Avoidant

[AgentTanuki]

I can definitely relate to this. I've always been very shy and even in college I find myself in places where I feel completely inadequate and fearful of others' opinions... It's a lot easier to hide, but doesn't feel much better in the long run. But I'm always looking to improve and stretch my boundaries just a little further each day. Living at this extreme would be excruciating... :(

I love the 'outside looking in' metaphor with the window cleaner, and the Buffy music. :) Great video.

[iLoveMetal90]

@Struss1982 I know what it is. I was clinically diagnosed with it. It was an intended joke and the person who I said that to got the joke as well. Trust me, I can relate to this video just as much as you can. But this is not how I want to be and live my life. I work up the courage to go out and make the best of life as much as possible. You only live once my friend. We can't let what people think drive us into isolation everytime we feel threatened. I dont feel sorry for myself. We have to live.

[MrTimooth]

fml

[iLoveMetal90]

@SkittlezRulzU thats called being shy

[Avoidantts]

I only disagreed with part of the definition of avoidant when it says the onset of AvPS is in adulthood.My life has always been like that as far as I can remember.Even as a child I was extremely withdrawn and avoided people, even unconsciously. It didn't subside when I grew older. This is terrible, you may be misunderstood as being lazy or even arrogant due to your inability to approach people and interact with them. It probably can't be cured because it's a personality disorder.

[MouthOfTheUnknown]

Anyone who reads this comment who thinks they might be Avoidant, you may have social phobia (in addition to or instead of Avoidant, varies with everyone).

[desthmoneses]

How can you tell the difference between a Avoidant personality disorder and Massive depressive disorder. I don't have avoidant personality disorder, but this is exactly what I was like for years battling depression and how I am sometimes meeting new people. Can avoidant personality even be treated?

[huuhaahemmo]

@desthmoneses

I have been quite heavily depressed (but nothing psychotic or anything like that). I guess depression is a bit different than it is with normal persons. I think I have dysthymia.

There's more in life than just social stuff so this condition can be somewhat tolerable. Still it seems like life sentence.

[ImJustCommenting]

I guess Im between schizoid and avoidant...

[Diane9773]

Look up the healing power of Neurofeedback....please spread the word it seems to be a secret and it is an answer to unlock the brain

[TCal3772]

I think I might have this, but lately I have been trying to be come more social, engaging in conversation, and even beginning to talk to girls.

[nerdboyxx]

I know that feel.

[kenderoth8]

I don't have a lot of luck with women but fuck I wouldn't be that fucking stupid to avoid her if I was presented with such an opportunity. 

[chirayut]

@kenderoth8 That's not "fucking stupid" as you put it. It is simply fear of rejection. Try not to judge others before finding your own faults.

[rektikulous]

1 person doesn't know that feel

[fistofbhaal]

What the fuck is this?

[malexandrec]

Part of me believes that this is only shyness, but in the context of the purpose of human life (to acquire money and sex) it becomes inflated by the academics into a personality disorder.

What about the judgement upon normalcy that it is complacent and corrupt by not seeking to refine the purpose of human life. Why isn't the purpose of human life the CREATION of love peace and happiness?

The academics judge harshly, deliver almost nothing, but profit handsomely.

i am not inferior to them.

[totoole67]

i have a simalar decease, its hell.

The only people i ever talk to are members of my imediate

family,and i always get cranky around them

i think this is because i never express any emotion around other

people, i'm to afraid to.

[DrCharlesParker]

Excellent video documenting the challenge of thinking too much in the context of unpredictable variables... "She might not really like me if she knows who I am." Avoidant individuals do much better in the context of predictable reality, no change. I have treated it successfully for years as Avoidant often exists in the context of too much thinking and diminished executive function associated with no less than ADHD - see here: j55GkfiZbDY

[Destromath19]

that feel when you relate so much to this video you have to pause it multiple times before finishing it

[Obiturtle]

I'm such a fucked up avoidant, that upon watching this video I thought to my self "Hey, that's a good Idea, maybe I could clean windows for a living. Surely there's no way I can screw that up." :(

[rkguro]

That's me. Nice work, the metaphor was ingenious.

