I am so scared to tell him its over. Every time I do he flips out and then finds a way to make me cave and accept him back. Hes an alcoholic and verbal abuser. He hasnt held a job in 4 years. I find the confidence then he does something sweet or makes me feel guilty when I tell him its over. Even his family have lashed out at me. His grandma called me a narsaccist. (sp?) Any tips or suggestions for anyone would be appreciated.
what i could really highlight is that in my old abusive relationships they tell me that am what they are eg. irrational while he is the one being irrational.. you deserve better, i deserve better we all deserve the best for us we don't deserve what we had been brainwashed with for far too long.. i loved the video i watched the whole thing. Thank you.. All the best for you and your life. :)
I've been in a verbally destructive relationship for over 30 years. I was not quite 16 when I moved in with my husband (he was 33) and he told me he wanted a young girl so he could "mold her" the way he wanted. I was too young and dumb to understand what that meant. He tears me down constantly says things like " one of these days I'm gonna forget your mental deficiency (implying I'm crazy) and just pop you ! ". Everything I do is wrong- he has destroyed my self worth..
She's adorable, and very interesting to sit in listen to. A voice, ever so gentle in use. I love that a lot. The subject has no place with me, but I couldn't leave the clip until it was done n over with. It's funny that at the end, she makes mention of her makeup. Early I had noticed how nicely its applied. then in closing: "I probably won't be wearing makeup again..." lol...
thank you, truely inspirational. For women of all generations, its so important to be educated... And after that parts over, to not feel alone. I related to 5.30 6.50, and about the charming part, well that's how I fell in love with him isn't it.. Take care, I'm going through a breakup and these videos add a dimension to a support system I would never had otherwise had access to. Just I would let you know
My mom is in the same situation with my father. He always puts his voice at a high volume and argues about anything he wants and directs all of it towards my mom. If my father sees something he doesn't like, he will argue about it to my mom and make it seems as she is the one at fault. I hope you still check your comments 'cause I would love some advice from you.
You articulated from your heart. You shared your pain openly. I hope that you have found the healing. Good luck to you. Begin to look within you and find that loving and kind person; take it and run with that!
U really ARE pretty (agree with Espeon02's comment) and you look just like my cousin. If you are in San Antonio, are you my cousin? Sad that this situation, at least in my experience, seems to be the rule rather than the exception. Why are guys such jerks?
Just want to add that this does not apply to females only. I grew up with a verbally abusive parent whom I currently work for. Crappy situation because sometimes the abuse is so passive. Trying to move on.
That is SO true - truer words have never been spoken. I LOVE my husband by I am also very shattered, by the way things get turned around and how I am told every day that he loves me and will never let me go but at the same time I irritate him and he says that even my presence angers him to the point that he raises his hand to me to shut me up but does not hit me (yet).....I see signs rising and am in the same shoes as you are, lady. Thanks for the eye-opening vid... 8O
Its funny how things turn out,iv been doing research on this topic, and I was kinda shocked to find her behavior would fit into this... my wife havent really been verbally abusive until we had our daughter (which was kinda forced upon me) after that everything went down hill,I guess that gave her more confidence control over me that we have a child.. now that I look back at everything that happened,I can see the patterns and the techniques shes using which is really fucked up I feel you pain btw
I read that verbal abuse/controlling behavior really "kicks in" when the abuser thinks she has a right to control a relationship. In your case, it seems like your wife "power-played" herself into control with the pregnancy, and now uses the child you love to retain her position.
Are you including research on how to deal with controllers? (books on the topic take me over the comment limit...I'll post them next.)
I know most of the research and books out there are geared toward men being the abusers, but if you can move beyond that and read "Why Does He DO That?!" by Lundy Bancroft and "Controlling People" by Patricia Evans, you'll have a leg up on the situation.
At least you'll be able to operate with a clear head while deciding if you want to stay with her or not. (No judgment either way; right now, I'm choosing to stay.)
One way I've learned to cope is by defining who I am, what my talents are, and what I am capable of doing or want to learn to do. If your abuser attacks those things that you hold dear, it's time to exit the conversation. People who are NOT wanting to CONTROL you do not deliberately attack your strengths or try to make you doubt yourself.
wow i cant believe there is someone else walking in my shoes. I get so tired of people telling me to leave that loser. Am I crazy to say that I still love him even though I hate him more than anything? the things he says to me I would never believe came out of someones mouth. Thanks for the video, Ill have to watch some more you post.
I don't think you're crazy for being in love with him. I am in love with my husband...but I'm at the point where that isn't enough anymore. No matter what happens between us, I'm sure I'll love him until the day I die. Question is, am I willing to subject myself to his behavior until that day too?
