Two Jewish Jokes

[chasefreak]

What do you get when you cross a Jew and Gypsy? A chain of empty stores.

[chasefreak]

A priest, a rabbi and polish guy walk into a bar. The bartender looks at all 3 of them and says: "What is this...some kind of joke?"

[rwk1983]

@chasefreak boooooooooo! (not funny)

[nighthawk9300]

Only a Jew

[AustinTGoD]

Daughter: Hey dad can I have 500 dollars?

Jewish Dad: What 400 dollars? What in the world do you need 300 dollars for?

[danning1]

*My Favorite Jewish Joke:

Why did Fran Drescher recover so easily from her rape?

Jewish American Princesses don't think consensual sex is much different! :-)

[DJdude250]

Guy this isn't funny, my grandfather died in Aushwitz..

He fell out of the guard tower shooting at the Jews.

[limpinkutku]

@DJdude250 stop watching kenny vs spenny.

[DJdude250]

@limpinkutku That joke is on kenny vs spenny?  Well, it's a commonly used joke so I'm not surprised

[VictumRoManius]

@DJdude250 Hahaha!

[RICHARDTOMLEY10WHARF]

how many jews can you get into a vw beetle ?2 in front 2 in back and a thousand in the ashtray

[cpeigney94]

@RICHARDTOMLEY10WHARF that's not even funny

[RICHARDTOMLEY10WHARF]

@cpeigney94 two jews walking across a town centre late at night ,4 skinheads coming the other way ,one jew says ,oh fuck me weve had it now ,were giong to get robbed ,other jew replies ,yes ismael your right looks like it now ,jew replies you know that 600 dollars i owe u ? other replies yes! ,other says here it is youve had it now !

[cpeigney94]

@RICHARDTOMLEY10WHARF that's a little better but not to the point of being funny check this one out "Why does a Jew pick his nose? It's cheaper than using a tissue."

[RICHARDTOMLEY10WHARF]

@cpeigney94 yes thats not bad ,twojews talking first jew says oh ismael ,your such a great friend to me if i won the lottery ,id buy you a car ,other jew ,ben ,says thank you ,thats such a nice thing to say ,well says ismael says id give you a new house also ,your such a fantastic friend to me ,oh thank you says ben ,ben says ,um if you had two chickens would you give me one?ismael shouts ,fuck off u know ive got 2 chickens !

[RICHARDTOMLEY10WHARF]

@RICHARDTOMLEY10WHARF one jew in a terrible mess with money prays to god ;god please help me i must win the lottery this weekend im nearly bankrupt my wife is leaving me and my car is gone please help ,weekend comes no win ,he prays again god god you must help me my house is being reposessed i dont know where to turn ,please .please ,weekend no win again ,he begs god to help god god please i beg u to help me im suicidal ,then a voice came 2 him

[RICHARDTOMLEY10WHARF]

@RICHARDTOMLEY10WHARF it was god ,he said ,i heard you the first time my son ,i want to help you ,but meet me halfway ,BUY A FUCKING TICKET

[hobosapiensapien2]

@bigsteve532 yes there is: JEWS LOLOLOLOLOL

[christylerandrew]

Here's a short funny Jew joke, what do you call a jewesh womens boobs? What u ask, jewbs, haha give me no credit give it to Eric cartman

[Lightavion]

Warsaw! Oh man, That's like, 30 miles from here!

[RS626]

Can't you just fucking DIE you fucking JEW!

Hail Satan! Hail Hitler! Hail Himler!

[TheCoyote890]

@RS626 alright angry non jew, now go back to work so you could pay your debt to Jewish banks.

[wlodzio47]

@RS626 Hitler and Himler was a Jews you Idiot

[cpeigney94]

@RS626 hahaha wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo­oooooooooooooooooow

[PyroSori]

@RS626 its "heil" you dumbass

[RS626]

you fucking Jew get of of You tube Filty fucking Rat! with Your big ugly fucking nose!

Hail Hitler! Hail Satan!

[cinch2011]

fucking jew!!!!!!!

[niggerstolemybike98]

wats the point of jewish football?????

to get the quarter back

[worldaddz67]

hey dont read this is your jewish

Whats Hitlers least favorite planet?