[malexandrec]

This video is a very sensitive and dignifiied portrayal of a gentle shy man living outside of society while lost inside himself.

The solitary, quiet occupation -- cleaning the windows of the people who are outward looking and acting, while he gazes into darkened rooms of memories.

The people he knows are the kindest of the extroverts (and only because they took the initiative). But then the window for meaningful connection is narrow in time and soon becomes a memory.

Very well done.

[yantest]

It's imossible to be both avoidant and scizoid as they are two vey disticnt disorders. However, some avoidant will get so fed up wiht rejection that they'll think they are schizoid because they want nothing more to do with people. But if someone were to show affection to them, they'd embrace it with open arms, hence the difference.

[jamesbrannick123]

Brilliant Video!

[elephantwig]

I like to ask the MANY people who commented on this vid, what things have you found to be of success? Why say ' oh i have avpd and it destroyed' yet not elaborate further. Since there's SOOO few of us sufferers why not contribute on what can help

[yantest]

I'm 99% sure I have this and it has destroyed my life. I've always felt like I was just a bystander. As if my sole purpose in life is to sick back and watch as everyone else experience friendships, close relationships, intimacy and professional success. I feel like all those things are out of my reach, as if I wasn't meant for it/worthy of it. The most frustrating part is that I do feel like I have a lot to offer, more than a lot of people, but I feel like ultimately nobody cares.

[inabeautifulplace]

as someone with avpd, I think you did a good job

lol the music made it a biiiit corny but it's all good :)

[kikomiko1]

This was beautiful, terrifying, and comforting at the same time. Terrifying because I see a mirror image of myself in this video, but comforting because I see now that I'm not alone in my suffering. Thank you so much for making this.

[curtainpower]

I have AvPD and I hate it. It's destroyed my life.

[lightinthedusk]

Personally, I think in some ways it is worse being avoidant. At least schizoids are content being on their own, whereas when you have AvPD you always have that yearning for close friendships and relationships but are unable to get it. You can only watch as everyone else around you achieves those things so easily. At the back of your mind you know you should just stop being scared of interacting with people - but at the same time you can't 'get over it'.

[gimmefunnies]

Good video, good insights. Made me sad.

[AshersTheGreat]

I know how this is because I have it too, people always wonder why I don't go out like everyone else. I don't think they can ever really understand what it feels like. It just suffocates you. You're trapped in your own world, in a way. 

[cobaltbluedlph]

I know it's different with schizoid but I'm still not be able to tell what exactly the differences between those two.

[lightinthedusk]

@cobaltbluedlph the difference is that avoidants actually desire having close relationships and friendships but just don't know how to go about doing it (they feel socially awkward, fear that people are judging them, or think they'll annoy others etc), whereas people with schizoid disorder don't care as much about having those kinds of relationships and don't actually mind not having much social interaction (they actually prefer being on their own).

[cobaltbluedlph]

@lightinthedusk

Wow, didn't think someone would reply in the first place. Thanks :)

As I often see most of my personality characteristics in both schizoid and avoidant, I never saw these as disorders yet another kind of personality instead. I also heard that schizoid tends to act cold and emotionless, but it's because they don't want any warm relationship - so could I assume if we secretly wish that we had such relationship it means we aren't schizoids?

[lightinthedusk]

@cobaltbluedlph yeah, you're right there. I don't think schizoids secretly wish for close relationships, whereas avoidants can do that. I think people can in-between the two though. I can relate to how you feel - I have characteristics of both too. Sometimes it just depends on my mood or the day, haha.

[TheUnreaI]

wow this is me :'(

[thunder1276]

great video, it reminds me of myself. it makes me angry to know that i probably would have done something similar. i would know it is the wrong thing to do but be completely incapable of convincing myself otherwise. how depressing.

[TheFoRizzles]

I cried a little when I watched this cause of the music and this sounds just like me, but i wouldve taken the coffee and gone inside and talked with her but we prolly wouldnt really "talk" just small talk and id have a hard time finding anyway to interact with her or anyone for that matter...

