Funny Cave Johnson Quotes - [Portal 2]

[isuckatstarcraft96]

Grab a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.

[ComGenSolDieR]

Ingredient for Combustible Lemon -> Lemon + Grenades = Lemonades :)

[ShadowVoodoo43]

"Good news is we've got a much better test for you, fighting an army of mantis men." Lol

[TheDudedb]

Oo oo pick me! I wanna make 60 dollars!!....... Wait you wanna do what to me??!

[startrekwarsmixguy]

@TheDudedb Just let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you then put you back together, good as new... $60...

[thegameplayingfreak5]

alright, i've been thinking... when life gives you lemons, dont make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! GET MAD! I DONT WANT YOUR DAMN LEMONS, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE!! DEMAND TO SEE LIFE'S MANAGER! MAKE LIFE RUE THE DAY IT THOUGHT IT COULD GIVE CAVE JOHNSON LEMONS! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! IM THE MAN WHO'S GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!! WITH THE LEMONS! IM GONNA GET MY ENGINEERS TO INVENT A COMBUSTABLE LEMON THAT BURNS YOUR HOUSE DOWN!!!

[arkio102]

44.6*30+300= :)

[ShmadamMasterMan77]

Is it too late to sign up for fighting the army of mantis men?

[john49669]

Lemon grenade

[iTzNick757]

Cave Johnson is the greatest video game character of any video game of all time, PERIOD!

[sealfan054]

*cough cough*

[Sierra2036]

Cave Johnson:

I don't want you damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? I'm the man whose gonna BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! WITH THE LEMONS! I'M GONNA GET MY ENGINEERS TO INVENT A COMBUSTIBLE LEMON THAT GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!!!!!!!! cough cough...

Best quote ever!!!

[Kacper2be]

"I punch those numbers into my calculator it makes a happy face"

[cunibucus96]

now 5 people got burned with the lemons !

[MisterCoolGuy1]

J.K. Simmons fits this role so damn well

[SporeSpood]

his calculator is awesome!!! :)

[sephirothD2]

is so awesome how in the lemons part he is trying so hard not to laugh

[MutjinNinja]

I was supposed to be part of the test group, but then I took an arrow to the knee

[sportsfreak066]

LOL

[TheGreatGYROFLUFF]

R.I.P Cave Johnson

[thatotherguy27]

I like all of these, don't get me wrong, but isn't this 90% of Cave Johnson's dialogue?

[thisnameoverhere]

Playing Portal 2

This game deserves 9.5/10

Cave johnson: I DONT WANT YOUR DAMN RATINGS WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE?

11/10

[SeanMartinisMyName]

Best one!!! 4:28

[jigilypuffl]

i wish he was my dad :(

[Bronyclips]

And This game was rated E!

[DeathByKumquat]

@Bronyclips actually, it was rated E10+.

[pvhaxFury]

5 people got covered in the repulsion gel.

[Murious1]

5 People were mantis men.

[Vladek569]

I wish i could like this video, but it has 1111 likes atm. I don't wanna ruin it.

[supergirl9ish]

I DONT WANT YA DANG LEMONS

[DemBonez]

5 people were the victims of lemon based arson.

[aspasiz]

That's my favorite one too

[basketballjocks]

fuck skyrim

this is the best game of this year, this decade, and besides ocarina of time, the best of all time

[kickmeandrun]

Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor. Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news: bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.

[TheLamboGuy101]

If you like this guy vote for him on Spike's Video Game Awards for best performance by a male.

[superkeijikun]

JK Simmons is fucking awesome. :D

[FatManTap]

The best one is the army of mantis men

[JarrodTheAwesome]

"a tiny microchip about the size of a postcard" lol

[Tranquilbez22]

So much love for J.K Simmons <3

[xcellorator1]

I want a combustable lemon

[TheOriginaDoomtastic]

That's not part of the test, that's asbestos.

[nikoincroatia]

I need him on my SatNav

[Orumon27]

This guy is insane...priceless.

[airbendingavatar1]

@unbound1978 Not quite - Caroline isn't GLaDOS herself, she was uploaded into GLaDOS's core and GLaDOS suppressed her for all that time.

