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ABOUT ME:
I am the very model of a modern intellectual
I always know what's wrong and right; I'm never ineffectual
I'm tolerant of peccadillos cultural and sexual
provided they don't frighten children, horses or marsupials

(yes I know marsupials doesn't rhyme exactly, but this is modern verse for heaven's sake)

I'm versed in economics, literature and music classical
Affairs of state, society and things ecclesiastical
My breadth of arcane knowledge can be said to be fantastical
Except no intellectual would use the word fantastical
(too jejune, you know)

I've read Remembrance Of Things Past by Proust in the original
I've read Karl Marx and Schopenhauer and others philosophical
I've read through War and Peace four times until I felt I'd had my fill
Of all things Russian and the insights that such reading can instill

I'm never one to judge my fellow man by his exterior
The problem is so many lack an interesting interior
I cannot help but be aware that I am quite superior
When most of mankind is so inescapably inferior

I think I should be president, for it is very clear to me
I know much more than any politician how things ought to be
I'd volunteer my services, except it's very plain to see
That folk in general are too dumb to ever want to vote for me.