[daimoneu]

@TheFoRizzles I think I would have taken the coffee, too. That would mean: awkward smalltalk ("I don't know what to talk about, my life is boring"), nervous smiling, and feeling miserable. Stuck in my shell of self imposed friendliness, unable to connect. On the other hand, if she invited me over to dinner with her family, I would break my neck to avoid the situation.

[diegowushu]

It,was great! This 'condition' is so sad, it remainds me of Kafka's story "Before the Law". The man wanted so badly to enter the door to see the 'law', but the guardian told him he wasn't allowed, though he didn't do anything to stop the man, just said he was the lesser of more powerful guards.The man tried to bribe him,but with no success.Eventually the man got old and,as he died,asked why noone else came to see the law.He replied that the door was only meant for him, and closed it as he died.

[TheSophist2007]

What this accurately describes is how an avoidant hurts other people through their avoidance and apparent rejection. Showing him living in his head and in the past not dealing with the situation in a positive confident manner.

[CleverDjembe]

APD is a death sentence. It's not even funny....

[TheSophist2007]

@CleverDjembe more like eternal torture :(

[sfmarklh]

Yes it's good.  I know exactly how that guy feels-distressed. Thanks

[thebenchwarmer]

lol, there's one thumbs down..

gj on trying to portray avpd in under 4 mins.! i also have it unfortunately..

[mcreary91]

just like me, except the guy in this new someone liked him, even if he could not interact, I know no one likes me :(.

[TheScreamingRetard]

shit... if i could just be myself at school.... i wouldnt be nervous and id be a spastic comedian kid with like 5 girlfriends...but instead im quiet and nervous

[restlessnation]

@TheScreamingRetard yes...

[ginnyisdacoolest]

I think this one is my favourite so far - it uses music and effects, but the voice over also informs the viewers what it's actually like. A good balance between that and dramatic effect.

[ATKillZ]

Can this personality disorder be cured by increased social activities? Or would that just back-fire?

[TheSophist2007]

@ATKillZ from my experience it just backfires, for it to help you have to actively and objectively mitigate your automatic repsonses

[eclectictllc]

(joke warning) -- It's a good thing he's avoiding her -- she has Histrionic PD ;)

[jujay91]

WOW this video is perfect!!!

I am a Schizoid however I think I might have AvPD too.

The two disorders are very much alike.

I am content with being a loner but sometimes it does come out of fear.

Other times I just want to be left alone and I'm happy that way.

[lifeattheextremes]

Thank you for your comments -- we really appreciate your honesty and insight. It's fascinating and useful, in terms of our next project.

[Grimlydwarf]

That's a really accomplished documentary-style vid. Great stuff.

[lifeattheextremes]

Thank you very much, we really appreciate that.

[vaduzcrew]

I think I have AvPD too, and never been on a date or have a girlfriend 4 my entire life. Girls I like were never interested in me. So dude, if you know that she also likes you back, then why don't u go for it??

[Grimlydwarf]

You should already know the answer if you have AvPD

[tridentmovies]

@vaduzcrew

Because of this nagging feeling in the back of your mind that you are probably just imagining it, and have no intention of embarrassing yourself by taking the chance that you completely misread her. Just the very notion of doing, or saying anything that might make her do anything to harm you is psychologically paralyzing. And lets say you know she really does like you. For how long? Are you looking forward to her telling you she's breaking up because you're just too weird for her?

[falsshadow]

every time i see a person i wish i could talk to them but the thing with avpd is that we reject others before we feel they will reject us no matter what the situation is it's like we have a strong emotional defence system ready to turn down any offer if we feel we would get reject it's hard trust me i never speak in class i'm a good students teachers compliment me but i still feel like i don't belong anywhere so most with avdp choose to live the life of isolation from others to protect themselfs

[alexfanx]

I think I'm avoidant, but if I were him I would have taken the coffee and gotten all cheery about it.

[lifeattheextremes]

That's very interesting, thank you for your comment. We workshopped the various roles prior to the production process, to try and come up with circumstances that service users would react to. Your response is very valid and interesting. Thanks for taking the time to watch.

