing his child, so this would be another possible route to celebrity-hood for the Human Can Opener to take. Her interview can be see by searching for Tom Cruise ex-girlfriend on this site.

[jeffbarge]

Agreed. He is the Vanna White of the Internet and this is a fabulous way to demonstrate the superior voice over pineapple quality that SweatSavers users can access for just a small sign-up fee.

[pzottolo]

you promised not to give away our secret! well if we make them pay, i guess it's all right.

[jeffbarge]

What the venture capital boys fail to realize is that the best way to make billions in this overcrowded field would be to offer a VOI service that makes a person looks 20 pounds lighter. A service like this would be immediately featured in Oprah magazine under "Things We Love," and then one would truly be off to the races! Surely the technology exists.

[jeffbarge]

I mean to say -- have your V.C. boys never watched re-runs of "The Jetsons?" It's been out there for everyone to see for decades and it is a service that Jane, the wife, often availed herself of on that show, although mostly for hair and make-up alterations as she herself was not overweight but kept in shape pretty well.

[pzottolo]

i remember in the early 90s when paula abdul shot one of her videos in said "thinning" style, not so much to make her appear less fat, but more tall. she's actually only 3'4''. amazing what technology can do.

[MENMYKIDS]

funny ,thanks for the humor ,hey you have great camera appeal maybe should try acting or modeling serious ,good luck God bless!

[pzottolo]

thank you; perhaps this will give my people the attention they deserve.

[TDDUS]

did you ever wounder if you were to dazed out that you started using the can opener your self and just didn't relize it

[jeffbarge]

He slept with many stewardesses, but he could only marry one: Kathy.

[jeffbarge]

Rick was a very busy man but his sperm count was very low.

[pzottolo]

that explains paris; the talent is spread so thin between them all.

[TDDUS]

that still doesn't answer why you couldn't open a can of tuna

[pzottolo]

oh sorry. i was trying to use an old rusty can opener that was in bad need of WD-40. after two turns, my arm got tired.

[TDDUS]

and why couldn't you open a can?

[pzottolo]

Only cans of Rosarita Refried Beans. My powers can't penetrate them.

[TDDUS]

why don't you make a video showing your "powers"?

[pzottolo]

I don't like to showboat. Powers should only be used to help people.

[jeffbarge]

Why don't you do an interview show for your company? You could interview the Third Olsen Twin, perhaps, and Schenectady Hilton, who lives near me and she loves to talk.

[pzottolo]

Schenectady Hilton, she's the one that grew up all nerdy and went to Julliard?  I wonder if Paris thinks college is hot.

[jeffbarge]

Do they even have any cans over there? What would they put in them, sand? But you could dispense fashion advice perhaps.

[pzottolo]

I could teach recycling - it's good for the can, and it makes my life a WHOLE lot easier.

[jeffbarge]

Michael Jackson went over there to teach recycling -- but did not find a very receptive audience. So let's keep it real here.

[pzottolo]

hmmm...irrigation, perhaps?

[TDDUS]

your thanking NBC for a fictional televison show because it's about your "culture" your not going to use your powers for good but for evil instead

[pzottolo]

Protraying a culture on television is rarely accurate, I know. I hope it won't be a disservice to my people.

[jeffbarge]

Yes you can help the people in Iraq and Iran understand our great land.

[pzottolo]

I would be so honored. I will show them how to beat their swords into can openers.

[TDDUS]

mabye you can use more messages like this and help people al around the world

[pzottolo]

We all have our stories, but some are afraid of being thrust into the spotlight.

[jeffbarge]

Perhaps the clothing is designed especially to ward off harmful rays from outer space...?

[pzottolo]

Mostly, except for Sunscreen Skin Man. He doesn't need that kind of protection.

[jeffbarge]

Why am I not surprised that you people sew all your own clothing by hand?

[pzottolo]

We have to make our own costumes; otherwise tailors would get suspicious.

[speckyradge]

Then the ThunderCats turn up, and Lion-o uses HCO's power (I like how he's now abbreviated) to open a can of thunderkittiekat to kick Mumra's ass. They smear the ever living one with ThunderKittieKat, and then HCO opens a can of GM ants, who consume all in their path. This becomes a global disaster, plunging HCO into a spiral of self doubt, where he wonders if he should give up using his powers for good. What will become of HCO? (fade to black for blatant cliff hanger for sequel)

[pzottolo]

Such formidible powers are too awesome to contemplate their possible misuse.

[manipulator]

why didn't you show us

[pzottolo]

I didn't want to use the opportunity to show off, but rather to express profound gratitude to NBC for producing a television show that features the oft-overlooked culture of those of us with superpowers. Of these, I am the least, but it still feels nice to be acknowledged and validated.