[airbendingavatar1]

@blakerboy12 Let's just hope J. K. Simmons uses a slightly different voice, or else whenenver I hear Tenzin talk I'll mainly think "Cave Johnson!"

[StoicMan64]

a microchip the size of a postcard? ahahha

[WarriorDragon567]

I wish cave was my chemistry teacher...

[blakerboy12]

He's going to voice Aang and Katara's son Tenzin in the new Avatar series! "The Last Airbender: The Legend of Korra"

[0087Molly]

J. Jonah Jameson

[TokinS]

"... Do you know who I am?! I'm the man with the pictures of Spider-man!"

[unbound1978]

So.. at 1:45. Thats the future consciousness of GLaDOS next to Cave!? 

[LegoDudeRicardo41]

Do you know who i am?!?!?! IM THE MAN WHOSE GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN, WITH THE LEMONS!!!

[Metropolitification]

I punched those numbers in my calculator and it makes a happy face :)

Favourite quote

[AnimeLoverz610]

"Make life rue the day i thought its could give cave johnson lemons! Do u know who i am? I'm the man who's gonna burn you house down! With lemons!" My favorite part XD

[poe17]

aaaaaaaawwwww yeah!



[lvu5]

Man I could listen to his voice all day :D

[feiny777]

@lvu5 same man! its great

[zepyhrantes]

4 people were fired by Cave Johnson :3

[mad87645]

@zepyhrantes understandable, ramps are expensive

[ilovelife5619]

@zepyhrantes make that 5

[zepyhrantes]

@ilovelife5619 the fifth probably got their blood turned into peanut water :p

[Ninateagreen]

@zepyhrantes 5*

[mirrorsedgeman]

@zepyhrantes 5

[lotfrey]

this is great!!!!!!!!!

[MrDoubleniner]

Transcribe audio actually works with this...but not all of it! Yoohoo!

[joot22]

The Lab Boys have 4 accounts!

[BSGA22]

if they ever make lemons that combust i'm getting me some.

[TheStimpyland]

My favorite one is:

You will now fight an Army of Mantis Men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line, you'll know when the test starts

lol

[Joetheguido1011]

We are farmers bumbadumbabumbumbum!

[Cranyx]

I don't want your damn lemons! I want pictures, pictures of Spiderman!

[aczom2]

in co-op i covered some turrets in repulsion gel and they where fine!... ok, they started bouncing out of control and exploded but other than that, they were fine!

[Blasphemisaurusaoe3]

Why is there no Cave Johnson ragdoll for Gmod?

[ShamusOGrady2]

I wonder what the first portal device looked like?

[ElZonko]

$60 was a lot back in the 1970s. Oh Portal :D

[Draxis32]

The Cave Jonhson lemons internet meme made me remember about another good advice for life preety much Cave Jonhson does:

Live life making the best out of yourself and if you're going down, might just go down swinging.

[darkswimmer94]

what was in that phonebook of a contract i signed?

[MSAnemanja2]

every single quote is quotable with this guy

[MegaCode18]

i like the lemons one too!!!!

[Aladeiadora225]

@Wilks228 Thanks for the correction. I was half-asleep writing that. And it does quite sum up Aperture.

[Gigatless]

the sad part of lemons, is because Cave is sick at the moment of saying this phrase.

[Dunthyon]

Tiny microchip the size of a POSTCARD!? Holy crap!

[uiop60]

This is the voice of Tenzin in Legend of Korra. They cast these people extremely well.

[Toffee1449]

cave johnson lol =D

[Ghostrider91111]

J.K. Simmons FOR PRESIDENT!!!

[supersonicbros23]

@Ghostrider91111 YEAHHHHH!!! JK

[Dunthyon]

@supersonicbros23 Simmons.

[Aladeiadora225]

I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! ... Cave in 12 words.

Throwing science at the wall... Aperature in 5 words.

[Wilks228]

@Aladeiadora225 aperture*

[LoveDannyPhantom4eve]

I hate my brother, he's afraid of portal ONE and refuses to buy the second one. AND HE'S F***KING 2 YEARS OLDER THAN ME!! >:( On of these days I shall poison him.... with poison and then get his PS3 MWHAHAHHAHHA!!

[LotsaSpaghetti84]

J K Simmons (J Jonah Jameson) for the win!

[martice11]

... That teleporter test is racist.