[TheSophist2007]

@alexfanx easier said than done, would you have actually don it if you were really in the stiuation

[hendo506]

great video, know how u feel. however a better job if you feel like giving up is to be a proof-reader, can work from home via emails (even heard some authors pay people to type their books from their longhand). AvPD sucks :(

agonize for ages bout emails i send to my best mates

[IRONDOG1671]

an avoidant can be anything. a garbage collector, a bank manager, an actor, even a policeman. avoidance is a disorder but the natural order of things is man is a social creature and needs contact with other people. yearns to be accepted respected worshipped . or might even withdraw into isolation but always remeber his fear is what keeps him withdrawn but overcoming that fear even momentarily gives avoidant confidence. but fear is always there and never will go away so feel and do it anyways.

[BlueGreenNight]

it's true, yesterday i traded a shift at work with a person so i didnt have to work with a guy i like

it freaking sucks

[DarkestStarRMS]

This disorder fucking sucks! I have never had a boyfriend and NEVER will because I hate myself so much. People tell me that I haven't found the right guy yet, but when I do I'll get married and have a bunch of kids. People can't comprehend that when you hate yourself so much, the thought of being in a romantic relationship is sickening, literally. At least it is for me. When I look at myself in the mirror, I feel ill and I believe that most people feel the same way about me.

Awesome Video BTW.

[jsparrowfan]

@DarkestStarRMS I feel the exact same way except I didn't know it was real. I didn't know there was a name for it and other people who felt like me.

I don't know what to do.

[gimmefunnies]

@jsparrowfan I'm the same. This video made me feel so sad.

[betro87]

I just recieved a punch in cold weather bath..i already knew something was not good with me but this opened my eyes...

[toulousegoodbye]

the video, and other videos that usually attempt to depict avoidant disorder, is inacurate, as an avoidant would not be a window cleaner! trust me!

[HoIIowCrown]

I don't think its meant to be taken literally. Think a little more abstract.

[IRONDOG1671]

an avoidant can be anything. a garbage collector, a bank mabnager, an actor, even a policeman. avoidance is a disorder but the natural order of things is that man is a social creature and needs contact with other people. yearns to be accepted respected worshipped even. or might even withdraw into isolation but always remeber his fear is what keeps him withdrawn but overcoming that fear even momentarily gives an avoidant confidence. but fear is always there and never will go away so feel and do

[Takenawayslowly]

This video made me sick- not because it's a bad video- it's great! But that's the thing... it describes what I am...

[lifeattheextremes]

Thank you for your honesty. It's the greatest compliment to hear that our work is accurate -- we worked very hard for seven months to ensure that we correctly represented the disorder.

[pirateblarny]

Boy, I don't know how many times this has happened to me. And I hate when my sister says "oh, don't worry, you'll eventually find someone right for you". I try to explain that I won't until I change because I never even give anyone a chance.

[Dodec84]

You recognize your own behaviour. That's progress.

[fluentinsilence]

@pirateblarny I get this from my sister, parents, and all other relatives. They have no idea or concept of the possibility that no, I won't.

[racinvr8]

I can very much relate. I avoid social contact and I am getting worse with time. My own family is frustrated with my inability to be "normal" and their disappointment makes me have panic attacks. It's a never ending cycle.

[xslayerx202]

i suffer from apd also. its very hard and painfull. i don't really know what to say but i felt like i needed to say some thing. just don't give up. a couple things that have helped me is relaxing music and know mater what happens i try to keep a positive attitude. and just remember your not alone!

[meermadon]

An incredibly well made video. It very accurately describes what it's like living with AVPD.

[lifeattheextremes]

Thank you for your kind comments -- we really appreciate your perspective.

[TakunaNuva]

Well done, good job on this one. I found it to be a very accurate representation, without going particularly overboard.

[coronah]

im scared

[SilentNinjaaaa]

This was made well, it even had me crying at the end.

[lifeattheextremes]

Thank you very much for your comments. I'm glad we were able to move you so throughly.

[yamioni666]

but its weird cause i can totally relate to everything he just said... i wonder if its possible to have both... or are they just similiar?..