[speckyradge]

go for an early nineties T2 flashback to prove your cultural savvy; have Cans becoming self aware and sending futuristic killer mega cans back in time to destroy the Human Can opener.

[pzottolo]

Or maybe reference the Transformers movie where Human Can Opener is kidnapped by the Decepticons to use his abilities to disassemble the Autobots, and Starscream takes him away so he can rule over both the Autobots and Decepticons, but Soundwave tapes where Starscream says he's going to hide HCO, and Jazz intercepts the transmission and rounds the Autobots together to rescue him, after which HCO goes into the Witness Protection Program.

[jeffbarge]

More like "Failure To Launch" except with the Human Can Opener playing the role of Sarah Jessica Parker.

[pzottolo]

Just different enough! Let's do it!

[nvt1981]

Can opener, I need your help!!! I can't open my can of coke.

[jeffbarge]

That having been said, one might be extremely interested in viewing an entertainment product in which 400 cans had been placed onboard a plane -- a low-cost holiday charter from Oakland to Puerto Rico, perhaps -- and having the Human Can Opener open up each of those 400 cans during the flight to disgorge certain entities that would either kill the passengers and crew through decapitation or, as in the original, bore them to death.

[pzottolo]

Would that be an internal struggle against the latent evil entity within, a la "Heart of Darkness" with a diametrically opposed doppelganger or 'Wicked Human Can Opener' inside me, that separates from me after going thru, say, a transporter? Or a different entity altogether, one who is trying to kill a witness to his crime by opening the cans?

[pzottolo]

Agreed. Re-hashing familiar stories only promotes the "I'm hip and in-the-know wink-wink aren't I culturally smart" ego-fluffing that would drive away viewers and just beg for satire. Networks wouldn't want that. Thus, "Heroes." Brilliant thinking once again by the networks.

[jeffbarge]

Also, cans from the Eighties could be opened.

[pzottolo]

Totally. It could be called "Hero Touches Celebrity Cans."

[jeffbarge]

Maybe. But we must leave the final decision to the focus groups. Possibly something such as "Celebrity Can Can" or "So You Think You Can Can-Open?" or even "Arrested Can-Opening Entourage." But we must follow the lead of the creators of "Heroes" at NBC and make sure it is not derivative, but instead, totally fresh.

[jeffbarge]

Also, all of the show's viewers -- all 19 of them -- could use their Cingular cellphones to vote on which celebrity cans would be opened in next week's show. Would it be Mary Tyler Moore's can, or Valerie Harper's can? Shirley's can, or Laverne's can? Would it be the can of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman? Or the can of Julia Louis Dreyfus -- and believe me, this woman has a lot of cans that need opening. Each call would cost a dollar of course! :-)

[bragonfly]

hmmm wierd that your pupils havent dialeted more after all that crack youve abviously been smoking...

[pzottolo]

crack is good, but meth is sooo much better...abviously.

[ipunkbali]

Baby, I wish i could show u my power.

I can make ur lil'boy harder. mwah

[jeffbarge]

Which is to say -- in case I wasn't being totally clear and it's morning in America so this occasionally happens to me -- he should open celebrity cans across our great land. And what a low-budget hit that would be. So listen up, NBC!

[Jehovahswitness90210]

I'll have a producer contact you about your ideas through your garbage compactor. It might take a while for you to make out the words so be sure to leave it running.

[jeffbarge]

Ouch.

[jeffbarge]

Listen, all's I'm sayin' is that this boy should find a way to use his unusual talent to make a living for himself, so he doesn't have to sew his own clothing any more, okay?

[jeffbarge]

Or is that shirt left over from the days when he used to work as a rodeo clown?

[pzottolo]

It's actually from another one of us, a friend of mine who has the power to make clothes telekinetically. Unfortunately he hasn't quite perfected his skill yet. And he is blind.

[pzottolo]

would it be the same brilliant producer of heroes?

[jeffbarge]

And the show should be called "The Human Can Opener," and it should have special guest stars such as Liza Minelli and Farah Fawcett Majors, and it should air right after the hilarious new low-budget comedy show that my own development company is putting the finishing touches on even as we speak, in partnership with award-winning others, who are famous and rich, which is called "The Sherri Davis Show," film clips from which can be seen by searching for "Sherri" and "Davis" on Youtube.

[jeffbarge]

He is a Human Can Opener and should have his own show on Fox, or maybe just on FX, right after that show about Philadelphia, or maybe on My Network TV right after Morgan Fairchild and Bo Derek have a huge catfight on "Fashion House," so it can be a full hour of lively and entertaining can opening.

[gingerdaniel]

bull, show us!

[Brian30]

His special power is being hot

[pinkasweb]

gay & cute!