[petergetsowned]

I WANT 60$ !!! AND YOU CAN TAKE ME APART!

[3DGNumberOneFan]

All Words That Come From Cave's Mouth Are Hilarious

[3DGNumberOneFan]

This is now a spiderman thread.

[superrkoman]

Okay, I've been thinking. When life gives you dislikes, don't make dislike-ade! MAKE YOUTUBE TAKE THE DISLIKES BACK! GET MAD! I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMN DISLIKES, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE? DEMAND TO SEEYOUTUBE'S MANAGER! MAKE YOUTUBE RUE THE DAY BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT THEY COULD GIVE MURPIUM DISLIKES! DO YOU KNOW WHO MURPIUM IS? HE'S THE MAN WHO'S GONNA SPAM YOUR VIDEO UP! WITH THE DISLIKES! MURPIUM'S GONNA GET HIS ENGINEERS TO INVENT A DILIKE THAT SPAMS YOUR VIDEO UP

[TeeAiDee]

@superrkoman Quote of the day.

[DamielBE]

in 'lemon' terms, you say, Mr Johnson?

[thetruesithis]

@DamielBE I see what you did there

[TheHalo3spartan117]

What about limes?

[Acejhm1]

I wish I could like this up more, but I can't...:(

[vulcangrl13]

Cave Johnson circa 1970's is hot. :D

[morshusbombs]

the lemons rant isn't as funny without GLaDOS commenting on it.

[TheLivinDead2]

4:43 hmm not quite the same without glados for some odd reason

[xxshottycurbxx]

WHY is portal 2 obsessed with TUMORS!? when GLados is taken out of her body, she says wheatly is a tumor. cave Johnson always says tumors. WTF!?

[FirstFallSnow]

@xxshottycurbxx They're also obsessed with potatoes and birds.

[StormyPilot94]

I WANT PICTURES! PICTURES OF LEMONS!

[ZoomZip]

the last one, he looks so sad and desperate :(

the facial expression tells it all. the once great, now fallen.

[impieman10]

3 people work for black mesa

[YogscastBigestfan]

You gotta love Cave!

[Jordanthe1st]

Man portal 2 was made so perfectly i NEVER got bored (except when i was stuck for an hour on half a test >.<)

[4thDimensionOfArt]

Apparently the voice actor of Cave Johnson will be voicing Tenzin in The Last Airbender: Legend of Korra. Now just imagine Tenzin with Cave Johnson's voice. :p

[myfriends8008]

@4thDimensionOfArt I KNOW!! SOO EXCITED!!! ... I hope..

[iNvictaStudios]

@4thDimensionOfArt

I DON'T CARE ABOUT KORRA LEARNING AIRBENDING, I WANT PICTURES OF SPIDERMAN AND THESE DAMN LEMONS OUT OF HERE!

[TombMan12]

@4thDimensionOfArt Tenzin here, look we are not banging rocks together, We know how to bend.

IF LIFE GIVES YOU BENDING POWERS MAKE LIFE TAKE THE POWERS BACK !

This will be epic...

[TheWhiteKittenMaria]

I kept waiting for the mantis men. :c

[DeliverTheNuke]

Who wants to make 60 dollars, cash...

[MIApwnage]

He could say the world is ending and make it sound like a good thing.

[SuperCnZ]

wuts with the comments about spyderman picxs

[MrTh1rteen]

@SuperCnZ The man who voices Cave Johnson also voices Peter Parker's boss in the Spiderman movies at the newspaper office.

[Mamoru0Hasukage]

J.K simmons

[NDFobia1158]

@SuperCnZ *What's*  *Spider-Man* and *pics*

[nightshadeous]

@SuperCnZ the guy who plays cave johnson also plays jonah jameson in spiderman

[wallyreimers]

Cave Johson 2012

"If you didn't vote for him,he will brun your house down with lemons"

"I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMN LEMONS!!"*

*Pay for by Aperture

[TheAdamRafferty]

"we installed a small micro-chip, about the size of a postcard into your skull" LOL

[DeepSixDubstep]

I punch those numbers into my calculator and it makes a :)

[JaCkMiChEaLs0n]

HOLY FUCK, CANT UN-HEAR!