Judging by some of the emails I've gotten, our husbands may, in fact, be the children of the original Octo-Mom! ;) Abusers are too much alike. It makes sense when you consider the fact that we're all capable of being manipulated in the same ways...abusers have a special skill set which may vary slightly in technique, but never in outcome. They get something they want by manipulating us.
@verbalabusejournal THAT is EXACTLY right. For me, beeing raised by abusers put me at a disadvantage a as a victim of the abuse. For me, being raised by unhealthy parents has been the only familiar way to be loved. Now that I am 41, I still don't get it right. I have a lot of self esteem issues - ok, I have no self esteem. So I stay away from developing relationships. The trust just isn't there.
I do appreciate your advice, but it isn't as easy as that. I have to do what I believe is right for me, and right now, leaving is not in my best interests. Maybe it will be soon, but until I at least try to unravel this mess, I won't go.
It took guts to get this up here, K Lady. Good going!
If I had a magic genie bottle and had one wish, I would wish for 100 more wishes. BUT the next wish would be for your happiness. :) Of course I am going to ask for more! I gotta make us rich SOMEHOW!
Great video
countryjem 1 week ago
I am so scared to tell him its over. Every time I do he flips out and then finds a way to make me cave and accept him back. Hes an alcoholic and verbal abuser. He hasnt held a job in 4 years. I find the confidence then he does something sweet or makes me feel guilty when I tell him its over. Even his family have lashed out at me. His grandma called me a narsaccist. (sp?) Any tips or suggestions for anyone would be appreciated.
sexysingingcupcake 3 weeks ago
what i could really highlight is that in my old abusive relationships they tell me that am what they are eg. irrational while he is the one being irrational.. you deserve better, i deserve better we all deserve the best for us we don't deserve what we had been brainwashed with for far too long.. i loved the video i watched the whole thing. Thank you.. All the best for you and your life. :)
Redbackbite 1 month ago
I've been in a verbally destructive relationship for over 30 years. I was not quite 16 when I moved in with my husband (he was 33) and he told me he wanted a young girl so he could "mold her" the way he wanted. I was too young and dumb to understand what that meant. He tears me down constantly says things like " one of these days I'm gonna forget your mental deficiency (implying I'm crazy) and just pop you ! ". Everything I do is wrong- he has destroyed my self worth..
HighMindedLunacy 1 month ago
She's adorable, and very interesting to sit in listen to. A voice, ever so gentle in use. I love that a lot. The subject has no place with me, but I couldn't leave the clip until it was done n over with. It's funny that at the end, she makes mention of her makeup. Early I had noticed how nicely its applied. then in closing: "I probably won't be wearing makeup again..." lol...
NewWorldRob 4 months ago
thank you, truely inspirational. For women of all generations, its so important to be educated... And after that parts over, to not feel alone. I related to 5.30 6.50, and about the charming part, well that's how I fell in love with him isn't it.. Take care, I'm going through a breakup and these videos add a dimension to a support system I would never had otherwise had access to. Just I would let you know
honeybee24511 4 months ago
You are beautiful.
My mom is in the same situation with my father. He always puts his voice at a high volume and argues about anything he wants and directs all of it towards my mom. If my father sees something he doesn't like, he will argue about it to my mom and make it seems as she is the one at fault. I hope you still check your comments 'cause I would love some advice from you.
ryukthekid 5 months ago
@ryukthekid email me at verbalabusejournals[at]gmail.com
verbalabusejournal 5 months ago
You articulated from your heart. You shared your pain openly. I hope that you have found the healing. Good luck to you. Begin to look within you and find that loving and kind person; take it and run with that!
charmainelee7 7 months ago
@charmainelee7 I have found healing - I left him over a year ago.
verbalabusejournal 7 months ago
LONGING FOR FREEDOM is a 90-minute feature film
which tells the story of a young woman who liberates herself from an
ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.
Please have a look at the trailer and let us know what you think.
Thanks,
Mark10Fischer 8 months ago
how are you now? its 2010 now. Just wondering..