Jewpiter lol

[Pesha82]

HAHA Loved the last joke!!!

[cristofolon]

good NOSE for business hahh so hes jewish? xDD

[armedforliberty]

My favorite gift for a Jewish family - a freshly dug pit and a squad of Einsatzgruppen.

[wilatemodel]

roflmao!!!

[NathanBForrest1776]

This zionist scum tries to humor us with his jewry but little does he know what awaits his kike soul when he dies.... Remember thy Gospels, "blood of Christ is on the head of the Jews and their Children" ... oh these hebs will pay so dearly that the holocaust will appear like a sunny vacation

[aydanize]

@NathanBForrest1776 dude what the fuck is wrong with you, you fucking piece of crap

[NathanBForrest1776]

you a jew?

[muellerican]

Now you ask a Jew the same question, and the Jew says: well Jews have greatly contributed to European psychology and philosophy, freedom of religion in America, and civil rights. But what about Rebecca?Ha! Rebecca, that curve!

[muellerican]

What is the difference btwn an Anti-Semite and a Jew? The A.S. says "Jews r cheap", "Jews control Washington", "Jews killed Jesus", "Jews r the white Southafricans of the Middle East". But hey, what about Rachel & David? you ask him, and the A.S. well Rachel is a very good girl, she's a good nurse to my mom and David he's a harworking buddy. ((continued))

[muellerican]

Why don't Baptists fuck standing up?

They are afraid it might lead to dancing.

[adversusilluminati]

What's black and brown and looks good on a jew?

a doberman!

[SPMex53374]

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?

The pizza doesn't scream in the oven!!!!

[alexpm22]

nazi!

[hockeymaster237]

dude i am jewish....and that is fucking disgusting..you don't under stand how fucking bad that is i have a great grand father that died in the holucost by the oven..

burn in hell!

[darkbomb346]

deal with it

[drhf1]

lol

[funnystuff369]

jdfhvkjshdkvksdfjhvksjhdvkjdkv­jaekjvhb. ASS.

[NewY0rkView]

Vry poor.. I hope Uv got a job bro!

[strongmungus]

hmm non offensive jew jokes aren't quite as funny

[sharpshooter632]

How many jews can you fit in a mini?

54; 2 in the front 2 in the back and 50 in the ashtray.

Why did hitler commit suicide?

He looked at his gasbill.

[serialno78666]

wot do jews do with their mums bras?

turn em into hats

[SubarcticEar]

Whey do Jews have such big noses?

Cuz all the airs free.

Whats the object of Jewish football?

To get the quarter back.

How was copper wire invented?

2 Jews fighting over the same penny

What did the little German boy get for his birthday?

Easy bake oven and a G.I Jew

[yoavkestenbaum]

ha lol first 2

[LeatherfaceUSA]

damn old nigger, you're funny

[HighFever1122]

u racist.

go to hell.

[sirszal]

God ceated the white, black, and the jewish man. After he created them he went to talk to them.

God: I love you all so much, that you can choose what kind of nose you want.

White man: I want a pointy thin nose (so he gets one)

Black man: I want a big flat nose (so he gets one)

Jewish man: Well i have a question, how much does it costs?

God: Cost? It's for free my son.

Jewish man: Ok then, i want the biggest possible.

[CaligirlSofia]

@sirszal

LOL thats the funniest joke

[buergidunitz]

Great stuff!

[Trinitrotoluene101]

whats the difference between a pizza and a jew?

pizza's dont scream when u put them in the oven!!!

[killingman22]

omg i was telling my g pa that and i look up jokes and you say that that is cool

[Trinitrotoluene101]

lol

[renttrack]

Dude that was low and just not right, and this is coming from a christan, you should be ashemed of your self,you suck

[Trinitrotoluene101]

haha thats great fucking jew

[renttrack]

are you retarded? I just said I was a CHRISTAN,way to go!

[jsoulesman]

good one to tell at thanxgivin lmao. my family died

[tuberificvideo]

Ha, thats pretty funny!

You could try this stuff on that yobi contest.

[Liljonjon916]

What did the jew name is daughter? Penny!

[giacomino2112]

whats the dilema of being 1/2 Jewish & 1/2 Italiano ? U dont know if u should eat the bagel or wait till it goes on sale !!