XD

[dapoculos13]

Chapter 6 & 7 are my favorite for 3 reasons:

1.Cave Johnson

2.Seeing GLaDOS suffer

3.Discovering the history of old Aperture

[DuketheAssassin]

I'd love to have him as a boss xD

[tb87670]

Oh in case you got covered in that repulsion gel here's some advice the lab boys gave me.......DO not get covered in the repulsion gel. We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this. It's a lively one, and it does not like the human skeleton.

Classic, whoever wrote these lines really needs to fix the crap shows they show on TV.

[SephirothandZack]

this guy is a rebel.

[blitzkrik255]

MANTIS MEN ATTACK!!!!!

[talkto1]

J.K. Simmons is fucking awesome!

[cuteandcool33]

im crying from laughing too hard

[wallyreimers]

3 Dislikers got there house brun down by lemons.

[Raxus007]

in that last message of cave johnson is hidden great truth about this world..

[emphaticleech]

Yes. You. Box. Your stuff. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.

[HamtaroWarriors]

3 people got their houses burned down.....WITH THE LEMONS!

[Pwnage195]

Press 1 for Cave Jhonson to tell you that the key your pressing is asbestos

[Pwnage195]

coal as shit and piss OW!!!

[chruiz42]

@Pwnage195 shitting coal and gasonline in your veins....this man is a genius

[Janneinwonderland]

my favorite is: 'When I type those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happyface' :D but all his quotes are awesome, so yeah.

[kitchsc]

4:43 for the lemon joke

[CoketmRBLX]

Portal 3: "Cave Johnson's old memory is put into a computer and burns GLaDOS down with lemons."

[TopMaster360]

My favourite one was the "say goodbye, Caroline" "Goodbye Caroline"

[shadowvader1950]

do u know who I came? I'm the man whos going to burn ur house down!....with the lemons (lol favourite part)

[hrovat97]

uh oh. i put lemons in his gift basket.

[DocHavoc2]

I can make happy faces in my calculator. It takes a marker, a calculator, and another calculator.

[massarde9591]

Cave Johnson to president

[marco00hope]

to bad cave died and put glados in charge

[marco00hope]

i have combustable lemons! XD

[AbridgedPenguin]

3 People tried punching their calculators to get happy faces.

They were disappointed.

[Veromir]

OMG.. this is exactly how i imagined caroline in my mind!! she's beautiful.

[LmaoxXK4ti3]

How could anyone dislike this?! D:

[GhostPlanetFilms]

Cave Johnson kinda reminds me of Sterling Hayden's character in "Dr. Strangelove."

[DalekJamie12]

The 3 dislikers either got their house burned down WITH LEMONS!!! or got covered in the repulsion gel and didn't know not to

[PureNxtGenGaming]

3 people want cave johnson to burn their house down.....with lemons

[FantaZingo]

I want to see Cave in family guy! He would fit perfectly! Kinda reminds me of Carter...

[TimmyE13]

Valve's next hit: Burn down houses with Cave's combustible lemons.

[Ellimation360]

Lemons! They give a new meaning to flaming!

[Oshyrath]

When life gives you lemons, burn someones house down. With the lemons.

[firepp901]

cave, how difficult are these tests? what was on that phone book of a contract i signed? am i in danger? let me answer this with one question. WHO WANTS TO MAKE 60 DOLLARS? CASH!

[LightningLuisito93]

3 people had their house burned down by compulsive lemons.

[Decnet01]

Laughed so hard @ "you got a microchip installed in your brain the size of a postcard".. wtf???..

[righteousham]

This was great! Thanks for uploading.

[RoseBraveGal]

LOVE THESE!!!!!

[EchoBoomer1987]

Rule #1 of Aperture Science: Do not talk about the control group

Rule # 2 of Aperture Science: DO NOT talk about the control group

[GogozRule]

@EchoBoomer1987 What about Rule 34?

[That70BrawlBandicoot]

@EchoBoomer1987 Rule # 3 of Aperture Science: Do it anyway, YOU pay the bills around here.

[Kurtrill]

Hey fellas, Cave Johnson here

You're probably reading this in my voice. Thats completely normal, and infact, it'd be a scientific failure if you weren't. We've invented this, too.

[ZeakCao]

@Kurtrill

.. Shit.

[KingGalby]

I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face.