Norhalena 1 year ago
U really ARE pretty (agree with Espeon02's comment) and you look just like my cousin. If you are in San Antonio, are you my cousin? Sad that this situation, at least in my experience, seems to be the rule rather than the exception. Why are guys such jerks?
not2serious2 2 years ago
thank you
boricuamom87 2 years ago
Just want to add that this does not apply to females only. I grew up with a verbally abusive parent whom I currently work for. Crappy situation because sometimes the abuse is so passive. Trying to move on.
ktdsound 2 years ago
please don't buy any bamboo flutes from Das fantasyflutes here on you tube he verbally and emotionally abused me for two years, pass this on
magnoliagoddess108 2 years ago
p.s your pretty
Espeon02 2 years ago
i totally understand.. your video made me emotional.. i've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and he makes me feel so small.. :(
Espeon02 2 years ago
That is SO true - truer words have never been spoken. I LOVE my husband by I am also very shattered, by the way things get turned around and how I am told every day that he loves me and will never let me go but at the same time I irritate him and he says that even my presence angers him to the point that he raises his hand to me to shut me up but does not hit me (yet).....I see signs rising and am in the same shoes as you are, lady. Thanks for the eye-opening vid... 8O
KositaQ 2 years ago
Its funny how things turn out,iv been doing research on this topic, and I was kinda shocked to find her behavior would fit into this... my wife havent really been verbally abusive until we had our daughter (which was kinda forced upon me) after that everything went down hill,I guess that gave her more confidence control over me that we have a child.. now that I look back at everything that happened,I can see the patterns and the techniques shes using which is really fucked up I feel you pain btw
NRWrx 2 years ago
I read that verbal abuse/controlling behavior really "kicks in" when the abuser thinks she has a right to control a relationship. In your case, it seems like your wife "power-played" herself into control with the pregnancy, and now uses the child you love to retain her position.
Are you including research on how to deal with controllers? (books on the topic take me over the comment limit...I'll post them next.)
verbalabusejournal 2 years ago
I know most of the research and books out there are geared toward men being the abusers, but if you can move beyond that and read "Why Does He DO That?!" by Lundy Bancroft and "Controlling People" by Patricia Evans, you'll have a leg up on the situation.
At least you'll be able to operate with a clear head while deciding if you want to stay with her or not. (No judgment either way; right now, I'm choosing to stay.)
verbalabusejournal 2 years ago
Their words make you feel less of yourself! Sometimes I can not believe he is saying the things he does!
Myra312 2 years ago
One way I've learned to cope is by defining who I am, what my talents are, and what I am capable of doing or want to learn to do. If your abuser attacks those things that you hold dear, it's time to exit the conversation. People who are NOT wanting to CONTROL you do not deliberately attack your strengths or try to make you doubt yourself.
verbalabusejournal 2 years ago
wow i cant believe there is someone else walking in my shoes. I get so tired of people telling me to leave that loser. Am I crazy to say that I still love him even though I hate him more than anything? the things he says to me I would never believe came out of someones mouth. Thanks for the video, Ill have to watch some more you post.
kelleysny 2 years ago
I don't think you're crazy for being in love with him. I am in love with my husband...but I'm at the point where that isn't enough anymore. No matter what happens between us, I'm sure I'll love him until the day I die. Question is, am I willing to subject myself to his behavior until that day too?
verbalabusejournal 2 years ago
Your husband and mine are TWINS...lol
yanykitty 2 years ago
Judging by some of the emails I've gotten, our husbands may, in fact, be the children of the original Octo-Mom! ;) Abusers are too much alike. It makes sense when you consider the fact that we're all capable of being manipulated in the same ways...abusers have a special skill set which may vary slightly in technique, but never in outcome. They get something they want by manipulating us.
verbalabusejournal 2 years ago
@verbalabusejournal THAT is EXACTLY right. For me, beeing raised by abusers put me at a disadvantage a as a victim of the abuse. For me, being raised by unhealthy parents has been the only familiar way to be loved. Now that I am 41, I still don't get it right. I have a lot of self esteem issues - ok, I have no self esteem. So I stay away from developing relationships. The trust just isn't there.
TuesdaysGone18 10 months ago
you need to leave him and start your life. and leave him that book to read. so he can start his too. but you can't stay with him
brentdfraser 3 years ago
I do appreciate your advice, but it isn't as easy as that. I have to do what I believe is right for me, and right now, leaving is not in my best interests. Maybe it will be soon, but until I at least try to unravel this mess, I won't go.
verbalabusejournal 2 years ago
Comment removed
stacikt 3 years ago
I found the key to understanding these types of relationships - which I live as well - is there is no resolution. Resolution that is healthy that is.
I hope you do more videos - scripted or not.
eaandfaith 3 years ago
HAHAHA Shut up you FUCKING BITCH.
MasterPervy123 3 years ago
It took guts to get this up here, K Lady. Good going!
If I had a magic genie bottle and had one wish, I would wish for 100 more wishes. BUT the next wish would be for your happiness. :) Of course I am going to ask for more! I gotta make us rich SOMEHOW!
xoxoxo
Keep them coming. It is good for your soul.
erinjoi 3 years ago