[yamioni666]

i just wonder when their gonna make a vid about my disorder PAPD...

[Luv4Learning]

You sound so much like me. I suspect I might have slight APD, myself. I thought it was social anxiety disorder, but I'm not sure anymore. Lines between various disorders seem so thin...

Do you know of any good books or websites on this disorder?

[thecrackwalker]

I can relate to what you say, as I have the same illness.. I am learning new ways to think these days, it is helping somewhat..

[gunsdontkillbulletdo]

I have this disorder, you explained it perfectly, good video

[damdarch]

Great vid. More people need to see this.

[lifeattheextremes]

Thank you very much for your kind words. This project is regularly featured on BBC Personality Discussion on BBC2, in much higher quality!

[mithar]

You explain avoidant personality disorder to a T. Very well done. Textbook stuff. Thank you so very much for the video.

[lifeattheextremes]

Thank you for your kind words. We really appreciate this.

[Dodec84]

The acting is brilliant. The face at the end of the movie, wow.

The movie itself too. Nice metaphors.

[lifeattheextremes]

Thank you very much for your comment. The actors are Jak Blackwood and Emma O'Brien. I'll pass on your compliments.

[riotpack]

Watching this made me cry, Even trying to find someone over internet is impossible, Nothing comes to mind for topics in emails And knowing you will have to meet soon, I don't look good enough, I wont know what to say, My lack of confidence will make her run.

I hear a party next door and would DIE to be there,But thats right,I haven't even been able to say hi!

I want to just run down the street laughing, go to a pub,but I cant go alone cuz I will be too concerned with ppl thinking im a loner..

[damdarch]

In a way it makes me happy to read all the depressing comments from all of you other people who are avoidant. It's nice to know I'm not alone!

[calladuz]

Damn, thats the same shit that runs through my mind! The whole "but I cant go alone cuz I will be too concerned with ppl thinking im a loner..."

[Dodec84]

what do you want yourself? being alone or being with someone else

[calladuz]

That's the thing, its confusing, it acts up when im in a group (feeling like the third wheel) or alone. I would like to be with someone, or with people, but it always feels awkward. I'm a high-functioning avoidant meaning that I can communicate, talk, do verbal presentations etc. however the personality I give off to people is just to make me look 'normal.' It tends to push them away tho (overly-friendly, formal, stiff, dull, cold etc.) I use my school work (design and art) for my escape.

[hilby]

exactly.

[MintehFreshness]

We just want to be loved.

[idk3521]

I hate the feeling that life is passing by while there is no way to seize happiness and relationships like everyone else.. this definetly captures what it's like.

[Portilloizay]

Well put.

[lissa2222]

Amazing video. Having APD myself, I can relate to the feeling of wanting to connect with people but not being able to, as if I always have some kind of defensive wall blocking me from the world. APD is certainly a difficult condition to have, and you sum up the experience of having it beautifully.

[shygirlwrites]

I love this video. Great job! :-)

[Bengopoulos]

Congratulations, very nice video

[missallisonn]

From a clinical psychology prespective, this video captures the pain of Avoidant PD extremely well.

[lifeattheextremes]

Thank you very much -- we worked for about seven months to ensure both accuracy and precision, in terms of defining these disorders on film. I'm very glad you enjoyed it.

[xl177]

I can really relate to this

[HoneyChild]

thank you for this video,i can relate

[izzyb2oo7]

Awesome Video! I also deal with this so i know what it's like. You put it into words and the video so eloquently. You are very brave for sharing your story! Thank you!

[MRix1985]

I also know how it feels

[KornGigglebox]

I really-really like that video. Thanks.

[Snowprophet]

This is a very good video and I can definetly relate to it. Thanks for making this.

[HectorLex]

Dude, great vid. I know how you feel, iv go it too, but the good thing about AvPD is that you can get better without meds, just through talking to a therapist. Good luck mate, cheers.

[6sparky9]

i know how you feel

[avoidantborderline]

you are very brave :)

5 Stars!!

[badmotorfinger32]

Great Video.

I know how that feels.